


The Drugcon Files

by Charliesimpnation



Category: Lost
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Charlie is extra flirty, Drugcon, Fluff, Hey Harvest hey Noel hey CTC sup how’s it going, I’m too lazy to proofread anything, M/M, Multi, Not Beta Read, Rarepair, Soft Sawyer owns my heart, and I also physically can’t write funky without dying of embarrassment, implied funky, lotsa flirting tho, not full funky tho cuz Harvest said so
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:48:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 53
Words: 106,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27773281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charliesimpnation/pseuds/Charliesimpnation
Summary: Just a compilation of Charlie and Sawyer being adorable idiots.Angst, fluff, and a whole lotta flirting. All of this takes place in it’s own AU, and I’ll be jumping between present-time (where the fan characters and AU storyline mostly exist) and past/show timeline stuff if that makes sense.Also yeah this is basically a bunch of fics smashed together with references to each other sprinkled in sometimesIf there’s a continuation to one of them I’ll just call it “*insert title here* part 2” or something(Harvest if you wanna leave your world famous reviews in the comments instead of having to DM me go for it)
Relationships: Charlie Pace & Sayid Jarrah, Charlie Pace & Shannon Rutherford, James "Sawyer" Ford/Charlie Pace
Comments: 190
Kudos: 8





	1. Blood in the Water

Sawyer wasn’t expecting to be get jumped by a certain rockstar in broad daylight, but he was certainly happy about it.  
Well, okay, so the sunlight is being blocked out by the tent. But whatever. It’s usually Sawyer who tries something at this hour.  
Charlie’s more discrete. Sawyer thinks it’s because he just likes the thrill of sneaking out in the dead of night. Gives him a rush or something.

Today Charlie’s eager. And if Sawyer’s eyes weren’t playing tricks on him, he could’ve sworn Charlie’s eyes were more puffy than usual. Red like he’s been crying.  
But he didn’t have time to really think about that, since the musician had found his way on top of Sawyer before the conman could even get a word in.

“Well someone’s awfully forward today.” Sawyer chuckled, pulling Charlie closer to him as he continued to kiss him gently.  
Charlie laughed, keeping a hand on Sawyer’s chest to pin him down.

“I just needed a break...” Charlie admitted, sitting up and looking down at Sawyer. He looks...off. He’s smiling and laughing but Sawyer can see something lurking behind those blue eyes. “...a lot of pressure with my new, big mission and all.” Charlie leaned back down, but Sawyer only let it last for a moment before he broke away.

“You’re actin’ funny, sweetheart.” Sawyer watched carefully as Charlie slowly pulled back, sitting up again and looking around the tent nervously. “I do notice these things, ya know.”

“I’m fine.” Charlie lied, and Sawyer could see right through it. He’s smarter than that. “Don’t look at me like that.” Charlie laughed, and jumped a bit as Sawyer darted upwards.  
The conman grabbed Charlie’s chin, tilting his head up to look him in the eyes.

“I’m a conman, sunshine. I know when someone’s lyin’.” Sawyer’s smile faded, and Charlie bit his lip at Sawyer’s shift in tone. “And you ain’t very good at bein’ sneaky.”

Charlie let out a shaky breath.  
Well this is just grand. Great going, Charlie. What a fine mess you’ve gotten yourself into now...  
He gulped, closing his eyes for a second and gently pushing at Sawyer’s chest again.  
“I told you...I’m fine...” As Sawyer began to start falling backwards again, Charlie continued. “It’s just the stress...”  
Sawyer raised a brow at that, and stopped Charlie again before he could pull him into another kiss.

“You sure? You ain’t hidin’ anythin’ from me?” Sawyer stared at him as intensely as he could, looking for any sign of dishonesty.

“Positive.” Charlie lied through his teeth, and Sawyer held his gaze for a few more moments.  
Silence...  
And then the conman smirked, tugging Charlie down by his shirt, surprising the musician. He adjusted pretty quickly though, thinking he was in control, but Sawyer had other plans.

In a few seconds, they were flipped. Sawyer had control again and Charlie was left in shock.  
“I believe you, honey...” Sawyer leaned down, but didn’t kiss him quite yet. “Just don’t let it get to ya too much...I don’t want anythin’ happenin’ to ya...”  
Charlie nodded, and Sawyer finally closed the gap between them.

Charlie broke it off this time, bringing his hands up to either side of Sawyer’s face.  
“I love you...” He looked like he was on the verge of tears, and Sawyer knew something was up. But Charlie wasn’t ready to tell him yet. So he’ll wait. He trusts him. “...so much...”

“Charlie...”

“Promise me something.” Charlie suddenly became more serious, and Sawyer nodded slowly, brushing his fingers against the musician’s cheek.  
“No matter what happens...you’re going to take care of Claire. And Aaron. Everyone.”

“Why are you-“

“Please, love...” Charlie’s voice cracked a little, and Sawyer could feel him shaking. “Just promise me this...I need you to do this.”

“I promise.” And he meant it.

•

“I’m sorry brother...”

That wasn’t the response any of them had wanted.  
He’s gone. He’s actually gone. He’s never coming back and now they all have to live with that.

Sayid and Hurley are probably just as upset as he is.  
No.  
No they aren’t, actually.  
Because they didn’t see Charlie in the way Sawyer did. They didn’t have what he had with him.

And so he gets angry. He doesn’t cry. He doesn’t grieve and whine because his boyfriend is gone.  
Because now he can’t be that sensitive.  
He has nobody to be sensitive for.  
If Charlie was here he could cry.  
But he’s not.  
He’s gone.  
Dead.  
Lost forever.

There’s not even a body to go with it. Apparently Desmond couldn’t have been bothered to drag him up.  
Screw him.  
Screw everyone.  
They don’t get it and they never will.

He’s turning it off. The guilt. The pain. He refuses to look weak or let anyone see him crack.  
They don’t get that privilege.  
That was Charlie’s and it was his alone.

He’s tuning out the sympathy and the pity he’s surely gonna get from Jack and Sayid. Rose will try to comfort him.  
He doesn’t want comfort.  
He doesn’t want pity.

He wants him.  
He wants his sunshine back and that’s the one thing he can’t have.

•

He’s broken off from the rest of ‘em. They can sleep. He’s got better things to do than deal with dreams about Charlie that will soon morph into nightmares.

He purposely set up camp here. Right around that one area on the island that him and Charlie had all to themselves. Their little slice of paradise and privacy.

Just looking at the field of yellow is enough to get him choked up.  
Sunflowers were always Charlie’s favorite. He never asked why, but does it really matter?  
This is all he has left.

Claire’s probably gonna take most of Charlie’s stuff and that pisses Sawyer off to no end.  
He’s taking his hoodie, though. Claire doesn’t get that. He just needs SOMETHING to hold on to.  
Something he can take with him that’ll never shrivel up and die like these sunflowers inevitably will.

He couldn’t cry earlier, but now he can.  
In this field he feels like it’s safe to get hysterical.

If Charlie was here, he’d be holding him. Cradling him in his arms and gently threading a hand through his hair.  
Whispering words of comfort and love into his ear as he sobbed into the only source of relief he’s ever had.

But Charlie isn’t here.  
It’s just a field.  
Flowers and silence and more flowers.  
No gentle accent in his ear.  
No careful hand in his hair.  
No warmth.

It’s cold. It’s cold and dark and it’s suffocating him.  
He still doesn’t know how Charlie died.  
If he drowned, is that what Sawyer is feeling right now? A less intense, less fatal version of what his lover had to go through.

He wants to hit something.  
Someone.  
Go on a rampage because that’s how he usually deals with his feelings.  
But Charlie had held that part of him back for so long that now it’s gonna spiral out of control if he’s not careful.

Charlie grounded him.  
Kept him sane and kept his composure intact.  
Now? He can go off the deep end at any point. Hell, he might even be going there as we speak.

Everyone is going to gloss over it. Charlie will be forgotten as quickly as everyone else.  
Sawyer will pretend to forget.  
He’ll go back to his old, jackass self and everyone can hate him again.  
But he’ll never actually forget him.  
He can’t.  
He never felt more loved than he had with Charlie.

His purpose is gone.  
Abandoned in the ocean.  
Rotting away in the Looking Glass or whatever.  
And nobody will ever know just how meaningless Sawyer feels right about now.

But if Charlie were here, he’d tell him he’s not worthless.  
That he’s worth so much more than he thinks he is.  
Tell him how much he means to him and make him melt despite his tears.

But Sawyer can’t believe that right now. He’s lost.  
More lost than he has been in a long while.  
He never worried about this sort of thing because he had never loved someone like this before.

And now all he can think of is what Charlie told him before he left.  
He’s a man of his word.  
So he’ll pull himself together for the others.  
For Charlie.  
Because he has to.

“I love you too...”


	2. Raftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie is trying his best to be a good boyfriend but dang Sawyer makes it hard sometimes.  
> Timeframe: Well you could tell by the title but after the whole raft incident when Sawyer’s shoulder is all messed up  
> Category: Fluff (I mean obviously they’re dealing with a gunshot wound so there’s that but it’s still technically fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff? Fluff. And more of Charlie absolutely owning Sawyer when it comes to flirting like seriously the dude is helpless to a little bit of moth charm.  
> Yeah the second half was actually written first but it was too short so I wrote the first half and added some spice.  
> As usual I was too lazy to proofread and I was tired while making this so yEAH.  
> Hopefully y’all will forgive me for the angst. (There’s more angst coming but shshsh)

Charlie managed to convince Jack that he could watch over Sawyer for the night. The conman of course insisted that he doesn’t need anyone to babysit him, but Charlie would have done it anyways, with or without Jack’s consent.  
The lighting is dim, but it’s enough for Charlie to see the pain in Sawyer’s eyes whenever he tries to move his arm too much.

“Stop fighting me, Sawyer!” Charlie groaned as he tried to get Sawyer’s shirt off, and the conman grunted. “I’m trying to help you...” He softened his tone, and Sawyer sighed, letting Charlie slowly get his injured arm out of the top.

“I don’t need you to help me with my damn shirt...” Sawyer grumbled, and Charlie frowned, tossing the shirt aside and grabbing the bandages.

“You’ve never complained when I’ve taken it off before...” Charlie jabbed back quietly, trying to figure out how to actually take bandages off. He kinda forgot that changing bandages meant having to discard the old ones...and he winced a little at the thought of having to actually look at Sawyer’s wound.

“Well that’s different.” Sawyer snapped, and Charlie rolled his eyes. “That’s intimate. This is just stupid.” Sawyer was whining like a toddler now, and Charlie finally had enough.

“Stop being a baby and let me help you.” Charlie responded firmly, still unwrapping his shoulder. Sawyer began to protest again, but Charlie cut him off. “Shut up and let me do this or I’m leaving.”

Silence. Sawyer didn’t make a single peep after that. Charlie smiled proudly to himself, satisfied that he got the whining to stop.  
But he kinda wished Sawyer was still distracting him when he finally saw the actual wound.

“Oh god...” Charlie cringed, hating how fresh it still looked. Although that was to be expected, it still shook the musician up a bit.

“You okay back there?” Sawyer asked, a little softer than he had been a few minutes ago. Charlie shuddered a little, grossed out and frustrated. He hates blood, but he hates that this happened to Sawyer of all people even more.  
“Charlie?”

“I’m fine.” The musician managed out, shaking his head and wanting to just get this over with.  
“It’s not bad I swear.” He comforted Sawyer without any real reason to, hands shaking a little as he started covering him up again.

“I think you’re more traumatized than me, honey.” Sawyer chuckled, and Charlie would’ve punched him in the arm if it weren’t for, well, the injury.

“Shut up.” Charlie grumbled in annoyance, laser-focused on the task at hand.

“You’re hot when you’re angry.”   
Charlie smirked at that, leaning up closer to Sawyer’s ear.

“I said shut up...” He glanced up to meet Sawyer’s eyes for a split second, hardly able to see them at this angle but he could still tell they were a little wide.

“Yes sir.” Sawyer grinned, letting Charlie break eye contact as he retreated back behind Sawyer again.

Neither of them spoke after that. Charlie continued to patch Sawyer up, and Sawyer did as he was told.  
Well, for a while anyways. Charlie talking to him like that was hot, but he still wanted to carry on some type of conversation. Even if it meant sacrificing the musician’s bad-mood flirting.

“So are ya stayin’ the night?” Sawyer asked, hoping for a ‘yes’. Charlie shrugged, but smiled.

“If you’re alright with that.” He answered, his voice still more quiet than his usual tone but he sounds more cheerful.

“You should know by now that I ain’t ever gonna object to you stayin’ the night.” 

“Good, because you’re not getting rid of me any time soon.” Charlie leaned forward again to smile up at boyfriend. Sawyer looked like a completely different person now.   
No more pouting. Not even that iconic smirk. Just a genuine, loving smile.

Charlie disappeared behind him again, finishing up totally A+ bandaging job.

“And done.” Charlie was quite pleased with himself, especially since he really doesn’t have a lot of medical experience. Well, he knows how to use a needle, but...   
He stood up, shedding his hoodie as Sawyer watched.

“Hold on now, rockstar. I’m injured here.” Sawyer teased, and Charlie rolled his eyes, folding his hoodie up before he sat back down behind the conman.

“Get your mind out of the gutter, cowboy.”   
Charlie placed the folded hoodie down behind Sawyer, noticing the conman’s shirt that he had tossed earlier.  
He doesn’t feel like making him put it back on. It’ll probably be uncomfortable...or something.

“Thanks.” Sawyer started to turn around, but Charlie shuffled to his side so he wouldn’t have to.  
“And I guess I should say I’m sorry for bein’ a pain.” 

Charlie smiled, but it quickly morphed into a smirk.  
“You’re always a pain.” He gently pushed the conman down onto his back, letting Sawyer use his hoodie as a makeshift pillow. He’s sure there was a pillow in here before, but he couldn’t find it. Knowing Sawyer, he probably hid it on purpose. Along with all the blankets, apparently.

Well...he’ll have to improvise even more, then.

•

Charlie ran his fingers sympathetically over Sawyer’s shoulder, light enough so that the conman could barely feel them.  
“How are you, love?” Charlie asked softly, and Sawyer tried his best to shrug.

“Same as I was five minutes ago when ya asked me.” He teased, and Charlie laughed a bit. He’s fussing a little...  
Okay, yeah, he’s fussing a lot. But he almost lost Sawyer. He could’ve been killed, and maybe Charlie is just dramatic, but he doesn’t want to lose the man he’s already falling for.

“I wish I could help...” Charlie sighed, staring at Sawyer’s wound sadly. He’s not perfect, but he didn’t deserve to be shot. If Charlie could, he would hunt down whoever did this and make them pay for it. But alas, not only is he more of a pacifist, he also has no clue where to start. And he wants to be here with Sawyer instead of going on a revenge mission or something.

“You’re doin’ just fine by bein’ here.” Sawyer reassured him, wanting to sit up with Charlie but not having the strength to do it right now. Especially with Charlie’s other hand resting on his chest, keeping him pinned down with just the slightest bit of pressure. He can definitely sit up anyways, but he’ll let Charlie have his moment of power.  
Charlie grinned at that, turning his head away from Sawyer to try and hide it.  
“Aw, c’mon. I wanna see you, sunshine.” 

Charlie shifted a little so he could lay down next to Sawyer, removing his hand from the conman’s chest and moved it towards his hand, holding it as they stared at each other.

“I like these new nicknames.” Charlie admitted. “They’re much better then the insults.” Sawyer laughed, but quickly stopped himself so he wouldn’t kill the mood too quickly.  
“You’re staring, darling...” Charlie snickered a little at Sawyer’s surprised look, but he quickly recovered.

“Just admirin’ the view...”   
The musician completely melted, scooting closer so he could snuggle into Sawyer’s side.

The contrast from now to their earlier conversation was a little jarring, but Charlie liked it.   
Sawyer is a pain, but he means well...sometimes at least. And he’s gentle. Way more tender than the musician had expected. It seems like every day he opens up just a tad more, letting Charlie melt that cold conman heart a tiny bit with every night they spend together.

“Where’s all the blankets?” Charlie finally asked, and Sawyer shrugged with his good shoulder.

“Don’t know.” He answered simply. Yeah he definitely knows, but he’s not gonna tell Charlie where they are.

“Well that’s a shame...” Charlie smiled, releasing Sawyer’s hand and wrapping his arms around Sawyer quickly. “I guess you’ll just have to use me, then.” He somehow managed to snuggle up closer, and Sawyer managed to get his arm around Charlie despite the pain.

“Oh the horror.” Sawyer joked, squeezing Charlie as best he could.

He’s gonna have to get shot more often if this is how he gets rewarded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need to rewatch Lost again because I legit for some reason completely blanked when it came to the raft? So yeah sorry if there’s anything wrong I mean this is all in AU form anyways so I’m not trying to be super accurate just yeah.


	3. Bite the Bullet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sawyer’s past cases are coming back to haunt him, and Charlie takes one for the team.  
> Timeframe: Revival post-rescue  
> Category: Angst/fluff kinda

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pain and suffering.  
> Yeah this is the one that broke my poor girlfriend so I think I should add it to the pile.  
> So first of all I forgot to mention this but Sawyer and Charlie live in LA. Sawyer offered to move to Manchester but Charlie wanted to stay in the US.  
> Also Cole, aka new dude makes a brief appearance here.  
> As always my apologies for any big errors I do not proofread anything because I am lazy

Sawyer couldn’t sleep. He had this weird feeling...something was off. He just wanted to shrug it off, but he couldn’t. He rolled onto his side, watching as Charlie continued to sleep peacefully.  
Tonight is the first night that he hasn’t woken up screaming. Sawyer hasn’t had to calm him down or reassure him.  
He smiled as Charlie snuggled a little more into the blankets, still fast asleep.   
He ran his hand down Charlie’s side gently, still not quite sure if he had been dreaming the last few months.  
He knows this is real, but it all feels so different. After all those years of everyone telling him he just needed to get over it, his sunshine came back to him.

He moved closer to his boyfriend, draping an arm over him and scooting him closer. That paranoid feeling was still lingering, but he briefly tuned it out. All he could think about was Charlie. In the dead silence of the room, Charlie’s breathing was the only noise he could concentrate on.   
He had contemplated grabbing his gun before he went to bed, just in case this was more than just a bad feeling. But he couldn’t risk Charlie having another episode because of it.  
The first time he saw Charlie freak out over it was bad enough. He didn’t want him to go through that again.  
He closed his eyes, finally feeling a little tired. He ran his hand through Charlie’s hair, relaxing into him and feeling himself start to drift off.

That’s when he heard it.  
A crash from downstairs. Like a lightbulb shattering.   
Or a window being broken.

He shot up, his arm placed protectively in front of Charlie who was also wide awake now. Charlie’s breathing was erratic. Panicked and uneven.   
Sawyer slowly moved off of the bed, silently wishing he would’ve just went and got his gun..  
He slowly slid his phone off of the nightstand and slid it in to his pocket. Thank God for sweatpants with pockets...  
He heard Charlie move behind him, and before he could tell him to stay back, he had already gotten out of bed and was walking just a little ways behind Sawyer.  
He’s sort of thankful for that, though. Charlie is far from weak, and having him as backup could be good.   
He just doesn’t want him getting hurt. But Charlie won’t do anything stupid. Sawyer knows that without a doubt.

There was more movement. Footsteps coming slowly up the stairs.   
Sawyer heard Charlie’s shuddered breath as the sound slowly got closer.   
He couldn’t bring himself to open the door yet. It was too early.  
Then the sound stopped. At least, on the stairs it had. Now it sounded like it was coming from outside their room.  
Sawyer decided that now was a good time to open the door.  
It was only then that he realized he had left his radio downstairs too. He can’t call for backup.  
They’re on their own.

As soon as the door opened, he heard the sound of a gun being pointed directly at him.   
The figure in front them had his aim set right at Sawyer’s chest. Charlie froze at the sight of it. Sawyer wanted to reach back and take his hand, but any sudden movement could get them both killed.  
“H-hands up!” Whoever this guy was, he clearly didn’t know what he was doing. His voice was shaking, and so was the gun in his hand. Sawyer slowly raised his arms up, but Charlie was too petrified to even try. The guy didn’t seem to care, though.  
Sawyer was his target.  
“You’re that Ford guy, right?” That was a really vague question. Sawyer nodded, not quite sure what to do.   
“Taylor Reese. You remember him, right?”  
Sawyer bit his lip. He really didn’t recognize that name. He felt like he should, but he just couldn’t remember where it was from.

“I don’t-“

“YES YOU DO!” The guy yelled, and Sawyer closed his eyes for a second.  
He blanked. He couldn’t remember anyone with the last name Reese.  
“Two years ago...you locked my brother up...” He elaborated, but it’s was too vague for Sawyer to get any sort of recollection from.  
“I was alone...for TWO YEARS BECAUSE OF YOU!” He was getting more intense, and Sawyer knew he would have to try and guess his way through this. Charlie could only watch. He wasn’t able to think about anything other than the gun aimed at his boyfriend’s chest.

“Listen to me...” This wasn’t Sawyer’s field. He doesn’t talk people down, he puts them away. He’s not good at this sort of thing unless it’s with Charlie.  
“Your brother was a real bad guy....” Sawyer didn’t go into detail on anything. He couldn’t risk it. He needed this guy to calm down. He could barely make out his face, the only light in the room coming from the windows.  
“I’m sorry you had to go through that, but you gotta understand that he coulda hurt someone...he coulda hurt you...” He slowly started stepping towards the table on the other wall. There was a candlestick on it. It’s not a gun or even a knife, but it’s something. Charlie noticed Sawyer moving, and he could feel the adrenaline building. He wanted to run so badly.

“He wouldn’t have hurt me...” In his sulking, their attacker lowered his gun just a little, his hand shaking so violently now that even if he fired it his aim would probably be off.  
“He‘s a good man...” He was sobbing now, but Sawyer didn’t feel the least bit guilty.  
He lunged for the table, not even bothering to get any closer. He managed to grab the candlestick, ready to go after the guy who was currently threatening him and his boyfriend’s life.

“SAWYER!”

He dropped his weapon when he heard the shot. His world seemed to freeze.  
A sickening, ear-piercing sound that send all the alarms in his head blaring.  
He wasn’t shot, though. He wasn’t in any pain.  
The realization made his heart drop. He felt like his entire being had been shattered.  
He was suddenly aware of the weight on his chest, the hands on his shoulders, and the sound of their mystery guy dropping the gun and running.

Things finally seemed to start moving again.   
The feeling of Charlie going limp against him as they fell to the floor had his heart pounding. He could feel something soaking into his shirt. He didn’t have to look to know that it was blood.  
Charlie wasn’t doing anything. His eyes were wild and panicked, and he was definitely still alive.   
But he couldn’t move. He was in shock. He had just taken a bullet. That’s a new one for him.

“Charlie...?” Sawyer was horrified. Charlie didn’t say anything back.  
He finally realized what had happened.  
Charlie saw it coming.  
He couldn’t push Sawyer out of the way so he just used himself as a shield.  
The bullet hit Charlie’s shoulder when it was supposed to get Sawyer’s chest.  
Charlie can survive this.  
It’s not fatal.  
Charlie’s shoulder continued to bleed as Sawyer tried to function again. He eventually pulled himself together.   
He grabbed his phone out of his pocket, shaking as he struggled to press the buttons.

“911 what’s your emergency?”

“My name is James Ford. I’m with the LA PD...” He nearly dropped the phone as he continued to tremble, his free arm cradling Charlie as the blood continued to spill out.  
“...I-I need help...” His voice was shaking. Cracking a little and he’s not sure when he had started crying.  
“...someone’s been shot...he’s bleeding...yeah whatever just get a damn ambulance over here!” He hadn’t meant to sound so aggressive, but he was panicking. He dropped the phone, not even bothering to hang up. They know where he lives. They’ll get here soon enough without anymore of his help.  
He needs to help Charlie right now.

“Charlie...? Sunshine please just talk to me...” Sawyer pleaded, using his newly available hand to grab Charlie’s, bringing it up and kissing it gently as he continued to shake. He ran his thumb over Charlie’s knuckles as he looked at him, waiting for him to do something.  
Charlie looked absolutely horrified.  
“There’s an ambulance comin’, sweetheart...you’re gonna be okay...” He smiled, but it was quickly overpowered by his tears again. He slowly leaned down to rest his forehead against Charlie’s.  
He felt Charlie’s hand slowly raise up and cup his cheek, stroking it to try and comfort him.  
That only made Sawyer sob harder.

•

When the ambulance finally got there, Sawyer had barely heard it. He was too busy trying to tune out everything. He just wanted Charlie to be okay...he had already fallen unconscious before the medics got there, which made Sawyer want to fuss over him even more.  
He could see some of his work buddies standing in the doorway. The others were patrolling the area. He looked like an absolute wreck in front of them, clutching Charlie in his arms and sobbing his eyes out.  
He doesn’t care. Let them watch. Let them whisper. He cares for Charlie more than his reputation at work. The department is a mess anyways, so what’ll a little bit of crying do? Maybe make a good story to tell during a stakeout or something?   
Yeah, he can take that.

“Sir? Sir are you alright?” Someone was asking him a question. He didn’t answer.  
He was hesitant to let them take Charlie away from him, but he came to his senses pretty quickly. Watching Charlie get rushed away broke his heart.  
Maybe he could have stopped this...

“I’m fine...” He grumbled, denying the blanket he had been offered.  
He’ll take the comfort when Charlie is resting in their bed again.   
He was following Charlie to the ambulance, determined to not let him too far out of his sight. He didn’t care how rude he was being. He pushed passed pretty much everyone and everything in his way.  
He needed to be with him...

“Sir! I was so worried about you!” Sawyer recognized that voice. He had ignored pretty much all of the other people he worked with.  
But Cole looked up to him so much, that Sawyer forced himself to slow down to let him talk.  
“Are you alright?” He was struggling to keep up since Sawyer was still practically speed-walking.  
Once Sawyer got to the ambulance, he finally turned around to look Cole.

“I’m fine, kid. Now go.” He tried to dismiss him. All he wanted was for Cole to just leave and work on tracking down the guy who did this.  
If they don’t find him before Sawyer’s back on duty, then there will be nothing stopping him from putting a bullet in that guy’s head.

“But what about-“ Cole started to speak, clearly worried.  
Sawyer cut him off before he could even think about continuing.

“Go.” Sawyer didn’t have time to talk. This wasn’t a normal, everyday conversation.  
Charlie is bleeding out behind him, and he can’t rip his attention away from him for even a second.

The doors slam shut, and Sawyer feels like he’s in a nightmare.

•

Charlie opened his eyes slowly, instantly feeling like absolute rubbish. There’s an annoyingly loud beeping in his ear, and he wants it to just shut up.  
There’s something on his face, too...and this doesn’t feel like their bed.  
The lighting is also way too fluorescent and aggressive to be their lights. Usually their house is illuminated sunlight. And when it’s not, the lights are never this horrendously bright.   
He wants to move, but the searing pain he felt at even trying to sit up completely erased that possibility.

What even happened to him?  
He remembers he was asleep...Sawyer had been on edge the whole night but Charlie had tried to calm him down.  
He woke up when he heard a crash. Sawyer heard it too, so it wasn’t just another nightmare.  
There was a guy with a gun...screaming at Sawyer about his brother or something.  
And then he was about to pull the trigger. Charlie had panicked, scare of what could’ve happened to Sawyer...  
And then...and then what happened? Wait...  
Oh, right...he got shot...  
So that must mean he’s in a hospital. Terrific.  
He groans, ripping the stupid little oxygen mask off. Well, it probably wasn’t as stupid as he was making it seem, but in his annoyed state it certainly was.

“Hey beautiful.” Sawyer sounded so worn out, but so relieved to see Charlie moving again. Charlie tilted his head to look at him, finding the energy to be able to smile at him.   
Sawyer scooted his chair closer, running his hand over Charlie’s cheek. The comforting gesture made Charlie relax a little, even if the pain was incredibly fierce.  
“You just had to play hero, huh?” Sawyer’s smile never faltered, the soft look he was giving Charlie seemingly stuck there permanently.

“For you? Of course I did...” They both chuckled a little at that, the movement hurting Charlie just a little.  
Despite the pain, he moved his arm just a tad, enough so his hand was held out a little.  
Sawyer took the hint, gently wrapping his own hand around Charlie’s.   
It’s funny how Charlie had flipped this around. Earlier, Sawyer was clutching his hand in an attempt to keep Charlie awake and feeling somewhat safe.  
Now, Charlie was using the same tactic to reassure and comfort Sawyer.  
An even exchange, if you ask him.  
Charlie’s eyes shifted to Sawyer’s shirt, and he frowned at the dark red splotch on it.  
“The red really isn’t working for me...” He joked despite the rather dark reasoning for the stain. Sawyer laughed a little at that, and he seemed like he was close to crying again.

“If it’s any comfort to ya, I ain’t keen on keeping it there either.” He chuckled, and Charlie noticed how his eyes were starting to water. Sawyer leaned forward, kissing Charlie’s forehead gently and mirroring their position from earlier almost exactly. Aside of course from Charlie bleeding out on his shirt and Sawyer’s arm cradling him to his chest.  
“I was so worried about ya...” Sawyer was still broken up about the whole thing, and Charlie can’t blame him. He’s sure once he gets home, he’ll have his fair share of episodes. The nightmares will be in full-swing again, and Sawyer will have to take extra care in not ever letting Charlie see a real firearm for a long while. He was almost starting to get more comfortable with Sawyer’s gun, but now he’s back to square-one.

“I’ll be okay, love...” Charlie whispered, very lightly kissing Sawyer since he was conveniently close.  
Physically? Yeah probably. Eventually at least.  
Mentally? They both know the answer to that.  
But Sawyer will take care of him. He’ll fuss over him and make sure he’s okay as often as he can. He’s already decided that he’ll be off-duty for quite a while.  
So for right now, Sawyer needs to be at Charlie’s side every second that he can be. Charlie’s episodes are gonna get worse. The nightmares that they thought were fading are going to haunt them again.

But he’s never going to let them take his sunshine away. Not now, and not as long as he’s alive to protect him.

•

Sawyer carried him into the house as carefully as he could.  
After what felt like an eternity of sitting in a hospital room, Charlie was finally allowed to go home.  
He closed the door with his foot, not even risking taking a hand out from under Charlie.   
Charlie hadn’t said a word since Sawyer scooped him up out of the car, and Sawyer was missing that beautiful accent.  
“Wanna head up to my room?” Sawyer joked, trying to get a giggle or something from Charlie. He stopped in front of the staircase, giving Charlie a little wiggle of the eyebrows.  
It worked, and Charlie snickered at his dumb humor.

“I don’t think I can say no...” Charlie smiled up at him, and Sawyer started moving again. Charlie closed his eyes, resting his head against Sawyer’s chest as he slowly carried him up the stairs.  
He opened them again once they reached the top, and Sawyer once again had to move the door with his foot, this time nudging it open.  
“Don’t throw me, please.” Charlie knew he wouldn’t, but he wanted to keep the mood light.   
If they stopped talking for too long, things got heavy. And Charlie doesn’t like things being too heavy.  
Sawyer chuckled, looking down at him sweetly for a second before he committed to laying him down.

“Ya comfy?” Sawyer didn’t want Charlie to have to move too much, so he pulled the blanket over Charlie for him. Yeah, he could’ve tried to get him under the covers, but he didn’t want to put Charlie on the floor or force him to sit up when they had another blanket right there.  
Charlie nodded, smiling as Sawyer pulled the blanket up over his legs.  
Once Sawyer was satisfied, he moved around to the other side of the bed, scooting over next to Charlie and slinging an arm around him.  
“You ain’t leavin’ my sight for a while now, sweetheart. Hope you’re ready.” Sawyer kissed his cheek quickly, reaching for the remote to the TV as he pulled away.

“I think this could be nice...” Charlie sighed, leaning on Sawyer’s shoulder a bit more. Sawyer tossed the remote in his hand for a second, the hand that was previously on Charlie’s shoulder moving up and into his hair.  
“Just me and you...alone...stuck watching cheesy movies and eating takeout...” Charlie smiled up at him, and Sawyer chuckled.  
That’s just how life will have to be for them. Until Charlie is healed up, Sawyer isn’t going to leave this bed for anything or anyone.  
Well aside from their food of course.

“And there ain’t anythin’ I’d rather be doin’.” Sawyer flicked on the TV, resting his head on top of Charlie’s.  
Truthfully, he would much rather be doing this without Charlie’s shoulder being injured. But that doesn’t change the fact that being around Charlie is so much better than sitting at his desk all day, staring longingly at his picture.  
He has plenty of bad jokes saved up just for this type of occasion, and Charlie is gonna get to hear all of them.

•

“SAWYER!” Charlie screamed, waking up with a start. He had another nightmare...  
He had plenty while they were at the hospital. But Sawyer wasn’t there when he had most of them, since he was forced to go home after visiting hours were up.  
But now he’s going to be experiencing them in full-force again.  
He trembled a little, the dreams still so vivid and each one seemed to get more intense and more blood-soaked than the last.  
So many different scenarios being played out.   
How he could have died.  
How Sawyer could have died.  
How both of them could’ve died...  
All of the above were things he had conjured up in his sleep.

Sawyer’s arms quickly found their way around Charlie’s shaking form, softly pulling him close. Charlie winced a little as his shoulder rubbed against the bed, but was grateful for Sawyer trying to comfort him.

“I’m right here, darlin’...I gotcha...” Sawyer soothed, rubbing Charlie’s good shoulder gently. He kept his other hand on the back of Charlie’s head, holding him to his chest.  
Charlie couldn’t help the stray tears that slipped out at Sawyer’s gentle touch. He’s seen so many horrible things in his dreams alone, and he’s petrified of seeing any of them for real.  
Charlie closed his eyes, but he didn’t want to sleep. He didn’t want to see any of that again.  
“I’m okay...I’m right here...” Sawyer continued to reassure him, kissing his hair as he continued to run his hand over his shoulder.

“I don’t think I can sleep, Sawyer...” Charlie whimpered, still shaking just a little.  
Sawyer closed his eyes, trying to think up a good response. He can’t tell Charlie that he needs to sleep, because the nightmares are what make Charlie cry. He can’t tell him he doesn’t need it though, because Charlie starts hallucinating more when he’s sleep deprived.

“Well whatever you do, I’ll be here...” That was the best response Sawyer could think of. It seemed to satisfy Charlie though, and he nodded very faintly. He could tell Charlie was still sleepy, and he knew it wouldn’t be long before he had dozed off again.  
Sawyer waited patiently for Charlie to still completely, smiling a little as his breathing evened out.  
He was right. Charlie was asleep again within a matter of minutes.  
This time though, Sawyer kept his arms wrapped firmly around him as he slept. He was reluctant to do so before because of his shoulder, but he’s starting to think the nightmares probably will do more damage than some cuddling.

Turns out that he had made the right call there, as Charlie didn’t stir a single bit after that.  
It’s gonna be a long time before either of them are ever completely okay. In fact, that might just never happen. Charlie’s been through so much that a full-recovery seems highly unlikely.  
But that’s what they have each other for. And the others, too. They’re just one big support system.  
The media will surely be all over Charlie’s injury. Sawyer’s already seen the articles about the incident. But none of them are going to get anything more than just hear-say until Charlie is doing better.  
No pictures, no interviews, no nothing. Even Shannon has backed off this time around, only ever pestering Charlie about what he and Sawyer had talked about and not saying a single word about that night.

They’ll protect each other now like they protected each other then. And they’ll continue to be there for one another. Even if it means sacrificing everything.  
They’re not going to lose each other this time.


	4. Hallucinations of a Dead Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie says his last goodbye to Sawyer as a “hallucination”. Things get emotional real quick.  
> Timeframe: Dharma-era  
> Category: Angst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We hate Revival Jacob in this household. Also yeah prepare to suffer this is sad.  
> Anyways who wants some emotional support sunflowers?

Charlie’s been watching him for a while. From the trees, of course. But he’s been watching him nonetheless.  
Sawyer had wandered off into a clearing at some point. Charlie of course followed him, but noticed how sad Sawyer had seemed on the way there.  
Charlie’s heart sunk when saw where they were.

There’s a lot of sunflowers. And Sawyer is sitting on a fallen tree in the middle of the infestation. Charlie’s breath catches when he sees Sawyer pick one up, twirling it in his hands.

“You been followin’ me quite a bit today.” Sawyer commented. Charlie approached him slowly, legs shaking a little. Sawyer had a sad smile on his face, never looking up at Charlie.  
“Wish you coulda seen this. For real, I mean. You woulda loved it...” Sawyer murmured. Charlie bit his lip, trying to keep his tears contained.  
He’s been doing this for a while. It’s the only safe way he can see Sawyer.  
“You seem so real...” Sawyer mumbled sadly. Charlie’s breath stuttered at that.  
He felt so guilty for lying to him.

He’s convinced him that he’s nothing more than a hallucination. As much as it hurts, it’s for his own good.

“It’s wonderful.” Charlie smiled at the field, his voice trembling as he slowly moved in front of Sawyer.  
Sawyer placed the flower he was holding next to him on the tree, putting his hands on his knees and looking up at Charlie.  
Charlie could feel a single tear trail down his cheek, and he whimpered when Sawyer wiped it away. He could see the buildup of tears in Sawyer’s eyes too, and that made more of his own tears stream out.

“You look gorgeous...” Sawyer whispered, bringing another hand up to rest on Charlie’s waist. Charlie closed his eyes, shuddering when Sawyer smiled so sweetly at him.  
“I miss seeing you next to me in the mornin’...” He moved his eyes down from Charlie’s eyes to his chest, laughing a little to himself. “...it’s weird not feelin’ your head on my chest. Or hearin’ your voice as soon as I open my eyes...”. Sawyer was getting choked up, and Charlie cried quietly as he spoke. His eyes moved back to meet Charlie’s, and the musician was quivering, trying not to sob. Sawyer’s head fell onto Charlie’s chest, letting his tears fall.   
That’s when he heard Charlie start to sob. No more of that whimpering and single tears rubbish. Full-on, ugly crying as he placed his hand on Sawyer’s head.  
“...I remember how you used to grab my arm whenever I got up, askin’ me to lay back down...” Sawyer laughed through his own tears, and that sent Charlie even further into his frenzy.

“Please...” Charlie whispered to nobody in particular. Not to Sawyer, not to the island, and definitely not Jacob. He was begging for a second chance. An opening to make this all better. He hoped and prayed every night that it wasn’t over for them. He would wait an eternity if it meant he could be with Sawyer again. ACTUALLY be with him again. Not playing the role of some hallucination to keep Jacob from killing both of them.  
He closed his eyes, pulling Sawyer impossibly closer.  
He doesn’t ever want to leave. He wants to tell Sawyer the truth.   
He can’t.  
“Sawyer...” Charlie whimpered, unable to hold himself up anymore with how hard he was shaking. He dropped to his knees, Sawyer’s head no longer able to rest against him.  
He kept his hands on the sides of Sawyer’s head though, hands trembling as he struggled to keep them there. Charlie hung his head, not having the strength to lift it.  
Sawyer’s finger came up under his chin, lifting it for him. Charlie’s eyes were red and puffy, the trails of tears that passed imprinted on his cheeks.   
His whole face must be red by now. He must look like a wreck to Sawyer.

“So gorgeous...” Sawyer’s crying had ceased, and Charlie didn’t have many more tears to shed. Sawyer moved his finger, and Charlie’s head fell again. He started to wheeze a little, no tears coming out but his body still trembling as he sobbed dryly.  
How could he possibly say that? Right now? As Charlie is falling apart right in front of him?  
“My sunflower...” Sawyer’s voice cracked a little, and Charlie was reduced to a whimpering lump at his feet.   
“Come here, sunshine...” Sawyer sounded so normal there. His voice was hoarse and soft, but the request was so familiar that Charlie almost felt like he wasn’t losing his mind.

He shakily forced himself up, letting Sawyer’s hand slip under his arms and pull him the rest of the way. He curled into him, gripping at his shirt with what little energy he had left.  
Sawyer kissed his hair, and Charlie couldn’t see that he was crying again.  
“I...” Charlie started to speak, but stopped himself.  
He wanted to tell Sawyer he loved him, but Sawyer loves Juliet now. Sawyer chuckled, clearly hurting because of Charlie’s presence.   
It wouldn’t matter anyway, since Sawyer thinks he’s a hallucination.

“All I see is you whenever I look at her...” Sawyer was chuckling, but Charlie could hear the grief in his voice. Charlie buried his face in his shirt, not wanting even chance looking at Sawyer.  
Charlie felt a twinge of guilt at Sawyer’s words. He felt like he was interfering. Like he was ruining Sawyer’s life.  
But at the same time, he wanted to be selfish.  
“I still love you...so much...” Sawyer kisser his hair again, holding Charlie to his chest even closer.  
Charlie suddenly found more tears to shed, and cried softly into Sawyer’s chest, almost mirroring how Sawyer had been earlier. He didn’t have the energy to cry as hard as he had.  
“I just want you back...” Sawyer sobbed gently into Charlie’s hair.  
Charlie didn’t say anything. He just let him go.

•

They were there until nightfall, Sawyer pouring his heart out as Charlie laid in his arms.  
Sawyer had fallen asleep on top of him eventually. Charlie had to move out of his arms extremely carefully, not wanting to wake him.   
Charlie laid him down on the tree, gently caressing his hair and the side of his face as he slept.

“I love you too...” He whispered, placing a kiss on Sawyer’s forehead. He smiled as he watched him sleep, wondering how such a broken man could look so serene.  
He saw Jacob out of the corner of his eye. He could feel his harsh gaze tearing through Charlie as he hovered above him. Charlie stayed kneeling by the tree, kissing Sawyer’s cheek this time.  
He eventually let his hand fall, curling into a fist on it’s way down.  
“I’m sor-“

“Get up.” Jacob’s voice was blank. Cold. Charlie shivered, but he was too weak to stand. He’s so tired...  
“Get. Up.” Jacob repeated.  
Charlie didn’t get up.

•

When Sawyer woke, it was completely dark out. He felt exhausted and his head hurt.  
As he got up to make his way back into the village, he spotted something out of the corner of his eye.

There was a little bit of blood on one of the sunflowers. Not much, but it was there.  
He shrugged it off, assuming that it was just his imagination running wild.

After all, he had seen Charlie again today. And that wasn’t a good sign for his mental state.


	5. Numb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jacob isn’t very happy about Charlie going to see Sawyer.  
> Timeframe: Directly after Hallucinations of a Dead Man  
> Category: Angst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So idk if I should put a warning here but yeah this is an extremely toxic relationship. Lotta edge on this one.   
> Like a lot.  
> All my homies hate Jacob.
> 
> TW: Emotional abuse/manipulation and some physical abuse   
> And moth abuse

Jacob slammed him against the chamber wall, and Charlie wheezed in pain. His head pounded from the impact, and his still bleeding shoulder gushed a bit from the impact.  
Jacob didn’t glare at him. He looked calm and collected. But his eyes held no sign of sympathy either. Just a cold, uncaring stare.  
Charlie gripped his shoulder, sliding down to the ground in silent surrender.  
This wouldn’t be the first time Jacob’s thrown him around. It’s quite a common occurrence. 

“You shouldn’t have visited him.” Charlie whimpered, and Jacob stepped closer to him. Charlie recoiled into himself, a sad excuse for a defensive stance.  
“You belong here with me. Not with him. You know that”. Jacob didn’t speak softly to him. He didn’t yell, either. Just a calm yet firm tone.  
Charlie hates that tone. He would’ve preferred the screaming. Would’ve preferred it if Jacob yelled and reprimanded him like Liam used to do.  
He can handle the insults and the furious screaming better than calm, degrading words.  
Jacob knows how to break him down. Make him feel worthless. Speaking to him like a child and yet touching him like he cares. He brings him down to a shivering clump, making him feel like his only purpose is to serve and tend to Jacob’s every need.  
He hates it so much he wants to cry. But if he cries, Jacob will be get more mad. And he doesn’t want to feel any more physical pain on top of the emotional torment.

“Look at me, Pace.” He didn’t address him   
by his first name. Charlie shivered, but slowly turned his head to look up at Jacob. He was biting back his tears, feeling them building up but desperate to hold them in.  
“Show me your shoulder.” He commanded. Charlie shook his head, trying to hide himself in the darkness. Jacob sighed and grabbed his hair, tugging his head back up.  
“Now.” He still looked the same. No sign of anything other than boredom and annoyance on his face.  
Charlie whimpered and shuffled, sitting back on his legs. He pushed his sleeve up a little, a single tear slipping out. Luckily, it was on the side of his face that Jacob couldn’t see.

Jacob ran his fingers over the gash, and Charlie practically bit his tongue in half to stifle a cry. He kept grazing over it, the pain not as harsh as it could be. But the slow, lingering movements were making Charlie sick to his stomach.  
“Are you crying?” Jacob knew, but he asked anyways, trying to make Charlie feel worse. Charlie shook his head, his head falling forward as his breath stuttered. He’s trying so hard...  
“Don’t lie to me.” Jacob moved away from him, and Charlie sighed with relief, still trembling quite badly. Jacob stood up, looking down on Charlie like the pathetic mess he was.  
“Get up.” The same command as earlier. Charlie sobbed quietly, placing his hand on the wall.

He got up.  
Slowly but surely, he got up. Jacob smiled in approval as Charlie got to his feet, legs wobbling. Charlie glared at him, but Jacob kept smiling.  
“Come here.” Charlie nodded slowly, moving his hand off the wall. Charlie wobbled towards Jacob, not even trying to look confident or strong anymore.  
He’s pathetic. He’s nothing. He’s worthless. He’s property now.  
Jacob placed a hand on his cheek, but it wasn’t warm like Sawyer’s hand.  
Charlie wanted to crawl out of his own skin, but his leaned into Jacob anyways. He needed to for his own good.  
“I’m doing this for your own good.” Jacob moved his hand down to Charlie’s arm, and Charlie screwed his eyes shut.  
Jacob leaned in closer, kissing his cheek lightly.   
“You know it’s because I love you...” He whispered, but Charlie didn’t believe him. He couldn’t even force a smile now. He opened his eyes as Jacob pulled back to look at him.  
Charlie wasn’t crying anymore. He didn’t look scared anymore, either.   
He didn’t actually convey much of anything right now. Just a blank stare. Jacob couldn’t tell if he was actually looking at him or if he was looking behind him.

In that moment, Charlie Pace was gone.

•

Jacob’s hand runs through his hair half-heartedly as the lay together.  
Charlie feels sick to his stomach, forcing himself not to move away from Jacob’s touch.  
His hands eventually stops, falling out of Charlie’s hair. He sighed in relief when Jacob rolled on his side. He bit his lip, glancing over to the entrance of the chamber.   
He needed some air.

Charlie sat up slowly, making sure Jacob was actually asleep before he moved away from him. The blanket rolled down a bit, and Charlie panicked off a second.  
Jacob didn’t wake up.  
He slowly reached over him, gently pulling the blanket back over Jacob. He didn’t feel much of anything towards Jacob or the situation. This was his life now. He just kind of went with it. He’s let the cycle happen every night until eventually he just stopped caring about it.  
He ran his fingers over the gash on his shoulder, wincing a little.   
Yeah, because that was done out of love, right?  
He grabbed Sawyer’s book, putting it in his pocket before he left the cave. He’s lucky Jacob’s let him keep it. Well, Jacob doesn’t know about it. Charlie’s kept us tucked away in the pack Jacob gave him ever since he found it abandoned on the beach.

He’s not quite sure what happened earlier. Actually, he’s not quite sure what happens most nights anyways. He goes numb at some point. He just...leaves. It feels like he’s asleep but he knows what’s happening.  
And then he just forgets it all. Blocks it out. He’s learned how to do that. Sawyer might be proud of him for it.

Maybe not though.

He sighed as he left the cave, feeling the island breeze.  
It would probably be nicer if he wasn’t here against his will.

He sat down on one of the rocks by the shore, pulling the book out and running his fingers over the cover.  
Sawyer had read this book about 50 times over the course of their relationship. He smiled a little as he remembered how obvious Sawyer was. He stopped actually trying to look convincing after the 20th time around, not even bothering to flip the pages.  
His smile faded though when he remembered that he couldn’t see that anymore. He couldn’t watch Sawyer fake-read his book as Charlie played with his hair.

Those light, fluffy feelings were gone. And he’s more than likely never going to get them back.  
Part of him wishes he would’ve just let Jacob kill him. End it all. Rip the bandaid off and just let Charlie rest.  
But he’s still scared of dying. As much as he hates his current situation, he wants to live.   
The little hope he has left is pushing him forward. The slight possibility that Sawyer could sweep him off his feet again letting him sleep at night. The impossible idea of ever getting out of here and going home with the man he loves providing some comfort.

He puts the book back in his pocket, running a hand through his hair.  
He hates that Jacob plays with it sometimes. Only Sawyer was allowed to do that before.  
He runs his through the messy strands again, trying to mimic what Sawyer used to do.  
He can’t.


	6. Suddenly Charlie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack is kinda tired of Sawyer holding his stuff hostage and tries to confront him. Little did he know the conman’s tent has a slight moth infestation  
> Timeline: I forgot  
> Category: Fluff

Jack’s had enough. Sawyer’s pulling another one of his stunts and it’s about time he stood up to him.  
It’s the middle of the night, so he’ll probably have to drag him out into the woods or something.  
Still though, he approaches Sawyer’s tent with his entire arsenal of words ready.

“SAWYER GIVE ME THE DAMN MEDI-“ He stops himself mid-sentence at the unexpected sight before him.  
Charlie’s here. His head rested comfortably on Sawyer’s shoulder as he sleeps peacefully. Sawyer’s staring at him with an unamused glare.

“Keep it down, Jack.” Sawyer hissed, and Jack stared blankly at the two of them. Charlie’s still fast asleep luckily, and Jack had to collect his anger a bit more. Despite his rage, he still thought this whole thing was pretty cute.

“Give me...the medicine...” Jack tried to keep his voice hushed yet firm, and Sawyer glared at him. Charlie remained still, so they took it as a good sign.

“And why should I?” Sawyer had a hard time sounding tough or serious when he had Charlie right there. The imagine of Charlie sleeping on his shoulder and Sawyer’s hushed tone took most of the intensity away.

“Because we need it, Sawyer.” He raised his voice a bit, and Charlie stirred a bit. Both of them froze and waited, silently hoping he would just go back to sleep. The silence worked, and Charlie grabbed Sawyer’s hand before dozing back off.  
Both Jack and Sawyer let out breaths they didn’t even know they were holding. This was way more stressful than just a regular argument. 

“Well...I’ll think about it.” Sawyer kept his eyes on Charlie as he spoke, making sure he was still sleeping soundly. Jack crossed his arms in annoyance, trying to contain himself.

“There’s no ‘thinking about it’ Sawyer. You can’t just keep it from us.” Jack hissed, and Sawyer started to come back at him, moving forward slightly. He quickly stopped himself though, slowly moving back to his original position to keep Charlie on his shoulder. 

“Who says I can’t?” Jack was furious now, and if it weren’t for Charlie being here, he would have been screaming.  
They resorted to making angry gestures at each other, too scared of waking the sleeping man to even try whisper-yelling anymore. There were plenty of rude gestures and mouthed-insults flying in both directions, a stark contrast to the innocent looking rockstar that was blissfully unaware of their argument.  
Charlie shifted again, nuzzling Sawyer’s shoulder a little. Sawyer stopped mid-gesture to look at him, Jack also halting to let the moment hang.

“Aww.” Jack couldn’t help himself. Sawyer smiled at Charlie for a second, but quickly snapped back to Jack. He didn’t look super angry though. It seems like Charlie’s softened him up, at least for right now. He’s sure there’ll be Hell to pay tomorrow though. Maybe he’ll have to bring Charlie with him to keep Sawyer at bay.

“Shut up.” He whispered, still semi-distracted by Charlie. Jack wanted to keep arguing, but...  
He could probably wait until tomorrow. Yeah, tomorrow would work. He can yell at Sawyer then.

“It’s just cute. You two. Together.” The tone shifted, Jack’s supportive side getting the better of him. Sawyer chuckled and wrapped an arm around Charlie, kissing his hair lightly. The fond smile that Charlie couldn’t see warmed Jack’s heart a bit. Okay, so Sawyer’s being unreasonable. He’s always unreasonable. But that doesn’t stop this from being absolutely adorable.  
He suddenly looked back at Jack though, looking serious again.

“Don’t you dare tell anyone about this. About us. We clear?” This is the only deal that Jack could comfortably make with Sawyer. He nodded, turning to leave. He looked back at Sawyer one more time before he left.

“Crystal.” Jack smiled, and Sawyer nodded, letting the doctor leave the two of them alone.  
As soon as Jack left, Sawyer sighed with relief. He wanted to lay down, but that might wake Charlie up. So he leaned back a bit against the wall of his tent, moving Charlie with him.

“I guess you’d want me to just give it to him, huh?” He whispered, not expecting any sort of response from Charlie. He looked at their still connected hands, and smiled to himself.  
“Fine. I’ll do it. No need to be so dramatic.” He murmured, running a thumb gently over Charlie’s knuckles. He remembers when he would write on those bandage thingies. It was a cute idea, and it saved Charlie’s life in the end, but he likes them not being in the way anymore.

He moved his hand from around Charlie’s and up into his hair, playing with it a bit. He carefully reached over and turned off the lantern, leaving them both completely in the dark.  
He started dozing off immediately, snuggling as close to Charlie as he could get.

“Mmm...love you...” Charlie whispered, and Sawyer was a little surprised by that. He’s definitely dreaming, but it was still pretty funny how perfectly timed this was. Sawyer shook his head and squeezed Charlie’s hand lightly.

“G’night, Chuck. Love you too.”


	7. Clementine Fluff-fest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just Clem and her two dads vibin’.  
> Timeline: Revival post-rescue  
> Category: FLUFF

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YEAH THIS IS KINDA LONG AND ALSO WRITTEN OVER THE SPAN OF LIKE 3 HOURS (with breaks to let my phone charge) SO EXPECT MANY MANY ERRORS  
> But hopefully all the fluff makes up for me being too lazy to proofread things.  
> Drugcon? Yes  
> Clementine fluff? Yes  
> Lotsa soft Sawyer? Yes  
> Angst? Definitely not  
> (Also some of these segments are really short because it was just a drabble I threw in there. This was originally just gonna be four parts long butttt then I went into Drugcon overdrive.

The sound of the doorbell told them that their privacy was pretty much gone for the next weak. Sawyer sighed and pulled away from Charlie, getting a sympathetic look from him.  
Sawyer took the day off work so he could spend more time with Charlie and Clem, since she’ll be staying with them again for the week. Charlie had been delighted at the news, and chose to thank Sawyer first-thing in the morning. Hence the situation they’re in currently, with Charlie pinned against the counter and Sawyer plastered to his front.  
“It’ll be fun, love. Don’t worry about it. She’s your daughter, after all.” Charlie pushed some of Sawyer’s hair back behind his ear, and the ex-conman nodded.  
He moved his hands off the counter, stepping back to go get the door. As he was turning around, he turned back for a second and smiled.

“OUR daughter.” Sawyer replied, and Charlie smiled, nodding to the doorway. Sawyer stepped back, still smiling as he turned on his heel and headed to get the front door.   
Charlie was left leaning on the counter, flustered looking and definitely not presentable. He smoothed out his hair a little, not caring too much as it was usually kinda messy anyways. He spent a little bit more time straightening out his shirt, finally feeling confident enough to approach the front door.

Luckily, Sawyer had just opened the door as Charlie rounded the corner, making them look a lot less suspicious.  
“Papa!” Clementine yelled happily, not having seen either of her dads a whole lot for the past week. Sawyer lightened up quickly, and Charlie smiled as he watched. Cassidy watched from the entrance, smiling as her and Charlie made brief eye-contact.

“There’s my girl!” Sawyer chuckled, leaning down a little and pulling her into a hug.   
Charlie finally stepped towards them, grinning fondly. When Clementine finally noticed him, her eyes lit up even more.

“DAD!” Clem had a much bigger reaction to seeing Charlie, practically sprinting to hug him. Sawyer laughed, giving Cassidy a quick smile before he turned to Charlie.  
Charlie ruffled Clementine’s hair a bit, trying to get on her nerves.  
“Not the hair!” She yelped, and Charlie laughed.

“You’ve grown like...half an inch, mate!” Charlie teased, and Clem giggled happily. Sawyer waltzed over, wrapping an arm around Charlie’s waist as Clementine ran back to rant to her mom about how excited she was.

“I think she likes you more...” Sawyer whispered, kissing Charlie’s hair and squeezing him lightly. Charlie laughed, crossing his arms over his chest as he looked up at Sawyer.

“Well I’ve been told that I’m pretty lovable...” Charlie whispered back, kissing Sawyer’s cheek softly. Sawyer chuckled, nuzzling Charlie’s hair a little as he watched Cassidy shifted her attention to them.

“Don’t get her into any trouble.” She teased. Charlie grinned and Sawyer winked at her, neither of them making any promises. Cassidy rolled her eyes and kneeled back down to Clementine, placing her hands on her daughter’s shoulder.  
“Take care of them, okay?” She asked, and Clem nodded excitedly, jumping into Cas’s arms to give her a goodbye-hug.

“Got any ideas...?” Sawyer asked quietly as Clem and Cas continued to say their farewells.  
Charlie smirked up at him, shrugging as he leaned closer into the ex-conman.

“A few...”  
Sawyer wasn’t sure what to expect, but he smiled excitedly anyways. Charlie brought a sense of liveliness that Sawyer can’t really replicate, and it always ends up in Clem having a good time.

It’s gonna be a fun week.

•

“I guess we should get you ready for school, then.” Charlie said as Clementine began unpacking her things. She gave him a nervous frown, and Charlie’s look softened sympathetically.  
Cassidy had dropped her off much earlier than usual since it was a Friday and Clem has to go to school. She was already dressed, so there wasn’t much they needed to do aside from gather her things.  
“It’ll be fun, darling. I promise.” Charlie reassured, and Clem’s mood flipped. She looked up at him with an excited smile, and grabbed Charlie’s hand.

“Can papa help us?” She asked excitedly, and Charlie nodded, looking around for Sawyer who had seemingly disappeared.

“Sawyer? Love where are you!?” Charlie called out for him, and Sawyer waltzed in with a hairbrush in one hand and a bottle of nail polish in the other.  
Clem’s eyes went wide at the sight of the colorful polish, and Charlie quirked a brow curiously at the ex-conman.

“Thought we should spice things up. This bein’ her first day of school ‘n all.” Sawyer shrugged, and Charlie laughed softly. Clem bounced around in excitement, looking up at Sawyer with bright eyes.  
They have plenty of time to get this done. There’s still an hour before Charlie has to have Clem ready, and Sawyer knows better than anyone that Charlie can paint nails pretty efficiently.

“So I get to look like dad!?” She asked excitedly, and Sawyer grinned down at her. Charlie took that moment to glance at his nails, having just put a fresh coat of black polish on them last night.  
Charlie approached Sawyer, plucking the nail polish out of his hand and examining it.  
Light pink. Clem’s favorite color. Of course he would pick that one. Charlie smiled to himself as he turned it over in his hand.

“You sure do, kiddo.”  
Sawyer picked Clem up as she was about to turn back to Charlie, getting a squeak of surprise from her. Charlie laughed at his boyfriend’s antics, shoving at his shoulder lightly.  
“I can lift you next if ya want, sunshine.” Sawyer teased, and Charlie rolled his eyes fondly.   
Sawyer took Clem to the couch, sitting her on the arm of it as Charlie unscrewed the cap on the nail polish.

“What are you doing with this?” Charlie nodded to the brush still in Sawyer’s hand, and the ex-conman grinned back at him. He flipped the brush in his hand, holding it correctly now.

“I’m gonna do some experimentin’, honey.” Charlie raised his brow in intrigue, but decided to just let Sawyer have his fun, kneeling in front of Clem and taking her hand.

“Time to work my magic...” Charlie mumbled, already in the nail-painting zone. Sawyer chuckled at the pure concentration on his boyfriend’s face as started brushing through Clem’s hair. Charlie saw nail polish as it’s own art form, and Sawyer would be a fool to tell him otherwise. He gets so engrossed in his work that he zones out sometimes.

“What are you doing, papa?” Clem asked curiously as Sawyer discarded the brush, beginning to pull her hair back into more of a ponytail. Charlie glanced up as well for a second, smiling as he had somewhat of an idea of Sawyer’s plan.

“Just wait, sweetheart. You’re gonna love it, trust me.” Sawyer continued to mess around wit Clem’s hair, quietly wishing he would’ve just tried this on himself before this. He really didn’t wanna ruin Clem’s day with a janky hair job.  
He relaxed a bit when he heard Charlie start humming softly, the sound easing his nerves. Charlie looked up at him as he continued to hum, and Sawyer smiled gratefully.

“We should do karaoke after school!” Clem proposed happily, looking back at Sawyer for approval. Charlie laughed, never ceasing his brushing but still focusing his attention up on his reluctant lover.

“Yeah, darling. I haven’t heard you sing in a long time.” Charlie’s puppy dog eyes combined with Clem’s made Sawyer cave instantly, and he sighed in resignation.

“Yeah...yeah we can do karaoke night.” Sawyer finally gave his approval, and Clem and Charlie cheered in unison, both of them only able to raise one arm up. Sawyer chuckled and shook his head, absolutely baffled at how much of a pushover he was with these two.  
The things he does because of love...

“We should do your nails later, Sawyer.” Charlie piped up again, and Sawyer stopped mid-braid to give him a surprised look. Clem nodded enthusiastically, and Sawyer knew he was about to get absolutely destroyed again.

“Yeah! Can we papa?” Clem sounded so excited, and Sawyer rememberers the last time Charlie painted his nails.  
It seems like a lifetime ago...back on the island, sitting in his tent as Charlie carefully ran the brush over his nails. It had been such a soothing experience, and Sawyer did kinda enjoy having his nails painted.

“Sure.” He answered simply, not nearly as reluctant as he had been for karaoke night. There was another triumphant ‘ ‘woop’ from Clem, and a smirk from Charlie as he planned out Sawyer’s fate.

“So what do you think about the color purple?” Charlie asked innocently, and Sawyer sighed.  
He knew where this was going.   
Purple was the color Charlie had picked for him back on the island, too.

“Purple is fine.” Sawyer grumbled, and he didn’t miss the silent giggling from Charlie and Clem is they quietly formed their plane.

He’s so screwed once he goes back to work...

•

Charlie threw on his jacket haphazardly, rushing just a tad since the nail polish had taken longer than expected to finish. Luckily for him, they had set up a mirror in the entryway, meaning he could fix his hair a little bit without having to run to the bathroom.   
Sawyer leaned by the wall behind him, watching him carefully.

“You’re staring, love.” Charlie smiled to himself, but Sawyer’s gaze never faltered. He heard his boyfriend slowly walk up behind him, jumping a little when Sawyer suddenly rested his head on Charlie’s shoulder.

“Be careful, alright?” Sawyer wrapped his arms around Charlie’s waist, pulling him closer and kissing the back of his head. Charlie sighed happily, sinking back into Sawyer. The ex-conman exhaled deeply, closing his eyes as he soaked in the feeling of Charlie in his arms.

“I always am...” Charlie responded, and Sawyer nodded. Charlie flipped around in his arms, looking up at him as they lingered in front of the door.  
Sawyer smiled down at him, moving one of his arms so he could put on of his hands in Charlie’s cheek. Charlie nuzzled into the touch, melting further into the ex-conman. Sawyer moved his hand under Charlie’s chin, tilting his head up ever so slightly.  
Their eyes were locked, and the world seemed to fade out around them...

“I’m ready, dad!” Clementine’s happy voice broke the moment, and Charlie was forced to slip out of Sawyer’s arms.  
He smiled down at Clem, quite proud of how he and Sawyer had prepped her.  
He didn’t go too heavy on the nail polish, but it was definitely noticeable. And Sawyer actually did really well with the braid.  
Clem ran to give Sawyer a hug, and Charlie grabbed his keys out of his pocket as he unlocked the front door.  
“Love you, papa!” Clementine hugged him tightly, and Sawyer chuckled.

“Love you too, sweetheart.” Sawyer gently pushed her off, and Clem grabbed Charlie’s hand as he finally opened the door.  
“And you take care of yourself, sunshine.” Sawyer smiled, almost wanting to leave with them. But he had agreed to not interfere with Charlie and Clem’s personal bonding time.

Charlie nodded, slowly exiting the house as Clem tugged him out the door. Sawyer closed the door gently, and sighed as he was left alone in the house.  
So this is what Charlie feels like...being left alone as his lover runs off to seize the day.  
He’s gonna need some serious cuddles tonight...

•

They eventually pulled up at the school, and Clementine stared out the window with a mix of fear and excitement.  
Charlie placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, getting her attention as she turned to look at him.  
“You’ll do wonderful, love.” Charlie reassured, and Clem nodded quickly.  
“Now let’s show off your new look to everyone.” Charlie patted her shoulder and opened the car door, hopping out and rounding the vehicle to Clem’s side.  
No sooner than he opened the door had she already slipped out, that signature Clementine pep back in her step.

“Thank you dad.” Clem giggled as Charlie put her backpack on for her, gently patting it after it was secured. Charlie kneeled down so they were eye-level, and smiled as Clem fidgeted a little. She would be bouncing off the walls right now if they had any.

“Go on, then. And remember what papa told you...” Charlie paused, waiting for Clem to finish for him.

“If anyone says anything rude...” Clem started, giggling as she spoke. “...then kick their butt!” Clem exclaimed, putting on her best fake southern accent. Charlie laughed and shook his head fondly, patting Clem’s head as he stood up.

“Exactly, love. But stay safe, alright?” Charlie let go of her hand as she nodded, but she didn’t skip off quite yet. Instead, she turned and hugged Charlie tightly, and he felt a wave of warmth from something so small.

“I love you, dad.” Clem smiled into him, and Charlie suddenly could feel some tears starting to swell.   
She’s never said that before. He’s heard her tell Cassidy and of course her papa that all the time, but she said it to him now.  
She let go of him abruptly, skipping off towards the school, blissfully unaware of how much she had touched Charlie’s heart just then.

Kids were staring. Gawking at Charlie and at Clem as she bounced past them. He stands out, that’s for sure. His celebrity status makes him pretty recognizable as well.   
Although his appearance is probably what the kids noticed the most. The jewelry is probably a key-factor in that.  
“...he looks so cool...” He heard some random kids whispering among themselves, but he was still frozen in place.  
Charlie eventually managed to compose himself long enough to hop back into the car, eyes watering as he placed his hands on the wheel.

He couldn’t help it.  
He started to cry right there in the car, and anyone who wanted to could watch him. He didn’t feel any eyes on him, but he really couldn’t care less about other people.  
Clementine. His daughter. Had just said she loved him for the first time ever.  
Can you blame him for being a wreck?  
He was trembling, and he had to clasp a hand over his mouth to try and stifle some of the noises, but he was delighted beyond belief.  
His phone began to buzz, and he jumped a little at it. With a shaky hand, he picked it up, trying to keep himself calm.

“Did you two make it there alright?” Sawyer’s voice came from the other end, and that triggered Charlie to sob again. He was so happy...but he hadn’t quite communicated that to Sawyer yet.  
“Charlie!? Sweetheart talk to me what’s wrong?” The distress in Sawyer’s voice pushed Charlie to compose himself a little more, and he laughed to try and cover up his shaky breathing.

“No no I’m okay...I just...” He paused, and Sawyer stayed silent as he waited for Charlie to continue.  
“...she said she loved me, Sawyer. Clem...she...” Charlie’s breath hitched as he spoke, and he swore he could hear Sawyer’s demeanor change.

“Oh...” Sawyer sounded breathless, and Charlie smiled as he sobbed again, resting his head against the wheel of the car.  
“Charlie I...that’s amazing...” Sawyer’s voice was trembling now too, and Charlie knew he was crying as well. 

Him and Sawyer kept gushing and crying to each other about the whole situation.   
Sawyer had to force himself to let Charlie get off the phone so he could come home and explain properly.  
Charlie didn’t start driving again for a solid 15 minutes after that, though. He still hadn’t fully recovered even when he began to make his way home.  
He truly just wanted to get home and be able to curl up on the couch with Sawyer, talk about Clementine, and prepare their karaoke night.

He’s never felt more needed or loved in his entire life. Sawyer and Clementine are everything to him now.

•

Sawyer practically flew to the door when Charlie unlocked it, pulling his boyfriend inside before he could even speak.  
Charlie had already latched on to him, and Sawyer kicked the door shut with his foot as he stumbled forward, trying to hold Charlie up.  
Sawyer pulled away from Charlie with some effort, and the musician laughed at their mutual eagerness.

“Hey handsome...” Sawyer finally greeted him, and Charlie tried to laugh, but was so out of breath it came out as more of a wheeze.  
Sawyer slowly lowered him, but only so Charlie could take his jacket off.  
“Lemme get that for ya.” Sawyer spun Charlie around, slipping the jacket off with ease. He expected Charlie to turn back around, but instead he continued to walk into the house.

“Couch?” Charlie stopped and glanced back at Sawyer.   
Sawyer realized he liked that idea a lot more, and nodded quickly. Charlie bolted into the living room, surprising Sawyer and forcing the ex-conman to dash after him. He managed to catch Charlie before he made it to the couch, grabbing him and lifting him off the ground.  
“OI! PUT ME DOWN!” Charlie laughed and shrieked at the same time, and Sawyer stumbled around for a bit before falling back onto the couch.

“Gotcha, darlin’...” Sawyer kissed his hair, and the two of them laid still on the couch as they tried to catch their breath. Charlie eventually patted his arm, signaling for Sawyer to let him go so he could move. Once he was freed, he crawled over next to Sawyer, leaning back against the arm of the couch. Sawyer was about to adjust as well, when Charlie slipped downward a bit further, his legs draped over Sawyer’s lap now.  
Sawyer glanced over at him, and shook his head fondly at Charlie’s satisfied grin. Sawyer sighed and leaned his head back against the couch, resting a hand on one of Charlie’s legs.  
“So tell me what happened. With Clem.”

Charlie shifted a little, resting his hands in his lap.  
“So...I gave her the usual pep talk...” He started, and Sawyer nodded, urging him to continue. “...and she hugged me which was different but it was nice.” Charlie smiled, and Sawyer felt his own smile slowly forming. Clementine showing Charlie any sort of affection always warms his heart.  
“And then she said she loved me...” Charlie’s voice started to tremble a little, and Sawyer gently ran his hand over Charlie’s leg to try and soothe him.  
“...I’m so happy, Sawyer...” He felt the tears starting to slip out again, and Sawyer shifted underneath him.  
He gently moved Charlie’s legs off of him, scooting up in between the couch and his lover.

“I’m so happy for you, sunshine...” Sawyer gently brushed Charlie’s tears away, which only made Charlie start to cry even harder. Sawyer kissed his cheek tenderly, feeling his boyfriend tremble as he did.  
“...so happy...” He repeated, continuing to trail kisses down from Charlie’s ear to his jaw to soothe him. He moved his hand down from Charlie’s face and to his side, running his hand lightly up and down it.

“I love you...” Charlie managed out as he slowly started to calm down again, tilting his head to look over at the cop.  
Sawyer smiled softly at him, moving his hand back up to it’s original position to run the back of his hand over Charlie’s cheek.

“I love you too, sweetheart...” Sawyer whispered, and Charlie scooted forward until he was completely pressed against Sawyer. He nuzzled his head into Sawyer’s chest, feeling the ex-conman’s arm drape over him.  
“So how’s it feel bein’ a dad?” Sawyer asked softly, and Charlie laughed lightly into him.

“Incredible...”   
And that was all he needed to say. It’s all he really could say.  
He truly couldn’t have asked for a better life. For a better family.  
To Charlie, everything about them is perfect.

•

(This part of the fic is a mini-songfic! I chose B-Team by Marianas Trench simply because it’s what start playing when I started writing this)

As soon as Charlie returned home with Clem, the first thing she asked about was if they were still going to do karaoke night. Sawyer, despite his hesitation, of course said they were.

Oh boy did he not expect what he ended up having to go through.

“Oh, c’mon love. Just see if it fits? You only have to wear it for a bit.” Charlie begged, and Sawyer sighed, eyeing the getup Charlie had laid out for him.  
Why did he need a new outfit for karaoke night? Because Charlie said he did. And apparently that made it a fact.  
So now he’s gotta dress all flashy and emo if he wants to ‘participate in the festivities’.  
“And if you don’t like it you can just take it off.” Charlie was pleading at this point, and Sawyer finally gave in.

“Never tell anyone that I did this.” Sawyer sighed, unbuttoning the shirt he was currently wearing so he could throw on the replacement one Charlie had offered him. Charlie was beaming now, and Sawyer realized how easily he will always fall for Charlie’s charm.  
He’ll never be able to tell anyone how he fell for it, though. Because he’s never really fell before. Not this hard, anyways.

3..2..1..  
And he was done. Just as quickly as he had agreed, he was finished getting dressed.

“You never really say yes to anything.” Charlie pointed out, and Sawyer gave him a confused look as he adjusted his shirt.  
“Not quite no, either...” Charlie continued, smiling as he examined his nails for the second time that day.  
“But you always say just enough to make me not go.” He made sure he chose his words carefully, his voice just as calm as ever with a hint of fondness to it.  
Sawyer struggled with the red tie that Charlie had practically demanded be part of the outfit, but eventually got it done.  
“Back on the island, I always thought I would never be the first choice...” Charlie admitted, and that made Sawyer put his full focus on Charlie.

“Really? Cuz I always thought I was pretty obvious...always sayin’ I wanted someone just like you...” Sawyer let Charlie approach him slowly, smiling as the musician boldly placed his hands on Sawyer’s hips.

“But I always felt like your plan B...” Charlie mumbled, wrapping an arm around Sawyer’s neck and pulling himself up a little, practically lifting himself off the ground just so he kiss Sawyer’s cheek.  
“I could always tell you loved the way I would linger, though...” Charlie whispered, wrapping his fingers around Sawyer’s tie. Sawyer shuddered a little, one of his hands reaching up into Charlie’s hair, gently pulling him back so he could kiss him.  
Just as Sawyer was about to start moving his hand down to the bottom of Charlie’s shirt, the musician’s hand grabbed his wrist firmly.  
“Wait a little longer, love...we have karaoke night, remember?” Sawyer groaned, letting Charlie slide back down, feet fully on the floor now.

“Yeah, now I’M the B Team here.” Sawyer teased, and Charlie grinned, shaking his head.  
“Can I at least get another kiss?” Sawyer pleaded, and Charlie crossed his arms over his chest.

“Hmm...let me think about that one...” Charlie said slowly, turning away from Sawyer and heading towards the door.

“You just love to make me beg, don’t ya?” Sawyer sighed, walking over to stand at Charlie’s side in front of the door. Charlie smiled lovingly at Sawyer putting up with his antics, and quickly leaned up to peck him on the lips.

“Guysssss! Are you done yet!?” Clem whined from the living room, and Charlie had to hold back his laughter at Sawyer’s surprised look.

“Yeah, we’re comin’!” Sawyer yelled back, putting his hand over Charlie’s on the doorknob. Charlie raised a brow at him, but slowly opened the door, gesturing for Sawyer to leave first.

“You first, Gerard Way.” Charlie mocked Sawyer’s old nickname that had previously been used on the musician. Sawyer rolled his eyes, punching Charlie in the arm fondly.

•

“I’m surprised you were so hesitant, darling! You were stunning!” Charlie laughed as Sawyer flopped on the couch, watching as Charlie disconnected the speakers. 

“You had me sing Old Town Road and I butchered. Thank God we don’t have any bad neighbors...” Sawyer grumbled, and Charlie shrugged, sharing an amused look with Clementine.

“You were breathtaking with One Love, though.” Charlie pointed out, and Clem nodded in agreement. Sawyer sighed, shrugging as he leaned forward to look at Charlie more directly.

“Yeah, but I sounded like a dying cow in comparison to you. Did you hear yourself during Cross My Heart?” Sawyer fired back, and this was probably the closest thing they’ve had to a heated argument for a while. Charlie grinned, giving Sawyer a challenging look.  
“And Sweater Weather? You got the voice of an angel, sweetheart. There ain’t no denying that.” Sawyer leaned back again, satisfied with himself after seeing Charlie blush at his compliments.

“Did I do good dad?” Clementine asked suddenly, and Charlie smiled down at her. He ruffled her hair, ignoring the annoyed protest from her.

“You did amazing, love. Far better than either of us.” Charlie encouraged her, and she pulled him into a hug.  
Sawyer smiled as he watched the two of them. They were absolute pains when it came to making him do stuff he realllly didn’t wanna do, but he’s thankful for that most of that time. They break him out of his shell. Make him feel confident in himself outside of his work.

“I swear, she takes after you with that voice of hers, sunshine.” Sawyer chimed in once Clementine released her grip on Charlie.  
“She’s definitely your kid.”   
Charlie’s heart skipped a beat at that, and he felt a swell of happiness forming. It also could’ve been dizziness from singing his heart out, but he’s assuming it’s happiness.

There was a silence for a while. Well, aside from Clem’s rambling. But Sawyer and Charlie had gone silent for a bit, just looking at each other from opposite sides of the room.  
“Are you even listening?” Clem asked, and Charlie suddenly realized he had zoned out.   
“I’ll that as a no...” She didn’t look too upset, so Charlie didn’t try and apologize. That sarcasm though...definitely from Sawyer.

“Hey, how about you go get ready for bed? Me and your papa will finish things up in here.” Charlie offered, and Clementine shifted from slightly annoyed to grateful in a second.  
Of course, she was off to her room before Charlie could even ask for a hug or say anything more.  
“Yeah. That’s your daughter for sure.” Charlie chuckled, and Sawyer scoffed a little. Charlie had to bend over to grab Clem’s hair tie which had somehow come off during their ‘family bonding session’ (aka Sawyer’s way of explaining it to Cassidy once the week is over).  
“Are you going to help me? Or are you enjoying the show, cowboy?” 

“Alright, alright.” Sawyer stood up, crossing the room in just a few strides. Charlie envied his long legs sometimes...tall people and their efficiency offended him sometimes.  
“One thing about all this...” Sawyer spoke again as he picked up an empty soda can that had fallen over.  
“I definitely think she could grow up to be like her dad.” Sawyer smiled, and Charlie chewed his lip to try and hold back the proud smile that was threatening to appear.  
Part of Charlie would love for Clem to look up to him. To want to be like him.  
But on the other, he’s scared of what could happen to her. The music industry doesn’t mess around, and Charlie’s witnessed first hand what types of people tend to be a part of it.  
Still though, he feels proud.  
Huh...he never thought he would get to feel like a proud parent. He always knew he wanted kids, but Clem really sealed them deal for him.

And he didn’t even have to impulsively adopt her this time!

•

Charlie flopped down on their bed with a sigh, closing his eyes as he snuggled down into the mattress. He felt Sawyer climb on top of him, and he opened his eyes a little to look up at him.  
“Well that was fun...” Charlie whispered, tired but still in an amazing mood. Clementine is such a joy to be around, and Charlie feels honored to call himself her dad.  
Sawyer brushed Charlie’s hair out of his eyes, kissing his forehead gently.

“Ya tired?” Sawyer whispered back, and Charlie caught what he was hinting at. The musician pushed a hand up into Sawyers hair, pulling him down into a kiss. The ex-conman hummed happily as Charlie’s hand played with his hair, and he had to force himself to pull away so they could both breathe.

“Mm...not yet...” Charlie continued to thread his hand through Sawyer’s hair as he looked up at his lover. Sawyer smirked at the answer, running his tongue over his bottom lip.  
Charlie scooted up back against the pillows as Sawyer moved upwards with him.  
“Shall we?” Charlie’s voice was even lower now, and Sawyer placed a hand on Charlie’s hip as the other one slid into the musician’s hair.

“Just remember you started this...” Sawyer smirked, and Charlie shuddered a little but smiled all the same.  
Sawyer slowly ran his hand up Charlie’s side, and the musician tipped his head back a little as he reconnected their lips. Charlie’s hands began to wander, and he barely felt like he was in control anymore, getting swept away by Sawyer’s careful movements.  
Sawyer contemplating getting up to shut the door...  
Just as the thought crossed his mind though, Charlie’s attention snapped to something in the doorway.

“Papa? Dad? What are you doing?” Clem’s confused voice startled Sawyer into practically jumping off of Charlie, trying to look as casual as possible.  
Charlie had to hold back his laughter, stepping in to cover for Sawyer as he struggled to settle down.

“It’s just couple stuff, love. Nothing you need to worry about.” Charlie explained as softly and as vaguely as possible. Sawyer was impressed by how composed Charlie seemed, but his now absolutely disgraceful hair conveyed the opposite. Sawyer grinned as he ran a hand over Charlie’s hair, loving how long it had gotten since he returned.  
When they had been reunited, it had been pretty short. It still looked good, but Sawyer did miss the length it had been at before. Now it was pretty much exactly as it had been when they had met.

“Can I sleep with you tonight? I had a bad dream...” Clementine asked quietly, and Sawyer noticed the concerned look that replaced Charlie’s previously calm smile. Sawyer decided to take over for him, nodding and gesturing for their daughter to hop in next to them.

“‘Course you can, sweetheart. C’mon.” Sawyer shuffled a little as Clem bounced happily over to the bed, climbing in between him and Charlie.  
Charlie had scooted over to his left, and Sawyer was on the side that Charlie usually occupied. He shot his boyfriend a comforting smile, and Charlie returned it.  
Clementine having nightmares is something that Charlie worries about, but deep down he knows they’re not as like his dreams. Clem hasn’t gone through the same things they have, so hopefully hallucinations won’t be an issue.

“Can we watch TV?” Clem’s mood had seemed to lift pretty and Sawyer chuckled as he nodded, grabbing the remote off the nightstand.  
Charlie extended an arm for Clem as she snuggled into his side, and the musician smiled happily.  
Sawyer watched them out of the corner of his eye, and his smile only grew at the sight.  
He has a family. A loving boyfriend (hopefully soon to be fiancé) and a daughter. He’s not on the run anymore. He gets to have something nice and settle down for once.

The TV flickered to life, and Clem giggled happily. Sawyer could see Charlie was desperately trying not to fall asleep. Sawyer scooted closer, draping his arm around Charlie and playing with his hair, earning a pleased hum from the musician.

He’s living in his old-self’s fantasy. He had a life he could’ve never had before.  
If he could go back and tell his child-self one thing, it would be to wait.  
Wait for a rockstar from Manchester in black nail polish to walk into his life.  
And that’s when life will finally have purpose.

•

Sawyer’s not quite sure when Clem fell asleep, but him and Charlie had both agreed to stay awake for a bit, just in case she had another nightmare.  
He had reluctantly scooted back to his original position after Charlie told him the closeness was making him sleepier.

That, however, was shattered when Sawyer heard a soft snore from next to him.  
He tilted his head to search for the source of the noise, knowing Charlie must’ve fallen asleep.

His heart absolutely melted when he looked over.

Clem is resting safely in Charlie’s arms, fast asleep as her head rests on the musician’s chest. He remembers when Clem had hopped into Charlie’s lap, and the little proud glance Sawyer got from him afterwards.  
Charlie is out now too, head lulled back against the pillow. His hair has fallen into his eyes a little, and judging by his position Sawyer might have to give him a neck massage tomorrow.  
Sawyer scoots over just a bit to pull the covers over the two of them, smiling fondly as Charlie stirs just a little.

“...Sawyer...” Charlie mumbles, and Sawyer can’t resist his urge to lean forward and kiss his forehead.   
His boyfriend is still fast asleep, but the fact that he’s dreaming about Sawyer makes the ex-conman feel all warm and fuzzy.  
Sawyer brushed Clem’s hair out of her eyes, but didn’t do the same with Charlie. He loved the messy look too much.

He took a moment to just look at them.  
His family. His home.  
They’re his world, and he would do anything for them.  
His sunshine and his daughter he had thought he’d never see again.  
They had both come back to him after years of loneliness.  
And he would go through it all again just for them. Suffer through the pain and the torment for them to be happy.  
Waking up every morning and holding Charlie in his arms, having his good morning kisses again.  
Anticipating Clementine coming over for the week, planning things out and scheduling things just for her.  
And tomorrow he’ll wake up to the love of his life and his darling daughter.   
Together.  
With him.  
Because they love him like nobody else has in his entire life.

So for tonight he’ll stay awake. Protect them from whatever nightmares may plague them. Watch over them as their guardian angel, because he can never risk losing them.  
Not now, and not ever.


	8. The Great Shirt Shortage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone took all of Sawyer’s shirts and he’s not very pleased about that.  
> Timeframe: Again idk  
> Category: Fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the fic that made me REALLY like writing flirty Charlie so I appreciate it for that.

“WHO THE HELL TOOK MY SHIRTS!?” Sawyer was absolutely livid, storming out of his tent.  
The entire island seemed to have turned their heads to the furious, very shirtless man. Jack had to take responsibility as the leader-figure, so he cautiously approached the fuming conman.

“Sawyer? Calm do-“

“I AIN’T CALMING DOWN, JACK.” Sawyer glared at the doctor eyeing the rest of the survivors.  
“Which one of you broke into my tent!?” Nobody spoke. Sawyer had an idea of who it could be, and if it was who he was thinking, this whole outburst is for nothing.  
Jack backed up and let Sawyer storm off. Everyone whispered as Sawyer angrily made his way down the beach, scanning for any sign of his lost clothing.

As he looked over the rest of the survivors, he noticed the absence of two very important people.  
Charlie and Shannon were both gone. Those little thieves.

•

“So why did you steal his shirts again?” Shannon was looking over the pile of Sawyer’s clothing that Charlie had gathered. She was clearly judging Sawyer, but Charlie let her go.

“Because I wanted him to run around shirtless.” Charlie peaked out through a whole in the thick brush where they were sitting. Sawyer was definitely livid, but Charlie was very happy with his decision.

“So you don’t care that literally everyone and Vincent are seeing him without his shirt?” Shannon continued not to look at Charlie, which was fine, since Charlie was equally distracted.

“No not really. He walks around without it on anyways.  
Besides, it’s not like he’s going to sleep with every person who looks at him.” Charlie craned his neck a bit so he could still see Sawyer. Eventually he left his line of sight, and Charlie turned back to Shannon. 

“Well that’s a refreshing mindset. Too bad you’re dating Sawyer. And you’re emo which is pretty disgusting.” Shannon’s insults made Charlie laugh. She’s supportive, but extensively rude. And he loved it.

“Sorry Shan, but I wouldn’t date you anyways. I have standards, you know.” Shannon ignored him, giving one shirt a disgusted look. Charlie frowned in protest.  
“Hey, I like that one.” Shannon looked up at him in shock.

“Why? It’s so bland!” She argued, and Charlie rolled his eyes.

“It brings out his eyes! And his hair too! It contrasts them.” He pointed out, and Shannon shook her head in disappointment.

“I expected better. Of course, your fashion sense isn’t much better.” Charlie gasped offendedly, falling back dramatically.

“Ow! My poor emo heart!” Shannon tried to stifle her laugh, but couldn’t help herself.   
The fun stopped abruptly though when someone cleared their throat right in Charlie’s ear. Charlie launched forward and scrambled to look at who had interrupted them.  
“OH GOD SAWYER DON’T DO THAT.” He whined, relaxing and running a hand over his face.

“I believe you have some of my stuff?” Sawyer sounded mad, but not as much so as he did earlier. Shannon nudged Charlie, throwing one of the shirts into his lap. She got up quickly, ready to leave Charlie to deal with Sawyer.

“You two have fun. Just don’t traumatize too many animals.” And with that she walked away happily, hearing the high-pitched screech behind her.  
She kept walking, but smiled to herself as she heard the battle for the shirts playing out in that tiny clearing.

“HEY THAT’S NOT FAIR!”  
“Oh it’s totally fair.”  
“Screw you and your insulting height.”  
“Don’t talk to me, Chuck. Ain’t my fau-  
GIVE IT BACK!”

•

“How does it feel to have a shirt again?” Charlie smiled, sitting down opposite to Sawyer in Charlie’s tent. They decided to mix it up today. Live life dangerously or something like that.  
Sawyer smirked and shrugged.

“I feel great. But I’m sure you must be distraught.” Charlie sighed and poured dramatically, nodding sadly. He stared sadly at Sawyer’s completely-buttoned shirt. He was a bit confused as to why Sawyer buttoned it up completely. Usually he had a few undone, and Charlie definitely preferred that look.

“I miss it already...” He shook his head and sniffed, and Sawyer held back a laugh at Charlie’s shenanigans. He could’ve been an actor if he wanted to. Maybe if they ever make a Lord of the Rings movie, he can do that. He’s so small he would be perfect for the role.

“I can unbutton it a bit if that’ll ease your achin’ heart.” Sawyer offered, and Charlie sighed dramatically again. Shaking his head and flipping what he could of his hair.

“No...I want commitment, Ford. Not a cheeky tease.” Sawyer chuckled and put his hands up, resting them at his sides.

“Your loss, Chuck.” They smiled at each other for a bit, Charlie’s eyes occasionally wandering somewhere else. They always found their way back to Sawyer’s in the end though.

“Do you know how many people were swooning over you out there?” Charlie smirked, breaking the silence.  
Sawyer laughed and shook his head looking over at Charlie’s little bed-area. It clearly hadn’t been used for a few nights.  
“Did you get any of their numbers?” Charlie teased, and Sawyer looked him directly in the eyes.

“There was actually this one cute guy I saw...” Sawyer sounded so innocent as he spoke. Charlie...wasn’t expecting that. He bit his lip, feeling mildly jealous.

“Oh really? Who was this guy?” The building rage poured out of Charlie’s voice in waves. Sawyer smirked and wiggled his eyebrows, considering his words for a minute before speaking. Charlie had such a passive-aggressive smile that Sawyer almost laughed.

“Blonde hair, blue eyes...really small...” Sawyer noticed the way Charlie slowly realized what he was doing, his eyes getting just a tiny bit wider and his smile turning into more of an ‘o’ shape. Sawyer’s eyes moved down from Charlie’s eyes to his chest, and he nodded at his shirt.  
“...wearin’ one of my shirts.” Charlie laughed, blushing more clearly now. He shifted a bit, snuggling down into Sawyer’s shirt. It was pretty baggy on him, a side effect of Sawyer’s height and also just Charlie being generally pretty small.

“It’s very comfy you know...” Charlie hummed happily, and Sawyer knew he must’ve looked like ridiculous. He subconsciously saw himself looking all mushy and soft at the sight of Charlie being engulfed by one of his button-downs. What can he say, it’s really a sweet sight. He’s starting to understand how the guys in romance novels feel. All those sudden gushy, warm feelings.

“Yeah, I know...and I kinda need it back.” The glint in Sawyer’s eyes made Charlie a little nervous, but excited at the same time.   
“So why don’t you take it off and give it to me?” Sawyer expected Charlie to comply with that, but Charlie leaned back defiantly.

“Make me.” Charlie smirked, and Sawyer was taken aback a bit by that. It wouldn’t be the first time Charlie’s been this flirtatious, the man can hardly go a single conversation with flirting with Sawyer. But today he had such a mellow mood that Sawyer wasn’t expecting it. Charlie was staring at him, such a calm yet mischievous look. Sawyer truly never thought he would hear Charlie of all people say half the stuff he’s said. He’s a pretty gentle guy. Sweet and tender. But he has an arsenal of ways to catch Sawyer off guard.

“Well alright then.” Sawyer accept the challenge, and Charlie’s grin got even wider. Sawyer threw Charlie’s blanket at him, covering his face. Charlie yelped and struggled to get it off. When he finally did, he was met with Sawyer right in front of him, yanking Charlie forward.  
Charlie silently prayed that nobody was outside. Or even close to his tent for that matter.


	9. A Drugcon Thanksgiving...kinda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just these two idiots doing Thanksgiving things and being dumb.  
> Timeframe: Revival post-rescue  
> Category: Fluff

“So I just say what I’m thankful for?” Charlie asked, watching as Sawyer struggled to stuff a turkey.

“Yup. That’s how this works, honey.” Sawyer responded, cursing under his breath as he struggled with their dinner. He...doesn’t exactly have a lot of experience with cooking, if you can’t tell.

“But I already say that I’m thankful for you all the time...” Charlie mumbled, tapping at the countertop, not bothering to help his boyfriend. “I don’t really see the point?” 

“That’s awfully sweet of ya, but it’s the rules, Chuckie.” Sawyer smiled despite his annoyance, shaking his head a little to get the hair out of his eyes. “‘Sides, you got more to be thankful for than just me. At least I hope ya do.” 

“Well yeah, but...” Charlie looked around, spotting a stray hair tie abandoned on the counter. “I feel like it’s just...obvious.” Charlie shrugged, walking around the counter so he can get behind Sawyer.

“It’s just a tradition, sweetheart. Nothin hard about it.” He didn’t bother to look back at Charlie, too focused on his own work. The musician messed around with the tie for a second, before shifting his attention to Sawyer’s hair. “But if ya don’t want to ya don’t-“

“Bend your knees a bit.”

“Gotcha.” Sawyer complied, and Charlie began trying to tie his hair back to help as much as he could. “Anyways, we don’t have to. I get you’re not American so it might be-“

“Tilt your head back a bit.”

Sawyer did as he was asked, and could feel Charlie finally being able to properly tie his hair.   
“What were you saying love?” Charlie finally asked as he continued to mess with the ex-conman’s hair.

“If you ain’t into the whole ‘giving thanks’ thing it’s not a big deal. We don’t have to do it.” Sawyer offered, and Charlie smiled.

“Oh I’m just being difficult, darling. I don’t mind. I’ve made you do way worse in the past, so it’s only fair.” They both laughed a little at that. Charlie finally released Sawyer’s hair, humming happily at his handiwork.  
“Done. Any better?”

Sawyer returned to his original position, looking back at Charlie and nodding.  
“Yeah. Thanks handsome.”

“Of course, gorgeous.”

•

“Why is it wearing a hat?” Charlie asked, staring at the...’decoration’ Sawyer brought in. Sawyer, looking very pleased with his decision to buy this pilgrim turkey, looked over at Charlie with a grin.

“It’s a pilgrim hat, sunshine.” He knows Charlie isn’t exactly the most educated when it comes to Thanksgiving. Growing up in the UK will do that to ya. Charlie still looked confused though, tilting his head a little in confusion.

“There were turkey pilgrims?”

“No honey it’s-“

“Why would there have been turkey pilgrims!? Do they even have a concept of religion?” 

“Charlie! It’s just a decoration!” Sawyer groaned, placing his hands on Charlie’s shoulders. 

“But-“

“It’s just. A turkey.” Sawyer just stared at him for a second, watching as Charlie’s mouth moved silently. He clearly wants to argue back, but doesn’t have the proper argument for ‘turkey pilgrims’.

“Okay...” Charlie said slowly, pushing Sawyer back a little as his arms fell off of the musician’s shoulders.

“Glad we got that sorted out...” Sawyer grumbled, staring at their new turkey friend sadly. Charlie frowned, feeling a tad guilty.

“I mean...it’s cute.” Charlie admitted, patting Sawyer’s arm apologetically.

“Thanks...” Sawyer sighed, wrapping an arm around Charlie’s shoulders.  
Charlie smiled a little because of that, leaning against Sawyer as he stared at the decoration.

It is admittedly pretty adorable...even if he doesn’t fully understand it.

•

“Do you smell that?” Charlie asked, pulling away from Sawyer for a second with a confused look.

“I’m sure it’s nothin’, honey.” Sawyer passed it off, tilting Charlie’s head back in his direction. The musician shook his head, gently pushing Sawyer off of him.

“I’m serious. It smells like something is burning.” Charlie sniffed again, sure that it’s not just him having another episode. He sat up, sitting on the edge of the couch as Sawyer gave him a concerned look.

“Sunshine...” Sawyer said softly, placing a hand on Charlie’s shoulder. “I don’t smell anythin’.” He scooted closer to his boyfriend, wrapping his arm around his waist as Charlie shook his head again.

“No...no something is definitely burning.” Charlie closed his eyes, trying to figure out what it could be.  
It’s not their dinner. They already ate.  
It can’t be the neighbors. They’re all either gone or inside.  
So what is it?  
The ex-conman sighed, standing up.

“I’ll go have a look around. Just to make sure.” He smiled down at the musician softly, and Charlie nodded quickly, chewing his lip as he wracked his brain for an answer.

As Sawyer left to go check, Charlie continued to think it over.  
Not the oven...at least he doesn’t think it’s the oven.  
He can’t see any smoke, but he knows something is burning.  
There’s no candles lit...and even if there were there’s no way anything would’ve caught on fire.  
Oh. OH WAIT-

“Charlie!? I think I found the problem!” Sawyer called from the kitchen, and Charlie bolted off the couch to confirm if he was right or not.  
Sure enough, he was right.

Sawyer had decided that tonight would be perfect for a movie night, so naturally that meant they needed to make some popcorn.  
The only problem with that, is that they bought the kind you make on the stove. Not the microwaveable stuff.  
And while they were in the living room, lost in their own little world, they both completely forgot about it.

“I forgot about the popcorn...” Charlie groaned, leaning against the wall as Sawyer tossed the charred bag in the trash.  
“Do we have anything else?” Charlie asked defeatedly, and Sawyer shrugged.

“We...can order somethin’?” He offered, clearly as lost and defeated as Charlie.

“Or...” Charlie started, smiling a little as he crossed his arms over his chest. “We have movie night tomorrow night...and do a little science project tonight instead.”

Sawyer seemed to perk up a bit at that, grinning as he already started making his way over to Charlie.  
“Sounds good to me.” He a placed a hand on Charlie’s waist, leaning in for a kiss. He was stopped by Charlie’s hand though, and he looked down at him in confusion.

“But first, I need some cuddles.” Charlie smirked, knowing exactly what Sawyer must be thinking. “Today has been quite the ride and I would like some relaxation first.” He slipped out from underneath the ex-conman, grabbing his hand and slowly pulling him out of the kitchen. “And then I’m yours for the rest of the night.”

Sawyer sighed, but smiled all the same, gently nudging Charlie forward.  
“Ya gotta stop bein’ such a tease, sweetheart.” He shook his head fondly, turning off the kitchen light on their way out.

Why Charlie enjoys leaving him hanging like that so much, Sawyer will never know. But at least he can get some cuddles out of it, even if it takes out of their precious ‘science project’ time.

•

“I forgot how tired...” Charlie yawned, collapsing onto the bed next to Sawyer. “...big dinners can make me...” He scooted further in Sawyer’s direction, letting his boyfriend pull him the rest of the way.

“Well then sleep, sunshine...” Sawyer chuckled, draping one arm over Charlie and propping himself up with the other.

“But I wanna stay up with you...” The musician whined, exhausted and dreading having to eat leftover turkey for the next week.  
He buried his face in Sawyer’s chest, curling up into him a little more.

“Honey, you need to rest.” Sawyer brought his hand up into Charlie’s hair, running his fingers through it slowly.

“Stooop...” Charlie groaned, but didn’t try to move away from Sawyer’s hand. “You’re just making it worse...” He grumbled, loving how sweet Sawyer is being but dreading how drowsy the feeling made him.

Sawyer laughed, but didn’t respond. He moved just for a moment to turn off the lamp, but turned back to Charlie immediately after. He was met with a very upset looking boyfriend.  
“What’s on your mind?” Sawyer moved them back into their previous position, and Charlie sighed.

“It was nice...” Charlie started, looking up at Sawyer. “Waking up with you here...next to me...” Sawyer frowned at that, and Charlie let his head fall back down again. “No emergency phone calls...” 

Sawyer sighed, rubbing Charlie’s arm sympathetically.  
“It’ll get easier...” He scooted a little further down so he could kiss Charlie’s hair softly. “...‘specially once you start makin’ music again. That’ll keep ya occupied while I’m gone.”  
Charlie nodded, lips quirking up into somewhat of a smile as Sawyer continued to rub his arm.

“I love you...” Charlie whispered, placing a hand on Sawyer’s shoulder so he can push himself up a bit. “There’s nothing I’m more thankful for than you...” He whispered, kissing the ex-conman lightly.

“I love you too, sunshine...” Sawyer smiled, pushing a bit of Charlie’s hair back behind his ear. “Ain’t anythin’ that’ll ever change that...” 

Charlie quickly wrapped his arms around Sawyer’s neck, staring up at him with a soft look.  
“You’re adorable when you get all soft and mushy...” Sawyer laughed at that, wrapping his arms tighter around his lover and pulling him closer.

“I thought you said you were tired?” Sawyer teased, raising his eyebrows at Charlie’s sudden shift in demeanor. The musician grinned, pecking Sawyer on the cheek quickly and burying his face in the other’s shoulder.

“Oh I am. I just like flirting with you...no matter how exhausted I am.”

“Just go to sleep, hot-shot.”


	10. Face the Music

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sawyer brings Charlie to the department’s annual Christmas party. It doesn’t go as planned.  
> Timeframe: Revival post-rescue  
> Category: Fluff/angst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The moth abuse is so strong I’m sorry.  
> This is early into Charlie’s recovery from the island and everything so he’s still really jumpy and skittish.  
> Also this contains old lore so yEAH IT AIN’T CANON IN REVIVAL ANYMORE

There’s this weird tradition that their department has. An annual sort of holiday get together. Usually it’s held by some random member of the crew. Jasper called dibs on hosting it this year, even though Cole had kinda wanted to.  
Ford’s never hosted one, and he’s only shown up to a few, but tonight is special.  
The entire department is gonna be seeing his boyfriend for the first time. Cole’s the only one who actually knows a little bit about him.  
But he still isn’t quite sure what to expect.  
Yeah, they’re both media sensations, but nobody at the department really has the time or the want to get invested in that.

“So I heard that Ford is bringing his boyfriend...”  
Cole’s head shot up at the mention of Ford’s name. He looks up to the guy, like a lot, and tonight is the first time anyone is meeting his boyfriend. Jasper’s been stuck on those two all night, speculating and ranting about what he thinks the mystery spouse will be like.  
“I bet he’s gonna be just a crazy as Ford.”

“What’s so insane about this Ford guy?” Some new guy asked, and Cole tried to detach himself from the conversation.  
He still wanted to listen though...  
Jasper smirked at the question, ready to unload all the wild tales he could remember.

“He’s stone-cold. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him smile!” Cole was about to interject, but Jasper looked directly at him. “And smirks don’t count.” He shot Cole’s argument down immediately.  
“One time, we were working this really brutal case...” The newbie was clearly immersed already, and that only spurred Jasper on.  
“...Ford shot our guy without any hesitation. He pulled out a gun, and Ford reacted immediately. I barely would’ve had time to reach for mine in that period of time.” Their new co-worker was amazed, and Cole smiled a little. Ford Is cold, but he’s a good man.  
He overheard Jasper going on and on to the guy for a while longer, never chiming in but still listening to everything.

“So what do you think his boyfriend looks like?” The newbie switched the topic, and Cole finally decided to pipe up.

“Haven’t you seen the picture on his desk?” Coke asked, and the new guy shook his head. Jasper scoffed, waving him off.

“That could be old. Besides, with how secretive Ford is, that might not even be him!” Jasper was very adamant about this. Cole nodded slowly, considering the idea.  
“He’s gotta be tall. Maybe not as y’all as Ford, but tall. Probably similar to Ford. That’s the only kind of guy I could see him going for.” Jasper continued to speculate, and Cole kept going back to the picture on Ford’s desk. He had said it was pretty old, and he never specified anything about his lover’s appearance, so anything is possible.  
“Or maybe he’s been playing us this whole time! His boyfriend might not even exist!” Cole chuckled a little at that. Jasper can be so dramatic sometimes...

“Guys shut up he’s here!” Another one their crew hissed, and Jasper fell completely silent. Cole felt oddly nervous...

“...you first, handsome...” A southern accent said softly from behind the door. There was a little bit of laughter for a second, and then finally it opened.  
Nobody was expecting what they saw when Ford walked in.  
Sawyer looked pretty normal. Nothing too flashy or anything, just his normal button down shirt and jeans. And that scarf he always wore of course.

His boyfriend, however, was not at all what anyone was expecting.

He’s small. Like, way smaller than they all expected. 5’8 maybe.  
But his style clashed heavily with the image they all had in their heads.  
He looked like he did in the picture, that’s for sure. Messy blonde hair with a little more stubble than they expected.  
And significantly more nail polish. Black, very emo nail polish. And...is that a My Chemical Romance shirt? It was hard to tell underneath the leather jacket, but it must’ve been. And...holy crap is that a choker? This guy is waaay different than anything they had ever speculated about.  
And he looked so...happy. A lot more light a fluffy than Sawyer.  
He wasn’t very intimidating. Not nearly as much as Sawyer. He looked...weirdly huggable. Friend-sized and portable, if you will.

And either they’re all imagining it, or Sawyer is smiling. Like, a soft, genuine smile. And the look of pure, unfiltered adoration he has is confusing all of them.  
This is Ford, right?

“Everyone, this is Charlie.” Sawyer finally said, and the room was silent. Charlie cleared his throat, awkwardly shifting his weight from foot-to-foot. Sawyer looked unamused, wrapping amp arm around Charlie’s waist to still him.  
“What?” There’s that harsh tone that everyone was used to. Charlie whispered something to him, and Sawyer shook his head, squeezing him a little.

“We just...weren’t expecting him to look so...” Jasper started, stumbling under Sawyer’s harsh glare.

“...small!” Cole chimed in, and Jasper quietly thanked him. The two officers laughed nervously, and Sawyer’s glare hardened.  
Charlie put a hand on his arm, looking up at him with a pleading smile. Sawyer sighed, and mellowed out.

“...nobody has ever been able to do that before...” Jasper mumbled in amazement, and Cole nodded slowly.  
Ford’s told Cole how much he loves Charlie. How he’s his world. But to actually see Ford calming down that easily...that’s just straight up magical.

“Y’all can stop staring now.” Sawyer chimed in, annoyed and clearly just wanting to talk with Charlie. He finally entered the room completely, Charlie practically attached to his hip.  
“...c’mon sunshine, let’s just raid the fridge and go...” He mumbled as the two of them disappeared into the kitchen.

Everyone in the living-room was dumbfounded.

“Wait did he say he was gonna raid my fridge?” Jasper broke the silence, and Cole punched him in the arm.  
Everyone silently agreed to not go into the kitchen until those two left. Just to be safe.

•

“Sorry ‘bout them, sweetheart. They’re all idiots.” Sawyer grabbed a bear out of the fridge, and Charlie leaned back against the counter.  
He didn’t know how to feel about the whole situation. Did they think he was weird or something? Too soft for their coveted leader?

“It’s fine...” Charlie smiled, but Sawyer could tell he was forcing it. He set his drink on the counter, placing his still-cold hand on Charlie’s cheek.

“Ignore ‘em, okay? ‘Specially Jasper. He doesn’t know what he’s sayin’ half the time.” Charlie chuckled at that, and Sawyer kissed his forehead, his other hand resting on Charlie’s hip.  
“‘Sides, doesn’t matter what they think of ya...” Sawyer whispered, looking Charlie directly in the eyes.  
“...because I’m the one who fell for you...” Charlie smiled sheepishly at that, and Sawyer kissed him gently.  
He truly didn’t care about anyone else’s opinions. Wether they liked it or not, Sawyer fell for his rockstar a long time ago. And nothing is going to change that. Let them make fun of him. He may not have the patience for it, but he’s got plenty of fight in him.

“So what do you think of the choker?” Charlie shifted the topic to something more fun, and Sawyer smiled. He gave Charlie a once-over, taking in his whole getup. Charlie squirmed a little, and Sawyer chuckled.

“I think you look beautiful...” Sawyer finally answered him, and grabbed the musician’s hand. Charlie’s kinda pinned between Sawyer and the counter now, but’s not complaining.  
“Took my breath away when I saw you...” Sawyer leaned down to his ear, and Charlie shivered just a little. He had only seen Charlie completely right before they left the house. And he only got to really take him in after they got here. He really wouldn’t mind if Charlie dressed like this more often.

“I think you could pull this off too...” Sawyer pulled back at that, and Charlie smirked.  
“...you would look nice in some eyeliner.” Charlie brought his hand up to Sawyer’s cheek, running his thumb over his stubble.  
Sawyer raised a brow at him, shrugging at the idea.

“Maybe...you’re gonna have to convince me first...” Sawyer teased, and Charlie scoffed. Sawyer squeezed his hand, and Charlie couldn’t hide how big his grin had gotten.

“And I thought you were done trying to con people...especially your own boyfriend.” Charlie stopped Sawyer’s protest by quickly pecking him on the lips. He would’ve loved to let it linger a little longer, but this isn’t their house. And someone walking in on Charlie sitting on the counter, making out with their most respected officer, would be kinda awkward.  
“We’ll see about that, cowboy...” Sawyer looked hopeful at that, and Charlie rolled his eyes fondly. Sawyer melted into him a little, resting his head on Charlie’s shoulder as the musician wrapped an arm around his neck.

“We should just go home...” Sawyer mumbled, and Charlie sighed. He did like the idea of leaving. Going home and cuddling up with Sawyer there instead of in someone else’s kitchen.  
“...just leave all of these idiots behind and throw our own, private lil’ holiday bash...” Sawyer let go of Charlie’s hand, moving both of his arms around the musician’s waist.

“We should at least let them know, love.” Charlie didn’t really want to either though. He was being polite, but if he could, he would walk right out the door without a word.  
Sawyer sighed, but moved back away from the counter. Charlie felt oddly uncomfortable without Sawyer in front of him. He’s always felt more secure having his ex-conman close to him.

“I guess we should join ‘em, then...” Sawyer said reluctantly, and Charlie took his hand again. That coaxed a little smile out of the clearly annoyed officer, and the two of them finally left the kitchen.

The plan didn’t really pan out like they wanted, though.

•

They had gotten roped in to staying. Charlie had to practically force Sawyer to sit down so he wouldn’t attack anyone. They’re both really not interested in staying, but as always, Charlie’s more polite side got the best of him.  
Sawyer had that glare-pout the whole time, but it looked especially hilarious with Charlie sitting next to him. The contrast was still jarring to everyone else in the room.

“So Charlie...” Jasper had THAT tone. The tone he always got whenever he was ready to interrogate someone. Sawyer knew that tone, and he wrapped an arm around Charlie’s shoulders protectively. Jasper tended to get...personal. Charlie shifted his attention to Jasper, and the officer smirked.  
“...is he a brute with you like he is with us?” Sawyer glared at Jasper, but Charlie just titled his head in confusion.

“Pardon?” Charlie really needed more elaboration than that. Jasper toon a quick drink of his beer, and quickly focused back on Charlie. He had such an intense look, and it made the musician a little uncomfortable...kinda reminded him of how Jacob used to look at him.

“I mean, is he gentle with you? You can never tell with him...he’s a mystery...” Jasper shifted his gaze to Sawyer, but quickly went back to Charlie after he felt a little too intimidated by that cold glare.  
Charlie bit his lip, not sure how to respond.  
“You’re awfully small, too. Way smaller than I expected.” Jasper added, pretty off-topic from his previous question.  
Something about how he spoke rubbed Charlie the wrong way. He can’t tell what Jasper means.  
All he can see in him right now is Jacob, and his heart starts racing a little.

“I...I’m not sure...” Charlie looked down at his feet nervously, rubbing his arm as he tried to ignore everyone staring at him.  
He felt weird.  
Like he was being pushed.  
Jasper is interrogating like how Jacob used to break him down.  
Not even giving him a chance to respond before criticizing him and making him feel worse.

“Not sure? What’s that mean? You don’t even know your own boyfriend?” Jasper chuckled, and Sawyer squeezes Charlie a little. He could feel the nervousness coming off of his boyfriend in waves.  
He didn’t like where this was going.  
Charlie shuddered a little, and he could hear some people whispering.  
Making fun of him probably...

“Jasper. Shut the hell up.” Saucer cautioned, and Jasper’s smirk faded.

“What? It’s not my fault he’s all jittery.” Jasper challenged, and Sawyer wanted to lunge at him. He heard Charlie whimper a little, and he was definitely ready to leave.  
“Why’s he like that, anyways? He doesn’t seem very...stable.” Jasper wasn’t thinking about what he was saying. Cole gave him a terrified look, and Sawyer was about to snap.  
Charlie felt Sawyer move to get up, and his hand was on the fuming man’s arm in a matter of seconds.

“I’m fine...it’s fine...” Charlie lie.  
He never looked up at anyone.  
He was still shaking pretty badly, too.  
Sawyer stood up slowly, shifting his attention to Charlie. He moved his arm from around his shoulders and rested it on his arm carefully.  
Charlie could hear Jasper and Cole whispering behind him.  
Why did he feel like crying?  
He didn’t even say anything that horrible.  
But neither had Jacob most of the time.  
He would degrade Charlie so calmly that if barely felt like he was even trying to.  
So convincingly innocent that Charlie started to feel like HE was the problem, not Jacob.  
Like he was unhinged or something.  
Unstable.

“We’re gonna leave now, sweetheart.” Sawyer’s voice softened, and Jasper was completely silent now.  
Charlie nodded quickly, slowly standing up. Sawyer’s heart ached a little when he saw how wobbly Charlie was as he stood up.  
Jasper was gonna have to watch him back from now on.  
“C’mon...I gotcha...” He didn’t look up at anyone else. Didn’t thank Jasper for having them. They didn’t deserve that.  
He guided Charlie to the door, and he could hear Jasper and Cole calling for them.

He slammed the door shut, never glancing back.

•

“I’m gonna kill him...” Sawyer growled, eyes fixed on the road. Charlie kept his head down, still trying to think about what went wrong back there.

“I’m sure he didn’t mean anything by it...he doesn’t know...” Charlie replied, leaning back against his seat. Sawyer glanced over at him, and he closed his eyes, not wanting to meet the other’s eyes.

“Yeah, that’s his problem.” Sawyer scoffed, and Charlie winced a little at his harsh tone.  
“Jasper doesn’t know anything. Unless he’s in the field, that kid doesn’t think about half the stuff he says.”  
Sawyer knows Jasper’s a decent guy. But his mouth gets him in trouble a lot at work, too.

“I’m trying...” Charlie said weakly, opening his eyes and tilting his head to look at Sawyer. Sawyer glanced over at him, eyes softening and a small, sympathetic smile formed on his lip. 

“I know, sunshine. I know.”  
He found Charlie’s hand again, holding it firmly in his own.  
Charlie sighed, relaxing back against the leather car seat a little more.  
He closed his eyes again, a little tired after all that.  
He just needed a quick nap before they got home...

•

“Got any plans?” Sawyer opened the front door for Charlie, and the musician smiled as he stepped inside.

“Hmm...I’ll have to check my calendar.” Charlie grinned, and Sawyer took his jacket off for him. After Sawyer had taken his own jacket off, Charlie started backing up further into the house. He walked backwards so he could watch Sawyer follow him.  
“I don’t know if I’ll have time for anything...” Charlie sighed dramatically as he spun around, and he heard Sawyer’s pace quicken behind him.

“Well that’s a shame.” Sawyer was right behind him now, and Charlie stopped for a little bit more so Sawyer could wrap his arms around him.  
“Sure you don’t have just a minute for lil’ ol’ me?” Sawyer gave him the best puppy dog eyes he could muster, and Charlie laughed.

“Hmm...you’ll have to convince me first.” Charlie teaser, mocking what Sawyer had told him earlier.  
The officer grinned, moving around in front of Charlie and grabbing his hand.  
“Lead the way, gorgeous.” Charlie matched the other’s grin, letting Sawyer tug him forward.

The way Sawyer treated him was so drastically different from how Jacob did.  
Their definitions of love were so far apart.  
Sawyer teases, and he certainly gets riled up sometimes, but he knows when to back off.  
Jacob would push and tug until Charlie was in tears.  
Sawyer treats with care, using little gestures and a gentle touch to make Charlie melt.  
Jacob would scream and lunge at him if he ever refused him.  
Sawyer had a rough exterior, but he let Charlie in and exposed his true colors.  
Jacob acted sweet and used words like ‘love’ and ‘protection’ to describe his sick, twisted mindset.  
Sawyer loved him.  
Jacob tried to own him.

And Charlie couldn’t be happier to finally have realized the difference.

•

“I didn’t mean to cause all that trouble, Cole..” Jasper sighed, running a hand through his hair. His leg tended bounce whenever he got nervous, but Cole placed a hand on his knee to calm him down.

“Aw, Jasp...” Cole shook his head, scooting a little closer to his friend.  
“I know you weren’t trying to do anything bad...” Cole smiled at him reassuringly, and Jasper tried to smile back. It faded quickly, and Jasper leaned back against the couch cushions.

“He’s gonna tear me apart tomorrow...” Jasper whined, and Cole laughed lightly. Cole fell back next to him, patting his knee as he continued to snicker.

“Yeah you’re so dead.” Cole got a punch in the arm for that one, and that only made him laugh harder.  
Jasper shook his head, tilting his head to look over at his amused friend.

“Thanks...for understanding me and all that.” Jasper was actually able to smile this time, and Cole returned it. 

“That’s what I’m here for.” Cole shrugged, and Jasper nodded.  
There was a second of silence, and Cole only realized after the quiet atmosphere hit them that his hand was still on Jasper’s knee. He pulled it back slowly, closing his eyes as felt himself dozing a little.  
“I should get going...” He mumbled, but he didn’t really want to.  
Driving would be a pain while he’s tired anyways.

“You can stay here, if you want.” Jasper offered, and Cole just hummed in response. Jasper smiled as the other slowly fell asleep on his couch.  
It wouldn’t be the first time they’ve crashed at the other’s place. Cole’s let Jasper stay at his apartment plenty of times.

Jasper got up slowly, careful not to wake the sleeping officer.  
He grabbed the blanket off the chair on the other side of the room, tossing it over Cole’s sleeping body.  
He tugged it up over his shoulders, and backed away slowly.  
There was still a lot of stuff to clean up, but he could do that tomorrow. Right now he doesn’t even have the motivation to get to his room.

He flopped backward into the chair, sinking into it with a sigh.  
“‘Night, Cole...” He mumbled, already half-asleep.  
Hopefully Ford won’t be TOO mad at him. He really hadn’t meant to freak his boyfriend out.  
He’s still wondering why Charlie got all jittery because of him. He had made it kinda uncomfortable, sure, but that guy was shaking pretty badly.  
Maybe he’ll take an interest in celebrity drama for once...might be fun. He knows about this girl...Shannon Rutherford if he’s remembering correctly. She’s gotten pretty popular, being a survivor of that Oceanic plane crash or whatever.

Might be worth looking into. Maybe he can learn a bit about Sawyer’s ‘sunshine’ as he calls him.


	11. Chocolate Thieves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie learns exactly what happens when someone steals from Sawyer’s stash.  
> Timeframe: Again I really don’t know  
> Category: Fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on a conversation me and Harvest had. I still think the idea is really cute honestly.

“Hey, I have an idea.” Charlie casually approached Hurley, his mischievous grin already making Hurley nervous.  
Hurley waited for him to elaborate, but got nothing.

“Hey dude...? What’s up?” Hurley knows he sounds absolutely lost. Charlie shuffles closer, looking around to make sure nobody is watching.

“Wanna break into Sawyer’s stash?” Charlie grinned, knowing how easily he would get away with this. Hurley went wide-eyed at the mention of Sawyer.

“What!? Dude no!” Hurley kept his voice hushed, but still urgent. Charlie rolled his eyes, giving Hurley an unimpressed look.

“It’ll be fun! Trust me. We don’t have to take anything...” Charlie tapped his foot impatiently, occasionally looking around to make Sawyer wasn’t hovering.  
Hurley shook his head and stayed silent, thinking about it for a second.

“...Fine.” Hurley sighed, and Charlie’s grin came back. Charlie grabbed his arm, looking back at Sawyer’s tent to make sure he wasn’t there.  
Good. Completely empty.

“Wonderful! Now let’s get going before he comes back.”   
Charlie practically dragged Hurley along with him. Hurley still didn’t know why Charlie was so bent on getting in to Sawyer’s stash. Maybe he had something Charlie wanted? That could definitely be it.  
Charlie walked in pretty normally, a pretty stark contrast to Hurley’s nervous tip-toeing.

“Dude I seriously don’t think we should be....” He trailed off when I he noticed a peculiar item on the corner.  
Charlie’s hoodie. Had he already been here today? But then why is he bringing Hurley? Charlie was already kneeling at the spot where Sawyer kept most of his stuff, but Hurley was dumbfounded by the hoodie.  
“Why is your hoodie in here?” Charlie’s head whipped around to look at him with a deer in the headlights look. He looked between Hurley and the hoodie, then laughed it off.

“He must’ve stolen it! You know him, he’ll do anything to bribe someone.” Charlie shook his head as he laughed, but Hurley wasn’t entirely convinced. He tried to brush it off, sitting down next to Charlie.

“Dude we’re gonna get cau-“

“AHA!” Charlie gelled triumphantly, holding up the chocolate he had found buried under the piles of junk. Hurley stared at it, confused and amazed. It was probably melting by now, but who cares? He completely forgot about this being Sawyer’s stash, and decided to just go along with Charlie’s plan.  
After some more rummaging, Charlie managed to secure a few more bars, and from there it was party time.  
“Told you it would be fun.” Charlie tossed a few to Hurley, the two of them laughing as they indulged in their much needed breaks

“How did you know he had this stuff anyways?” Hurley questioned, not really care if what the answer was. He was in heaven right now for sure.

“Sawyer has a little bit of everything in here. I didn’t think he would have this specifically, but he was bound to have some snacks.” Charlie explained half-heartedly, and Hurley accepted it. Okay, so yeah Charlie knew they were there. He’d seen them many times already, in it he couldn’t tell Hurley that.

“Well, I’m just happy we found th-“

“And what you y’all think you’re doin’?” Sawyer’s voice made Hurley pale, and Charlie froze completely.  
Charlie turned slowly to look at the conman, who was staring at them both with a hard glare.

“We’re just uh...” Hurley struggled to find words, and Sawyer crossed his arms over his chest. His glare softened, now replaced with a scarily-calm look.

“You stealin’ from me?” Everyone hated it when Sawyer acted like this. So calm yet so intimidating. Underneath that smooth voice was a promise of agony if you didn’t cooperate.  
Sawyer got Charlie’s lip quirk up just a bit in the corner of his eye, and had to strain to keep his own smile back.

“Actually, we’re reclaiming it.” Charlie looked Sawyer directly in the eyes and bit off a piece of his bar. Hurley flinched, panicking as Charlie inched them closer to a seriously pissed Sawyer. Neither of them looked at Hurley, their eyes locked for an uncomfortably long amount of time.

“Hugo. Leave.” Sawyer demanded, and Hurley stood, but looked at Charlie sympathetically.

“What are you gonna do?” Hurley asked nervously, and Sawyer smirked at him. Charlie faked a scared look, but nodded at Hurley, reassuring him.

“Well I don’t think you stay and find out, do ya?” Sawyer spoke clearly with that chilling tone again. Hurley felt bad for leaving his friend alone with him, but slowly existed the tent.  
He looked back for a second, wondering if he should go back and defend Charlie. He quickly decided that he just leave and never mention this interaction again.

•

“I see I’ve made a little thief outta you.” Sawyer smirked and sat down across from Charlie. Charlie smiled at him, dropping the candy watching Sawyer carefully.

“It’s not stealing if you stole it first.” Charlie licked his lips, looking at Sawyer for a split second before looking down at the sand. Sawyer raised an eyebrow, leaning back.

“You still owe me now, Chuck.” Sawyer winked when Charlie glanced up at him. Charlie sat up a little straighter, making sure he kept eye-contact with Sawyer at all times.

“Oh really? What do I owe the great and mighty Sawyer?” Charlie leaned forward a bit, inching just the tiniest bit closer to Sawyer. Sawyer stayed still, watching him carefully.

“Hmm...how about...for every piece the two of you ate, you owe me one kiss.” Sawyer laughed at Charlie’s alarmed look, but his expression changed to a mischievous one pretty quickly. Charlie started moving forward a bit more, close enough to be able to whisper now.

“That’s quite a lot, then...” He never took his eyes off of Sawyer, both of them holding their smirks for an incredibly long amount of time.  
“Sure you can handle it, love?” Sawyer scoffed, grabbing his arm and tugging Charlie as close as he could get him. Charlie laughed nervously at the sudden movement, but still kept their eyes locked.

“Who do you think you’re takin’ to, sweetheart.” He wrapped an arm around Charlie quickly, placing his other hand on Charlie’s cheek. Charlie slowly leaned forward, resting their foreheads together and pressing into him more.

“Are you going to keep track?” Charlie’s voice was quiet and shaky, and Sawyer chuckled. Charlie shivered a bit, the noise so low and close that he couldn’t help it.

“Not if you don’t...” Sawyer mumbled, and Charlie grinned, sliding a hand up into Sawyer’s hair.

“We can just estimate it.” Charlie was barely even able to speak now, and Sawyer wasn’t really having an easy time either.

“Showtime, rockstar.” Sawyer finally gave Charlie all the permission he needed.  
He had some self-control, slowly bringing their lips together instead of just pouncing on him. Sawyer had to keep himself at bay as well, not wanting to rush this too much.

They’re gonna be here a while. That is, if they get to have their way.

•

“Wow...”   
Charlie pulled back for a moment, breathing heavily as him and Sawyer both started laughing lightly.  
“I think we’re at...twenty? Maybe?” Charlie said breathlessly, and Sawyer shook his head. Charlie slumped slightly, resting his head on Sawyer’s chest for a second.

“Twenty? Sorry sweetheart, but I only counted half of what you got there.” Sawyer had an absolute wicked grin as he stared at his clearly flustered boyfriend. Charlie smiled back though, scooting back up again.

“How are you getting these numbers, love.” Charlie twirls a little strand of Sawyer’s hair around absently, watching Sawyer’s smirk soften into a fond smile.

“Well, in Sawyer units...what you would consider to be two or three I would see as just one.” Sawyer explained his very in-depth system to the confused musician. Charlie nodded and pretended to understand it completely.

“I see...well I guess I have my work cut out for me then.” Charlie grabbed Sawyer’s shirt, pulling him in a bit more urgently this time.  
Sawyer would be lying if he said he wasn’t enjoying himself quite a bit. It’s rare that they get to have this much time to themselves in broad daylight. Sawyer can’t help but try and tug Charlie closer. Charlie didn’t seem to mind though, laughing a bit when Sawyer grumbled with frustration. He just can’t seem to get close enough.

“Well somebody’s eager...” Charlie broke away for a second, and Sawyer smiled. He rested his head on Charlie’s shoulder for a second, sighing lightly.

“...Wish we could just leave...go home and not have to about the others findin’ us.” Sawyer mumbled, Charlie patted his back and sighed, closing his eyes.

“Yeah...that would be nice...and we’ll get there eventually love...” Charlie whispered, kissing Sawyer’s cheek as he sat back up.  
Sawyer hummed in agreement, gently guiding Charlie’s face back up to his.

“We still got quite a ways to go though, Chuck. Focus on the here-and-now, right?” Charlie rolled his eyes and pulled Sawyer back in, ready to make up for every last bit of chocolate he stole.

•

“Are they still going?” Jack asked, sitting next to Shannon and Sayid. He had left for a bit to go chat with Kate and grab something to eat. That took about 15 minutes. When he first found the pair spying on the lovebirds, they had been there for about an hour.

“Yup. Still going.” Shannon never took her eyes out of the binoculars. Sayid shook his head at Shannon’s dedication or whatever you’d call it.  
“I know those two have ridiculous amounts of stamina, but shouldn’t their lips at least be sore by now?” She sounded genuinely upset, and Sayid and Jack shared a concerned look.

“I don’t think they care, Shannon.” Jack laughed at that, but Shannon remained focused. How she even managed to find a spot where she could spy on them and not get caught is a mystery.

“Wait wait...they stopped.” Everyone fell silent. Sayid and Jack waited nervously for an update from Shannon.  
“And nevermind I guess they just needed to breathe.” 

“Why are we doing this again?” Jack asked, smiling as he thought of how much teasing he could get out of this. Sawyer won’t know what hit him.

“For science.” Sayid and Shannon said in unison, and all Jack could do was blink.  
This is gonna be a long night for everyone.

“Uh...what are you guys doing?” Hurley suddenly appeared behind them, and they all chimed back in unison.

“Science project.”

Hurley slowly backed away, not even really wanting to know.


	12. Random Fluff Compilation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a thing I did when I had writer’s block to get some ✨inspiration✨  
> Timeframe: Jumps from island time to Revival post-rescue  
> Category: Fluff

“Hey, c’mere.” A hushed southern accent suddenly broke the island’s silence.  
Charlie looked over to see Sawyer staring directly at him. This can either go really well or really badly. They’re in public, so it can’t be too romantic or anything.  
So what is he up to?  
He nodded slowly, getting up and leaving the warmth of the fire to join the conman.  
“Put your hood up.” 

Okay that’s a weird request...but Charlie did it anyways, glancing around quickly before flipping his hood up.  
“What do you need?” Charlie whispered, sitting down next to Sawyer carefully.   
Nobody had seemed to notice them sitting together yet, so Sawyer can still make this work.

“Turn around so nobody can see your face...” Sawyer whispered, and Charlie gave him another confused look. Sawyer nodded, and the rockstar reluctantly went along with it.  
Surely this can’t be some scheme...Sawyer usually doesn’t involve Charlie in his shenanigans unless he has to or if he volunteers to help.  
“Good. Now move over here.” Sawyer gently grabbed Charlie’s arm, tugging him across the sand and slowly into his lap.

“Are you insane...!?” Charlie hissed, adjusting himself to the new position despite his protests.  
Sawyer shifted them a little so there was no chance of anyone seeing Charlie’s face. He needed to make sure they weren’t going to get caught.

“Trust me, sunshine...” Sawyer started, bringing one of his hands up off of Charlie’s side and up to his cheek. “...nobody is gonna know. You ain’t the only one here who wears hoodies...probably.” Sawyer reassured him, and Charlie sighed, but he slowly began relaxing.

Okay, so maybe this isn’t the smartest idea in the world. They’re exposed. If someone were to come up behind them they’d be found out.  
But this might work out. If nobody gets too close, they should be fine, right?

“I thought you said you would never risk this sort of thing...” Charlie mumbled, leaning a little closer to Sawyer as he spoke. The conman wrapped his arms more firmly around his lover, holding him close.

“I just couldn’t wait till later...” Sawyer leaned forward a bit more as well, brushing his lips against the musician’s slowly.   
“...had to have you with me...”   
And Charlie finally smiled at that. Sawyer being this tender with him in public is so different, but it feels nice. Just the security of being here with him, not having to worry about the other survivor’s judging them. Yeah, it’s a bit risky, but Sawyer has planned this out fairly well.

Charlie didn’t respond. He didn’t need to. He didn’t really have the words to, either.  
At this angle, they could do whatever they wanted to and nobody would think anything of it. It would just look like Sawyer trying to seduce yet another helpless survivor.  
And, well, they wouldn’t be completely wrong...he’s just actually dating the person he’s trying to win over. Pretty big difference to just some random girl he plucked out of the crowd.

“Just kiss me, Ford.”  
And that was all the direction Sawyer needed.

•

“Do my eyes deceive me?” Charlie gasped dramatically as he entered their room, and Sawyer glanced up from his book with a curious look.  
“Did you pull your hair back again?” He couldn’t hide the excitement in his voice, and that made Sawyer smile. The ex-conman leaned back slowly, tossing the book clear across the bed and shrugging.

“Just wanted to change it up a lil’.” Sawyer held out an arm, and Charlie took that as an invitation.  
The musician quickly climbed up onto the bed with him, making himself right at home on Sawyer’s lap.

“The glasses are pretty hot too...” Charlie mumbled, already messing around with Sawyer’s hair. Sawyer shook his head, laughing lightly at Charlie’s fascination with his hair.

“Really? Cuz last time I wore ‘em you said I looked weird.” Sawyer teased, and Charlie rolled his eyes.  
The musician leaned in a bit more, sliding one hand completely into Sawyer’s hair and grabbing one the cop’s hand with the other.

“You’re always weird.” Charlie jabbed back, and Sawyer feigned an offended look.   
“Besides, I’ve changed quite a bit you know...” Charlie’s soft look shifted into more of a smirk, and he gently tugged at Sawyer’s hair for emphasizing.

“Why don’t you show me then, sunshine?” Sawyer tried to move forward, but Charlie quickly released his hair and pushed him back.  
They stared at each other for a second, Charlie briefly considering actually going through with this. He’s had a long day though...

“Sorry love, but not tonight. I’m beat.” Charlie’s tone changed so quickly it almost gave Sawyer whiplash. The musician flopped over to the side, snuggling into Sawyer.   
And Sawyer...okay well aside from the fact that he just got played by Charlie of all people, he’s fine with this. Despite his disappointment, he wrapped an arm around Charlie and leaned back further against the pillows.

“You’re really just gonna lead me on like that?” Sawyer teased, glancing down to look at Charlie.

He’s already asleep. Huh. So he really wasn’t lying when he said he was tired...

Sawyer sighed, moving around a bit so he was also laying on his side. Once he was comfortable, he pulled Charlie closer, not bothering to turn off the light or move them under the blankets.  
“Night, sweetheart...”

And for once Charlie was thankful for the fake-sleeping skills he picked up from being with Jacob.

•  
“Sawyer? Can you help me with this?” Charlie called out from the bathroom. Sawyer quickly got up off the bed to join his boyfriend, who was leaning back against the bathroom counter.  
“My nails are still drying and...” Charlie glanced over at the eyeliner on the counter, and Sawyer realized what he needed.

“You serious? I ain’t ever done this before.” Sawyer cautioned, but grabbed the eyeliner anyways, looking up at Charlie for a second to see him smiling.

“You’ll do fine, love.” Charlie reassured, and the ex-conman nodded.

When Sawyer was finally done getting it open, he moved in front of Charlie, placing a hand on his cheek to keep him steady.  
“Here goes nothin’...” Sawyer murmured, and for the first time in a very long time his hand was shaking a bit.

He knows this is important to Charlie. It’s his first actual concert since he’s been back and Sawyer can’t risk messing it up. Even the slightest detail being just a little bit off could ruin everything.

“Mm...you’re quite good at that...” Charlie sighed, relaxing more as Sawyer continued. It was almost impossible to not make eye contact in this situation, and Sawyer‘s pretty sure he must look like a tomato right about now.  
Charlie hummed again as Sawyer shifted, tilting his boyfriend’s head a little further into his hand.  
It was for sure because he needed a better angle and definitely not because this whole thing suddenly got way more intimate than it needed to be.

Charlie, realizing that one of his hands was probably dry by now, decided to move his hand off the counter.  
He carefully wrapped it around Sawyer’s waist, smiling to himself as the ex-conman jumped a bit at the sudden touch.

“Are you tryin’ to get me riled up here?” Sawyer laughed, staring intently at Charlie as he spoke.  
Now Charlie was the one who looked flustered, and that gave the ex-conman a great sense of satisfaction. Catching him off guard is way too fun, even if the musician complains about it afterwards.  
“That’s what I thought...” Sawyer smirked, breaking away from Charlie’s gaze and moving to his other side, fully invested in his work now.

He’s gonna have to help Charlie with his eyeliner more often.


	13. Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was a pretty typical morning for Sawyer.  
> That is, until a certain rockstar started complaining.  
> Timeframe: Revival post-rescue  
> Category: Fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah so this was written in bits and pieces while I was watching Christmas movies with my family so I will partially blame the errors on that this time around.  
> Also it’s short but I thought it was cute so hush.

It‘s a pretty calm morning. It’s early, too. The sun hasn’t even come out yet. But this just another day in the life of Sawyer. Getting up early to go to work and work on a case that’ll probably be a waste of time.  
He hears an upset groan behind him, followed by some tossing and turning noises.

Charlie is definitely awake, but he doesn’t turn around. He’s still getting dressed, and as much as he loves him, it’s kinda funny to hear him getting annoyed.  
Especially when he’s tired. He gets pretty easily angered when he’s sleep-deprived.

It’s pretty cold, actually. He might get some more blankets out of the closet for Charlie. Maybe that’s why he’s awake so suddenly.

“Sawyerrrr...” Charlie whined, voice a little muffled by the pillow he seems to have buried his face in.

The ex-conman smiled to himself, not looking back at Charlie just yet as he was still putting on his uniform.  
“Yup. That’s my name.”

“I’m cold. Come back...” The musician sounded exhausted, probably still half asleep since it is pretty early. Sawyer sighed, turning around to look at his boyfriend.

“Honey I gotta go to work.” Sawyer held back a chuckle as Charlie lifted his head from the pillow, eyes half closed and his hair an absolute mess.

“You always get there early though...” Charlie protested softly, patting the mattress as an invitation. “Come on...you have plenty of time and I need cuddles...”

Sawyer sighed and shook his head, but went along with it anyways. He slipped in under the sheets next to the other, and a pair of arms were wrapped around him immediately. He was able to get one arm around Charlie first, eventually pulling him so he was laying mostly on top of Sawyer instead of next to him.  
“Happy?”

“Very...” Charlie yawned, and Sawyer couldn’t help himself. He ran his fingers gently through the musician’s hair, soothing him slowly back to sleep.

He’s not sure how long they were like that. Could’ve been a few minutes, could’ve been an hour.   
Sawyer never fell asleep, though. Charlie had dozed off fairly quickly, and all the ex-conman could do was watch him. Protect him.

•

Having to leave for work has never been one of his favorite parts of the day. Especially when he has to slowly move Charlie off of him. He stirred a little, but luckily he never completely woke up.

He always leaves him a note. Just a little reminder that he’s gone but he’s coming back.  
And today won’t be the day he forgets.

The notes are a habit that Sawyer started by himself. Charlie had a few episodes because of Sawyer leaving so suddenly, and he eventually found out that notes seemed to help quite a lot.  
So every morning before he leaves for work, he has to leave Charlie a note. A little love letter and a reminder that he’s not been abandoned.

He wrote it down quickly, not having time for the usual scribbled hearts or long drawn out declarations of love.   
It’s simple. Short sweet and to the point. But it’s what Charlie needs and he’s more than happy to give it to him.

He slips the small piece of paper onto Charlie’s nightstand, smiling to himself at the sight of his lover sleeping peacefully.

For a while, Charlie could barely close his eyes without having some horrific vision.  
Now, he’s asleep. Sound asleep. No nightmares and no screaming. He’s cuddled up in their bed peacefully, sleeping like a rock but that’s much better than his usual choppy sleep schedule.  
And Sawyer is getting just a little joked up from that.

He’s not just sleeping to get it over with. He’s resting.

Sawyer looks at the note one more time, just to make sure it’s suitable...

“Left for work. I’ll be back at around eight tonight. Got a big case today apparently.  
Stay warm. x”

Yeah. That’ll work.

He’s gotta grab a few more blankets on his way out, though. Can’t have his sunshine getting too cold while he’s gone. Regular blankets aren’t quite as effective as cuddles (his words, not Sawyer’s), but they’ll have to do.

As soon as he gets home, though...he’s latching onto Charlie like a parasite.


	14. Play Me a Tune, Sunshine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie sneaks into the Hatch to play Sawyer a song.  
> Timeframe: Idk again  
> Category: Fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of the OG Drugcon fics aka one of the first ones I ever showed to the GC. Ah, memories.
> 
> Little note before we get into this:  
> There isn’t a specific timeline here, so whether this takes place when Sawyer canonically was in the hatch or if this is unrelated is up for interpretation. I just really wanted to write it this way so yeah   
> Also thank you Harvest for the suggestion. This definitely won’t be the last time I write about Charlie playing a song for Sawyer because it’s just so fricken fluffy.

Charlie quietly made his way through the hatch, trying to make as little noise as possible. He knows a certain someone got himself injured, and he doesn’t want to wake him up if he’s resting. As much as he would love to take advantage of them being mostly alone in here (aside from Jack, who’s currently occupied with the button) and talk Sawyer’s ear off, he also needs to consider Sawyer’s current state. There’s not a whole lot he can do about though, and that’s what gets him. He just has to stand by and watch him suffer...

He quietly makes his way into what’s now become a dingy hospital room. Sawyer isn’t the first person, and probably won’t be the last, to occupy the bed in here. It’s pretty cozy, but he can see how that coziness could also drive someone mad.  
He gently sits down on the side of the bed, watching Sawyer carefully. He looked surprisingly peaceful as he slept, and that made Charlie feel a bit better.  
Somewhere in there he had spaced out, staring at the wall and contemplating a variety of things. Getting off the island, how people would react if him and Sawyer ever publicly announced their relationship, stuff like that.  
He was reigned back in to reality by Sawyer shifting next to him. Charlie quickly put his whole-focus on Sawyer, just in case anything went south.

“Hey...” Charlie kept his voice low, not wanting to startle the still half-asleep conman. Sawyer groaned, and Charlie couldn’t tell if it was from the pain or being woken up. Probably both. Sawyer’s always liked his sleep.  
Despite his annoyed tone, Sawyer’s demeanor quickly changed when he saw exactly who it was sitting on his bed. Finally, someone he actually wants to see.

“Hey, Chuckie...” Sawyer tried to sit up, but Charlie gently gestured for him to stay down. Sawyer reluctantly complied, still wishing he could have a better, less awkward angle than this. He’s never liked feeling smaller than anyone. He couldn’t help the irritated sigh he let out. This whole situation is nothing but a nuisance, and he’s causing more trouble for everyone. Jack’s working overtime to fix him up, Charlie’s definitely worrying about him if the look he’s got right now is any indication. And Sawyer’s completely and utterly useless to all of them.

“It’ll get better, love...” Charlie leaned forward a bit, gently stroking Sawyer’s cheek sympathetically. Sawyer leaned into him a bit, enjoying the comfort and attention. He felt a bit better with Charlie around, even if he still couldn’t do much of anything.   
“Is there anything I can do?” Charlie pulled his hand away, and Sawyer already missed it. He shrugged in response, not really wanting much else other than Charlie’s company.  
Except maybe...

“Your guitar.” Sawyer finally responded, and Charlie frowned in confusion. Sawyer almost laughed at that.

“You...want my guitar?” Charlie tilted his head in confusion, still not quite getting it. Sawyer laughed and shook his head, gently grabbing Charlie’s arm.

“No, sweetheart. I’m asking you to play it.” Charlie laughed as the realization hit, and he felt a bit embarrassed for not connecting the dots sooner. He always just assumed that everyone put up with his tunes, since nobody seemed to care all that much in the past. He only ever grabbed people’s attention when he played on his own accord. So he’s not exactly used to people asking for him to play.

“Yeah. Yeah I’ll go get it.” Charlie grinned and quickly got up, and Sawyer felt a little sad when he couldn’t feel Charlie’s weight on the bed. Charlie quickly spun around before he left, looking back at Sawyer for a second.  
“And don’t gotta anywhere, alright?” Charlie laughed as Sawyer threateningly grabbed his pillow, and swiftly got out of there before he got a pillow to the face.

•

Sawyer had started dozing off again when Charlie returned triumphantly with his guitar. The sound of Charlie coming back and the sight of the guitar woke him up again though.   
Charlie re-claimed his spot on the bed, scooting up a bit more than last time so it was more comfortable.

“Have anything specific in mind?” Charlie asked, eyes flicking on his guitar to Sawyer as he lightly strummed it. Sawyer thought about it for a second, but just shrugged.

“Just play me whatever ya got. I don’t have too much of a preference.” Charlie nodded and Sawyer watched Charlie think. He could see the consideration and the change in his expressions, and he smiled when Charlie finally smiled.

“So you’re sure you don’t have a preference?” Charlie asked again, and Sawyer nodded. “Even if I play one of those love songs you hate so much?” Charlie grinned, and Sawyer chuckled, closing his eyes.

“Yeah, sure. Just play for me, rockstar.” He couldn’t see Charlie’s smile, but he knew it was there. Just as Charlie was about to start, Sawyer interjected again.  
“And I dunno if I would consider Wonderwall a love song.” Charlie laughed and rolled his eyes, starting up his strumming again.

“First of all, I’m not playing Wonderwall.” He paused, fiddling with his guitar a bit more. “And second...it’s totally a love song.” Sawyer opened his eyes for just a moment to look at Charlie, who was absolutely beaming. The excitement Charlie’s shown has been really refreshing. For such a depressing situation, Charlie manages to somehow bring a light, fun mood wherever he goes.

The sound of Charlie’s guitar was comforting. And when his voice eventually joined it, Sawyer felt like things weren’t absolutely horrible. Just a few hours ago he felt like absolute trash. Now though, in the past...what, 30 minutes? Charlie has flipped it completely. He feels calm and surprisingly happy. He’s imagining them being somewhere else. On the island or maybe even off of it. Just the two of them alone and happy, Charlie playing his guitar without a care in the world, and Sawyer listening to every note.  
If he could, he would take more time to fully appreciate Charlie these last few days. But with all the chaos that happens on a daily-basis, sometimes it’s hard. They get time, sure. But most of it is at night and by then they’re already tired and half of what they say is just slap-happy none sense. Charlie understands, and he hasn’t complained or anything, so maybe it’s just Sawyer’s exhausted self getting the better of him.  
Either way, he’s enjoying the music. The sound of Charlie’s singing is something that not everybody on the island has had the honor of hearing. And that makes Sawyer feel pretty special in the grand scheme of things.

(Side note here: I was gonna include Charlie singing but I didn’t know how to write that without just copy-pasting lyrics so yeah just insert whatever song you want here. I’m a fricken sucker for MTrench so I’m imagining either Dearly Departed or the acoustic version of Haven’t Had enough)

•

“What are you two doing in here?” Jack smiled as he entered the room, stopping Charlie’s singing abruptly and startling both the musician and his one-mans audience. Sawyer grumbled at the interruption, but Jack ignored him.

“You know, just some music. Thought it might lighten the place up.” Charlie laughed nervously, speaking carefully as to not out both himself and Sawyer. Sawyer remained silent, leaving Charlie to do all the explaining. If he was talking right now, he wouldn’t be saying very tasteful things, that’s for sure.

“Well I guess I’ll you to it. Just wanted to make sure everything was alright.” As Jack turned to leave, Sawyer almost spoke again, but quickly shut himself up when Jack turned around.  
“Oh, and if you need some good love songs, I have a few suggestions.”  
He left both of them there completely silent. Charlie looked mortified and Sawyer didn’t quite know how to feel. After that though, not much music got played. They were too busy laughing and contemplating the whole situation. 

Just a couple of idiots having fun in an underground hideout that on this island felt like a luxurious mansion. Mindlessly flirting and laughing with each other as Jack semi-listened to them despite himself. Their cover had already been blown, so what’s a little more shameless flirting gonna do? Jack’s figured it out, so now they’re in the clear.  
And then something clicked in Jack’s head. It happened to abruptly that he couldn’t stop himself from darting back in to interrupt them yet again.

“So is this why you were wearing that nail polish?”  
Charlie laughed even harder at that, but Sawyer paled a bit.  
Here we go again.


	15. Nail Polish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shannon is upset because Sawyer won’t let her raid his stash. Charlie comes to her aid.  
> Timeframe: IDK AGAIN  
> Category: Fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another one of the OG fics that I hold near and dear to my heart.

“UGGGGGH.” Shannon huffed as she sat down across from Charlie. The rockstar kept his eyes on his guitar, but grinned At Shannon’s clear annoyance.

“Who’d you piss off now?” Charlie looked up for a second to see the death Shannon glare Shannon was giving him. He quickly returned his attention back to his guitar and continued to strum. Shannon eventually spoke up, not feeling like she wanted to kill him as much now.

“I didn’t piss off anyone, Charlie.” He gave her a suspicious look, and all she could do was roll her eyes in response. “It’s Sawyer. That asshole still isn’t giving me that nail polish. What’s he gonna do with it anyways? He’s too much of a macho-man to use it for himself.” Shannon griped, and Charlie was suddenly intrigued. He loved hearing about what trouble his conman was getting in to. It made his free-reign of Sawyer’s stash feel even more special.

“I can try to get it. You’ll have to let me use some, though.” Charlie offered, and Shannon rolled her eyes again, laughing a little at him. Charlie put his guitar down completely, and glanced behind Shannon at Sawyer, who was off on the other side of the camp reading.

“Yeah, sure. You can try.” Shannon shook her head and glared out at the ocean. Charlie smiled and stood up, his plan already established.  
Getting the nail polish wouldn’t be hard at all. It’s what he wanted Sawyer to do afterwards that might take some convincing.

•

“Evenin’ Chuck.” Sawyer briefly looked up from his book to smile at Charlie, who had already made his way across camp and was now standing in front of the island’s most-wanted thief. 

“Can I talk to you for a moment?” Charlie kept his tone relatively professional, but Sawyer didn’t miss the little hint of a smile he was getting. Of course, when faced with a request like that, Sawyer would normally try to avoid it. But this is Charlie, so...  
Sawyer stood up and gestured inside his little plane-part hut thing. Charlie was always confused by it, but it was pretty cozy to be honest. The two of them vanished from sight pretty quickly, but luckily nobody really cared all that much.  
Except, of course, for Shannon. Who had been straining to see what was happening ever since Charlie began approaching the conman. She was confused by how quickly Sawyer had ushered Charlie inside, but was still pretty doubtful of how this was going to go down.

“So, watcha need, sunshine?” Sawyer asked, already going through his list of stolen-wares in his head. Charlie shifted a bit, starting to legitimately wonder if Sawyer even had nail polish. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s lied about having something.

“Do you have any nail polish?” Charlie asked as smoothly as possible. If Sawyer DID have some, he knew exactly what he wanted to do before Shannon got her hands on it. Sawyer blanked for a minute, but quickly regained his composure after it clicked.

“Shannon told ya, huh? Now that I think about it, ya were wearing some when we got here...” He trailed off at the end, quickly focusing on rummaging through his stuff to get Charlie what he requested. Charlie grinned, feeling a little bit prideful. He didn’t even have to bargain for it. He’s always been pretty proud of being the only person completely on Sawyer’s good-side. It felt nice knowing he had something special for once. That someone valued him.  
Sawyer finally finished sorting everything out, and tossed one of the bottles at Charlie. “There’s more where that came from.” He couldn’t help but smile as Charlie admired the polish, but he wasn’t expecting him to sit down.

“Mind if I do this in here?” Charlie was gonna do it anyways, and Sawyer knew it. Still though, he shrugged and Charlie took it as acceptance.   
Sawyer watched as Charlie tentatively painted his nails across from him, and briefly wondered what that would be like. He’s never done anything like that before. He’s thought about, though. He’s always been a little scared of it though. Well, maybe prideful is the better word. But seeing Charlie not really care was reassuring. Maybe one day he’ll give it a try, but he’ll be damned if he’s gonna let anyone on the island see him wearing that.  
Charlie smiled pridefully as he finally finished the first hand, and his eyes darted up to look at Sawyer so quickly that the conman jumped a bit.  
“Wanna help me, mate?” Charlie grinned as Sawyer blinked confusedly at him. He clearly caught him off guard.

“I uh...” Sawyer’s brain seemed to be short circuiting. He’s never even touched nail polish before, let alone painted anyone’s nails. Charlie scooted over to him and held out the bottle.

“It’s easy, trust me. Don’t worry about how well you’re gonna do.” Charlie reassured him, and Sawyer half-heartedly glared at him.   
“What? Scared of some nail polish, Sawyer?” Charlie teased, and Sawyer sighed. Now it’s a challenge, and he can’t say no to that. But he probably would’ve said he’s eventually anyways. Charlie’s puppy-dog eyes are powerful.  
He snatched the bottle out of Charlie’s hand, and lightly smiled at the pleased hum he got in response. He slowly put his still unpainted hand out for Sawyer, and relaxed into it. Sawyer seemed extremely concentrated, and he looked like he was having a rough time. The sound of people outside and the environment in general was making him sweat. He felt an immense amount of pressure that normally wouldn’t be too horrible. But this is for Charlie, and it’s new, and why the Hell is painting nails so hard?  
“Relax, love.” Sawyer looked up for a second, and Charlie smiled at him. Sawyer shook his head, eventually relaxing into the process as everything slowly faded away.

“Here goes nothin’...” Sawyer mumbled, gently placing his own hand under Charlie’s to stabilize it.  
It felt pretty nice, actually. The calm, safe feeling Sawyer eventually got from being with Charlie eased his nerves quite a bit. Charlie watched him as he painted, but never teased him or criticized him like he thought he would. In fact, he stayed mostly silent, completely zoned out right along with Sawyer.   
He eventually lost track of time, so engrossed in this whole experience that time seemed to just disappear. The only that pulled him out of his trance-like state was Charlie gently moving his hand away to admire Sawyer’s work.

“You did really good. I’m assuming you’ve never done this before.” Sawyer shrugged, smiling as he screwed the cap back on the bottle. Charlie continued to marvel at his still-drying nails, impressed by such a smooth job from such a dark, mysterious man. “Seemed like you enjoyed it, though.” Charlie smirked, and Sawyer refused to acknowledge him. Charlie frowned and scooted closer yet again, but this time reached behind Sawyer to grab another bottle.  
“Want me to do yours?” Sawyer choked on his own breath, staring down at Charlie in disbelief. Charlie never wavered though, still holding his position confidently in front of Sawyer, grinning at him like he could see exactly what he was thinking.  
Sawyer couldn’t find the words to protest. He did wanna try it, but he would never live it down. Sawyer ran a hand through his hair quickly, not making eye contact with Charlie at any point.

Silence. Silence for a solid 5 minutes as Charlie played with the cap on the purple bottle and Sawyer had a panic-attack directly in front of him.

“Fine. Just don’t tell anyone I let ya.”

•

It had been an hour maybe? Probably more. They had both forgotten that anything outside their only little space existed. Still though, it couldn’t have been that long, as Shannon was still sitting in the exact same place.  
As they existed the tent thingy, Sawyer felt oddly satisfied. Nervous? yeah, but not nearly as much as thought he would.  
As Charlie was about to triumphantly find his way back to Shannon, Sawyer grabbed his arm.

“Hold on there, Gerard Way.” Charlie whipped around to look at him, quirking an eyebrow at the nickname. Well, I guess Sawyer had been listening to his music rambles after all.   
“Thanks.” He left it at that releasing Charlie’s arm and leaning back against the side of his humble abode. Charlie winked at him, not daring to do anything more, and marched off across the beach, a few bottles of polish tucked snuggly in his pocket.

Sawyer laughed to himself and sat back down with his book. He didn’t really get that much reading in, though. He got distracted a lot by the purple shine on his fingertips that Charlie had painted for him.

•

Charlie tossed a bottle of polish at Shannon, who practically launched out of her spot to grab it. The look of utter disbelief on her face made Charlie laugh.

“How did you-“ She cut herself off when she looked up and saw Charlie’s freshly painted nails. She stared at them for a bit, dumbfounded.  
“Did he seriously let you just HAVE these?” Shannon sounded completely floored, and Charlie beamed with pride. “You had to have given him something in return, right?” Charlie winked at her and whipped out the bottle of purple polish he had used on Sawyer, carefully looking it over.

“What can I say? I know how to get what I want.” Shannon raised an eyebrow at that, but quickly twisted open the cap on the bottle she was still clutching. Charlie laid down next to her in the sand, not really having much to do since he had already decked his nails out.   
He thought back to Sawyer, though. How sweet he had been. He hadn’t put up nearly as much of a fight as Charlie expected. It made Charlie pretty happy to know that Sawyer was that comfortable with him.  
He’s gained yet another nail polish buddy today, even if Sawyer won’t ever admit to anyone that he enjoys it. Charlie knows, and that’s good enough for them both.

•

“Is that...is that nail polish?” Jack interrupted Sawyer’s rambling, and Sawyer practically exploded.   
He completely forgot about that. He had been staring at it for so long that it looked normal to him. And now Jack was looking at him with a questioning look that made Sawyer want to curl up and die.  
He must’ve been bright-red, if the heat in his face was from more than just the harsh sun.

“Oh, yeah um...” He glanced around for a bit, formulating his cover up. “Ya know, Charlie had it and I figured since I had stolen it I might as well just try it. Make him mad since I was using his stuff...” He faked his composure, but Jack noticed as he shifted his weight from foot-to-foot, still not making true eye contact.

“Right...” Jack said slowly, and Sayid’s chuckle earned him a death-glare from Sawyer. Sawyer looked down at his hand for a moment, their little moment from earlier flooding back. He had to force back his smile as he turned back to look at the others, who were all grinning at him with knowing looks.

“Look, don’t believe me, but I ain’t lyin’.” He chuckled nervously as he spoke, smoothing out his hair as he waited for someone to change the topic. 

“So why’d you pick purple?” Sayid grinned as he spoke, and Sawyer groaned. He should’ve just said someone pranked him. Would’ve been so much easier. Now he’s dug himself into a hole, and he’s gonna have to claw his way out.

Charlie watched the little meeting from a safe-distance away, smiling at Sawyer’s distress.  
Such an idiot...but an idiot that looks damn good in nail polish.


	16. Golf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (10/10 title I know)  
> Two bro’s chillin playin’ golf five feet apart cuz they’re both very gay but are too scared to make the first move.  
> Timeframe: S1 I guess   
> Category: Fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some pre-relationship flirting for your souls

“Aw, c’mon. Ya do know how to play, right?” Sawyer teased, and Charlie nearly hit him with the club.

“I don’t need your input, Sawyer.” Charlie shot back, trying his best to focus with Sawyer staring at him.

“Sure ya do, sweetheart.”

“No, I really don’t.”  
Sawyer smirked at that, and Jack gave him a weird look.

“Fine then. I’ll just shut up and appreciate the view.” The conman would’ve added a wink at the end, but flirting is already kinda risky with everyone here.  
That made Charlie look back at him, confused and embarrassed but he wasn’t complaining.

“And what view what that be?” There was a groan of annoyance from one of the survivors, but Charlie didn’t seem to care. Sawyer stopped a little further forward.

“Why’s it matter, Chuckie? Can’t a man appreciate some natural beauty every once in a while.” He chose his words carefully, trying to get his point across to the musician while keeping it subtle. He’s still nervous about trying to flirt with him. He’s never even been with a guy before, let alone had this many feelings for another man.  
But Charlie started this whole back-and-forth thing. And he seems to be liking it, if that smile is any indication.

“I thought you hated nature.”

“Well it seems to hate me too.”  
Charlie laughed at that, and Sawyer fought back a genuine smile in favor of his smirk.  
“So how ‘bout you turn back around and get a move on, sugar? You’re holdin’ up the game.”  
Charlie paused a little bit at the nickname, giving himself a moment to indulge in it before he killed the conversation.

“Why don’t you come over here and do it then? Obviously you seem to know what you’re doing.” Now Charlie was smirking, and Kate snickered a little at Sawyer’s suddenly less amused look.

“Nah. I think I’m good.” He stepped back a little, slowly returning to his original spot.  
Charlie almost felt disappointed because of that.

“That’s what I thought.” He glanced around at the others before he went back to the task at hand.  
Kate seemed to be enjoying herself, Jack looked surprised but he was laughing a little, and everyone else was either annoyed or whispering to each other.

Perfect. Nobody seems to really care about their flirting, so he won’t make a scene.

•

Sawyer was still laughing even after they went back to the caves. He hasn’t shut up since Charlie completely failed.  
“You were so confident! God, that was beautiful...” He was laughing so hard he was crying, and Charlie rolled his eyes in annoyance.

“Glad you can find joy in my failure.” Charlie tried to distract himself by setting up his makeshift blanket-bed, but it only served to make Sawyer more annoying.  
The conman was using Charlie’s head as an armrest. Of course. He’s used to it, being short makes this quite the conman occurrence, but it isn’t exactly helping his building anger.

“Oh, I’m findin’ so much joy in it, honey. Best laugh I’ve had in a while.” He didn’t even realize how his fingers started running over Charlie’s hair, and the musician didn’t have the heart to tell him.

“You’re insufferable!” Charlie groaned, smacking Sawyer’s arm and causing the conman to remove it.  
Sawyer’s smile never faltered, turning more into a smirk as he leaned into Charlie’s ear.

“You know you love it.” He whispered, keeping his voice low so nobody else would hear.  
When Charlie shuddered a little, Sawyer took that as his cue to get heading back to the beach. As much as he would love to continue this, he ain’t quite comfortable with his feelings yet.  
“See ya, Chuckie.” Sawyer stood up suddenly, and Charlie just blinked up at him in surprise.

Truthfully, he’s still unsure of himself. He grew up bein’ told that stuff like this was wrong. He knows better now, and he realizes how wrong that mindset was, but he never consider that HE could feel that way.  
And then Charlie happened. As soon as he laid eyes on him it was over. The guy has some sort of influence on Sawyer’s feelings and it’s weird.   
At first he thought it was just something that would go away with time. He’d learn more about Charlie and start to hate him. But instead, he’s just grown fonder of him.

This island is doing things to him that he just can’t comprehend yet.

Sawyer left before Charlie could do anything. That all happened so quickly that the musician felt like his head was spinning. As the other survivors talked amongst themselves, Charlie muttered to himself.  
“Bloody tease...”


	17. Echoes of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sawyer is constantly plagued by nightmares and hallucinations of Charlie. This is only one of many.  
> Timeframe: Revival pre-rescue  
> Category: Angst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah this was written at night and my ability to words properly died so sORRY.

Sawyer slowly opened his eyes, seeing nothing but his dark bedroom around him. Not a shred of light is coming in from the windows, which is odd considering how prominent the moonlight usually is.

“Good morning, love.”  
A familiar voice called out to him. Actually, it was right behind him.  
There’s no way. Somebody must have broken in. That’s not him.

Startled, he reached for his gun, but it wasn’t on the nightstand.  
There was a sigh from the other side of the bed, and he slowly looked back to see who it was.

It’s him. It’s actually him.  
Charlie.  
He turned around completely, sitting up a little as he was still startled.  
He started to speak, but Charlie pressed a finger against his lips.  
“Shh...no need to talk, darling.” He smiled, and it looked so real that Sawyer wanted to believe it. The gentle pressure from Charlie’s finger felt real too, even as it slowly faded.  
Charlie’s hand instead moved to his chest, pushing him back down completely onto the bed.

“Good...” The musician snuggled a little further into the sheets, closing his eyes as he relaxed into the mattress. “I need you to find me...” 

Sawyer couldn’t move suddenly. He felt like his was being held down but Charlie wasn’t even pushing him anymore.   
“Bring me back. Please.” Charlie begged, opening his eyes and suddenly he looked like he’d been crying. “I can’t do this anymore.” His voice was cracking, shaky and hoarse and Sawyer wanted to hold him.

He can’t move. He can’t comfort him. He’s completely stuck and Charlie is sobbing.  
“Why won’t you help me?” 

He wants to. Charlie has no idea how bad he wants to rescue him. But he’s helpless. Nobody believes him and without help he can’t do anything.  
He’s useless.

“You’ve never even tried, have you?” 

He has. He’s tried for so long. Why can’t anyone see that?

“You let me die.”

No. No he didn’t even know he was gonna die. How could he have saved him.

“You should’ve known.”

Maybe he should’ve...he should’ve asked Charlie more and pushed him. He shouldn’t have let it all slide.

“You failed.”

He didn’t mean to. He never wanted anything to happen to Charlie. He promised he’d protect him...yeah. Yeah he did fail.

“I’m dead because of you.”

What if he had been there? What if he had stopped him? What if Charlie survived and they got to live their life like they wanted?

“You could’ve stopped it.”

Stop. Please just stop. 

“I loved you and let me die.”

Why can’t he wake up? This is a dream right? Please just WAKE UP.

“Absolutely useless.”

•

He woke up in a cold sweat. He can’t stop shaking...  
He has to get up. Take a walk around the house.

Another nightmare. He expects them, but they’re still brutal.  
Charlie is always so vivid in his mind and it’s both a blessing and a curse.  
He remembers every detail, and that makes the pain even worse.

His nightmares range from a fake Charlie berating him to morbid visions of how Charlie could’ve died.  
Desmond said he drowned, but Sawyer’s mind has created so many scenarios that at this point he’s not sure what to believe anymore.

Anytime he has a seemingly normal dream, it always ends the same.  
Charlie either dies or reminds him how useless he is. Things that the real Charlie would never actually say. Deaths that Sawyer can’t believe he would even think about.

Maybe it’s all the cases he’s worked on coming back to haunt the only bit of light he had. Corrupting and destroying the shred of good that he somehow held on to.

He still feels drowsy, though...like he’s still half asleep.  
Weird...

“You just don’t give up do you?”   
Damn it.  
Sawyer turns around as soon as he hears that voice again, staring at the apparition leaning against the kitchen counter.  
“It’s pathetic, really.” The thing sighed, knocking the vase of sunflowers that Sawyer doesn’t even remember buying off the counter.

“Move. On.” It’s using his body, but it’s not him. It’s not Charlie. Because Charlie wouldn’t say these things.  
“Get over yourself. Get over ME.”  
It’s in front of him now. He won’t give this the thing the curtesy of calling it Charlie. Because it’s not. It can’t be.

“Wake up.” The thing grabbed his shoulders, getting right in his face and screamed at him.  
“JUST WAKE UP!”

•

“Sawyer? Please wake up!”  
Sawyer shot up quickly, and was met with Claire’s worried eyes.

“What...” Sawyer looked around.  
He’s on the sofa.  
In Claire’s house.  
He’s not at home.  
It was just a nightmare.

“You were screaming.” She said softly, placing a hand on the ex-conman’s arm. He sighed, leaning back against the arm of the couch.  
“Was it about Charlie again?”

He closed his eyes, trying not to think too hard about it.  
“Yeah.”  
He could feel Claire’s sympathetic gaze, and he hated it.  
“I miss him, Claire.”

She sat with him for a while. He didn’t say much. All he could do was let Claire comfort him and whisper soft reassuring words.  
He’s thankful to have her here. Since Charlie was presumed dead, he’s taken a sort of brotherly role in Claire’s life.  
He’s not as comfortable with her as he was with Charlie of course. He never will be. No friendship or relationship will ever come close to what he had with Charlie.

“I miss him...”  
He finally spoke again after a while of silence. He sounded more upset now. On the verge of tears but not having the will to cry in front of Claire.

“I do too.”  
And that was all they could do for each other. Miss him. Because that’s all anyone can do in this situation.


	18. Jammed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A very short fic where Charlie gets stuck in the shower.  
> Timeframe: Revival post-rescue  
> Category: Angst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO I HAVEN’T FINISHED ANY NEW FICS YET  
> SO HAVE ANOTHER OLDER ONE  
> Zyclone I’m gonna get you that angst with a happy ending soon I promise

He actually enjoys taking proper showers again. Not having to worry about accidentally drowning in the waterfall is a nice change.  
Not to mention how soothing it is. He has control over it, too. No unpredictability.  
Well, at least that’s what he thought.

He reached for the handle to try and open the shower door, fully prepared to steal Sawyer’s robe again.

He tried once. Nothing happened.

Okay, try again but a little harder. Nothing.

He’s starting to panic now. 

Tug a few more times.

Nothing happened.

He’s trapped. He’s alone. Sawyer is at work. The door is stuck. He’s stuck. 

Suddenly that soothing feeling of warm water on his skin is horrifying.

It’s not budging. IT’S NOT OPENING.   
He can’t get out. HE CAN’T GET OUT.

All he can see is a flashing red light. Suddenly he’s not at home anymore.  
He’s going to die. He’s in the station. Desmond can’t save him. Sawyer doesn’t even know what’s happening.

He’s dead he’s dead he’s dead.  
Charlie Pace is going to die today.

He can feel the room filling up around him. He’s resigned to his fate.  
He places his hand on the glass, not really sure who’s he’s looking at this time.  
All he knows is that this time he’s going to drown.

Not even Jacob can save him now.

•

Sawyer had been reluctant to leave Charlie alone today. He had been kinda fidgety after a particularly bad nightmare last night.  
But he had trusted Charlie’s word. Trusted that he was fine and nothing bad would happen.

When he entered their bedroom, he could hear the shower running from the bathroom.   
He smiled to himself at that. Charlie had been so delighted to use an actual shower when he got back home.

His smile fades once he realizes all he can hear is the shower. No singing or any sign of movement like usual.  
He peaks inside, hoping to see Charlie behind the foggy glass.  
He can’t see him. Not until he looks down.

“Charlie!?” Sawyer was at the door as quickly as he could be, tugging and screaming for Charlie who was still motionless inside.  
He eventually got it open with enough brute force, and shut the water off.  
“C’mon, wake up...” He tried to shake Charlie awake, but the musician didn’t even stir.  
Sawyer checked his pulse just to make sure.  
He’s still alive...

•

Charlie woke up with a start, feeling like he needed to gasp for air despite his lungs being perfectly fine.  
He didn’t drown? He’s okay? He’s on a bed?  
He looked down to see he was wrapped tightly in a robe and some blankets.

Wait...

“Welcome back, sunshine...” Charlie jumped at the sound of Sawyer’s voice, spinning around to see his lover sitting on the edge of the bed, clearly distressed.

He IS home. He’s not back on the island. Sawyer is here and he’s okay.

He doesn’t say anything. He just waits for Sawyer to scoot over to him and slowly wrap his arms around him.

Neither of them really want to talk about it. They’re both shaken up in their own ways.  
Charlie had another hallucination.  
Sawyer had to try and reassure himself Charlie wasn’t dead as he waited for him to wake up.

“Sorry...” Charlie finally breaks the silence, and Sawyer just holds him tighter.

Charlie isn’t crying.   
Sawyer definitely had been but he won’t bring it up.  
Truthfully, Charlie is more confused than anything.

Why does he have to be haunted like this? Why can’t he just be happy?  
Why did he have to get plagued by these hallucinations?

And that made him feel like crying.


	19. Blanket Cocoon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sawyer comes home to find Charlie’s newest fashion statement. Or hobby. Whatever it is, it’s kinda strange, but Sawyer doesn’t mind.  
> Timeframe: Revival post-rescue  
> Category: Fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know another short fic I’m sORRY-  
> I’m writing a sequel to Numb as well as some other longer fics so hopefully those will make up for all the short ones

Ah, the wonders of living with Charlie.  
Sometimes, Sawyer comes home to him waiting in the doorway.  
And sometimes, he comes home to find his beloved sunshine wrapped up in about ten different blankets on the couch.

“What are you doing?” Sawyer asked, trying not to laugh too loudly in case his boyfriend was asleep. He can’t see his face, just his hair.  
He’s effectively cocooned himself.

“Cocoon.” A one word, muffled answer is all Sawyer got.  
The ex-conman sat down on the couch next to the ‘cocoon.’

“I can see that.” He chuckled, messing with Charlie’s hair to annoy him.  
The musician finally poked his head completely out of the bundle of blankets, looking at Sawyer with a sort of smug look.

“Impressed?”

“That’s one word for it.” Sawyer laughed, managing to get his arm around Charlie’s bundled form.  
“You’re weird.” He continued to play with Charlie’s hair, but more gently. Running his fingers over it carefully.

“Your hair is weirder.” Charlie sighed, scooting himself further into Sawyer.   
The ex-conman looked vaguely offended, frowning a little

“Hey now...you said you liked it.”

“Oh, I do...it’s a hot kind of weird.”

They both laughed at that for a bit, just enjoying each other’s company.  
Once they both settled down again, Sawyer asked yet another question.  
“How’d you even do that?”

“Carefully.” The musician didn’t seem ready to elaborate on that, so Sawyer just sighed and dropped it.  
“So how do I look?” The musician grinned up at his lover, who just shook his head fondly.

“Pretty hot.” Sawyer shrugged, and Charlie rolled his eyes.

“Even though I’m covered in blankets?”

“You’re always hot. Even when you’re bein’ strange.”

“Good to know.” 

They both sat in silence for a bit again. A calm, nice silence. Charlie has his head rested against Sawyer’s chest, eyes closed and for a second the ex-conman thought he fell asleep.

“My legs are numb I think.”  
Nope. Not asleep.

“What?” Sawyer was surprised by the sudden shift in topic, but Charlie seemed unfazed.

“My legs are numb. Must be the position.” He tried to wiggle his legs, but the cocoon he made for himself is way too tight for that.

“Well that’s a shame...?” He wasn’t quite sure how to answer, since numb legs aren’t usually a topic he talks about often.

“Yeah. I guess you’ll just have to carry me upstairs then.” Charlie sighed, leaning fully into Sawyer now.

“Yeah...such a horrible thing.” Sawyer faked a disgusted look, and Charlie laughed, scooting himself up as much as he could to kiss Sawyer quickly.

“You’re an idiot.”

“And you’re a weirdo.”

“But you love me~” Charlie hummed, and Sawyer chuckled, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend a little tighter.

“Definitely.” He rested their foreheads together, and Charlie managed to slip his arms out of the blankets and wrap them around Sawyer’s neck.

“Less talking. More kissing.” They both pulled back a little, and Sawyer couldn’t help but smirk a little at Charlie’s request.

“You got it, sunshine.”


	20. Hold Me D(r)own

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie tries to stand up to Jacob, but it doesn’t go as planned. THIS IS KIND OF A SEQUEL TO NUMB, BTW.  
> Timeframe: Dharmaville time I guess  
> Category: Angst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was gonna give this a fluff ending but since this is related to Numb I felt like being evil :)  
> Fluff coming after this I just needed to get it out of my system.

“I’m sick of you. Of this.” Charlie’s sudden confidence boost is nothing but a nuisance to Jacob.  
“You’ve lied to me. More than anyone else in my entire life.” He’s fuming. Going off at Jacob like this ISN’T the man he cowers in fear of.

“Please just shut up.” Jacob sighed, not wanting to deal with any of this right now.  
That only made Charlie even angrier.

“I’m not your toy! I refuse to be!” Charlie continued to push, and Jacob stood up, looking just a tad bit angrier.

“You don’t have a choice here.”

“You’re disgusting.”

The air felt like it was suffocating him. Standing up to Jacob is something he’s always been horrified of.  
And with Jacob approaching him now, his heart feels like it’s in his throat.  
“Wait...“

Charlie started backing up, away from Jacob who seemed to be going at a snail’s pace despite his anger.  
Charlie was frantically looking for the exit, pressing himself up against the wall as Jacob slowly made his way towards him.

The true panic was starting to set in. The gravity of his words.  
He kept backing up, finally finding more room to back up into. Jacob is nearly right in front of him.

They’ve backed up so far that they’re out of the chamber now. Charlie nearly tripped on a rock, causing Jacob to gain on him more.  
Eventually, they were at the shore, Charlie standing on a particularly flat rock to try and get leverage. Jacob didn’t seem bothered by that, though.

“And you’re a fool, Pace.” He grabbed the musician by his collar, causing Charlie to close his eyes as of bracing for an impact that never came.  
“I’m not going to hit you.”   
He slowly opened his eyes, staring at Jacob, nothing but fear flowing through him. He should have expected this...

“You’re not?” Charlie managed not to stumble over his words despite his shaking. Jacob sighed, looking at the water for a second and tightening his grip on Charlie’s shirt.

“No. I’m not.” He replied, trying to sound more soft now. Charlie seemed to relax a little, and Jacob leaned in a bit closer.  
“But I am going to do something else.”

Panic. All he can do is panic. His legs aren’t moving and his train of thought has halted.  
He doesn’t know what to do. He messed up. Jacob is mad and that can only bring pain. 

“What...?” Charlie tensed again, trying to back up more but there isn’t enough space. Jacob smiled. Just smiled. And Charlie felt a chill run up his spine at how normal that expression looked.  
The grip on his shirt softened, and Jacob stepped back.   
He almost thought he was in the clear.

“You’re gonna go for a swim.”  
Suddenly Jacob’s hand is on his arm, tugging him and throwing him onto the rock.  
“And I’m going to help you.”

Charlie tried to get to his feet, but Jacob had other ideas. He was on top of Charlie almost immediately, holding the musician down whilst avoiding his thrashing limbs.  
He wrapped his hand firmly around Charlie’s neck, and he found it a little amusing how the other tried to pry them off.

“Last chance to say you’re sorry.” 

He can feel the waves. They’re getting harsher the longer they fight and every splash sends a wave of anxiety over Charlie.   
All he can think about is swimming. He’s going to need to focus. Because when Jacob makes a promise, he keeps it. At least when it’s more of a threat.

Charlie didn’t respond. He just glared up at Jacob with more hatred and betrayal than he’s ever felt before.  
Not even Liam had made him feel this angry. This helpless.

“Your choice, Pace.” Jacob sighed, standing up and dragging Charlie up with him.  
“Have fun.” He grunted as he released Charlie again, pushing him into the water this time.

He didn’t even realize it at first. How he had stumbled backwards. He was so caught up in how cold Jacob looked in that moment that he didn’t try to stabilize himself.  
Not that he could have. The rock was too slippery. He wouldn’t have been able to grab on or stand his ground even if he tried.

He can barely focus. He’s being tossed around and all he can do is yell.  
First for Jacob. But Jacob didn’t care. He was watching but he wasn’t helping.

Then for Sawyer. He screamed and begged for Sawyer.  
Of course he never came to his aid. But he still called for him when the ocean let him breath. Using every bit of oxygen he got to cry out for him.

And with every yell Jacob seemed to get angrier. It’s hard to tell over the water and tears in his eyes, but he can see the impression of some anger there.  
Good. Because if Charlie is dying tonight, he wants Sawyer to be the last thing on his mind.

But then he’s being tugged. Not by the ocean, but by a hand. Pulled up onto the shore as he shivered and gasped for air despite not being submerged anymore.  
Jacob pulled him out. But why?  
He’s so confused...

He didn’t seem interested in actually helping Charlie, though. Watching with a blank stare as the musician shivered and cried a little on the sand.

“You were a Catholic before, right?”  
The question sounded so nonchalant but with the current situation Charlie felt disgusted.

“What...?” He tried to snap back, but didn’t have the strength or the will to. He doesn’t want to face death again tonight.

“You were religious.” Jacob’s stare only made Charlie feel even more sick. But he nodded, and Jacob nodded back. The feeling of Jacob’s fingers brushing against his cheek made him shudder even more.  
“Then have faith in me. In this. Because I’m the only reason you’re still here.”  
His calm tone was menacing enough on it’s own, and Charlie nodded out of pure fear.

Charlie sobbed as quietly as he could, and Jacob sighed.  
He sounded so exhausted, and yet Charlie was the one who almost died.  
He sounded put out because he tried to MURDER someone.  
Charlie sobbed even harder, wanting to just go back to any time before this.  
Before the crash.  
Before he died.  
Before Jacob.

Jacob stood up, looking down at Charlie like the pathetic lump he felt like.  
“Come back inside when you’re done. I’ll warm you up.”  
And that made the sick feeling in Charlie’s stomach more severe.

He just wants to go home.

•

He woke up in the middle of the night again.   
All of his dreams are either of Jacob or Sawyer, and he knows which ones he prefers.

He closed his eyes, taking in the silence around him.  
If can just forget where he is, then maybe he can feel some sort of happiness.

He tries to replace the dark, cold space around him with the camp.  
The silence morphing into distant conversations and the sounds of the other survivors going about their day.

He tries to replace the feeling of Jacob next to him with Sawyer.  
But that’s impossible.  
Jacob doesn’t hold him or even say goodnight half the time.  
Sawyer did. He would wrap his arms around him and whisper to him until he fell asleep in his arms.

He smiles to himself. Jacob can’t see it.  
He’s not happy. He’s suffering. But he can smile at the memory of Sawyer.  
How things used to be.  
How they could’ve been if he hadn’t gone down to the Looking Glass.

Jacob stirs a little next to him.  
But he’s smiling.  
He doesn’t panic because he knows Jacob doesn’t care enough to wake up on his behalf.  
And he laughs a little.

How did he even get to this point?


	21. Thunderstorm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They had plans for a date night, but...nature had another idea.  
> Timeframe: Revival post-rescue  
> Category: Fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS IT’S THE FLUFF  
> THE FLUFF WE NEEDED CUZ THE ANGST ON THAT LAST ONE WAS RIDICULOUS   
> A A A A  
> (Also this fic was started at midnight and I finished it at 1 AM so sorry for the abundance of mistakes that are probably lurking in here.)

“You look stunning.” Charlie’s breath caught a little at the sight of Sawyer’s more formal outfit.  
Of course, the scarf is still wrapped around his neck snuggly. But the rest is out of the norm. No button-down as usual. Sure, a dress shirt may not seem too fancy to some, but Sawyer barely wears them unless he’s forced to.

But tonight is quite different. In fact, Sawyer hasn’t shut up about it all week. They’ve had this night planned for a while, and Sawyer is bent on seeing it through no matter what.  
Now that Charlie is getting better, they’re going on an actual date. Nothing much, just dinner, but it’s a huge improvement.

“That’s supposed to be my line, sweetheart.” He placed a hand on Charlie’s hip, leaning down and quickly kissing him. The musician hummed happily, grabbing Sawyer’s hand as it fell from his side.  
“So handsome...” The ex-conman admired his boyfriend carefully, taking in every detail. Charlie laughed, turning his head away for a second to try and hide his blush.

“You’re staring again, love.”

“Oh I know.” Sawyer wrapped his other arm completely around Charlie, pulling him closer. Charlie stumbled a bit, thrown off by the sudden movement, but quickly adjusted. He slowly managed to wrap his arms around Sawyer’s neck, staring up at him as they stood at the bottom of the stairs.

Charlie contemplated letting this continue. They’re not crunched for time here since the restaurant won’t be closing any time soon. So it won’t kill them to be just a bit later than they originally planned.

Well, that was the plan, until a loud rumbling sounded from outside.

“What was that?” Charlie whipped his head around to stare out one of the windows, throwing Sawyer off a bit.

“I’m sure it was nothin-“

There was flash of lightning, followed by another clap of thunder, and Charlie nearly toppled them over with how severely he jumped.  
“Okay, maybe it ain’t nothin’.” Sawyer grumbled, sighing as Charlie slipped out of his arms to go see how bad the storm was.

When Charlie didn’t say anything for a while, Sawyer decided to go investigate.  
When he entered the living room, he found his boyfriend just staring out the window in amazement.  
“That’s...a lot of rain.” He seemed to be at a loss for words, and the ex-conman could only chuckle and stand next to him.

“You ain’t seen a storm like before, huh?” 

“Not off the island, no.”  
Sawyer blinked for a moment at that. He’s surprised Charlie isn’t scared of the storm, considering how often those seemed to occur on the island.  
“This is amazing...” Charlie seemed mesmerized, and Sawyer shook his head in a mix of adoration and confusion.

“My boyfriend. The island guy. Just called a storm ‘amazing’.” Sawyer was talking to himself more than anything, but Charlie looked over at him, frowning a little. He shifted gaze to meet Charlie’s smiling as the rain continued to pour. “You’re adorable, ya know that?”

Charlie’s frown morphed quickly into a smile, and he leaned against the window as he grabbed Sawyer’s hand again, slowly tugging him closer.  
“And a weirdo, according to you.”

“And beautiful.”

“And confusing.”

“Very confusing.” Sawyer added, and Charlie laughed a little. “But I love it.” Sawyer brought his free hand up to Charlie’s face, cupping his cheek gently.

There was another crash of thunder, and Charlie jumped a bit, having spaced out a little too much. Sawyer laughed, but didn’t move away quite yet.  
He leaned in a bit more, just about to connect their lips and make up for how they were rudely interrupted earlier. Charlie closed his eyes and let Sawyer pull him further forward, losing himself in the moment...

“What about our date?” Charlie asked suddenly, pulling back before they could connect. Sawyer groaned, suddenly remembering what they were doing in the first place. He leaned back against the window more, running a hand over his face as he stared at the floor.

“Well we ain’t gonna get there with that-“ Sawyer gestured outside, followed by another flash of lightning. “-in our way.” Charlie picked up on the irritation in his voice, and chewed his lip as the ex-conman continued to curse under his breath.

“It’s fine, darling...” He offered a reassuring smile, squeezing Sawyer’s hand that he was still holding firmly. “Let’s get changed. We can find another way to spend the night.” 

Sawyer continued to pout, but nodded, closing his eyes for a second.  
Why is it that every time he wants to do somethin’ nice for Charlie, someone or something gets in the way? It’s like the universe is against him here.  
He moved away from the window as Charlie pulled him away, leading him towards the stairs.

Well, they’re just gonna have to improvise then.

•

The storm never let up for a second, even after both of them had changed into more comfortable clothing.  
Sawyer didn’t expect it to stop any time soon, but he hoped it would lighten up a bit. Charlie didn’t seem to mind as much though.

They both agreed that lounging around would be good enough for tonight. But Charlie wanted to watch the storm, so Sawyer offered to cuddle up on the couch. The biggest window in their house is in the living room, which will surely make Charlie happy. Sawyer has never felt so jealous of a storm before, though...

So here they are. Curled up on the couch watching the storm. Well, Charlie is watching the storm. Sawyer is more focused on the man in his arms rather than the forces of nature.  
Charlie’s curled up in his arms, one arm draped around Sawyer as his hand rests on his shoulder, his head against the other’s chest. The ex-conman has one arm around Charlie, with the other in his hair.

Neither of them talked for a bit. Sitting in silence as the storm raged outside. Still though, it was a good kind of silence. And Sawyer felt a bit bad for wanting to break it.

“I can’t believe you actually like the storm.” Sawyer chuckled, running his hand through Charlie’s hair. The musician hummed in response, snuggling closer and nuzzling Sawyer’s chest a tad.

“I know...because the island...” Charlie sighed, and Sawyer remained silent. “But I can still appreciate a good storm...we didn’t get many back home.”

Sawyer nodded, humming in acknowledgement as he let Charlie focus on the storm again.  
He wasn’t as focused on the storm, though. He much prefers looking at Charlie instead.

He’s come a long way since they got him off the island. He used to be so jumpy, the slightest movement or noise sending him into a frenzy. Sawyer couldn’t play with his hair without the musician tensing up.  
He couldn’t even go into the basement without freaking out about Jacob.

Now though, he’s here. Laying in Sawyer’s arms and humming happily as his lover’s fingers threaded through his hair.   
Just last night, he had spent an hour by himself in the basement searching for Christmas decorations. He didn’t find any, but most importantly, he didn’t freak out.  
The basement used to remind him of Jacob’s chamber, but after getting used to this house it reminds him more of Sawyer now.

And Sawyer smiled to himself because of that. He’s so proud of Charlie. What he went through was worse than anything the other survivors went though.  
Ten years. With three of those wasted on Jacob.

Sawyer’s pride was cut short though, as the lights began to flicker.  
“Oh.” Charlie seemed to have come back to reality, looking up at Sawyer with a concerned look.

And just as suddenly as they had flickered, the lights went out, causing the two of them to jump a little in surprise.  
Sawyer IS NOT gonna ask which one of them squeaked in surprise. It was probably Charlie, but at this point anything is possible.

“I’ll go fix it...” Sawyer groaned, but Charlie tightened his grip, forcing him to stay down. He looked down at the other in confusion, but Charlie just smiled.

“No. It’s fine. I like it this way.” His voice was quieter now, as if the darkness called for a different tone. Sawyer nodded slowly, adjusting back to their original position.

In the dim light, he can still see Charlie, so he isn’t complaining. Their closeness combined with the bright lightning meant his admiration could continue.

The rain continued. The thunder came just as loud as it had been and the lightning just as bright.  
But Charlie was so calm. Staring out the window so peacefully. In comparison to the Charlie that couldn’t even close his eyes without screaming, this is a miracle.

Sawyer can feel himself getting a little choked up now.  
Charlie seems genuinely happy now. His bright, cheery attitude has always been there but it was always followed by a rain cloud of trauma that he’ll never fully recover from.  
And to see him. Laying like this. Eyes fluttering closed occasionally as he relaxed in Sawyer’s arms. That made all the pain and all the sleepless nights worth it.  
Of course he’s not over it. He’ll never completely recover. There will always be memories and nightmares. Hallucinations and episodes that Charlie has no control over.

But he’s here. He’s alive and he’s real and Sawyer will never let anyone take him away again.  
He thought it would be impossible. A moment like this was a daydream to him not too long ago.  
But he got his sunshine back. His meaning. The whole reason he managed to keep himself going this whole time.

And as Charlie looks up at him with that soft smile, he felt a few tears slip.  
And he’s thankful for the darkness. Because Charlie doesn’t have to see him crying like this. He doesn’t need to get all concerned over nothing.

He’s happy. Sawyer is actually happy.


	22. Two Idiots in a Hatch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie decides to have some wholesome fun with his boyfriend whilst waiting for his button shift to end.  
> Timeframe: Idk again  
> Category: Fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another OG fic 👀  
> They vibin

“Found it!” Charlie yelled as he held up the record. Sawyer looked up from the box he had been rummaging through, and grabbed it out of Charlie’s hands.  
Right now, it’s his turn to monitor the button. Of course, he didn’t want to be all alone down here. So the first thing he did was drag Sawyer down here with him for some alone time.

“I swear, these people had some weird taste in music.” Sawyer mumbled, placing the record gently on the player. Charlie snuck up behind him and leaned into him, watching the record spin as the music slowly kicked on.  
“You happy being back there?” Sawyer smiled, and Charlie wrapped his arms around Sawyer, laughing lightly into his shirt.

“Thanks for coming down here with me.” Charlie closed his eyes as the music player softly in front of them. Sawyer stepped back a bit, moving away from the player, but never turned around.  
“I know you probably have better things you could be doing.” Charlie laughed, and that for Sawyer to spin around. He pulled Charlie up closer to him, looking him straight (there isn’t anything straight about this though Sawyer) in the eyes.

“Nah, not really. Reading the same book for the hundredth time isn’t very riveting anymore.”  
They stayed liked that for a bit, smiling at each other and Charlie occasionally attempting to flirt with the conman. Sawyer would laugh and humor him for a bit, but eventually they would slip back into the blissful silence.  
Charlie eventually got bored of just standing there, and at the perfect time too. A particularly slow song was playing behind them now, and he grinned up at Sawyer. He had an idea.  
“What’s that mind of yours thinkin’ now?”

Charlie didn’t say anything. He moved one of his arms out from behind Sawyer and slowly pried one of Sawyer’s arm off his own waist. Sawyer looked confused, but it all clicked when Charlie took his hand and started swaying gently. Sawyer laughed sheepishly at Charlie’s sudden gentlemanly demeanor.  
“Is this okay?” Charlie asked softly, and Sawyer slowly easer in to the movement. It felt so surreal, and for once Sawyer was scared of losing it.

“Yeah...this is good.” Charlie nodded at that, having full-control over their movements. He knew Sawyer sucked at dancing, so he indulged himself in the moment. It was so perfectly close to what Charlie had always wanted that he felt dizzy.  
Sawyer was silent, desperately trying to not accidentally screw up and step on Charlie’s foot or something. He let Charlie take the reigns here, following along with whatever he was doing. He’s not exactly the kind of guy who enjoys giving up control, but he can make an exception here. Especially when the alternative would be sloppy and so embarrassingly bad that Charlie might just dump him.  
They both tuned out the music eventually too. They continued long after the original, slow melody had finished.  
Charlie was just about to lean up and kiss Sawyer when...

A loud, annoying noise pierced through their little dream world, and Charlie almost flew into Sawyer with how caught off guard he was.

“Right...the button. Wonderful timing...” Charlie grumbled, and reluctantly had to pull away from Sawyer. Sawyer shoved his hands in his pockets and followed behind Charlie, watching him grumpily reset the counter.  
Charlie sighed and looked up at Sawyer over the computer monitor, staring at the other man who was leaning against the wall nonchalantly.

“If it makes you feel any better, my shift is next.” Sawyer winked, and quickly turned to walk back into the main room. Charlie practically jumped with how quickly he took off.

“Are you serious?” He sounded so surprised and yet so excited. Sawyer laughed and nodded, holding and arm out and waiting for Charlie to approach him.

“I asked the doc if I could squeeze in after you. Figured you would drag me down here anyways.” Sawyer wrapped his arms around Charlie just like he had before, but quickly removed one and let it hang at his sides. Charlie looked so grateful for something so seemingly small. Sawyer noticed how his eyes kinda sparkled whenever he got excited.  
“Wanna do that honors?” Sawyer opened his hand, waiting for Charlie to make his move.

“Of course.” Charlie was grinning uncontrollably as he grabbed Sawyer’s hand. They resumed the same position as they had earlier, with only a few small adjustments. Charlie rested his head on Sawyer’s chest every now and then, and sometimes he would get over confident and spin them around. Sawyer never tried to gain control. He let Charlie guide him. The record had stopped at some point, but neither of them bothered to fiddle with it.

The alarm for the button would ring out again eventually, and they would both have to leave. But for now, nothing exists around them. Yeah, that meant they bumped in to a lot of stuff that did definitely exist, but it never ruined the moment.

“Can I try dipping you?” Charlie asked suddenly, and Sawyer blinked down at him. After the request fully registered, Sawyer shrugged.

“If you think you can, then go fo-“ He was cut off as Charlie dipped him back, never having to move his hands as they were perfectly placed to hold Sawyer up.  
“Well alright then.” Sawyer knew he must’ve looked flustered, and Charlie smirked, still not ready to yank him back up yet.

“I could probably lift you up, too.” Charlie’s voice was giddy and wild, and Sawyer wheeze-laugher at Charlie’s sudden confidence. He’s pretty strong for such a small guy.  
“Can I...?” Charlie looked up at Sawyer with hopeful eyes, and the conman had to look away to keep himself contained.

“Just lift me, sunshine.”

•  
“How did you break the lamp?” Jack asked, watching the two lovebirds carefully. Charlie looked around the room nervously, while Sawyer just shrugged.

“We knocked it over.” Sawyer seemed awfully pleased with himself, but Jack looked unamused.

“Yeah I can see that.” Jack sighed, eyes flicking between the two men in front of him.  
“Please don’t tell me...” Jack started, cringing at the thought of them possibly having messed up the Hatch more than he thought. Charlie looked up at him quickly, looking panicked and a tad shocked.

“No no no.” Charlie replied quickly, holding his hands up defensively. “We didn’t do anything...like that.” He laughed nervously, and Jack gave him an unconvinced look.  
“...not yet at least...” Charlie added quietly, and Sawyer snickered.

“So how did you break the lamp then?” Jack was getting a little irritated now, and Sawyer glared a little bit at that.

“We were dancing...” Charlie spoke before Sawyer chimed in, which Jack was thankful for.

“And?”

“And I wanted to try lifting Sawyer...”

“Okay?” Jack fought back a smile at the thought of Charlie trying to lift Sawyer of all people. He’s strong, but he’s small. And Sawyer is certainly not as small as Charlie.

“But when I tried to pick him up...” Charlie glanced up at Sawyer for a second, noticing how hard the conman was trying not to laugh. “...I couldn’t do it and we both fell backwards into the lamp.” Charlie said it quickly to get it over with, and Jack nodded.

“Alright.”

“We’re sorry.” Charlie spoke for both of them, and Sawyer rolled his eyes.

“It’s fine, Charlie. Just help me get it cleaned up.” Jack pushed past the duo and towards the lamp, not seeing the smirk Sawyer gave the musician.

“Not yet, huh?” Sawyer chuckled, and Charlie shoved him in the arm lightly.

“Shut up.”


	23. Dancing’s Not a Crime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sawyer asks for Charlie’s help, which moth man of course agrees to give.  
> Timeframe: Idk but pre-relationship   
> Category: Fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The product of my mind’s sudden inspiration rush last night.  
> Featuring Sawyer being big dump stupid and Charlie being relentless.

“So you don’t know how to dance?” Charlie was trying to hold back his laughter, and Sawyer just sighed and shook his head.

“Look, if you ain’t gonna take this seriously then forget it.” He turned to leave, but heard Charlie quickly stand up behind him.

“Wait wait wait-“ Charlie sounded desperate now, so Sawyer turned back around to look at him. “I’ll help.” He managed to stop his snickering, and Sawyer approached him yet again.

“Good.” 

There was silence for a bit. The two of them staring at each other and Sawyer swore there was a glint of excitement in Charlie’s eyes.  
“So...” Charlie started, breaking away from Sawyer’s gaze to look down at the sand for a moment. “Have any ideas?”

“Why are you askin’ me? You’re the expert here.” Sawyer crossed his arms over his chest, giving Charlie a once-over. The musician laughed nervously, shifting his weight from foot-to-foot as he tried to find the proper words.

“Right yeah expert...” He’s rambling again, and Sawyer smirks at how easily he sent him into that cute, confused mode. Charlie muttered to himself quietly for a bit, and Sawyer enjoyed every minute of it.  
“Slow dancing?”

“What?” Sawyer was thrown off by that. Him? Slow dancing? Is Charlie crazy?

“You heard me.” He had that signature grin. You know, the one that makes him look all goofy but also incredibly adorable. What’s he even thinking anymore? He’s looking at Charlie in a way he’s never looked at anyone before.   
Why him of all people? Why now? And why here?

“You okay, mate?”

Sawyer snapped back to reality, staring at Charlie who looked equally as confused as Sawyer felt.  
“Slow dancing. Yeah. Right.” He tried to compose himself, but Charlie clearly saw him struggling.

“Come on, then.” Charlie held out his hand, waiting for Sawyer to initiate their ‘lesson’. The conman took his hand slowly before smirking, tugging Charlie forward abruptly.  
“Easy there, cowboy.” The musician seemed mostly unfazed by Sawyer’s sudden movement. He wrapped arm around Sawyer, nudging the conman and urging him to do the same. “It’s called slow dancing for a reason.” Sawyer finally got his arm around Charlie, and he could barely hear his own thoughts over his heartbeat. Charlie seemed to notice how red-faced he was, and leaned up closer to his ear.  
“You have to be gentle...”

When Charlie pulled back again and looked up at him, Sawyer felt his heart stop completely.   
Those blue eyes are just too much...  
He realized he must’ve been staring a bit too much as Charlie laughed lightly, pulling Sawyer impossibly closer.

“So why did you ask for this anyways?” Charlie tilted his head a little as he spoke, slowly getting Sawyer adjusted to their movements. He felt the conman accidentally step on his foot at one point, but didn’t mention it.

“‘Cause I need to woo someone.” Sawyer answered simply, struggling to keep himself together with how close Charlie’s lips are to his own.  
He’s slowly getting lost in this. Finding a pattern and somewhat of a rhythm. But Charlie is awfully distracting.

“And who might that be?” Charlie seemed genuinely curious, but Sawyer didn’t feel like confessing right now.

“None of your business.” Sawyer smiled as he replied, not wanting to seem too rude. Charlie seemed satisfied with that, admiring the other’s dimples. That only made Sawyer’s smile widen, getting just a little too mushy for either of them to handle.  
Charlie tore his eyes away, looking down at their feet in embarrassment.

“Sorry...got a little lost there.” He whispered nervously, and Sawyer spun them around suddenly to get Charlie’s attention again.

“I didn’t say you couldn’t stare, sugar.” Sawyer moved hand from Charlie’s back for a moment, using it to guide the musician’s face slowly up towards his own.  
“No need to be so modest.” Charlie looked surprised at Sawyer’s response, mouth moving as if he wanted to speak but no words came out. Sawyer let his hand wander back to Charlie’s back, and the musician closed his eyes for a second.

“You know, if you wanted this, you could have just asked.” He finally spoke again, smirking up at Sawyer. His flirty side came back fairly quickly.

“I did.” Sawyer scoffed, and Charlie shook his head.

“Not for lessons.” Charlie’s smirk softened into more of a gentle smile, and Sawyer felt like melting. “You could’ve just said you wanted to dance with me.”  
Sawyer laughed as if Charlie hadn’t completed seen through his facade.

“Sorry, honey. I ain’t doin’ this for you.” Sawyer lied, and he hated how Charlie’s previously bright eyes seemed to sadden. 

“Really?” He sounded disappointed, a little hurt even. Sawyer felt a twinge of guilt, but didn’t let his act falter.

“Really. You ain’t as special as you think ya are, Chuckie.” He hated how that sentence felt. How it sounded.  
And Charlie looked upset. Genuinely hurt and now Sawyer felt guilty.

But then that grin came back.  
Wait, what?

“Oh you’re such a flirt...” Charlie sighed, resting his head against Sawyer’s chest. The conman would’ve exploded in that moment if he could have. His face was absolutely on fire and he could barely breathe.  
“You say the sweetest things...” He closed his eyes, just enjoying their swaying as well the rise and fall of Sawyer’s chest. His breathing was shaky, but Charlie didn’t seem to mind.

“Screw you...” Sawyer started to laugh, nervous and embarrassed. Charlie snickered a little, but didn’t move his head away quite yet.

“Well if that’s what you want...”  
Sawyer nearly choked on his own breath at that. Charlie’s forwardness has him at a loss for words.

“Just shut up already.”

•

They spent a while like that. Just enjoying each other’s company and occasionally flirting to break the silence.  
Neither of them will admit how intimate it all felt.

“How ‘bout we spice things up?” Sawyer offered suddenly, and Charlie looked up at him curiously.

“What are you planning?” He sounded worried at first, but he eventually smirked back, wrapping his arms around the conman’s neck.  
“Should I be scared?”

Sawyer didn’t answer him. He just stared at him with that oh-so-familiar mischievous look.  
And then, suddenly, he shifted. And Charlie began to fall. Charlie yelped in surprise, but he wasn’t as surprised when Sawyer caught him.

“Did you just...?” Charlie asked slowly, out of breath both from the shock of being dipped and the realization of how easily he could kiss Sawyer right now.  
The conman looked more than satisfied, pulling Charlie back up just a tad but not completely.

“Yup.” He sounded more confident now than earlier, and judging by his close he’s gotten, much flirtier.

“You should warn me next time.” Charlie teased, eyes flicking between Sawyer’s gaze and his lips. He’s shaking a tad, and that seemed to entertain the other man even more.

“Nah. It’s more fun like this.” Sawyer lingered for a little longer. There was just barely enough distance between them to keep the illusion of personal space.  
Reluctantly, he pulled Charlie back up completely, letting go of the musician as he stumbled further away.

“And you’re sure you needed lessons?” Charlie joked, not too far from Sawyer but far enough to be missing the feeling of the other.  
Sawyer shrugged, still smiling but also severely regretting letting that moment end.

“Guess I’m more talented than I thought.” Charlie scoffed at that, getting closer just so he could shove Sawyer playfully.  
The two of them bickered for a bit, reverting back to their flirty, friendly and definitely not at all romantic antics.

“You’re such a tease!” Charlie groaned, and Sawyer quirked a brow at the sudden annoyance.  
“Why are you so cruel?” And now he’s pouting. POUTING. And Sawyer loves that expression. It fits Charlie all too well.

“Maybe you need to stop gettin’ your hopes up.” Sawyer placed a hand on Charlie’s shoulder, a little disappointed as the pout turned into more of a confused frown.

“Or maybe YOU should stop acting like this-“ Charlie gestured between them, leaning in to Sawyer’s touch a bit more. “-doesn’t exist.”

“What’s ‘this’ even supposed to be?” Sawyer asked in confusion, realizing that he’s closer to Charlie again. Not as close as they were earlier, but close enough.  
The musician sighed, shaking his head and shoving Sawyer’s arm away.

“Nothing, apparently.” He sighed, walking away with a glum look.  
Sawyer was left confused and upset, watching Charlie dig through his bag for something.

“Well...thanks for your help and all.” Sawyer said slowly, awkwardly standing and watching as Charlie rummaged through his belongings.

What just happened?  
He doesn’t know what to feel anymore and frankly Charlie isn’t helping anything.  
When he’s not confused because of how he feels about Charlie, he’s confused about how Charlie feels about him.

He doesn’t know what THIS is supposed to be. This weird relationship that they’ve formed that’s somewhere in between friendship and romance.  
Charlie is so flirty and seemingly forward but what if he’s just messing around?  
And Sawyer is just waiting for his feelings to blow over like they always do.

It’s not that he doesn’t want to be with Charlie, it’s quite the opposite actually.  
He’s just terrified of what committing to one person could bring.  
Relationships have only ever caused pain for him in the past.

Sawyer continued to stare. The time ticking by and Charlie didn’t seem keen on acknowledging him.  
“I’ll be leavin’, then...” Sawyer muttered, turning to leave. He doesn’t wanna end the night on a bad note, but he doesn’t seem to have much of a choice here.

“Oh, we’re not done yet, love.” Charlie whipped around, smirking as if he wasn’t seemingly upset a few seconds ago.  
“We still have a whole night ahead of us.”

Sawyer froze, staring at Charlie in confusion for what felt like the hundredth time that night  
Oh. Well that sounds...interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Charlie bouncing back like he ain’t heart broken tho


	24. Respect the Moth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sawyer is all about that respectful kissing.  
> Timeframe: Revival post-rescue  
> Category: Fluff/angst

Sawyer felt the bed dip next to him as Charlie sat down, wrapped up in the bathrobe as usual.  
“That shower is like heaven...” Charlie sighed, and Sawyer chuckled, sitting up next to the musician.

“Would that make ya an angel then?” Sawyer flirted, and Charlie gave a surprised laugh at that. Their hands brushed together for a second, but Sawyer didn’t try to hold Charlie’s. Despite his flirty demeanor, he doesn’t want to make the other panic. Despite his reservations, he still wants to admire Charlie. It’s been forever since he’s been able to touch him.  
“Can I...?”

Charlie looked at him in confusion for a second, but once he saw Sawyer’s hand hanging hesitantly in the air, it clicked.  
He nodded, but didn’t say anything, waiting for the feeling of Sawyer’s hand.  
But despite Charlie’s response, Sawyer still didn’t move.

“You sure it’s alright?” Sawyer asked, staring at Charlie hesitantly. The musician chewed his lip, looking away for a second. When his eyes finally landed back on Sawyer, he smiled.

“Yeah. I’m sure, love.” He reassured the ex-conman, who slowly nodded.

Sawyer placed his hand on Charlie’s cheek carefully, seeing his boyfriend flinch a little at the touch. He ran his thumb over the stubble slowly, watching as Charlie’s eyes started to flutter, nearly closing as he leaned into the touch more.  
“You’re doing real good, sweetheart.” Sawyer smiled, still on his guard in case Charlie freaks out. Charlie seemed to be fine for now though, smiling and nodded lightly into Sawyer’s hand.

Sawyer moved his hand around to the back of Charlie’s neck, slowly pulling him forwards into a reassuring kiss.  
Charlie didn’t move for a second. Tense but not fearful. Seemingly frozen but he wasn’t panicking. He let his hands fall onto Sawyer’s arms, relaxing again.

Charlie melted, feeling more safe now than he has in a long time. He wrapped one of his arms around Sawyer’s neck, falling into him a bit more.  
But when Sawyer’s hand moved to his shoulder, his eyes shot open, and Sawyer felt him jump at the change.  
The ex-conman pulled back, looking at Charlie worriedly.

Charlie scooted away from him, holding his shoulder as if it was injured.  
“Hey...did I do somethin’ wrong?” Sawyer’s concerned voice made Charlie feel a bit guilty, but he didn’t respond. He closed his eyes again, trying not to think about the scar too much.  
He doesn’t want Sawyer to see it. Or feel it. He’s ashamed of it.

Sawyer shuffled over next to him, almost putting his hand on his arm but instead just letting it fall behind them on the mattress.  
“Talk to me, sunshine...”

Charlie shook his head, keeping his eyes shut as tightly as he could.  
“I’m sorry...” It’s not his fault, and yet he still feels like he should apologize.  
After all, Sawyer wouldn’t be upset now if it weren’t for him, right?

“You don’t gotta apologize...” Sawyer smiled, and his reassurance caused Charlie to open his eyes.  
Sawyer was taken aback a bit when Charlie took his hand, finally meeting Sawyer’s eyes again.

“Just...don’t touch the shoulder.” Charlie joked despite looking like he was about to cry. He nudged Sawyer a little, signaling for him to do something.

Sawyer slowly wrapped his arms around Charlie, pulling him closer to hold him. The musician closed his eyes, secure in the other’s arms.  
When Sawyer’s hand started running through his hair, he shuddered a little, panicking just a bit at the feeling.

“It’s me, honey...” Sawyer whispered, trying to calm his lover down. “He’s gone... he can’t hurt you...” He continued to soothe the trembling man, feeling him slowly relax as he continued to play with his hair.

“I know...” Charlie was shaking just a tad, but was mostly okay now.  
Sawyer kept his hands as far away from Charlie’s shoulder as he could, which the musician was silently grateful for.

Sawyer still doesn’t know where the scar came from. Charlie refuses to tell him. He knows it was probably from Jacob, but when exactly it happened or how he’s not sure.  
But he won’t press the issue. Making Charlie uncomfortable is the last thing he wants to do.


	25. A Rather Engaging Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just the boys contemplating the idea of getting married.  
> Timeframe: Revival post-rescue  
> Category: Fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha 2 AM short fluff fic go brrrrr  
> I am very tired I’ma go to bed now

“So which one? Sawyer Pace? Or Charlie Ford?” Charlie suddenly asked as he entered the living room, not sitting down next to Sawyer quite yet. Sawyer looked at him in confusion, smiling but clearly lost.

“Why are ya askin’, sweetheart?” He put his book down, to which Charlie hummed happily, taking his rightful place next to Sawyer on the couch. He almost went for just sitting in his lap, but that would’ve made this conversation a lot more difficult to have.

“No reason. Just curious.” Charlie smirked a little, resting his head against Sawyer’s shoulder. The ex-conman was still confused, but wrapped an arm around Charlie anyways.

“You always got a reason. I just ain’t sure what it is this time.” Sawyer glanced down at Charlie, who met his gaze for a second before closing his eyes.

“Well...I would like to get married eventually, love.” Charlie softened his tone, and suddenly Sawyer’s heart was pounding.  
Does he know? Did he find the ring? Well if he does know at least this means he’ll say yes...

“Yeah...” Sawyer responded simply, trying not to sound too nervous. “And we’ll get there soon.” He reassured the musician, squeezing him a little. Charlie smiled at that, nuzzling against Sawyer’s shoulder.

“I hope so...” Charlie knows he’s pushing his luck.  
If Sawyer gets suspicious, then he’ll have to start working extra hard to keep the ring hidden. He can’t let his lover know what he’s planning. “You’re finger looks awfully barren without a ring.”

Sawyer laughed, surely as red as a tomato by now.  
“And you could definitely use another one on that beautiful hand of yours.”  
Charlie hummed in agreement, looking up at Sawyer again.

“It all depends on which one of us goes for it first.” He smirked, thinking about how he plans to propose. He’s honestly not completely sure yet. It’s not something he had ever thought about a whole lot before he met Sawyer.

“You’re gonna look breath takin’ in a tux...” Sawyer whispered, trying to direct the conversation away from the topic of rings.  
Charlie must have no clue about what he’s got planned. Good. He ain’t about to let his proposal be spoiled.

Charlie laughed, staying quiet for a second. Sawyer nearly spoke again when Charlie moved into his lap, wrapping his arm around his neck with a smile.  
“You look breath taking even without a tux...” Charlie leaned in, but didn’t kiss him just yet, smiling when Sawyer huffed in annoyance.

“You gonna make me do it?”

“If you don’t mind.”

Sawyer leaned back a little to look at him for a second, but quickly lunged forward, surprising the musician just a bit.  
He let one hand rest on Charlie’s back, while the other slipped up into his hair.

This is what he wants for the rest of his life. Just him and Charlie, with Clementine sometimes of course, but mostly just the two of them.  
They’ve both already been through too much to stress over anything. Charlie especially.

And Charlie can say the same.  
He’s just about done with the world and ready to just curl up on the couch with his beloved ex-conman for all eternity.  
That sounds like a much better alternative to life in general.

And both of them are so naive yet so confident at the same time. They have no idea what either of them are planning.  
The rings.  
The proposal.  
Two very different minds that want the same thing.  
And it’ll all come together in time. It’s just a matter of one of them having the confidence to get down on one knee first.  
It could be tomorrow.  
It could be another few years.  
Either way, they’ll get there eventually.

Charlie pulled away with some effort, laughing softly as Sawyer tried to chase his lips.  
“I must admit...” He started, looking at Sawyer as directly as he could. “I am quite fond of your last name...”

Sawyer smiled, pulling Charlie forward again but just to rest their foreheads together this time.  
“Then I think ya just answered your own question, sunshine.”


	26. Just an Accident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Implied past abuse and crying moth boy
> 
> Charlie has an episode. Sawyer tries to deal with it, but Charlie doesn’t realize it.  
> Timeframe: Revival post-rescue  
> Category; Angst (with some fluff at the end for y’all’s sanity)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Harvest got this ball rolling and oh boy did I suffer while writing this :)  
> It’s a tad long and I didn’t proofread it so be prepared  
> Also Harvest there’s a lot of smooches at the end so be prepared to blush  
> Sorry not sorry ✌️

He came home to a surprisingly quiet atmosphere. No TV, nothing happening in the kitchen, just silence.  
Charlie might be taking a nap. And Sawyer smiled a little at the image of Charlie curled up on the couch, sleeping peacefully.

“Charlie?” He called out for him just to make sure.  
No response...  
But there was a thud. And some footsteps upstairs.  
That didn’t sound good.  
“Charlie!”

He was up the stairs almost immediately. He couldn’t waste anymore time.  
Maybe it’s nothing, but it could be something.  
And judging by the soft whimpering coming from inside their room, it’s something.

He slowly opened the door, hoping for the best while expecting the worst...

•

Charlie feels like his heart is going to explode. His mind is racing and he can’t calm down. He’s huddled against the wall like it’ll help anything.  
He’s back.  
Jacob is back and he can hear him.

Heavy footsteps entering the chamber and he doesn’t want this.  
He doesn’t want it.  
He doesn’t know why Jacob picked him of all people to torture and mess with but he doesn’t want it.

There’s a weird noise. It sounds like a doorknob but the chamber doesn’t have any door.  
Oh god. What did he bring back?  
He begins to panic even more, unable to move from his space in the corner.

“Charlie?”  
He can’t hear the clear accent over his hysteria.  
All he hears is Jacob and that’s all he can see too.  
He can’t see the bed or the basic home decor because it’s blocked out by a fire and cold, rigid walls.

Jacob’s eyes are on him now. He’s saying something but Charlie can’t hear it. His heartbeat is too loud and overbearing.  
Have to run.  
Have to get away.  
But then he’ll be mad...  
Doesn’t matter. Just RUN.

But his legs aren’t working. He’s frozen and trembling and as Jacob kneels in front of him he realizes how screwed he really is.

The adrenaline hits him like a train.  
His eyes flick to the chamber’s entrance and he knows what he has to do.  
He’s too scared to stand up without falling over.  
So he’ll crawl.  
Once he gets to the entrance he’ll run and he’ll go find Sawyer.  
He doesn’t care anymore. He’ll spill all of Jacob’s secrets to the entire village if it means getting to wake up next to Sawyer again.

His plan is cut off as Jacob’s hand lands on his cheek.  
He hates that feeling. Because he knows where it leads and he doesn’t want it.

“NO!” He yells, pushing the hand away and looking for an opening.  
He thrashes without hesitation, managing to kick Jacob and send him a little further backwards. He’s not sure where he hit him, but it’s enough.  
Jacob rolls over, cursing under his breath and for a moment Charlie wonders why. Jacob doesn’t usually react like that...

If only he knew who he was actually hurting.

He sees his opportunity, trying to get to his feet but falling over just like he expected.  
Why did he do that?  
He can hear Jacob getting up behind him, and he tries to get to his feet again.

He’s being held down before he can get up. Wrists pinned to the floor and he tries to scream.  
He doesn’t get a chance to yet as he’s flipped over onto his back, staring up at his attacker.  
He feels like crying. He doesn’t want this. He doesn’t want to do this again. He just wants a night without pain but Jacob apparently has other plans.

“Please...” He pleads, unable to move under Jacob’s grip. Not that he would’ve had the confidence to anyways. His motivation vanished as soon as it came. “I won’t leave again I promise...”  
He’s begging and it feels so pathetic. Trying to compromise with a man he knows can’t be reasoned with.

He can see the other’s lips moving, but he tunes out the sound.  
Whatever he’s saying can only be cruel and he doesn’t want to hear it.

He feels funny. Like he’s going to pass out. Maybe it’s the stress or maybe it’s someone taking pity on him.  
He’d rather be unconscious anyways.

His eyes close and he slips into...well he’s not sure, really. He’s not asleep but he’s lost in his own head.  
Away from Jacob.  
Away from the suffering.

He thinks he hears gentle sobbing above him, but it’s probably just in his head.

•

Charlie snapped back to reality eventually. To his surprise, he’s not in the chamber.  
He can feel a mattress beneath him, and shuffling from...downstairs? What?

Everything is a blur.  
But why is he on a bed?  
Did Sawyer save him?  
Or did Jacob take him to the village?  
But why would either of them do that?

He sits up with a start, panicked for a moment before he takes in his surroundings fully.

His nightstand. Their bed. Sawyer’s shirt from yesterday discarded on the floor next to the bed.  
He’s home.  
He’s safe.

He laughs a little out of pure disbelief, flopping back against the pillows with a sigh.  
He just had another episode. That’s all.

He smiles when he hears Sawyer coming up the stairs. He must have just gotten home.

The door opens, and Charlie’s smile fades.

It’s Sawyer, but he looks horrible. Like he’s been in a fight. He looks tired and Charlie swears he can see some faded tear stains there too.  
He sits up quickly. Alarmed and concerned and Sawyer tenses at the sudden movement.  
“Sawyer? What happened!?”

Sawyer’s eyes widen a little bit in surprise, staring at Charlie like a deer in the headlights. The musician finally gets off the bed, approaching Sawyer quickly to look him over.  
“You look terrible, love...”

“You...know it’s me?” Sawyer asked, voice a little hoarse. Charlie looks up at him in confusion, feeling the ex-conman take his hand slowly.

“Of course I know it’s you...” Charlie brought his hand up to cup Sawyer’s cheek, noticing how his boyfriend began to tremble a little. “Who else would be here...?”

Sawyer laughed. Well, it was more of a wheeze but it still counts.  
“I thought you...” Sawyer started, smiling but Charlie can see the fresh tears forming in his eyes. “...never mind.” He shook his head, squeezing Charlie’s hand.  
Charlie looked down, staring at their intertwined hands with a soft smile.

That’s when he noticed the marks on his wrists.  
Like someone had been holding him down.  
He furrowed his brow, frowning again.

“Take your shirt off.” He demanded suddenly, and Sawyer raised his eyebrows in surprise. The ex-conman smirked, releasing Charlie’s hand and stepping back to remove his button-down

“Look, I ain’t complaining but-“

“Just take it off.” Charlie didn’t sound flirty or gentle like he usually did. Sawyer’s smirk faded, but he threw the shirt off anyways.  
He didn’t approach Charlie, knowing that whatever the musician’s intentions were, the weren’t exactly as romantic as he had hoped.  
He silently prayed that Charlie didn’t figure out what had happened earlier. He doesn’t need to carry around pointless guilt.

Charlie bit his lip when he saw the still developing bruise on Sawyer’s stomach.

He remembers that he kicked Jacob during his episode earlier.  
And that Jacob held him down, presumably to...well he’s not sure what his intentions were at that point.

He thought it was Jacob, anyways.  
But given everything that he’s noticed in these past few minutes...  
He has a sneaking suspicion that it was someone else.

He slowly walked towards Sawyer again, running his hand over the injured area. Sawyer flinched a little at the touch, and Charlie shuddered at the idea of this being because of him.

“Did I...?” He didn’t look up at Sawyer, continuing to stare at the bruise.  
No response.  
“Sawyer...?” He could feel himself on the verge of crying. The tears have been slowly building up and they’ll start to flood out soon.

Still no response.  
Charlie sobbed. He couldn’t help it. Sawyer’s silence is enough of an answer.

The ex-conman’s arms wrap around him slowly, pulling him closer as he cries into the other’s chest.  
“I’m sorry...”

No response still. Just a reassuring embrace. Charlie somehow finds the strength to cry even harder, wrapping his arms around Sawyer in return.  
“I didn’t mean to...” He shuddered, closing his eyes to try and help but it only made things worse.

“I know, sweetheart...”  
Sawyer finally replied, voice soft and shaky as if he’s also crying.  
So Charles opens his eyes again, looking up at Sawyer.  
And sure enough, he’s crying too. It’s hard to tell through his tears but he knows.  
“It ain’t your fault.” He offered a reassuring smile to the musician, who just shook his head and looked down again.

“Yes it is...” He whimpered in response, barely able to speak through his shaky breaths.  
Sawyer held him tighter, closing his eyes and trying not to think about how messed up this whole situation is.  
“I hurt you...”

Sawyer couldn’t find the proper words to respond, so he chose not to. Not verbally, at least.  
But as Charlie continued to cry, he felt like he had to say something.  
“It ain’t that bad...” He was half-lying. Yes, it hurt, especially since Charlie had put so much force behind it...but compared to the other injuries he’s had over the past decade? This is nothing.

“But it was MY fault...” Charlie let go of Sawyer, resting his hands on the other’s chest.  
He doesn’t deserve to be treated this tenderly after what he did.  
“I should’ve known it was you...”

“You were hallucinatin’, honey...” Sawyer brought one of his hands up under Charlie’s chin, tilting his head up to look at him properly.  
“You couldn’t have known.” Charlie just stared at him, his tears slowing down just a bit. “Don’t blame yourself, alright?” He offered another comforting smile, but Charlie didn’t reciprocate it.

The musician’s eyes fell from Sawyer’s, staring at nothing in particular as he began to calm down.  
Sawyer kissed his lover’s hair softly, rubbing his shoulder to try and soothe him more.

Charlie still didn’t say anything. He rested his head against Sawyer’s head again, tears still slipping out but not as aggressively anymore.

He just can’t process all this.

•

Charlie stared up at the ceiling, exhausted but he just can’t sleep.  
He feels his lover squeeze his hand gently, trying to get his attention.

“You okay...?”  
Sawyer’s voice called out softly to him, and Charlie sighed, tilting his head to the side to look at Sawyer directly.

“Are you?” Charlie held Sawyer’s gaze for a bit before he looked down at the more developed bruise. He winced at the sight, closing his eyes to try and forget about it.

“I told you, sunshine...” Sawyer reached his free hand out to cup Charlie’s cheek, a gesture that reminded the musician of his episode from earlier. “I’m fine.”

Charlie chewed his lip, looking unconvinced. He nodded anyways, bringing his hand up to grip Sawyer’s wrist gently.  
“You’re sure?”

Sawyer chuckled at that, moving his hand around to the back of Charlie’s neck.  
“Positive.” He smiled, and Charlie smiled back. It’s not a full-blown signature Charlie grin or anything, but it’s an improvement over the frowning.

Charlie scooted forward a tad, letting Sawyer pull him in the rest of the way.  
They were both exhausted, but neither of them were going to object to some comfort-cuddling.  
And Sawyer’s keeping his boyfriend’s mind occupied as best he can, kissing him and flirting to distract him.  
Luckily, Charlie didn’t seem to mind, humming happily and even laughing a bit with every sweet word.

Sawyer was a little surprised when Charlie started getting more into it.  
Complaining and pouting whenever Sawyer pulled away for too long.  
Flirting and teasing whenever they would stop for a few moments.

He seemed okay for now. And if he wasn’t, then he did a pretty good job of faking it.  
This won’t be the last time this whole mess will be brought up, though.  
Charlie holds on to things. Especially when he’s the one that caused them.  
And with the bruise unfortunately having formed on Sawyer’s stomach, it’s gonna be hard to avoid.

All of these things passed through Sawyer’s mind as he held Charlie. Fleetingly, of course, but they lingered for longer than he would’ve liked.  
Charlie was probably thinking about them too, but they can’t exactly read each other’s thoughts.  
Not yet, at least.

“You still okay?” Sawyer teased as Charlie had to pull away, smirking at how red Charlie looks. He probably looks exactly the same, to be completely honest, but he won’t admit it.

“Definitely...” Charlie almost initiated another kiss, but stopped for a second. “Are you still alright?” He joked back, and Sawyer scoffed.

“‘Course I am.”  
They looked at each other for a moment, briefly taking on a more serious tone.

And then Charlie grinned, lunging forward. The sudden movement made Sawyer let out a surprised noise, but it was mostly muffled by Charlie’s lips.

Yeah, this is way better than the crying.  
Charlie kept his mind from wandering too much, focused on Sawyer and nothing else.  
Not Jacob.  
Not on anything but Sawyer.  
And luckily, he can keep his eyes closed, so he doesn’t have to worry about accidentally glancing down at the bruise again.

This. This is where he wants to be.  
Not on the island. Not ever again.  
As long as he can stay here, he has everything he’ll ever need.


	27. Frogurt Gets Fricken Beat Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie decides to stand up to a particularly rude Frogurt.  
> Timeframe: IDK AGAIN AAA  
> Category: I have no idea?? Hurt/comfort I guess??
> 
> Also this is another older fic but it’s a classic ✨

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so homophobia warning on this one. I hate writing homophobic/transphobic characters but it was worth it for the sake of the outcome  
> But yeah derogatory terms and offensive stuff ahead (most of these are pulled from just what I’ve heard in my own house so if some of them are weird or specific sorry I’m going off personal experience alone)

It was a pretty normal conversation at first. Jin was trying his best to follow along, and Charlie would try to translate everything he was saying to him as best he could. He was admittedly pretty bad at it though.  
Neil was also pretty normal at first. He and Charlie would laugh and joke about random things. It was pretty fun. For a while, anyways.  
But everything shifted when Jin touched Charlie’s shoulder.

“Don’t touch him, Jin. All that nail polish might just give you aids or something.” Neil laughed. Charlie didn’t though.   
He put on a confused smile, raising an eyebrow at Neil.

“I’m sorry, what?” Charlie laughed nervously, looking between Jin and Neil. Neil laughed like there was nothing wrong with what he just said.

“Well with all that nail polish you look...you look one of those weirdos. You know, the gay guys our whatever.” Neil shrugged, and Charlie chewed his lip. Neil seemed to have realized something, and he gave Charlie a weird look.  
“You’re not, right?” Charlie didn’t response. He felt himself getting more tense, more heated as Neil kept going. 

“So what if I am?” Charlie challenged, and Neil scoffed. Oh yeah, he’s offended now. Good. Charlie wants him to feel insulted.

“Then I think we’re gonna have a problem.” Neil stated, staring Charlie down. Jin was completely lost, but he was more inclined to agree with whatever Charlie was saying. 

“Oh really? What are you gonna do Frogurt? Tell me I’m disgusting? That I’m an abomination?” Neil stood up, but Charlie remained seated. If he gets up, he’ll launch at Neil. No doubt about it. He could take him on, though. He’s not much bigger than Charlie. Charlie’s more of a pacifist, sure, but that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t enjoy knocking some sense into him.

“Don’t test me, fairy.” Neil spat. Charlie closed his eyes. He’s used to it. He can take it.  
Neil seemed to enjoy Charlie’s clearly tense demeanor, and kept pushing.  
“So how many guys have you forced yourself onto? Is that how you get your way all the time? Does Claire know what kind of guy is hanging around her kid?” Neil kept pushing. The mention of Claire’s name made Charlie’s blood boil. Not to mention how wrong Neil is infuriating Charlie even further.  
He’s just trying to get a rise out of him. Charlie opens his eyes, staring at Neil with a cold glare.

“Don’t.” Charlie sounded livid, and Neil glared back at him.  
Jin looked between the two of them nervously.   
Charlie had this look that everyone recognized. It was a warning more than anything. His gaze would become so unbearably intense that he didn’t even seem like the same guy. His breathing would remain slow, but would be heavier. His lips would move, partially from his breathing but also in anticipation.  
It was the look Charlie had when was about to lunge at someone.

”I bet that’s why you’re so arrogant then huh? You think you can get whatever you want just by sleeping your way around the island. That’s all that people like you seem to do. They cry because they’re ‘so oppressed’, guilt tripping whoever they want into their little agenda. And then you throw a fit when normal people like me call you out on it.”

Charlie shuddered. Neil’s words hit him harder than he expected.   
Jin could feel the aggression coming from Neil, even if he couldn’t understand him. He felt like he should be doing something, but he doesn’t know what’s happening.  
Jin notices how Charlie’s shaking. He frowns sympathetically, tuning out Neil’s aggressive rant.  
Charlie glanced over at Jin, maybe for approval or maybe as a warning.

Jin didn’t say anything. Charlie’s eyes went back to Neil.

A few seconds later, there was a harsh cry from Neil. Charlie wasn’t sitting down anymore. Neil stumbles backwards, holding his cheek in pain. Charlie ran his tongue over his bottom lip, the adrenaline rush feeling kinda good.  
Especially since it was Neil he got to punch.  
“How’s it feel to get decked by a ‘fairy’, Frogurt?” Charlie mocked. Jin looked startled, but he didn’t bother to step in or stop Charlie. He had a feeling Charlie was in the right here. Neil stumbled to his feet. Charlie had one of those rare, wicked looking grins plastered on his face. He’s a gentle guy, sure, but God did he love doing that.  
Neil looked like he was on the verge of tears, but he kept glaring at Charlie.

Jin thought it was over.  
He was wrong.

After a few seconds of nothing, Charlie was slammed up against a tree, grunting in pain. Neil grinned, slamming Charlie back again, getting a sick sense of pleasure from hearing the thud it made. Charlie suddenly felt smaller. This felt way too familiar.  
He went from confident to helpless so quickly that it scared him. Neil lingering in front of him, pure hatred in his eyes reminding Charlie of how Liam looked when he came out.  
Liam had thrown him against a wall as well. Beat him until he cried.

Nobody had saved him then, and nobody would save him now.

“You asked for it, Pace.” All Charlie could see was Liam as Neil pulled his arm back, fist ready to slam into Charlie’s head.  
Charlie screwed his eyes shut, bracing himself.  
He heard Jin yelling. He tuned it out.  
He felt so weak. About to get pummeled by the island idiot. But he couldn’t move. His head was stuck back in the memory of him being held against his bedroom wall, begging and pleading for Liam to stop.  
Once people like Liam started, they didn’t stop.

There was a thud.

Charlie suddenly felt the fists that had been gripping his shirt disappear. His body relaxed as he was no longer being held against the tree.   
Charlie stumbled a bit, placing a hand on the back of his head and hissing in pain. He pulled it back and saw the sticky red fluid on his fingers. He would need to go see Jack.  
But that wasn’t as important as looking at who saved him. He glanced up, letting his bloody hand fall back to his side.

Jin was standing there. Fist still clenched and a look of determination on his face. He stopped looking at Neil, who was out cold on the ground, to look up at Charlie. His face quickly changed to a sympathetic one, and Charlie laughed.  
Jin approached him, asking him something in Korean. Charlie couldn’t understand him, so he just pulled him into a hug. He was still shaken up from that whole thing, feeling worn and stressed.  
“Thanks, mate.” He thanked Jin as sincerely as he could. He felt Jin pat his back as he continued to cling to him. And then he felt Jin place a hand on his head, probably to comfort him or something.  
Jin must’ve noticed the blood, because he quickly pushed Charlie back with a panicked look. He was trying to tell Charlie something, a rush of words Charlie couldn’t understand making his head hurt even more.

“Bleeding.” Jin finally managed to say, gesturing to the back of his head. Charlie nodded quickly, running his fingers over the wound again.  
When he brought his hand back, there was more blood that earlier. The sight made him feel woozy, but Jin grabbed his arm. Charlie was soon after being tugged away by him, presumably to go find Jack.  
He glanced back at Neil, and couldn’t help but smile, grateful that Jin had helped him out there.

The two of them wandered back into the camp eventually, and everyone noticed the blood on their hands.   
Jin yelled, and a few people ran to get Jack.  
And Sawyer was the first to come rushing over, coming right to Charlie’s side as Jin continued to yell for help. Charlie was clearly out of it, not speaking or really responding to anything. His head was pounding, and he just wanted to lay down.

“What happened!?” Sawyer was trying to fuss over while at the same time not letting everyone know he cared about him. He inspected Charlie’s head, wincing as he saw the damage.  
It’s not as bad as it could be, but Sawyer didn’t like Charlie getting injured at all.  
“Aw sweetheart...” Sawyer whispered, too low for everyone else to hear but just loud enough for Charlie catch.  
Jack eventually came running over, grabbing Charlie away from Jin and Sawyer and walking him to his tent. Sawyer wanted to follow them, but he needed to wait for Jack to ask for his help. Otherwise, he’ll look suspicious.

“Sawyer, come here I need your help.” Jack finally shouted from his tent. Sawyer nodded to Jin, and practically sprinted to Jack’s tent.  
Claire and Hurley were already outside waiting for Charlie, but Sawyer passed by them without a word. He had seen Shannon and Sayid making their way up too, but he didn’t say anything to them either.

“How’s it look, doc?” Sawyer knows he sounded like a concerned parent, but Jack didn’t mention it. Sawyer shuffled over next to him, straining to look at Charlie’s still bleeding head.  
Jack was prodding at it a little, and Sawyer frowned when Charlie whimpered.

“He should be fine. It’s not that bad.” Jack reassured both of them calmly, removing his hands from Charlie’s head.  
“I’ll patch him up and he should be good by tomorrow.” Jack smiled, and Sawyer nodded. Sawyer looked back to the front of the tent, still wary of Hurley and Claire.  
“I’ll keep them busy.” Jack whispered, exiting the tent and leaving Sawyer alone to fuss over his boyfriend.

“Hey hun...” Sawyer kept his voice down, scooting over in front of Charlie. The musician smiled at him, grabbing his hand for comfort.  
“What happened out there?” Sawyer used his free hand to gently stroke Charlie’s cheek. Charlie nuzzled into the touch, exhaling softly as some the stress melted away.

“Neil happened...” Charlie whispered. Sawyer looked shocked by that, wondering how Neil could’ve done this.

“Frogurt? How’d he do this?” Charlie could hear the anger already bubbling in Sawyer’s voice. He ran his thumb over the conman’s knuckles to try and calm him down.

“He said some rude stuff. Things got heated. I punched him and he slammed me against a tree.” Charlie purposely left out the part about the homophobic comments, hoping Sawyer would just leave it at that.  
He saw Sawyer’s eyebrows narrow, and Charlie sighed.  
“...he told Jin not to touch me because he might get aids. He said some other stuff but I really don’t think you want to hear that.” Charlie didn’t look at him, keeping his eyes on their hands. Sawyer knew all he needed to just from that. He moved the hand on Charlie’s cheek to the back of his neck, pulling him forward and kissing his forehead.

“Shoulda brought me to ‘em. I woulda loved to knock some sense into that bas-“ 

“Easy, love.” Charlie laughed, and Sawyer chuckled. He almost said something sarcastic, but chose to keep it to himself. He didn’t want to make Charlie upset.  
“You’re right, though...” He whispered, leaning a little closer. Sawyer glanced at the tent’s entrance, still hearing Jack talking down their worried friends.  
Just as he was about to lean in to kiss Charlie, the musician beat him to it.  
It didn’t last long. Just a soft, quick press of their lips.   
Charlie pulled back slowly, and Sawyer tried to chase that missing feeling. Charlie smiled, half-tempted to lean back in.

But the sound of multiple people entering the tent completely obliterated that idea.

Sawyer quickly jumped back, releasing Charlie’s hand and acting as nonchalant as possible. Charlie grinned at how dramatically Sawyer reacted, but silently wished they could’ve had more time alone.  
Charlie could feel Jack starting to stitch up his wound as Claire fussed over him, but he wasn’t paying a whole lot of attention.  
He kept thinking back to what happened. He had completely lost it back there. He could’ve shoved Neil away, but he didn’t. All he could think about was Liam. All he saw was his brother. And the idea of Liam having that affect on him scared him.  
He’s never been able to stand up to Liam. And now that’s affecting his ability to stand up to other people too.

He doesn’t want that cost him anything, or anyone for that matter, in the future.  
It might just be best for him to avoid conflict until he can sort this out.


	28. Couch Cuddles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sawyer got off of work early to surprise Charlie. Lotsa fluff.  
> Timeframe: Revival post-rescue  
> Category: Fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another older one bUT SAYWER CALLING CHARLIE “angel” 🥺🥺

Sawyer waited patiently for Charlie to get back home. He managed to get off a little earlier today, hoping he could surprise Charlie when he got back from the studio.  
Charlie’s been really excited about starting up his career again, and Sawyer’s been more than happy to support him.

He threw on one of his button-downs as soon as he got home. Charlie loves the button-downs. He says it’s because they compliment Sawyer better, but he knows it’s because Sawyer likes to keep them just a little unbuttoned.   
He was half tempted to keep his uniform on, since Charlie had mentioned he looked good in it before. In the end he decided casual clothes were better. Never know what might happen, right?

It’s weird being alone in their house. Usually he comes home and Charlie’s already there, either writing up a new song or watching TV. Neither of them are excellent cooks, so they just switch between getting take out and shoving things in the oven.  
But today he came home and Charlie was gone. He still hadn’t gotten home yet which Sawyer had expected. Just because he expected it didn’t mean it wasn’t weird walking in and not seeing Charlie on the couch or right in front of him.

He still wishes Charlie would hurry up though. He’s been pacing around the kitchen counter for a solid 15 minutes. The newly bought sunflowers are sitting daintily in a vase. Sawyer knows they’ll look so much better with Charlie holding them.   
He’s been contemplated proposing. Charlie said he would be the one to do it first, since Sawyer is always so nervous about these things, but he wants to get Charlie a ring either way. It just feels right for Sawyer to add another ring to Charlie’s arsenal. He wouldn’t mind Charlie proposing to him though. He can still buy Charlie a ring, even if it’s not an engagement ring.

He hears the front door unlock, and he sighs with relief. He doesn’t leave the kitchen, instead waiting to hear Charlie call for him. He must’ve seen Sawyer’s car in the driveway, so he has to know Sawyer is home. He feels oddly nervous. He’s gotten Charlie flowers before, but today he’s just more on edge. All this thinking about getting married has him flustered.  
Charlie would look so nice in a tuxedo...

“Sawyer? Did something happen?” Charlie sounded concerned, and Sawyer smiled at that. He leaned back against the counter, messing with his hair for a second. He still wants to look decent for his boyfriend, even if the sunflowers are the star here.  
He heard Charlie wander around in the other rooms for a bit, before he finally entered the kitchen. He saw Sawyer first, his casual position position but flustered look concerned him. His concerned look faded when he saw the sunflowers on the counter. And he leaned against the doorframe, smiling fondly at Sawyer.  
He laughed, stepping forward to stand in front of Sawyer.  
“You’re such a sweetheart...” He placed his hands on Sawyer’s hips, leaning up and pecking him on the lips.  
He snickered when Sawyer chased his lips, expecting more than he got.  
“You’ll get the rest later, darling.” He winked and shifted his attention to the vase on the counter.  
Sawyer moved to Charlie could see them better, and took the opportunity to come up browns Charlie and wrap his arms around him.

“Like ‘em? They ain’t so sad looking this time.” Sawyer rested his head on top of Charlie’s, indulging in their height difference for a second. Charlie laughed at that, remembering the first bouquet Sawyer ever gave him. These looked more professionally kept, but the first bunch weren’t any less special to him. He picked up the vase, admiring the yellow petals.  
“Wanted surprise you...I know you’ve been havin’ a rough time tryin’ to get the studio to cooperate...” He whispered, kissing Charlie’s ear. Charlie sighed and leaned back into him.

“Yeah...they’re being pests.” Charlie closed his eyes, inhaling a lot more Sawyer’s cologne than he intended.   
“But this...you...just made my day.” Charlie placed the vase back on the counter and spun around. He wrapped an arm around Sawyer’s neck and kissed his forehead, letting Sawyer lift him up against the counter a bit.   
Charlie laughed a little as Sawyer nuzzled his neck, kissing the top of Sawyer’s head.  
“Can we maybe continue this on the couch? The counter is kind of uncomfortable.” Charlie felt bad for mildly killing the mood, but Sawyer smirked at his request. He stepped back away from the counter, holding him up as Charlie wrapped his legs around Sawyer’s waist.

“As you wish, angel’.” Sawyer winked, trying to navigate into the living room without having to move Charlie. Charlie couldn’t help but laugh as Sawyer cursed under his breath, struggling to keep the mood alive.  
They eventually made it to the couch, and Sawyer gently laid Charlie down on the cushions.  
“How you wanna work this?” Sawyer asked, hovering above Charlie. Charlie shrugged and held out an arm for Sawyer. Sawyer climbed onto the couch with him, laying between Charlie and the back cushions. He draped an arm over Charlie’s chest, his other hand playing with some of the hair’s sticking up on the top of Charlie’s head.

“We can just stay like this...” Charlie mumbled, rolling onto his side so he could look at Sawyer.   
“I’m kinda tired.” Charlie admitted, and Sawyer nodded sympathetically. Sawyer wrapped his arms around Charlie, scooting up so Charlie was laying on top of him. After he secured Charlie snuggly in his arms, he slid down just a bit, resting his head on the arm of the couch like a pillow.  
“Are you comfy?” Charlie asked, playing with one of the buttons on Sawyer’s shirt.  
Sawyer sighed happily, watching Charlie’s amused expressions as he continued to mess with the button.

“Oh yeah.” Sawyer answered, not getting more than a hum of acknowledgement from the musician. He was in his own little world, distracted completely by Sawyer’s shirt.  
“Havin’ fun with that, Chuckie?” Sawyer smiled fondly at Charlie’s little laugh. He nodded into Sawyer’s chest, ceasing his assault on Sawyer’s helpless buttons. 

“I am, actually.” Charlie snuggled up into Sawyer’s neck, wrapping his arm around his chest and shoulder. Sawyer placed a hand on Charlie’s back, holding him close. He closed his eyes, letting himself sink into the couch.   
Charlie smelled like flowers funnily enough. Or maybe that’s just Sawyer’s head affecting his sense of smell now.  
He looked over at Charlie’s hand, kissing it softly. He ran the hand that wasn’t holding Charlie over the rockstar’s hand, brushing over his rings in the process.

“You’d look good with another ring on there...” Sawyer whispered, kissing his Drivehshaft ring affectionately.  
Charlie was smiling uncontrollably. Sawyer can always tell a genuine Charlie smile from a fake one. His sincere smiles always make his eyes crinkle a little at the corners. He definitely didn’t miss how hard he was blushing, either.

“Yeah? Well I think you definitely need to start your own collection...” Charlie stared at Sawyer’s hand, imagining what it will look like after he proposes.  
Sawyer exhaled slowly, just enjoying the moment.   
He loved how often Charlie painted his nails now. Every week it seemed like he was sporting a new style. It was refreshing to see Charlie so expressive and happy now.  
Charlie must have caught him staring, and he spoke again.  
“I can do yours, if you’d like.” Sawyer laughed, looking at his own nails for a second. Thinking back on it, he really did like the freedom he felt whenever Charlie painted them for him all those years ago.

“Maybe...” Sawyer hinted, and Charlie kissed his cheek, intertwining their hands again.

“I’ll take that as a yes, then.” He smirked, and Sawyer’s resilience crumbled. Maybe he would let Charlie go a little crazy on his nails tomorrow. Yeah, he’ll definitely get some fun poker at him by his peers, but it would be worth it.

The shrill sound of Charlie’s phone ringing broke through the soft atmosphere they had made. Charlie groaned and reluctantly grabbed his phone out of his pocket, answering it with an irritated tone.

“Charlie Pace speaking...” He grumbled, but his expression changed when he heard the voice on the other end.

“What did I interrupt now?” Shannon’s voice told Charlie all he needed to know. He could HEAR her smirking. She knew exactly what she was doing.

“A science project...” Charlie grumbled, half-tempted to hang up on her right then and there. Sawyer smiled, winking at him. Charlie bit his lip to stifle a nervous laugh.

“Ohhhh a science project huh? What’s it on? Biology? The human body maybe?” Shannon teased, and Charlie’s face turned an even darker shade of red. Sawyer noticed the change and raised an eyebrow.

“Goodnight, Shannon.” Charlie wanted to hang up as soon as possible, just wanting to get back to being with Sawyer in peace.

“Make sure you use-“ Click.   
Charlie hung up before she could finish. He groaned and threw his phone over to the chair on the other end of the room. Sawyer chuckled and patted his back sympathetically.

“She’s your friend, not mine.” Sawyer laughed, and Charlie half-heartedly smacked his shoulder. Charlie buried his face in Sawyer’s neck again, closing his eyes as he inhaled softly.   
Sawyer kissed Charlie’s hair, rubbing his back as he tried to soothe some of Charlie’s nerves.  
He’s been pretty mellow after he got home, but Sawyer can tell the stress is still lingering over him like a rain cloud.   
He briefly wonders if Charlie could use a day off from work. As much as Charlie loves his music, it’s been the leading cause of his stress recently. Sawyer will let Charlie decide though. If Charlie doesn’t want to take a break, then Sawyer will just be here to catch him whenever he needs to fall. 

“I love you...” Charlie mumbled, and Sawyer’s random thoughts faded away. He ran his hand up Charlie’s back, slipping it into his hair a threading through it gently.

“Love you too, sunshine...” Sawyer kissed his hair, feeling Charlie sigh happily into him.  
This feels so dreamlike. The two of them in this house. Together. Contemplating getting married instead of how they’re going to survive the night. Sawyer loves being able to just...be with him. Not worry about anything. Not the others seeing them, or the monster that roams the jungle attacking them as they slept.  
It’s just them in their own little world.

Charlie remembers something suddenly.  
What he had seen that night when he visited Dharmaville to check on Sawyer.  
The sunflowers on the counter. Sawyer and Juliet cuddling on the couch. How envious he was.  
And now that’s HIS reality. He’s snuggled up with Sawyer on the couch, all nice and warm and flirting mindlessly with him. It’s everything he imagined it would be.  
Charlie gets to fall asleep in an actual bed with him. He gets to greet Sawyer when he comes home and rummage through the freezer looking for dinner. 

He couldn’t have asked for a better outcome to be honest. All that time on the island culminated into this.   
And that made all that waiting worth it.


	29. Snuggle the Stress Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie is stressing about his concert, and while Sawyer is trying to help, Shannon is doing her best to keep the musician going in her own way.  
> Timeframe: Revival post-rescue  
> Category: Fluff  
> (My titles are either bad jokes or are just bad so shUSH I KNOW IT’S CHEESY OKAY)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this a mess? Yes.  
> Was this made at 2 AM and I was having severe Drugcon feels? Yes.  
> Did I enjoy writing it? Definitely.  
> Was this made as a comfort fic because I spent most of last night sobbing to my girlfriend? Frick yeah.

Shannon tapped her foot impatiently, waiting outside Charlie’s door.  
He has a concert in a few hours, and it wouldn’t hurt to get there early.  
He can’t spend forever in his hotel room.

“Charlie come on!” Shannon groaned, contemplating just barging in and dragging him out.

“Go away!”  
Charlie yelled back from inside the room, clearly annoyed.

Okay, that’s it. She’s going in.

“Charlie get up or I swear-“ Shannon stopped herself, noticing the current situation.

Charlie is wrapped snuggly in Sawyer’s arms, definitely not ready to head off to a concert. His hair is a wreck, for one. Not that it’s ever very neat in the first place.  
And although his eyeliner is still intact, his outfit is nowhere to be found. Apparently he changed back into his usual t-shirt getup.  
And he’s shooting Shan a particularly annoyed glare.

Sawyer looks equally as annoyed, still playing with Charlie’s hair despite the interruption.  
At least Sawyer is still in his proper uniform. And his hair looks significantly less messy.

Despite the double-glare action going on right now, Shannon feels just as confident as usual.  
“Get up. We should get there early.” She stared directly at the rockstar, watching him roll his eyes as he remained completely still

“We still have a few hours...” He groaned, earning a soft chuckle from Sawyer. He tried to hide from Shannon’s gaze by snuggling further into Sawyer, but that only proved to make her more annoyed.

“Yeah. And they should be spent preparing.” Shannon remained firm, shifting her gaze to Sawyer now that Charlie’s was ‘hiding’. “Not laying in bed doing...whatever it is you two are doing.”

“Relaxing.” Charlie responded, voice a tad muffled since it’s buried in Sawyer’s shirt. The ex-conman smiled, giving Shannon a smug look as the musician didn’t move a muscle.

“Is this why you hired Sawyer to be your bodyguard?”

“I needed one. And he’s a cop.” Charlie responder simply, moving his head up to look at Sawyer. “And who better to protect me then my beloved cowboy?”

Shannon just rolled her eyes.   
They’re cute, but not cute enough to deter her.  
“Very cute. Now get up.”

“She’s got a point, sunshine.” Sawyer finally spoke, and Charlie groaned again, shaking his head.

“Noooooo...” He whined, tired and way too comfy to want to move. “Don’t side with her...”

“I ain’t sidin’ with her, darlin’. Just sayin’ she has a point.”

“I thought you loved me.” Charlie pouted, flipping himself around dramatically. Sawyer shook his head fondly, managing to keep an arm around Charlie despite the sudden change in position.  
“...fine. I’ll get changed and we can go.” Charlie finally caved, and Shannon smiled triumphantly.

“Good. I’ll be outside.” She slipped back out the door, closing it behind her just in case those two tried anything.  
She doesn’t need them traumatizing the entire floor.

•

No sooner than Shannon shut the door, Charlie sighed, resting his head back against Sawyer’s chest again.  
“Can’t we just go home...?” He looked up at Sawyer with pleading eyes, who offered him a sympathetic smile.

“I thought you were excited about this?” Sawyer kissed Charlie’s hair as he tried to get him to move. Alas, Charlie remained still.

“Yeah but...I’m tired.” Charlie protested weakly, and finally let Sawyer slip out from underneath him. He whined a little at the lack of cuddles, but hopped off the bed quickly.

“You’ll be into it once ya get on stage.” Sawyer sat on the edge of the bed, watching Charlie discard his t-shirt in favor of his more dramatic concert getup.

“Maybe...” He still seemed unsure, but he smiled back the ex-conman once he successfully changed his shirt. “You’re ready to fend off the rabid fans, right?” He teased, and Sawyer chuckled.

“Oh yeah. Never been more prepared.”

They both shared a fond look, wasting a few moments to just look at each other.  
Charlie seemed to get lost for a second. Suddenly going a tad more red and halting almost all movement.  
Sawyer held back his smirk as Charlie continued to stare, trying not to be too intense while also enjoying having this affect on the musician.

“Lovely!” Charlie finally responded, a little flustered sounding. Sawyer smiled, satisfied with himself for getting Charlie all worked up so easily.

Sawyer finally stood up, getting to Charlie’s side with ease. He took his lover’s hand quickly, bringing it upwards and kissing one of his rings softly.   
That certainly didn’t help Charlie’s current problem, earning a nervous laugh from him as he tried to keep himself together.

“What’s gotten into you today, love?” Charlie was trying to make conversation to shift the mood, already considering telling Shannon and everyone else to buzz off and let him and Sawyer have they night to themselves.  
Sawyer grinned, still holding Charlie’s as he lowered it again. With a swift tug, he had the musician right in front of him.

“I’m always like this, honey. You know that.” The ex-conman lowered his voice a little, a bit weary for Shannon possibly hearing them. Charlie’s face felt like it was on fire, and he wishes he could blame it on a campfire or something. Alas, he only has his boyfriend to blame.  
“I think you’re just tryna change the subject...”

“And why would I do that?” Charlie sounded almost breathless. Like he just ran a marathon and his heart was certainly not helping. He can barely hear his own thoughts over the loud thumping in his ears.

“‘Cuz you’re two seconds away from hopping back into that bed with me.” Sawyer squeezed his hand, and Charlie squeaked more than he actually responded.  
Sawyer took a moment to stare at him again, causing the rockstar to chew his lip nervously as he waited for the ex-conman’s next move.  
“You’re so red right now, sunshine.” He chuckled, and Charlie scoffed in fake-offense.

“It’s your fault! You and your bloody...” Charlie paused looking for his words as he tried to convey his feelings through pointless gestures. “...whatever it is! It’s your fault!”

“Oh I know it is.” He winked, and Charlie was sent into that rambling-mode where he didn’t quite know what to say or do.

“Stop doing that!” He’s getting flustered over nothing, trying to keep himself from lunging forward and taking control of this whole thing. Sawyer tilted his head, that smug look only making Charlie more heated.  
“You’re going to be the death of me!” Charlie whined, shoving at Sawyer with his free hand.

“Oh, c’mon.” Sawyer knows he’s pushing it. Any father and Charlie might just break. “You know you love it.”

And that? That was it. Charlie had two options and he really didn’t want to waste anymore time considering them.

“Sawyer Ford...” He started, trying to sound serious but the way his voice was shaking just a tad was too amusing to his lover.   
“You’re either going to let me get ready for this concert and be patient...” Charlie threw the first option out, and Sawyer quirked a brow in anticipation. “...or you’re going to stop being a bloody tease and let Shan wait for all eternity.”

Sawyer took a moment, considering the options he was given.  
As much as he would love to continue this, Charlie has a career to uphold, and he’s not gonna ruin it for him.  
“Sorry, hun. But I feel like bein’ responsible tonight.” He slowly let go of Charlie’s hand, stepping back a bit.

“Good.” Charlie sighed, a little disappointed but mostly grateful. “You can have your fun once the concert is over.” He turned around, not wanting to look at Sawyer or else he might change their decision for the both of them.  
The ex-conman watched as Charlie struggled to find something else to concentrate on, gaze softening at how utterly adorable this whole thing felt to him.

“I’ll be outside with Shan.” Sawyer laughed, reluctantly turning to leave. Charlie closed his eyes, shaking his head with a mix of fondness and annoyance.

“You better not bail on me later...” Charlie half-joked, teasing the ex-conman while also cautioning him.  
Sawyer smirked to himself, not turning back to look at the other as he opened the door.

“Trust me, angel. I won’t.”

•

“I was rubbish...” Charlie groaned, flopping down on the bed in exhaustion. Sawyer shook his head, taking off his jacket as he approached Charlie’s defeated form.

“You were great, Chuckie.” He patted the musician’s back, somewhat to comfort him but also as a signal for him to sit up. Charlie managed to lift himself up a little, letting Sawyer remove his jacket for him before he collapsed back into the mattress.

“I was a wreck...” He sighed, half-watching Sawyer over his shoulder as the ex-conman began to change into a more comfortable outfit. “I blame you.”

“Really? And what did I do?” Sawyer smiled, knowing Charlie probably couldn’t see it but he can’t help himself.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you...” Charlie whined, rolling onto his back and staring up at the ceiling. “You and your stupid dimples...” He sighed, hearing Sawyer’s light laugh from the other end of the room.

“You’re adorable, you know that?” Sawyer’s sudden compliment made Charlie want to get up. Walk right on over there with his lovely boyfriend and kiss him. Reciprocate the mindless flirting and forget about all the stress from the day.

But he’s just so tired...  
Not to mention that he’s been on edge all day. Jumpy and fumbling over his words like the first day he got off the island.

Luckily for him, he can hear the ex-conman approaching yet again. His mind starts racing along with his heart, and he’s just so confused.  
All the attention and constant pressure is getting to him again and he just can’t calm down. And now it’s rubbing off on his relationship, turning him into more of a flustered mess than usual.

“This is a nice ceiling.” Charlie blurts out, trying to shift the conversation because Sawyer has been way too much for his poor little English heart to handle. “Very plain. Simplistic but stylish.” He felt the bed dip a little, his heart beating outrageously fast once again.  
“It reminds a lot of our ciel-“

He was cut off by Sawyer’s lips pressing against his gently, enough to shut him up as he slumped more into the mattress.  
The feeling relaxed him. Made him feel safe and secure and suddenly he didn’t feel so nervous.  
He tried to shift himself, move so he could make it last longer but Sawyer pulled away much too quickly.

“Sawyer...” He sighed, reaching his hand out, waiting for Sawyer to do something  
He’s not quite sure why that slipped out.  
It certainly wasn’t a question and it wasn’t meant to be really be anything in particular.  
Sawyer is his rock. The one constantly pure thing he’s had in a long time. The only sure-fire way to calm him down is with Sawyer’s help.  
And maybe that’s why his name was the only thing Charlie could think of to say. The only thing he wants right now.   
The only person he feels like being with in this moment.

Sawyer rests his face against Charlie’s outstretched hand, finally meeting the musician’s eyes again as he looked down at him. “What’s up, sunshine...?”  
Charlie shrugged in response, closing his eyes for a moment.

“I don’t know, really...” Charlie admitted, and the ex-conman chuckled, slipping an arm underneath his lover to move him. Charlie let it happen. Let Sawyer shift them so Charlie can rest against his chest.   
“Thank you...”

“For what?” Sawyer’s voice is so soft that Charlie nearly shudders at it. He’s too good to him.  
He feels the other’s hand travel up into his hair, and they’re practically in the same position they were in earlier when Shan barged in.

“For staying with me.” 

Sawyer didn’t know how to respond to that.   
Charlie wasn’t expecting a response though.  
He just needed to say it.

He smiled as he closed his eyes, melting further into Sawyer’s arms.  
Funny...he’s the one bailing now. But he’s just too exhausted to put in all the effort tonight. Looks like Shannon won’t be hearing about any ‘science projects’ tomorrow like she hoped.  
Sawyer seems to understand, though. Letting him slowly drift off in his arms.

“Love you...” Charlie managed out despite being half-asleep, so quiet that Sawyer barely heard him.

“Love you too, darlin’...”

Charlie finally let himself rest after that. Slowly slipping into a peaceful slumber.  
Listening to Sawyer’s heartbeat and feeling the other’s hand moving so gently through his hair.  
He’s safe. He’s secure.  
They’re in a hotel room but he’s home.  
He’s loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me? Projecting onto the Revival lads?  
> ...yeah


	30. Sayid Gets Traumatized

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sayid cannot unsee the things he has seen today.  
> Timeframe: IDK WHAT TIME IS ANYMORE  
> Category: Fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY FOR MORE OLD FICS  
> Also this one had A LOT of errors I got some of them out but there’s definitely still some in here

“What are you two-“ Sayid instantly regretted his decision to barge in on Charlie and Sawyer’s date.   
The two of them had been hiding behind some rocks, as usual, and Sayid thought it would be funny to interrupt them. He also wanted to make sure Sawyer wasn’t hurting Charlie.  
Honestly he should’ve expected what he saw. It’s not like he didn’t know what sneaking off out of camp meant.

There’s Sawyer, of course. He’s up against the rock. Then there’s Charlie, sitting comfortably in Sawyer's lap. Charlie has the look of a kid who just caught doing something they knew they weren’t supposed to be doing. But Sayid’s brotherly instinct kicked in, and all he could see was Sawyer’s hands. One of them is still in Charlie’s hair, and the other one was probably holding him in place judging by it’s position on his back.  
It’s not bad or anything, and Sayid would be a hypocrite for being upset about some simple kissing. But his protective nature towards Charlie sent the sirens in his head blaring.

“Hi.” Charlie waved nervously. Sawyer stayed completely frozen, hands still plastered to Charlie but his expression was that of someone who had just witnessed a horrible crime. “Nice to see you...I think...” Charlie laughed nervously as he spoke, seemingly just as frozen in place as Sawyer. He’s still got his hands on Sawyer’s shoulders, but he’s turned his head to look at Sayid properly.

“I...just wanted to make sure you were alright.” Sayid could tell he made this whole thing extremely awkward. Sawyer was still refusing to speak or even move, and Charlie looked like he was extremely panicked.

“Yeah, yeah we’re fine.” Charlie stood up shakily, and Sayid didn’t miss the annoyed huff Sawyer made. “Thanks for um...checking up on us and stuff.” Charlie kept fidgeting as he spoke, clearly uncomfortable.

“So you’re sure he didn’t hurt you?” Sayid ignored the clear discomfort and kept pressing on. Charlie started laughing again, running a hand over his hair.

“Yeah. I’m actually the one who started all of...” He cleared his throat a bit. “...all of that so uh yeah. I’m fine trust me.” Charlie tried to give a normal smile, but he just looked like he was about to cry.  
Sayid nodded, but gave Sawyer a slight evil-eye before he turned to leave.

“Good. If he does, you know where to find me.” Charlie nodded quickly and tapped his foot impatiently, the urgency in his movements told Sayid all he needed to know. He still couldn’t help but take a jab at Sawyer before he left though.  
“And Sawyer, his eyes are up there.” Sayid nodded to Charlie’s head and continued to walk away.   
As he left the two of them alone on the beach, Charlie looked down at Sawyer, who looked shocked and somewhat offended.

“Were you...?” Charlie asked slowly, and Sawyer shrugged. “The whole time we were talking? You were just staring? The whole time?” Charlie motioned as if Sayid was still next to him, and Sawyer bit his lip. Sawyer didn’t have to out-right admit it for him to convey to Charlie that yeah, he definitely was the whole time.  
“You’re so disgusting...” Charlie laughed and dropped back down next to him, leaning back against the rock next to him.

“Says the one that pounced on me. You were pretty wild there, chief.” Charlie punched him in the arm and looked down at the sand, still contemplating that whole interaction.

•

“Oh thank God you’re back. I was getting bored here.” Shannon whined as Sayid slowly sat down next to her, looking traumatized.  
“What happened?” She picked up on his mood very quickly, and of course she had to know the details.

“I’ve seen things...that I never wanted to see.” Sayid deadpanned, and Shannon scooted closer, intrigued by his clearly scarred expression. “That NOBODY should ever see, for that matter.” Shannon was even more intrigued now.  
And suddenly it hit her. She grinned and prepared to grill Sayid for the ENTIRE story.

“You walked in on them making out, didn’t you?” Sayid groaned and hid his face in his hands. Shannon laughed and started her barrage of questions, which Sayid didn’t bother answering right away.  
If he could go back in time and stop himself from going behind that rock, he would.   
Now he wonders what Charlie must think when he sees him and Shannon getting all lovey-dovey in the middle of the camp.  
At that thought, he winces, and realizes that he’s turning into an over-protective dad or brother figure.

He’s sure they’ll all look back on it and laugh in a few years.  
They’ll get together and Charlie and Sawyer will be married by then. They‘ll laugh and reminisce on how awkward is was, and Shannon will tease Sayid about how protective he was over Charlie.  
They’ll all get off the island, and they’ll all get to have a future together. Despite his worrying about Sawyer and his rather rough personality, he thinks it’s kinda sweet. Charlie seems to have fallen head-over-heels for Sawyer, and Sayid’s sure Sawyer could say the same. Well, if Sawyer wasn’t so secretive that is.


	31. Baby It’s Cold Outside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drugcon? Playing in the snow? Oh yeah.  
> Timeframe: Revival post-rescue  
> Category: Fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote 90% of this last night between midnight and 2 AM so yes it’s bad and yes it’s the first of many Christmas-related fics

Sawyer slowly opened his eyes, shivering a little as he was suddenly aware of cold it was in their room.  
Judging by the snow in the window, he can venture to guess that it ain’t too warm outside either.

Charlie stirred a little, but seemed to still be asleep. Sawyer held him tighter, trying to keep him warm while also warming himself up just a tad.

He took a second to appreciate all this.  
The snow, falling gently outside, leaving little white patches on his window  
Charlie, snuggled up into his chest, fast asleep without any nightmares in sight.  
Him, freezing in his own bed but still wanting to keep his boyfriend warm over himself.  
The sound of someone starting an extremely loud car outside that’s surely going to wake Charlie up. Okay, now he’s kinda pissed.

Sure enough, Charlie began to move more, eventually yawning as he slowly opened his eyes.  
“Morning...” He still sounded half-asleep, which made the ex-conman smile a bit, easing his annoyance a bit.

“Mornin’.” Sawyer’s hand crept up into Charlie’s hair, running his fingers through it as the musician buried his face further into his chest.

“You’re gonna make me...” Charlie paused to yawn again, easing into Sawyer’s touch a bit more. “...fall asleep again...”

“If you sleep the day away you’re gonna miss the snow, sunshine.”  
Now that got Charlie’s attention. His eyes shot open completely, but he still refused to move away from his lover.

“It’s snowing?”

“Yup.” 

Charlie scooted up, still pressed against Sawyer but he just had to look out one of the windows. He peered over the ex-conman’s shoulder, watching carefully as the snow continued to fall.  
He slipped back down quickly, grinning up at Sawyer with more excitement than he’s had in a while

“Well, what are we waiting for?” He nudged Sawyer a little, and the cop just quirked a brow in response. “We need to get dressed!” His energy was suddenly through the roof, but he still didn’t move out of Sawyer’s arms.

There was a brief pause. The two of them looking at each other in anticipation.  
Who’s gonna move first?

“...You gonna move or do I have to?” Sawyer finally broke the silence. Charlie tried to hide his face in Sawyer’s chest, tightening his grip on the ex-conman.

“It’ll be warmer if you carry me...?” It came out as more of a question, which Sawyer found kind of amusing.

“You want me to carry you to the shower?” Sawyer was already adjusting himself a bit, ready to scoop Charlie up whenever he was prepared.

“Yes please.”

“Your wish is my command.”

As Sawyer scooped his lightly shivering boyfriend off of the bed, he smiled to himself.  
He’s neglecting work right now in favor of actual good-times with Charlie. Of course, he told the department he was taking the day off, but they’re under the assumption it’s for ‘important family business.’

And carrying Charlie to the shower is actually pretty important in his opinion.

•

“It’s been forever since I’ve actually seen snow...” Charlie was amazed, staring as if this was the first time he’d experienced this. Yeah, he’s seen plenty of snow in his lifetime, but on the island? Nope. He never saw a single flake.  
Kind of ironic how there was a polar bear but now sign of snow. What use is a magic island if it can’t even magic-up a winter wonderland?

Charlie stepped further out into the yard, Sawyer following carefully behind him.  
This is the kind of normalcy he had dreamed of back on the island.  
He didn’t really notice Sawyer straying away from him, kneeling down to probably inspect something  
He’s just enjoying the cold air. Being bundled up in their front yard as snowflakes gently fall.

Suddenly, he felt a cold smack against his back, startling him and causing him to whip around defensively.  
Sawyer whistled as innocently as possible, back turned to Charlie so he couldn’t see his smirk.

Alright then. Game on.

This time it was Sawyer who felt the impact, the snowball hitting his shoulder. Charlie hadn’t really been aiming for anywhere in particular, but he snickered a little at how many chunks flew up into Sawyer’s hair.  
Shoulder shot = snow in hair. Note taken.

Sawyer was a little surprised at first, turning around to look at his very smug looking boyfriend.  
“You’re on, Chuckie.” Sawyer smirked, already kneeling down to form his next weapon of mass destruction. “It’s showtime.”

Charlie, after realizing his boyfriend was already ahead of him, got straight to work attempting to build his arsenal.  
The neighbors are probably watching...  
Screw the neighbors. They can judge all they want, but Charlie is enjoying his day with the love of his life and there’s nothing they can do about it.

Sawyer had glanced up to check on Charlie’s progress at first, getting way more invested in this than he probably should be.  
His big mistake was neglecting to check how far along his lover was. He should’ve realized that Charlie, being a nimble little guy, would have developed a snowball army long before him.

“Incoming!” Charlie’s voice called from the other end of the yard, and Sawyer barely had time to process the warning before there was snow covering his other shoulder as well.  
Charlie’s laughter was a beautiful sound, but Sawyer still felt like some revenge was in order, so he would sadly have to shut him up.

“Don’t get too cocky now, sweetheart! I’m a pro.” Sawyer glanced between Charlie and the snowball he had firmly in his grasp, watching the mild panic set in on the other’s face.  
That look of terror only added to Sawyer’s 

In his snowball tossing concentration, Sawyer neglected to aim properly. He intended to hit Charlie’s shoulder in retaliation, but went a little too high. As a result, his little snow-soldier hit Charlie directly in the face.  
“Jesus that’s cold!” The musician cried, wiping the snow bits off of his face, glaring at them like they had committed some crime against humanity.

Sawyer winced a little, feeling a tad guilty for his admittedly wonky aim.  
“You okay?” He slowly began to stand up, walking towards Charlie as his boyfriend refused to respond. Once he finally reached him, he kneeled down, eye-level with him once again.  
“Hey...did I hurt you or-“

He didn’t have time to finish his sentence before Charlie pounced on him, causing them both to fall backwards into the snow. Charlie, of course, didn’t have to worry about be buried in the white flakes, seeing as he’s currently on top of Sawyer.  
“Oh, I’m fine.” He grinned, and the ex-conman felt a little proud that he got played by his lover.  
Maybe he’s a bad influence, but to him, that was pretty impressive.

“You comfy up there?” Sawyer let Charlie have his moment of triumph, smiling as Charlie giggled above him.

“Couldn’t be comfier.” His happy, victorious tone was awfully cute, but he’s had his fun. Now it’s time for Sawyer to have his.

He was much quicker than Charlie had expected, flipping the rockstar onto his back in a flash. He kept Charlie pinned, hands on the other’s shoulders since wrist-grabbing isn’t something Charlie is too fond of anymore.  
“Looks like I caught myself a snow angel...” Charlie laughed at that, his already red face turning a slightly darker shade.

“What do you have planned?” He relaxed more underneath Sawyer, not daring to move yet.

“I just wanna admire you.” He shrugged as he spoke, and Charlie quirked a brow, not fully convinced.  
“What? You look real nice with snow all over ya.” Sawyer teased, and got another laugh from the man underneath him.

Charlie shoved him a little, enough force behind it to get the ex-conman off of him. He messed with his hair for a second, forcing the little bits of snow off of his head.  
“Well it doesn’t feel very nice to have all over me.” His response was a bit delayed, but Sawyer didn’t mind.

There was silence for a bit. Neither of them moving. It wasn’t awkward, but it wasn’t exactly a good use of their time. Besides, Sawyer’s probably crafting some scheme back there, and that could either be very exciting or very concerning.

Charlie’s legs started to numb a little, seeing as they’re absolutely covered in snow.  
“My legs feel like they’re frozen solid...” He finally spoke again, frowning as he couldn’t really move now.

Sawyer didn’t respond. Not verbally, anyways. But Charlie heard snow crunch behind him, and before he could turn around, Sawyer’s arms were wrapped tightly around him.  
The ex-conman pulled Charlie backwards, holding him against his chest. Charlie let out a startled squeak, wanting to kick his legs but alas, he can’t feel them.  
“I can’t have my sunshine being upset on such a good day.” Sawyer smirked, kissing Charlie’s hair.  
As much as his boyfriend loves to act like this sort of thing gets on his nerves, his protests are all in good fun. In all honesty, he wouldn’t rather be anywhere else.

“Let me go!” Charlie laughed, trying to wiggle his way out of Sawyer’s grasp but to no avail.

“Nah. You’re warm.” Sawyer tightened his grip on the musician, smiling as he tried (and failed miserably) to escape Sawyer’s arms.

Charlie eventually stilled, laughing lightly as he sunk back into Sawyer a bit more.  
“You know, despite the whole snowball to the face thing...” Charlie tipped his head back a little to look up at Sawyer more clearly, admiring the other’s soft smile. “That was rather nice.”

“Mhm...” Sawyer responded half-heartedly, more focused on Charlie’s face than anything. “...you’ve got some snow on ya.”

Charlie just blinked in surprise, tilting his head a little in confusion.  
“Really? I can’t feel it...” He flipped himself around, looking up at Sawyer with a gentle smile. “Could you get it off for me, love? Clearly you can see it and I can’t.” Charlie asked, blissfully unaware of Sawyer’s motives here.

The ex-conman nodded, bringing a hand up and cupping Charlie’s cheek.  
“‘Course I can’.”

“Thank you dar-“ Charlie’s words were quickly halted by Sawyer’s lips, connecting with Charlie’s gently. It didn’t last too long, but it definitely caught the musician off guard.

“There...I think I got it off.” Sawyer seemed more than satisfied with how well that worked, indulging in Charlie’s surprised expression for a second.  
He...might’ve broken him, actually. A few moments went by and Charlie was seemingly frozen in place.  
“Uh...Charlie? You still in ther-“ 

This time it was Sawyer who was cut off, taken a back a bit by how quickly had Charlie lunged forward.  
This time it lasted a bit longer. A little more motivation behind it and Sawyer couldn’t help but laugh at that. He accidentally broke the kiss in his amusement, but Charlie didn’t look upset.  
In fact, he seemed just as happy to see Sawyer laughing.

“You’re so gorgeous...” Charlie sounded nearly breathless, adding to the affect of the compliment.

“You ain’t too bad yourself, handsome.” Sawyer returned the affection, leaving a quick kiss on Charlie’s nose. The musician made a small surprised noise at that, but quickly melted again, smiling and resting his head against Sawyer’s shoulder.

Sawyer frowned a little when he felt Charlie shiver, realizing that they’ve been outside for far longer than he had wanted.  
“You okay?” Sawyer asked, already knowing what the answer would be but he always felt the need to double-check.

“I’m a bit cold...” Charlie admitted, trying to snuggle closer to Sawyer for more warmth.  
With a reluctant sigh, Sawyer let his arms fall from around Charlie. The musician frowned a little, but away from the other to let him have more room to stand.

“C’mon. Let’s get you inside and warm ya up.” Sawyer smiled, kissing Charlie’s cheek quickly before he stood up.  
Charlie sat in the snow for a second, getting an odd sense of deja vu from that sentence.

He didn’t have time to consider it for long, though. Sawyer was already scooping him up, holding the musician bridal-style so he didn’t have to walk.  
“Oi! I CAN walk, you know!” Charlie protested, but Sawyer knew he didn’t actually want to be put down.

“You sure? Cuz I could’ve sworn a few minutes ago you said your legs were frozen solid.” Sawyer grinned down at him, successfully winning that short argument. It became even clearer that Charlie didn’t mind this as he rested his head against Sawyer’s chest, closing his eyes peacefully.  
Sawyer nudged the door open with his foot, thankful that he accidentally left it cracked but just a little worried about snow having gotten all over their floor.  
Luckily, there wasn’t more than a few flakes inside, so hopefully there’s nothing to worry about. 

He stopped in the doorway, watching as Charlie slowly opened his eyes in confusion.  
“What’s the matter?”

Sawyer nodded up, and Charlie followed his gesture until his gaze landed on the mistletoe.  
The musician grinned, shaking a little from the snow still clinging to his clothes. Sawyer put him down slowly, wrapping an arm around Charlie’s waist as he did so.  
He didn’t even have to say anything before Charlie was inching forward, bringing his hand up to Sawyer’s cheek, eventually getting it around his neck to close the distance between them.

They progressively started to forget about being cold all together. Or anything outside of their kiss, for that matter.  
Charlie’s hand had slipped down to Sawyer’s shoulder at some point, his other arm wrapping around the ex-conman’s neck.  
Sawyer has one hand in his hair, moving occasionally but mostly there just for the sake of it. He constantly shifted it from Charlie’s hair to around his shoulders, trying to keep the musician close at all times. The other rested on the small of his back, eventually wrapping around his waist.

Charlie tried to get impossibly closer to the ex-conman. Pulling and lifting himself up further. He jumped into Sawyer’s arms, wrapping his legs around the other’s waist for leverage.  
Of course, Sawyer had to adjust a little, but he wasn’t complaining.

Sawyer was the one to reluctantly break it off, and Charlie sighed at the loss of contact.  
“Like I said. We need to get ya warmed up, honey.” Sawyer smiled, watching the musician pout a little as he nodded.  
He put Charlie down again, removing his coat for him before removing his own.

“You better not have any...other motives here, love.” Charlie teased, cold again now that Sawyer wasn’t so close.

“If I did, you’d be hearin’ about ‘em.” Sawyer reassured him, but Charlie wasn’t convinced.

“Somehow I doubt that.”

Sawyer rolled his eyes, nudging Charlie forward towards the living room.  
“You go get comfy. I’m gonna grab some blankets.”

As Sawyer began to walk away, Charlie smiled, kicking his mildly-frozen boots off.  
He had to take a moment to wipe the remaining snow off of himself, not wanting it to melt onto the couch.  
As he rid himself of the frigid chunks, he glanced outside the window.

Somehow, between now and when they had gotten inside, the snow started to come down much harder.  
Sawyer’s timing is always impeccable, but that’s mildly freaky.

He could hear Sawyer moving around upstairs, rummaging around their room fore as many spare blankets as he could get.  
Charlie sighed, plopping down on the couch, listening to his boyfriend’s struggle.

“Do you need any help?” He finally offered, grinning to himself. He does want Sawyer to find them soon, though. He’s cold and he could really use some conman-cuddles right about now.

He didn’t get a response, but he realized he wouldn’t be needing one as Sawyer’s footsteps started sounding closer.

“Nah, I got it.” The ex-conman finally returned, and with quite the haul. Charlie didn’t have time to crack a joke before there was a blanket covering his face, earning a surprised yelp from the musician.

Charlie could feel Sawyer wrapping him up slowly, a pretty big contrast to Charlie’s frantic blanket-removal tactics.  
Once he could finally see again, he glared up at Sawyer, ignoring how tender the other was actually being.

“You’re such an a-“ 

“Love you too, sweetheart.” Sawyer cut Charlie off before he could insult him, winking at him as he moved the musician into his arms.  
The warmth from the pile of blankets, mixed with being held snuggly against Sawyer, caused Charlie to melt again.  
He just can’t stay mad. Or even mildly irritated.

“...thank you, gorgeous.” Charlie sighed, forgetting about his previous annoyance and snuggling further into his boyfriend.

“Anytime, handsome.”


	32. Smoke on the Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie just wanted to make dinner. This is why you don’t take spontaneous naps with the oven going, people.  
> Timeframe: Revival post-rescue  
> Category: Angst, hurt/comfort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another old fic? Oh yeah  
> And it has a similar name to the first fic I posted? Frick yeah

He glanced at the time...  
7:00 PM

Charlie was completely alone in the house. Sawyer would be home soon though, so he should probably make something for them to eat.  
They have some chicken in the freezer. Pretty simple to make, and they haven’t had that in a while so...  
Well, actually, that frozen pizza sounds awfully good to him right now. Sawyer eats pretty much anything he can get his hands on, so Charlie doesn’t have to worry about him being picky.

He actually enjoyed cooking, even if he was pretty atrocious at it. Oven stuff is easy enough to make, so he probably can’t fail...maybe.  
After narrowly avoiding a tray falling on his head, he was pretty much set.  
He just needed to put it in the oven and wait it out.  
Should take about twenty minutes. Their oven preheated fairly quickly, so it wasn’t long before he was able to pop their meal in.  
He set a timer on his phone, not really trusting himself to keep track of time.  
Especially since he plans on taking a nice, relaxing nap.  
He’s exhausted, but he doesn’t want to be too tired for when Sawyer gets home.

Just a twenty minute cat nap. He’ll sleep on the couch in the living room so he won’t risk burning the food. He should be able to wake up with the timer.

•

He woke up to the smell of something burning.  
And badly.  
He looked checked what time is was in a panic.  
7:50 PM  
“Oh God...” He’d slept way too long. He knew he shouldn’t have done that but he was too tired to stop himself.  
He sprinted into the kitchen, and instantly could feel his heart pumping even more intensely.

There was smoke. A lot of smoke. And a fire.  
He was able to contain himself for long enough to get the scorched, sad looking pizza out of the oven.  
They didn’t have a fire extinguisher, but after a while the flame dispersed.  
The smoke was still heavy. He was coughing so violently he felt like he had the flu or something.  
So much smoke. All around him. Slithering and snaking around the kitchen.

Since when had the smoke gotten that dark?  
His heart was racing.  
It’s back.  
He could hear it.   
He could hear them.   
The chilling noises that always came from the jungle at night. Threatening to destroy him.  
The flashes of lightning.  
He can’t see anything.   
It’s everywhere.   
Surrounding him.  
Engulfing him.

“SAWYER!” He couldn’t help it. He screamed out for him despite knowing he couldn’t help. He needed him. He needed to feel him and hear him, but...  
He’s gone.  
He’s not coming back.  
He doesn’t love you anymore.  
He’s moved on.  
You’re all alone.  
It’ll kill you.  
Jacob’s words were swimming through his head again. They always were, but now they were yelling at him.   
He wanted him to shut up.

“STOP IT!” All he could do was curl up on the floor, sobbing as he tried to cover his ears to block out the sounds of the smoke.  
You’re nothing.  
You belong to me.  
Come back to me.  
I need you here with me.  
Don’t defy me.  
You’re mine.  
He felt like he was suffocating. Everything hurt and all he could do was plead for Sawyer. He’s not coming for him. He knows that. But he wants to see him so badly...

“Sawyer...” He whimpered again, curling up further into himself.  
He could feel it all around him.  
He felt cold.  
He could feel the island shaking beneath him.  
His head was flooded with images of mangled wreckage screams of terror.  
He wants to go home.  
He needs Sawyer to take him home...

•

Sawyer finally got home at around eight o’clock. He had grabbed some flowers for Charlie on his way home, hence why he was later than usual.  
He hoped Charlie wouldn’t mind, since he does love flowers quite a lot.  
He smiled to himself as he unlocked the door, fully expecting for Charlie to pounce on him.

He never did. And the house smelled like...smoke?  
He left the bouquet or the entryway table. He was in panic mode now.

He followed the smell to the kitchen. There was still a few lingering puffs, but it had mostly subsided.  
That’s not what concerned him, though.  
He could hear quiet sobbing from behind the counter.  
Charlie.  
He rounded the counter barely a second after he heard the first sob, and he saw a Charlie-like lump in the middle of the floor.  
“Please...” Charlie managed out through his shuddering, and Sawyer dropped to his knees as soon as he was mere inches away from the crying musician.

“Charlie!?“ Sawyer tried to keep the panic out of his voice, but he knew Charlie could hear it. The yelling only made him curl up even further, and Sawyer tried to pick him up.  
“Charlie...honey please-“

“NO!” Charlie screamed, shoving Sawyer away and knocking him into the cabinets directly behind them.  
He pushed himself up against the counter, staring at Sawyer with so much fear that he couldn’t even tell who he was looking at. Sawyer held the back of his head in pain. When he opened his eyes to see Charlie cowering in fear, he felt a twinge of guilt.  
Charlie continued to try and crawl further away, but he was backed completely against the counter already.  
It must be Jacob...but Jacob never called him ‘honey’. Sawyer used to, though...  
He slumped back against the counter a bit more, wrapping his arms around himself as his only form of comfort.

“Charlie...it’s me...” Sawyer slowly inched forwards, reaching his hand out for Charlie’s cheek. When his palm finally met the other’s face, Charlie shuddered again, freezing as Sawyer scooted directly in front of him.  
“It’s Sawyer...” He brought his other arm slowly around Charlie’s back, moving him further into his arms. He didn’t try hugging him yet. Couldn’t risk anything.  
The musician blinked up at him, eyes still wide with fear and still shaking violently.  
Sawyer...Sawyer’s here?  
He’s not on the island.  
He got off of that rock months ago.  
He’s in LA.  
He’s in Sawyer’s house.  
He’s home.

“Sawyer...?” Charlie’s voice was so small that Sawyer could barely hear him.  
The ex-conman nodded slowly, and Charlie’s lip quivered as he felt another wave of tears coming on.  
“I’m sorry...”

Charlie seemed to realize who he was now, falling forward a bit and melting into Sawyer. The relieved breath that Sawyer had been holding on to finally slipped out.   
“That’s it...I’m here now...” He let his arms wrap completely around Charlie’s shaking body, soothing him as he rubbed his back.  
Sawyer pulled back for a second, lifting Charlie’s chin up and giving him a watery smile. He’s not sure when he started crying too...  
“My sunshine...” Sawyer kissed his forehead, and Charlie buried his face in his shoulder.  
“I’m never gonna leave you again...I promise...not ever...” Sawyer whispered, and Charlie continued to cry into him.

•

“Thirsty?”  
Sawyer came back into the living room with a glass of water, never taking his eyes off of Charlie as he sat down on the couch next to him.  
Charlie was wrapped up in his robe on the couch, staring at nothing.  
His boyfriend frowned when he didn’t respond to him, and he set the glass on the table.  
“Charlie...talk to me.” Sawyer placed a hand on his arm, and Charlie jumped a little at that.

“I did it again, didn’t I?” Charlie finally spoke. Sawyer looked down at the carpet, not wanting to see Charlie’s clearly upset expression.  
“I’m making things worse...” He felt weak for wanting to cry again. He had been afraid of crying until Jacob had conditioned him into holding back. “...for you...for everyone...” Charlie could feel himself starting to get worked up again. Sawyer silently threw his arm around Charlie’s shoulder, pulling him into his side. Charlie needs to get this out. It‘s good for him. At least that’s what Sawyer keeps telling himself.  
“...maybe it would’ve been better if I had just-“

“Don’t you dare say it.” Sawyer interjected, firmly but still as soft as he could manage. Charlie looked up at him, confused and teary-eyed.   
“That ain’t true and you know it.” Sawyer was tearing up again as well, mostly at Charlie’s words. He could never imagine going through his entire life knowing Charlie was gone forever. The sliver of hope he had for all those years kept him alive most days.  
“So don’t you ever think that...” He kissed Charlie’s hair as he pulled him closer, not wanting Charlie to see the tear that managed to slip out.  
Charlie started sobbing into his chest, gripping at Sawyer’s shirt as he struggled to catch his breath between sobs.

“I’m sorry...” He kept sobbing, feeling a wet-spot forming on Sawyer’s chest where his head was laying. Sawyer was completely silent, still rubbing Charlie’s back as he broke down.  
“I’m so sorry...” He doesn’t even know what he’s apologizing for anymore.  
The episodes? His crying? Maybe both.  
Sawyer never expounded on it. He never spoke or even made an attempt to.  
He let Charlie vent into him. And he would let him go all night if he had to.

•

Charlie eventually stopped completely. His shuddering ceased and his breathing evened out.  
Now he was just laying on Sawyer’s chest, snuggled into his robe as his boyfriend continued to soothe him.  
Charlie had started playing with one of the buttons on Sawyer’s shirt after a bit, a habit he had still kept after all these years.  
He felt the ex-conman sigh as Charlie snuggled further into him, finally feeling safe in his arms.  
“Did you have episodes too...?” Charlie felt stupid for asking, but he genuinely didn’t know. Sawyer nodded, resting his head on top of Charlie’s.

“Yeah...” A typical, one-word Sawyer answer. But that’s all Charlie needed from him. Just some confirmation that he Sawyer didn’t think he was crazy.  
Everyone carried the trauma of the island with them, but they never talked about it. Charlie knows he isn’t alone, but when nobody bothers to tell him how they coped, he feels lost all over again.  
Sawyer squeezes him gently, and Charlie suddenly feels exhausted.  
All that crying must have took away all that precious energy he had gotten from his nap.

“Can we go to bed now...?” Charlie asked softly, and Sawyer chuckled a little underneath him.   
Suddenly he was being moved, Sawyer’s arm slipping up underneath his legs and his back. Charlie smiled as Sawyer stood up, cradling his sunshine in his arms.  
He feels like the luckiest man alive, even after all of the previous events of the night.  
Nobody else gets to hold Charlie like he does. They don’t get to carry a ball of sunshine and warmth with them wherever they go.

“How tired are ya?” Sawyer asked as he shuffled around the couch, and Charlie snickered at the question.

“I know what you’re implying...” He started, pausing when Sawyer stepped up onto the staircase. “...sorry love, but I’m beat...” Charlie closed his eyes, feeling Sawyer laugh lightly.

“That’s fine, sweetheart.” Sawyer slowly placed him on their bed, and Charlie instantly moved underneath the covers. Sawyer decided to just crawl over him, flopping on his side right next to Charlie. Unlike his boyfriend, however, he was still on top of the sheets.  
He ran the back of his hand over Charlie’s cheek, watching as the musician’s eyes fluttered shut again at the touch.  
“Gorgeous...” Sawyer’s breath caught a little when Charlie opened his eyes again.  
It still baffles him that Charlie is with him. He could’ve had anyone else...but he waited for Sawyer.

“That’s your nickname, cowboy...” Charlie teased, sighing as Sawyer ran his hand down Charlie’s side.  
“...but I wouldn’t mind if we both used it...” Sawyer grinned at that, finally resting his hand on where Charlie’s hip would be.  
“Get under the covers already.” Charlie whined, and Sawyer laughed.  
The atmosphere shifted so quickly, a common thing for the two of them. It‘ll get brought up again tomorrow for sure, but for now they can just enjoy indulging in each other’s presence.  
Sawyer slipped under the sheets, immediately wrapping his arms around Charlie. Charlie relaxed into him, returning the embrace.

“I love you...” Sawyer mumbled sleepily, eyes slowly falling closed as Charlie kissed his cheek. Charlie rested his head on Sawyer’s shoulder, pushing some of his hair back behind his ear.

“I love you too, darling...” Charlie whispered, and Sawyer held him tighter.

He tried to keep his mind off of his hallucinations from earlier.  
Right now, he’s here.  
He’s wrapped up in Sawyer’s robe, resting comfortably in his love’s arms.  
In their bed.  
In their house.  
After he had a breakdown in their kitchen.  
All of this is real. The island was his old reality, but this is his world now.   
Sawyer is his world. And so is everything that comes with him.

And he’ll gladly be the sunshine...just for Sawyer.

•

“Mornin’, handsome.” Sawyer’s kneeled at the side of his bed, already in uniform and a few minutes away from heading out.  
Normally, he just leaves Charlie a note. A little reminder that he didn’t abandon him, and he’ll be coming home later.  
But today he felt that Charlie needed some extra reassurance.

“Mmornin’....?” Charlie was still half asleep, and he sounded incredibly confused. Sawyer gently takes his hand, leaning up to kiss him lightly.  
“Thank you, gorgeous...” Charlie whispered, eyes just barely open. He’s still exhausted, but he appreciates Sawyer thinking of him.  
Sawyer placed his other hand on the musician’s cheek, resting his head against Charlie’s for a second.

“I’ll be back, sunshine...” Sawyer whispered before pulling away. Charlie huffed as Sawyer got up, but closed his eyes again anyways. He doesn’t like Sawyer having to leave, but he can’t just keep him for himself. They probably could survive without either of them working full time, but Sawyer loves his job. And Charlie won’t ever try to take that away from him.

“I promise...” Sawyer whispered, shutting the door quietly.


	33. Funky Flannel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sawyer’s phone call gets interrupted by...well, let’s just say Charlie is feeling a little flirty tonight.  
> Timeframe: Revival post-rescue  
> Category: Fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we get implied funky but no actual funky scenes because I physically cannot write anything spicy without dying.

Phone calls aren’t usually a good thing for Sawyer to hear, but tonight is different.  
He got a call from a friend this time. Nothing about an emergency or a case.

“So you two are doing okay?” Jack asked, and Sawyer laughed a little.

“Yeah. He’s great. We’re great.” He got lost in his own head for a second, mind wandering off into the Charlie-zone as usual.

“Good. Is he still having any episodes?”  
Jack’s question made Sawyer shift uncomfortably. He really didn’t wanna go there right now.

“Yeah...he’s still got it rough, though.”

“He’s been through a lot. It only makes sense for him to-“

“Hey.”  
Sawyer’s attention quickly snapped to his boyfriend, who’s currently leaning against the doorframe of their bedroom.  
The real kicker here, is the shirt he’s wearing. Not just a normal, cute Charlie outfit. No no no.  
It looks much more like something Sawyer would wear. A flannel button-down, to be exact. And speaking of the buttons, he’s got just enough of them undone to tease Sawyer, but not enough to be TOO suggestive. However the ex-conman plans on changing that pretty quickly.

And he’s smirking. A full-on smirk that Sawyer hasn’t seen in a long time.  
On one hand, he’s happy Charlie is recovering.  
And on the other, he needs to get off this damn phone ASAP because Jack is nowhere near as important as this.  
Sayid would probably argue with him on that one, but can you blame him?  
Given the choice between talking to a nervous wreck of a doctor, or his tease of a boyfriend, he knows what he’s picking.

“Jack I gotta call you back.”  
Sawyer threw his phone so fast he didn’t even realize he forgot to hang up.  
Charlie didn’t seem to notice either, waiting patiently for Sawyer to finally approach him.

He looked even better up close. Sawyer had a lot of ideas, but he isn’t gonna try anything without explicit consent from his lover.  
He wants to take matters into his own hands here so badly but Charlie needs to be okay with it. He won’t risk anything.  
Sawyer’s hands originally wandered to the buttons he still needed to loosen, but he forced himself to just rest them on Charlie’s waist.  
The musician seemed awfully happy with himself, still leaned back against the doorframe, unmoving as Sawyer lingered in front of him.

“Are you tryin’ to give me a heart attack?” Sawyer leaned in a bit closer, brushing his lips against Charlie’s slowly.  
The musician laughed lightly, a little nervous but not nearly as much as usual. He felt a little tense, mind still wanting to race back to Jacob but he wouldn’t let it this time.

“No...” Charlie closed his eyes for a second, relaxing himself, trying to clear his head. “I just want to get you riled up, is all. No heart attack needed.”   
They both laughed a little at that, Sawyer taking Charlie’s hand gently.

“You’re sure you’re okay with this?” The ex-conman pulled the other a little further forwards, away from the doorframe to make Charlie more comfortable.  
“I don’t want you to think you have to do anything just cuz of me.”  
Charlie smiled up at him reassuringly, placing his hand on Sawyer’s cheek.

“I want to do this, Sawyer.” He melted further into his lover, grabbing Sawyer’s free-hand with his own and leading it towards the buttons of his shirt.  
“I trust you.”  
He released the ex-conman’s hand, letting him have control of it again. He hesitated at first, staring down at Charlie looking for any sign of discomfort.  
When he couldn’t find any, he smiled, moving his other hand up to join the other.

“I guess I should get to work then, sunshine.” Sawyer didn’t start quite yet, though. He’s not about to have Charlie pinned against a wall for the rest of the night.  
He scooped the musician up into his arms, chuckling at the surprised yelp Charlie let out at the sudden change.  
He placed him slowly onto the bed, taking a moment to admire him.

He’s gonna have to teach Charlie how to properly unbutton that shirt

“As much as I love that shirt on you...” Sawyer finally unbuttoned a few more, and Charlie huffed in disappointment when he stopped. “I think it needs to come off.”

“I couldn’t agree more.”

•

“You’re gorgeous...” Sawyer whispered, tucking a piece of Charlie’s hair behind his ear. The musician laughed, covering his scarred shoulder with his hand.

“I highly doubt that...” He hid his face in the pillow, too embarrassed to look at Sawyer.  
The ex-conman gently removed Charlie’s hand, exposing the old scar once again.

“I mean it...” Sawyer slipped a hand into Charlie’s hair, pulling him forward a bit to rest their foreheads together.  
“Everything about you...” The ex-conman ran his hand up Charlie’s arm, stopping at his shoulder. “...is beautiful to me.”

“You’re awfully sappy tonight...” Charlie sounded nervous, voice a little shaky and that alarmed Sawyer a bit.

“You okay, sweetheart?”  
Charlie nodded in response, but shuddered a little, closing his eyes so he wasn’t staring at Sawyer anymore.

“I’m fine...you’re just too good to me...”  
Charlie didn’t give Sawyer a chance to reply, leaning forward to kiss him lightly.  
Sawyer was more eager, keeping it going as long as possible without pushing too many boundaries.   
Charlie pulled away, smiling at Sawyer’s carefulness.  
“You don’t have to hesitate, love...”

“I know but-“

“It’s okay...” He wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s neck, kissing his cheek softly before continuing. “...after THAT, I don’t think you have to worry about me falling apart over a kiss.”

Sawyer just chuckled, pulling Charlie back in.  
He wasn’t as reserved this time, a little nervous about it still but Charlie’s responses reassured him.

Both of them had completely forgotten about the phone.

•

Shannon stared at Jack with a mix of excitement and confusion, with maybe a tad bit of judgement.  
“Why didn’t you just hang up?”

Jack sighed, running a hand through his hair nervously.  
“I...I don’t know.”

“Well? What happened?” Shannon was already prepared to take some mental notes, and Jack cringed a little as he remembered everything he heard.

“Why can’t you just ask Charlie tomorrow?” He REALLY didn’t want to give Shannon a play-by-play of what he just heard, but she’s determined.

“Because Charlie won’t tell me everything that went down.” She smiled, knowing that Jack was going to give in eventually.

With a defeated look, Jack shrugged.  
“...I’m surprised nobody heard them on the island...”

Shan grinned. This is going to be so much fun to tell Charlie about tomorrow.


	34. Lil’ Sunflower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie is DEFINITELY a super tough jungle man.  
> Timeframe: Revival post-rescue  
> Category: Fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just some very short fluff for y’all as I make some more island-based fics and some angst 👁👁  
> (This one is based off of an idea Harvest gave me. Zyclone my dude your requests should also be finished soon 👀)

“You sure you can handle it, sweetheart?” Sawyer smirked, examining the movie in his hand for a moment. “You sure you’re tough enough?” He snickered a little as Charlie groaned, glaring at him as best as he could.

“I AM tough!” Charlie protested, folding his arms over his chest with a borderline-pout. “I survived a decade alone on an island! I can handle a stupid horror movie...”  
In that moment, Sawyer had an idea. It’ll be annoying, but maybe it can also pull Charlie out of this bad mood eventually.

“Did I mention that you look extra cute today?” The compliment threw Charlie off a bit, but he stood firm.   
Is he trying to mess with him now? Wow. Boyfriend of the year, everybody.

“Stop it.” He responded, but not in the way Sawyer might’ve wanted. He’s getting legitimately upset now.  
Sawyer began approaching him, and although Charlie is royally pissed at him...if he makes any moves the musician’s anger might just crumble.

“And tiny, too.” The ex-conman finally stopped walking when he was directly in front of him. Charlie’s glare softened for a second, before it came back in full-force.  
He tried to bring a hand up to Charlie’s cheek, but his boyfriend swatted it away.

“Sawyer I swear-“

“Small enough to fit perfectly in my arms...” He lowered his voice a little, wrapping his arms around Charlie’s waist. The musician didn’t protest this time, unable to hold his pout or his glare anymore. He turned his head away from the ex-conman, trying to fight his smile.  
Sawyer leaned down to his ear, smiling against it for a second. “My lil’ sunflower...”

Charlie laughed suddenly, his smile finally breaking free. He wrapped an arm around Sawyer’s neck, burying his face in his boyfriend’s neck.  
“You’re too sweet...I can’t stay mad at you...” He sighed, feeling Sawyer kiss his ear gently.

“Good...cuz I don’t like seeing you upset.” Sawyer pulled back, forcing Charlie to do the same as he stared down at the now much happier musician.  
“Especially when you’re upset with me...”

“I thought you said I‘m hot when I’m angry?” Charlie smirked, wrapping his other arm around Sawyer’s neck as well.

“Well THAT...” He tugged Charlie impossibly closer, causing the other to stumble a bit but he didn’t fall. “...was different, sunshine...”

The movie was long forgotten on the table, still unopened. They...won’t exactly be doing move night tonight.  
They have a science project to get done, after all.


	35. Free Wrist Estate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One of the many times Sawyer and Charlie have ‘fought’ to keep the other survivors from getting suspicious.  
> Timeframe: Idk but island time my dudes  
> Category: Fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title inspiration curtesy of Noel ✨  
> (Gonna respond to y’all’s comments later I just haven’t had time to yet.  
> Seriously tho thank you for your support it means a lot 💖)

The somewhat peaceful atmosphere of the island is currently being interrupted by yet another fight.   
Nobody was surprised to hear Sawyer trying to rile someone up.  
But the surprise came when they found out who exactly he was messing with.

“Leave me alo-“ Charlie cut himself off when Sawyer grabbed his arm, stopping it from making contact with the ex-conman’s chest.

“A little slow there, sweetheart.” Sawyer teased, smirking down at the confused musician. After a moment, Charlie finally tugged his arm away, mumbling something as he stared at the ground.  
He was trying to hide his very clearly red face, as well as fighting back the urge to smile at the other.  
This is getting more difficult every day.

“Just go away!” Charlie finally responded, just barely managing to not stumble over his words.

“Or what?” Sawyer was getting way too into this. He doesn’t mean any harm, but getting Charlie all worked up never ceases to amuse him.  
“Gonna fight me, small fry?” He got a little closer to the musician, emphasizing just how small he looked in comparison to Sawyer. Charlie tensed, but didn’t back up, glaring at Sawyer while also silently pleading for him to back down.

“Maybe I will.” Charlie snapped back, holding his ground. Sawyer didn’t miss how nervous the other looked, but he didn’t want to stop just yet either.

“I’d like to see you try...” Sawyer lowered his voice a little, watching Charlie wobble just a tad at the change.  
The musician tried to shove at him, hoping to get some distance. But Sawyer shoved back with more force, and he only succeeded in falling backwards onto he sand.   
Sawyer held back a laugh at that. Of course in trying to be tough he would end up making himself look cuter.

And then an idea hit him. Charlie’s position is perfect for just a little more fun. He’s pushing it, and he’s probably gonna get lectured later, but this is just too good to pass up.

Sawyer was kneeling in front of Charlie in an instant, pushing the other back down as he tried to get to his feet again.  
“How ‘bout we try this again?” He grabbed Charlie’s wrists, keeping him pinned because he’s already kicking to try and get Sawyer off.

Charlie looked dumbfounded. A little fearful but the glint of excitement Sawyer saw reassured him that this was definitely a good idea.  
Charlie continued to thrash, legs kicking seemingly uncontrollably but he knows what he’s doing. He’s in full control, trying to avoid hitting some...sensitive areas for Sawyer’s sake.

“Ain’t got anythin’ to say to me now, darlin’?” Sawyer was staring at Charlie with enough intensity to make the other try and turn his head away. But every time he tried, he would catch the eye of another survivor, and that was much worse.  
At least Sawyer knows, and even expects to see Charlie like this given the circumstances. Everyone else is blissfully unaware of how often they’ve both found themselves in this same position.

Charlie’s mouth began to move as if he wanted to say something, but nothing came out. Sawyer wanted to do quite a few things right now, none of which would be very convenient for their whole ‘secret relationship’ deal.  
Kissing him is out of the question.  
Flirting a little bit more outside of just nicknames might be pushing it.  
And he certainly ain’t about to consider the third option right now.

“Just leave him alone, Sawyer.” Kate sighed, and the ex-conman didn’t even realize she had been standing there.  
He looked up at her in annoyance, but smiled anyways.

“And why should I do that?” Sawyer noticed how Charlie seems to have calmed down, and he glanced down at the musician just for a moment.  
He looks like an absolute wreck, and the ex-conman suddenly regretted doing this in the open instead of in his tent.

“Because you’re terrorizing him. And Sayid is two seconds away from stabbing you for it.” Kate smiled as she heard Sawyer curse under his breath, reluctantly releasing the musician from his grasp.

“Well that was interesting...” Charlie mumbled as he stood, ignoring Sawyer to the best of his abilities.  
“Thank you, Kate.” He smiled, feeling more than seeing Sawyer’s glare.

Yeah, he’s going to have a talk with him later.

•

“So...” Charlie started, smiling as he made himself right at home in Sawyer’s tent. “You put on quite a show earlier.”

Sawyer glanced up at him, breaking away from his book for a moment.  
“So you did like it.” He smirked, putting his book down completely.

“Well I won’t deny that...” The musician began to move a little more, slowly positioning himself more in Sawyer’s lap. “But you were awfully...forward.”

“I was just committed, darlin’.” The ex-conman’s smirk softened, morphing into more of a gentle smile just for a second.  
But then that smirk was back again in full-force as he placed his hands on Charlie’s waist.  
“And you were pretty into it.”

Charlie shoved at the other’s shoulder gently, laughing a little in embarrassment.  
“It was kind of...” He trailed off, suddenly feeling a lot more modest than he had a few moments ago.

“Hot? Exciting?” Sawyer was teasing just a tad, watching as Charlie’s face got even more red by the minute. “Tell me, sunshine...did you really want me off of ya? Or were you just tryin’ to look convincin’?”

“Just shut up for once, love.” Charlie sighed, grabbing Sawyer by his shirt and tugging him in for a kiss before he could respond.  
Sawyer was caught off guard a bit, but adjusted quickly. He’s starting to get used to Charlie’s surprises. Well, most of them anyways.

When Charlie eventually pulled away, Sawyer spoke again.  
“Did I hurt you?” He asked, tone suddenly softer. Charlie tilted his head in confusion, so the conman elaborated.  
“When we were fighting earlier?”

“Physically? I’m fine.” Charlie reassured him, kissing his forehead quickly. “Emotionally, however...”

“Lemme guess...I need to make it up to you?” Sawyer already had a few things planned, and when Charlie grinned at his response, that was all the confirmation he needed.

It’s gonna be a fun night.


	36. Waterfall Thing (10/10 title)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sawyer helps Charlie manage his fear of swimming.  
> Timeframe: Idk specifically but island time  
> Category: Fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another old fic cuz I like adding these here.  
> I’ll be spamming a bunch of new fics once I finish a few of them so if the chapters suddenly jump by like 4 you’ll know why 
> 
> Original note that I wrote:  
> I’ve always had a headcanon that Charlie is actually scared of swimming because Liam tried to drown him once or something.  
> So here’s fluff of Sawyer trying to help him with that because of course.  
> Also I plan on this being an on-going thing (hopefully) of just Sawyer helping Charlie stuff like climbing and just basic survival things. Gotta protect his boyfriend.

They decided to take a little trip to the waterfall. Just to enjoy the scenery. At least, that’s what Charlie thought they were doing. Apparently, Sawyer had other intentions.  
Sawyer had been pretty quiet for the most part. Being pretty eager to sit Charlie down on the rocks. Charlie was nervous around the rushing water, but he felt protected with Sawyer by his side.

“So if I’m rememberin’ correctly...you ain’t very fond of swimming, right?” Sawyer ran his thumb over Charlie’s knuckles as he held his hand. Charlie nodded, staring at the water in front of them.

“Yeah...I can swim...I’m just terrified of it. And I’m not very good, either.” Charlie explained. Sawyer nodded, looking at the waterfall for a second. He turned his entire body to face Charlie, and Charlie turned his head to meet his eyes.

“Would ya still be terrified if I was in there with ya?” Sawyer finally managed out. Charlie blinked, not quite sure what to say.

“It’s not like I haven’t used the waterfall as a shower before...” Charlie protested weakly, and Sawyer raised a brow as Charlie chewed his lip.  
“...I just don’t really like doing it...” Charlie added softly. Sawyer shook his head and placed a hand on Charlie’s arm.

“But would ya just try and have some fun? I’ll be right there with ya the whole time.” Sawyer pleaded, and Charlie felt guilty for being a killjoy.  
He looked over at the water for a second, watching as it moved so elegantly. Charlie closed his eyes and nodded slowly. He opened them back up to see Sawyer smiling at him. That made him feel a bit better about this.  
“Well then I guess it’s settled.” He sounded legitimately excited, and that alone was enough to get Charlie’s motivation going.

Sawyer brought Charlie up on to his feet, letting go of his hand reluctantly. He stepped back to give Charlie some room, and started unbuttoning his shirt.  
Charlie looked nervously at the water as Sawyer had his back turned, not wanting him to see Charlie’s fear still lingering.

“Are you sure this isn’t just a ploy to get me to strip?” Charlie teased, and Sawyer wiggled his eyebrows. He promptly got Charlie’s shirt thrown at his head, and he chuckled as he tossed it to the ground. Sawyer frowned when he saw that Charlie had turned his back to the conman.  
Charlie looked back at him and snickered, pretty pleased with himself.

“Trust me, darlin’. If it was, I woulda made it real clear.” Charlie rolled his eyes and scoffed in fake disgust, turning his head to look back at the other. Sawyer winked at him, and he quickly turned back around with a flustered laugh.  
Sawyer crossed his arms over his chest, looking at Charlie fondly.   
He was lucky that nobody else had swept him off his feet before he could. Charlie had waited for him, and that made Sawyer feel like he mattered.  
He shook his head and finally threw his shirt to the ground.  
“You can look, ya know. You don’t have to act all modest just cuz we’re out in the open.” He teased, waiting for Charlie to laugh. He didn’t, though. And Sawyer got worried.   
“You there sunshine?” Sawyer asked, much more concerned now. Charlie whipped around and gave him a confused look.

“What?” Charlie asked, and Sawyer frowned. Charlie looked down at the ground again, feeling a twinge of guilt. He had completely spaced out there.  
Sawyer was at his side pretty quickly, putting a hand on Charlie’s waist.

“You okay?” Sawyer asked, tone a lot softer now. Charlie nodded quickly, smiling at him with reassuringly. There was still a little hint of nervousness in there though. A shakiness that Sawyer picked up on.

“Yeah...Yeah I’m fine.” Charlie tried to sound as convincing as possible. Sawyer stared at him for a second, scanning for any sign of a lie.   
He knew could tell Charlie was nervous, and he definitely saw that hint of fear. But there was some determination in there too. So Sawyer decided to let slide, backing away slowly. Charlie didn’t let him get too far away though, walking towards him as he continued to back up.  
“What are you doing?” Charlie smiled, looking a little confused but mostly just intrigued. Sawyer eventually stopped at the edge of the water, grabbing Charlie’s hands.

“Ready for this?” Sawyer tugged Charlie closer, ever so slowly backing up into the water. Charlie looked down nervously, watching as they inched forward, the water rippling a little with every movement. He closed his eyes and rested his head on Sawyer’s chest, trying not to think about it.   
Charlie shuddered when his legs were submerged, and Sawyer stopped completely. He slung his free arm around Sawyer’s neck, hanging on to him.  
“Easy there, Chuckie.” He let go of one of Charlie’s hands, moving it to his back to comfort him. Charlie still refused to open his eyes, but nodded for Sawyer to keep going.  
“I gotcha...” Sawyer whispered, moving back a little more quickly.  
Once Charlie couldn’t feel the bottom, he started clinging on to Sawyer tighter. 

“I don’t know if I can do this...” Charlie whispered, and Sawyer rubbed his back reassuringly.  
Sawyer leaned back a bit, doing most of the actual swimming for both of them. Charlie decided to open his eyes, and he was met with Sawyer’s gentle gaze. He behind them, realizing they were now in the middle of the water.  
“I guess there’s no going back now...” Charlie mumbled, resting his head against Sawyer’s chest again.

“I’m gonna let ya go for a second.” Sawyer warned, and Charlie looked up at him with a terrified look.  
Before he could protest properly, Sawyer moved his hand off of Charlie’s back. Charlie reluctantly removed his arm from around Sawyer’s neck, slowly slipping away from him and Sawyer continued to move backwards. Eventually, Charlie was completely on his own, aside from Sawyer’s hand which he was still holding firmly.  
“You okay?” Sawyer asked, too far away for Charlie’s liking. Charlie nodded, trying to maintain eye contact with Sawyer instead of looking down into the blue abyss. Sawyer pulled him along, getting closer to the actual waterfall now.  
“You’ve got this.” Sawyer reassured him again, and Charlie exhaled, trying to calm himself.

“I’ve got this...” Charlie repeated, slowly swimming along with Sawyer. The conman smiled as Charlie started getting a little more confident, eventually making it back to Sawyer’s side. Charlie gave him a proud smile, and Sawyer kissed his hair proudly.  
“Are we really gonna go under that thing? It looks horrifying!” Charlie protested, and Sawyer smirked.

“No, we’re just gonna climb up there.” Sawyer pointed to the rocks just above them. Charlie shuddered at how high up they seemed. The thrill is invigorating, but the thought of one of them slipping or getting hurt isn’t very pleasant.   
“Ya scared there, honey?” Sawyer teased. Charlie pouted and looked away from him. He drifted away slightly, but he still kept a firm grip on Sawyer’s hand.

“No...I’m not scared...” He mumbled. That pouty tone only fueled Sawyer’s fire.

“Well let’s do this, then.” Sawyer tugged him back closer to him, and Charlie gave a reluctant nod. He had to let go of the conman’s hand, and he did so hesitantly.  
He trusted him, though. Sawyer will be there for him.  
Sawyer got out of the water first, extending his arm out for Charlie. Charlie took a deep breath, grabbing his hand and letting Sawyer pull him out of the water.  
“See? It ain’t that bad.” Sawyer was already starting to climb up, and Charlie watched carefully. Sawyer waited for him again, watching as Charlie struggled to climb as diligently as Sawyer had. The conman shook his head fondly, making a mental note to teach Charlie how to climb a little better. He should make a habit of just giving the guy some survival lessons. Might come in handy later.  
As he was about to continue, he saw Charlie wobble out of the corner of his eye. He waited to make sure Charlie wasn’t going to fall before he kept going.

“Slow down, mate! I’m not exactly as experienced as you are!” Charlie yelled, desperately trying to keep up with boyfriend’s quick movements. Both of them were pretty much soaked by now, and Sawyer had to shake the wet strands of hair out of his eyes.

“Sorry, sunshine. Got a little carried away there.” Sawyer stopped again, and waited until Charlie was on the same level as him this time. Charlie sighed and ran a hand over his drenched hair.

“I’m not as good as Kate, I know...” He sighed, and Sawyer frowned at him. Charlie’s eyes drifted away from Sawyer’s and back down to the water below them.  
God that’s a long way down...  
Sawyer patted his shoulder, giving him a reassuring look.

“You’re doing great, Charlie. You just ain’t had to do as much climbin’ as we have in our lifetime.” Sawyer’s words were somewhat comforting. Charlie looked back at him smiled. Sawyer took that as a sign that they could keep moving, and grabbed at another rock.  
“Which is a good thing, by the way.” He added. Charlie’s got plenty of baggage, but he experienced it differently than Sawyer had. Sawyer’s been on the run from the law, while Charlie’s been on the run from himself.  
One of those requires a lot of survival skills, while the other needs more emotional skills. Two different worlds, and Sawyer can understand both of them.

He was so caught up in his thoughts that he made a horrible error in judgement. As he was going to push himself up, he slipped.  
“SAWYER!” Charlie’s scream horrified him.   
He fell backwards, still not having made it any further than Charlie at that point. He thought he was going to hit some rocks, or maybe the water if he was lucky.  
Either way, this might be it.  
But neither of those impacts ever came. Instead, he was still in the air. Not falling, but being suspended. He wasn’t dead. And he definitely wasn’t in the water.  
He didn’t even realize he closed his eyes until he opened them, seeing nothing but the cliff above them and the waterfall out of the corner of his eye.   
All he could hear was the rushing water in his ear.  
He could feel a hand around his back, holding him up. There was another gripping his own hand firmly, holding it in the air.  
He finally saw Charlie’s panicked eyes, and he could hear his worried yelling over the waterfall’s loud crashing.  
“Sawyer!? Talk to me love, please!”   
Charlie had caught him. This position felt oddly like they were supposed to be dancing, though.

Sawyer stumbled forward after Charlie’s hand released it’s grip on his own, the hand that was holding him up following Sawyer and gently grazing his back.  
“What the hell just happened...?” He sounded like he was in shock, and understandably so. Charlie let out a sigh of relief, leaning against the rocks carefully.

“I saved your life. That’s what happened.” Charlie laughed a little as he spoke, trying to come down off of that. His heart racing just as fast as Sawyer’s.   
Sawyer took a second to fully soak in what happened.  
He slipped.  
He fell.  
Charlie caught him.  
And there was one more thing he couldn’t quite grasp...

“Were you...dipping me?” Sawyer asked, still fixated on how Charlie had been holding him up. Charlie gave him an odd look, but slowly realized what he meant.

“Reflex...I forgot how I was supposed to...to do it so I improved.” He held his hand up as he spoke, letting it fall back down after he finished. He was struggling to talk, breathing still ragged after that stressful chain of events.

“Huh...never thought a dance move would save my life before.” Sawyer laughed as best he could. Charlie wheezed, not able to laugh at all.  
“Guess you’re still findin’ new ways to throw me off, huh?” Sawyer mimicked Charlie, leaning against the rocks for support. He was using his arm for support though, while Charlie was putting his full weight on the slippery cliff, back against the jagged rocks.  
Charlie lulled his head to the side and smiled at him, breath evening out a little.

“Who said I would ever stop? I have to keep you on your toes, cowboy.” Charlie winked, and Sawyer felt the last remaining bit of adrenaline slowly fade.  
He looked up at how much father they had to go. At least, how far he and Kate has went before. Sawyer glanced him at Charlie again, silently asking for his input.  
“Can we...can we just stop here?” Charlie pleaded, clearly scared again. Sawyer nodded, understanding his fear a lot more than he did earlier.

“Yeah...yeah I think that’s a good idea.” Sawyer agreed, and Charlie slid slowly down to the ground, wincing a little as the sharp rocks rubbed against his skin.  
Sawyer sat down next to him, careful not to slip this time.  
Charlie closed his eyes, leaning his head back. Sawyer wanted to do the same, but was too busy staring at the water below them.

“Thank you...for trying to help me.” Charlie eventually spoke again, and Sawyer looked over at him. He still had his head against the rocks, but his eyes were open now. Sawyer scooted back a bit so he was also completely up against the cliff.  
He wanted to grab Charlie’s hand, but decided against it last minute, instead resting his hand on Charlie’s leg. That got Charlie’s attention, and he tilted his head to the side again.  
Sawyer quickly leaned over and kissed him, feeling Charlie relax a little more.  
He tried to pull away, but Charlie kept his head still, not quite ready yet.  
Eventually, Charlie broke it off, and Sawyer rested their foreheads together. He closed his eyes, tuning out the waterfall and focusing entirely on Charlie’s breathing.  
It was surprisingly sweet, despite the previous issues.

“We should ditch the jeans next time...” Sawyer commented suddenly, and he opened his eyes to look at Charlie, who had that adorable confused look again.  
“...they’re real inconvenient to swim in.” He took it in a different direction than Charlie had thought, and the musician closed his eyes again.  
“I also wouldn’t mind seeing you without ‘em.”

He got a smack on the shoulder for that one. He probably deserved it.


	37. Caught Yet Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (I hate how I couldn’t think of a title for this 😔)  
> They thought they were gonna have some alone time.  
> They were wrong.  
> Timeframe: IDKKKKKK  
> Category: Fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is bad but have some short island content ✨

He had just been sitting on his own in a clearing close to camp.  
He brought his guitar out so he wouldn’t bother anyone with his admittedly shaky music today.  
He neglected to tell anyone though, which meant Claire would surely get worried eventually. But as long as he gets back soon, he should be fine.

Well, if he CAN get back.  
As he was going to take a sip of his water, he heard movement around him.  
It freaked him out a tad, but he didn’t have time to defend himself, as whoever was there was now pouncing on him.  
He fought as best he could, but he was wrestled to the ground, panicking as a strong hand on his chest kept him down.

Charlie huffed lightly as he fell back against the ground, staring up into a pair of mischievous looking green eyes.  
“Nice to see you, sweetheart.”  
Sawyer grinned, contemplating letting Charlie sit up for a second, but kept his hand firmly on the musician’s chest.

“You need to stop sneaking up on me...” Charlie sighed, trying to look as annoyed as possible. His facade was ruined when his lips quirked up a little, betraying his displeased look.  
“I might hurt you by accident.”

“Yeah, right.” The conman laughed, and Charlie felt vaguely offended.  
“Sorry Chuckie, but I ain’t buyin’ that.”

He couldn’t help but try and challenge Sawyer’s response, quirking a brow as his gentle smile formed into more of a smirk.  
“Really?”

“Really. You’re so small I could just-“

Sawyer was swiftly interrupted by Charlie moving underneath him, rolling them over and flipping their positions.   
Before he knew it, he was pinned under the musician, a little shocked by how quickly things changed.  
“Are you alright, love?” Charlie looked as smug as ever, sitting up to tower over the surprised conman.   
“Feeling a little, oh, I don’t know...defeated?”

Sawyer blinked in confusion for a second, satisfying the man above him.  
The satisfaction faded when he smirked again, bringing his hands to Charlie’s hips suddenly.  
“Nah...I think I actually like this a lil’ better.”

Charlie stared down at him for a second, seemingly frozen as he processed what Sawyer was hinting at.  
Oh. OH.  
“Wait...you wanna...right now?” Sawyer just shrugged in response, and Charlie bit his lip nervously.  
“But it’s the middle of the day...” He protested weakly, and Sawyer gave him an odd look.

“Hasn’t stopped us before, honey.” His response was exactly what the musician had been expecting.  
It’s the truth, but it makes his excuse ten times harder to use.  
“If you don’t wanna, just tell me. I ain’t gonna be mad.”

“No!” He answered a little too quickly, bringing back Sawyer’s grin.  
“It’s just...”  
Charlie sighed and looked around, noticing how close they still were to camp.  
“It’s awfully risky.”

The conman considered it for a second before he patted Charlie’s hip reassuringly. An odd gesture, but mildly comforting.  
“Again, that ain’t stopped us before. How many times have we been in my tent and nobody has caught us?”

“Well...” Charlie thought about it for a second, trying to think of another excuse, but gave up.  
“...alright. But if we get caught I’m blaming you.”

Sawyer’s mood lifted quite a lot at that, and Charlie smiled.  
He’s such a horrible, dreadful person to everyone else. But he’s pretty adorable to Charlie. Especially moments like now.  
“I’ll take full responsibility...” The conman whispered as Charlie allowed him to sit up, moving one of his hands up to cup the musician’s cheek.

Charlie closed his eyes before their lips even connected, already making himself comfortable in the other’s arms.  
Sawyer was already pretty eager, so adjusting wasn’t that huge of an effort.

“This needs to come off...” Sawyer managed out, tugging at Charlie’s hoodie. The musician would’ve complied, if it weren’t for the sound of someone approaching the clearing.  
Well that’s not good.

Sawyer didn’t seem to realize, pulling Charlie back in to another kiss before the rockstar could say anything.  
He tried to pull away a few times, but the conman chased his lips, silencing him before he even had time to speak.  
It didn’t help when Sawyer’s hands began to wander, trying to slip past Charlie’s shirt and the musician panicked a bit.

If they get caught, then-

“Am I...interrupting something?”  
Charlie flinched, and Sawyer’s attack on his lips slowly ceased.  
They recognize that voice all too well.

“Rose!” Charlie exclaimed nervously, crawling off of Sawyer’s lap quickly.  
Part of him is relieved, since Rose is one of the few survivors who knows about them.  
On the other hand, this is Rose. ROSE. And she just witnessed something that she definitely shouldn’t have.  
“We were just-“

“No need to explain.” Rose cut the musician off before he could ramble out an excuse, smiling at the two men on the ground.  
Sawyer had grabbed Charlie’s water at some point, chugging it to try and avoid speaking to Rose. Boyfriend of the year, everybody.  
“I get it. Young love and all.”

Charlie is surely bright red by now.  
Still wanting to continue with Sawyer mixed with Rose’s interruption making him feel a little lightheaded.

There was silence for a bit. Sawyer refused to speak and Charlie was trying his best not to have a nervous breakdown.  
Rose eventually took pity on them, breaking through the awkward atmosphere.  
“Claire just wanted me to make you were okay. You’ve been gone for quite a while.”

“Ah, right.” Charlie responded with a nervous grin, standing up and leaving his boyfriend on the ground.  
“I guess I should be getting back then...or something...” He mumbled out the last part, looking around as if searching for something.  
He knows where he put his guitar, he‘s just incredibly nervous.  
And hopefully, if he acts distracted enough, Rose will just leave.

His planned seemed to work pretty well, as Rose began turning to leave.  
She stopped for a moment though, smiling back at the conman this time.  
“You take care of him now.”

Sawyer choked on his water, and Charlie looked back with an alarmed look.  
Well, THAT was interesting.


	38. Let It Be Known That James “Sawyer” Ford Despises Insects

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some boys and some bugs.  
> Ft. Sawyer having a mental breakdown because FEELINGS EXIST.  
> Timeframe: Jumps from island-time to Revival post-rescue  
> Category: Fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha therapy fluff go brrrr  
> (Seriously tho wrote this for comfort and my gosh was it effective. These dorks make me so happy.)

It was a pretty nice night. They were able to break away from the others and take a late-night walk in the jungle.  
Was that probably not a good idea? Yeah.  
Do they have all the necessary supplies to survive in case anything bad happens? Not really.  
Do they have a torch? Yup.

Sawyer decided that he needed to be the one carrying the torch for whatever reason. Charlie didn’t really mind though, since Sawyer has two hands, and he can just hold the one without the torch.

“So you really despise bugs?”  
The question was sudden, but Charlie is genuinely curious. Sawyer gave him an odd look before shrugging.

“I ain’t ever been a fan of ‘em, if that’s what you’re askin’.”

“But why? They’re mostly harmless.”

“Sorry, sweetheart. I just ain’t too fond of ‘em.”

Charlie nodded, chewing his lip as he formed a scheme of sorts.   
The conman noticed his concentration, but chose not to say anything, just appreciating his cute expression.

And he saw the exact moment when the lightbulb went off in Charlie’s head.  
He would be lying if he said he wasn’t a tad nervous about what the musician had planned.

“Wait right here.” Charlie tried to let go of Sawyer’s hand, but the conman only tightened his grip. He shot Charlie a concerned look, which was met by the other’s soft smile.  
“I won’t be long. And I go far, either. I promise.”

Sawyer didn’t let go of his hand, but loosened his grip enough for Charlie to pull away on his own.  
As he watched his boyfriend slowly disappear into the trees, his concern slowly became more severe.

Maybe he’s just being overprotective. He knows Charlie is careful and, for the most part, knows his way around.  
He’s clearly excited about whatever he’s got in mind and who is Sawyer to keep him from doing it?

But he’s his lover. The one who’s supposed to protect him and NOT let him go off and get himself killed.  
He should’ve said no or demanded to go with him. What’s he thinking?

But Charlie is a person. He has free-will and enough common sense to know when to scream or run.  
He’s a softie, but he’s not helpless. He knows how to defend himself.  
As much as Sawyer would love to be his hero in every situation, there will always be times where he just can’t be there.

At the same time though, the risk could out-way the reward. It always has in Sawyer’s case.  
He’s lost too many people for stupid reasons and he’ll be damned if he’s gonna lose Charlie too.

Although...Charlie has gotten a little upset in the past when he’s been too overbearing.  
He knows the musician likes the attention and affection, but hates being treated like a kid.

But isn’t he supposed to be protecting him?  
But he needs to give him space.  
But what if something bad happens?  
Charlie can take care of himself though.  
Damnit why is love so hard!?

“I’m back!” Charlie’s chipper voice cut through Sawyer’s husband-crisis, and all he could do was blink awkwardly as Charlie approached him.  
“Close your eyes.” He commanded softly, and Sawyer complied almost immediately.

He waited for a bit, a mix of nervousness and excitement brewing for a few moments while Charlie hesitated.

“Open them, love.”  
He’s not quite sure what he was expecting to see when he opened his eyes.  
But it certainly wasn’t Charlie with a moth just sitting in his hands, not bothering to flutter away.   
He was about to step away when Charlie spoke again.  
“Don’t.” One word was all it took, and the conman froze. “Hold out your hand.”

“Sweetheart, I...” He hesitated, gaze flicking between Charlie and the bug in his hands.  
“...fine. Just get it over with.” He sighed in defeat, extending his hand for Charlie to do whatever he pleased with it.  
The musician grinned, shuffling forward a little so he could dump the tiny demon-spawn into Sawyer’s willing hand.

The more the conman thought about it, through...the more interesting this whole thing got.

Charlie has a way with nature that Sawyer just can’t grasp. It’s like he’s secretly the god of insects or something.  
And it’s not just bugs. It’s practically everything.  
Maybe it’s because Charlie is gentle. Welcoming and friendly.  
He’s energetic, but he’s relaxing to be around when he wants to be.  
He’s got a caring way about him. All he wants is to be able to love the people around him, even at his own expense.

Sawyer has never really been like that. Too rough around the edges.  
And maybe that’s why he just doesn’t connect with the outdoors like Charlie does.  
Nature doesn’t appreciate him, so he doesn’t appreciate it either.

“JESUS!” Sawyer panicked at the feeling of the little pest finally falling into his hand, and Charlie jumped in surprise as he practically threw the poor thing. He nearly dropped the torch, too.  
Sawyer glanced at Charlie for a second, noting his shocked and vaguely upset expression.  
Well now he just feels guilty.  
“Look, I’m sorry. I just can’t stand ‘em, Chuckie.”

“It’s alright.” He gave Sawyer a reassuring smile, helping some of the aforementioned guilt fade away.  
“We’ll just...have to work on it.” The musician sighed, taking Sawyer’s hand again.  
“If you can handle it, that is.”

Sawyer scoffed, tugging Charlie forward playfully.  
“‘Course I can handle it.”

“Mhm. Sure you can, cowboy.”

•

“Charlie? You awake?” Sawyer called to his lover softly, and couldn’t help but smile when Charlie slowly sat up on the mattress.

“Yeah...are you coming to bed yet?” Charlie answered, yawning a little. Sawyer contemplated just calling it a night, but he had a brilliant idea that he needed to at least tell Charlie about.

“Not just yet, honey.”  
He approached the bed slowly, and much to the musician’s disappointment, just sat down on the side instead of hopping in with his boyfriend.  
“You still like bugs, right?”  
It was probably a dumb question, but he felt the need to ask anyways.

“Yes?” The musician answered, a little confused but Sawyer could see the hint of a smile there.

“Well...” He sighed as he sat back a bit more, leaning a little closer in Charlie’s direction.  
“There’s a swarm of moths outside. Thought you might wanna go see ‘em.”

Charlie’s eyes lit up for a split second, making the conman’s heart flutter a tad.  
It sank, however, when those blue eyes became more concerned.  
“Outside?”

“Yup. That’s where they’re supposed to be, after all.” Sawyer joked, but frowned a little when he saw Charlie’s fear slowly building.

“I can’t, Sawyer.” The distress in his voice sent Sawyer’s protective instincts into overdrive, and he ran his hand gently over Charlie’s leg through the sheets.

“Aw, c’mon now...” He shifted a little, scooting up to where he was more in front of the other now.  
“I’ll be right there with ya.”

“I really don’t think-“

“If you can handle it, that is.”

Charlie blinked a little at that, slowly remembering that night they spent in the jungle.  
He’d pushed Sawyer to try and help him with his fear then, and now he’s returning the favor.

The conman nearly stepped down when Charlie spoke again.  
“...of course I can handle it.” His tone was softer and a bit more shaky than Sawyer’s had been that night.   
But it was enough. And Sawyer’s heart practically melted.

“Then we better get out there before they flutter away.”  
He sat up quickly, extending his hand out for his boyfriend to take.

The moment he grabbed his hand was the moment that Sawyer knew things might just be okay.  
Charlie is recovering. Slowly, but he’s getting better.  
And that’s all the hope he needs to feel like this might actually work.


	39. Grocery Shopping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens when a moth and a cowboy go grocery shopping?  
> This. This is what happens.  
> Timeframe: Revival post-rescue  
> Category: Fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting more older fics cuz the new fics are taking a bit so sORRY

“Sawyer! Love they’re over here!” Charlie called out for his boyfriend, who had gotten lost at some point on their shopping trip. Every time they go grocery shopping, somehow Sawyer’s navigation gets even worse.  
Charlie smiled as Sawyer speed-walked his way back to his boyfriend’s side, clearing his throat nervously.  
“I’m not even American and I know these stores better than you do.” He teased, and Sawyer chuckled in embarrassment.

“Shut up.” Sawyer shoved him gently, but quickly took his hand, holding on like his life depended on it.  
“Don’t let go of me this time.“ Sawyer teased, and Charlie squeezed his hand, tugging him closer to his side.

“Your wish is my command.” Charlie winked, and Sawyer raised a brow, letting Charlie tug him along down the aisle.

“So where are we goin’ exactly?” Sawyer asked, smiling at how confidently Charlie stride down the aisle. His confidence is something that Sawyer, like many others, can look up to.

“Don’t know. Does it really matter?” Charlie looked back over his shoulder at the ex-conman, who simply shrugged and continued to walk with him.  
“Let’s call it...an adventure. Into the unknown.” Charlie added as many dramatic gestures as he could, and Sawyer shook his head fondly.

“Yeah. Cuz dairy is definitely one of the worlds greatest mysteries.” Sawyer laughed, and Charlie punched him in the arm lightly.

“Definitely.” The musician agreed, completely ignoring Sawyer’s clear sarcasm.

•

“Bloody helpless...” Charlie mumbled, running a nervous hand through his hair as he stared down at the eggs he’d accidentally dropped.

It’s not his fault...at least that’s what Sawyer keeps saying. Some guy just walked up behind him and shouted at him for no reason. He’s getting better, but he’s still spooked easily, especially when someone is screaming at him.

“Hey, don’t say that...” Sawyer said softly, standing up and rubbing Charlie’s arm sympathetically as one of the employees attempted to help them clean up the mess. “It ain’t your fault-“

“Stop saying that!” Charlie snapped, way harsher than he had wanted to. Sawyer looked surprised, but continued to comfort him, pulling him in for a reassuring embrace.   
“I’m sorry...I hate being like this...useless.” Charlie mumbled, wrapping his arms around Sawyer as well.

“Sunshine, you ain’t useless.” Sawyer pulled back and cupped Charlie’s cheek, smiling at him softly. “Now stop sayin’ that.”   
Charlie nodded slowly, and Sawyer stepped away from him, kneeling back down to help clean up.

He can’t help it. Years of nothing but yelling and screaming from Jacob and Liam finally started taking their toll.   
And despite knowing it’s not his fault, he still feels incredibly guilty.   
All of this could’ve been avoided if he just wasn’t there. He’s an inconvenience and he knows it, but he doesn’t want to leave.

Maybe he’s being selfish, or maybe he’s just too paranoid.  
Maybe it’s both.

•

“Don’t you find it odd that they sell clothing in a grocery store? I’ve never tried to eat a sweater before.” Charlie rambled as he examined on of the many Christmas sweaters that were hanging on the racks.  
Sawyer glanced over at him, a little confused but mostly just intrigued.

“Not really? We’re in America, honey. You should know by now we ain’t exactly normal.” Sawyer joked, and Charlie nodded, trying not to laugh too hard.

He adores Sawyer, but he’s certainly right about America being a tad...weird. They call a sport where you don’t even use your feet football for crying out loud! And don’t even get him started on when Sawyer tried to get him to eat a corn dog. Whoever invented those demon spawns needs to burn for their horrid actions.

And the store names are even worse. Walmart? They don’t even sell walls.  
Target? Thankfully it’s not actually a shooting range...the first time Sawyer took him there he was petrified until they walked through the door.  
Drug stores? Really? That’s what they call a pharmacy? He practically had a heart attack when he found out about THAT gem of a name.

And not to mention-  
Wait. Wait is that...? Oh. OH. He’s found exactly what he needs.

“We need these.” Charlie sounded dead serious, and Sawyer glanced over to see what exactly he was talking about.  
...Matching Christmas sweaters?

“Sweetheart I don’t think you understood me when I said I ain’t a festive guy.”  
The determined look in Charlie’s eyes made him wonder if his opinion even mattered here.  
He doesn’t hate the holidays by any means. He’s just avoided them for so long that getting back into them is kinda difficult.

“You said you were going to try this year.” Charlie protested, and Sawyer sighed.  
He did promise that he would try. He already agreed to helping Charlie with the decorations. And-  
Oh. Oh now he looks upset. And there’s THAT look. That stupidly adorable puppy-dog look that made Sawyer absolutely lose his train of thought.

“Fine.”  
He caved. And it was worth it to see Charlie’s face light up like it did.

Maybe being festive is gonna pay off for once.

•

They were just about to checkout when Sawyer swiped Charlie’s wallet out of his pocket, causing the musician to whip around in shock.

“Damnit Sawyer just give it to me!” Charlie whined as Sawyer held his wallet just a little too high up for him to reach.

“Apologize and I will.” Sawyer smirked, getting way too much enjoyment out of watching Charlie try and climb him to get his wallet.

“Darling please-“ Charlie begged, ceasing his assault on Sawyer for a moment. “This is stupid just give it back.” Charlie frowned, and Sawyer raised a brow, waving the wallet around in the air as he held Charlie’s gaze.

“Then say it.”

“No...”

“Say it, sunshine.

“No!”

“Say it or we’re gonna be here all day.”

Charlie huffed, chewing his lip and looking down at the floor.  
“...I’m sorry for saying I’m useless.” He finally caved, and Sawyer handed him back his wallet with a satisfied smile.

“See? Easy peasy.” Sawyer’s grin got even wider as Charlie gave him a half-hearted glare.

“You made me apologize for me insulting MYSELF. A tad extreme, even for you.” Charlie griped, shoving his wallet back into his pocket. Sawyer took his hand and tugged him forward, kissing him on the forehead with that same satisfied grin.

“Nah, it ain’t extreme. I just don’t like hearin’ you talk like that.”   
Charlie rolled hues eyes, but smiled to himself.  
He’s such an idiot...an adorable, loving idiot.


	40. Porcelain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sawyer is at his breaking point, but Charlie is there to keep him from falling apart.  
> Timeframe: Island time my dudes  
> Category: Fluff, angst, hurt/comfort  
> (Title inspired by the MTrench song ‘Porcelain’)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another kinda old fic? Yeah,,,  
> (Also I fixed the slang error just for you, Harvest. Are you proud of me dad?)

He’s just about at his limit. Everyone on this island can go to Hell for all he cares. Just nonstop whining and nagging. Day in and day out.  
He envies people who can deal with this sorta thing. People who can just pass it off like it’s nothing and continue on their merry way.  
Every little poke and prod from the other survivors drives him closer to ripping someone’s head off.

And then there’s Charlie. Charlie is an exception. Because Sawyer actually enjoys being around him. He wants to spend every moment he can with him. But Charlie is too good for him. And if he ever finds out how Sawyer used to be, who he really is, he’ll flip out.  
He can’t risk it. He wants to tell him, and that’s just adding to the stress.

His head is pounding...

“Sawyer? Are you alright?”   
That accent...oh, right. Charlie. Wait, why is he here? How did he find him? He’s out in the middle of the jungle...was he looking for him? Idiot...

“What?” He finally responded, not really sure what was happening anymore. Charlie’s frown got even worse, and Sawyer felt a tad guilty about that.

“You just ran off...” Charlie’s voice softened, and it was then tag Sawyer realized that he’s steadily approaching him. “I woke up and you were gone. And here I find you in the jungle.”  
Suddenly Charlie’s hand is on his arm, and he freezes. His hand is warm, a pretty big contrast to Sawyer’s skin which is a little chilly. “Tell me what’s wrong, love. I can help you.” 

The genuine care that Charlie gives him is way too much for him. He appreciates it, he adores it even, but it’s so soft and sweet that in a time like this it’s not helping a whole lot. He doesn’t feel like he deserves to be treated like this. But somehow Charlie thinks so.

“Please...” Charlie was getting desperate now, and Sawyer sighed. Why does he have to care about him so much?

“It’s just stress, sweetheart. Nothin’ major.” Sawyer was lying. Lying to the only person on this island that he completely trusts. The only person in the world that he wants to be with at all times.   
He’s lying to Charlie. And for once he feels guilty. His conscience finally seems to have kicked in and is screaming at him to tell the truth.  
“You should get back to camp...don’t want anythin’ happenin’ to ya.” Sawyer gave him a quick smile, ready to step away from him, but Charlie only tightened his grip on his arm.

“Stop lying to me.” Charlie was more firm now, and Sawyer was a little shocked by how quickly his tone had changed. “I’m not trying to hurt you, Sawyer.” His eyes softened again, and the firmness in his voice wavered just a tad. “Please just-“

“I ain’t gonna bring you into this, Charlie.” Sawyer snapped, a little harsher than he had intended. Charlie let go of his arm, letting it fall to his side.   
He looked surprised. A little hurt, too. But not scared. Not like everyone else who Sawyer’s come off at in the past.  
“Just go.” He turned away, resisting the urge to turn right back around and apologize to Charlie. He never wants to hurt him. And that’s exactly why he can’t pour his heart out. Because if Charlie knows everything, he WILL be scared of him. Just like everyone else.

But now Charlie’s grabbed his hand. Holding it firmly and tugging him back to where he was.  
“Tell me.” Charlie was soft again, but Sawyer is known for being stubborn. He yanked his hand away, trying not to look directly at Charlie because he knows he’ll fall apart if he does.

Sawyer is stubborn, but Charlie is relentless. And he’s not giving up. Just before Sawyer could turn around again, Charlie’s hand flew up to either side of his face, holding it and forcing Sawyer to look him in the eyes.  
“Sawyer. Please.” He’s got that firm tone again, and under the weight of that concerned stare, Sawyer crumbles.

Before he even realizes it, he’s being brought in for Charlie to hold him, the musician’s arms wrapping around him carefully.  
And then there’s a burst of something. Guilt? Grief? Anger? He’s not sure. Usually he yells or tries to pick a fight when he’s angry. But now it’s coming out so much more differently than he’s used to.  
He’s crying. And it’s not a few tears here and there, it’s a full-on flood. Charlie slowly brought them both down to their knees, letting Sawyer fall further into him.

“That’s it, love...” Charlie whispered, keeping one arm around Sawyer while the other hand moved up into his hair. “You’re okay...” The reassurance and comfort only made Sawyer feel worse about this whole thing.  
He had been treating Charlie like garbage just a few minutes ago, and now the same guy he was pushing away is holding him. His head is so messed up from all of this and he wishes he could make everything else disappear. Start over where it’s just him and Charlie with no baggage or worries to care about.

He continued to sob. A broken, trembling mess in Charlie’s arms and somehow he doesn’t care. He doesn’t mind breaking down with him because he trusts Charlie more than he trusts himself.  
Sawyer pulled back so he could look at Charlie, still crying but just a little more composed now.  
“You sure you wanna know?” 

“Of course...” Charlie smiled gently, kissing Sawyer’s forehead softly as the conman closed his eyes.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn ya...” Sawyer mumbled, already preparing himself to lose Charlie. Just like he’s lost everyone else. The truth is a harmful thing to him, but he just can’t keep his sunshine in the dark forever.  
He’s gotta do this. Wether he likes it or not. Charlie has to know exactly what type of man he’s with.

•

He wasn’t in his arms anymore. He decided that it would be better to tell this story without violently sobbing into his lover’s shoulder. But they’re still as close as they can be to each other, sitting up against a tree together. Charlie’s head is tilted to the side, watching Sawyer carefully as he hung on every word.

“So he...?” Charlie asked, eyes just a tad wider than usual, but he still sounded so calm.  
Sawyer nodded, glancing over at Charlie.

“Yup. I killed him. Right there.” Sawyer answered as simply as he could, waiting for Charlie to yell in terror or scream at him.  
That never happened, though. Instead, Charlie’s hand is on his cheek again, stroking it slowly. 

“Thank you...” The musician whispered, and Sawyer could only blink in response.  
What?  
Nonono that’s not the right answer. This isn’t right. He’s hallucinating. He’s gotta be.

“This is the part where you’re supposed to run...? Yell for help? Out me to the camp?” Sawyer can’t comprehend this. Charlie shouldn’t be accepting this. He should be bolting in the other direction.

“No. It isn’t.” Charlie moved a bit, climbing onto Sawyer’s lap, one leg positioned on either side of the conman.  
“Yeah okay that was messed up.” Charlie admitted, and Sawyer laughed lightly at that. “I don’t care what you did before this. Before the crash.” Charlie smiled, using his free hand to grab Sawyer’s. “As odd as it sounds, it doesn’t matter to me. Clearly you’ve changed...and we’ve got a second chance here.” 

Sawyer brought his other hand up and gently wrapped it around Charlie’s wrist, holding his gaze as the musician continued to brush his thumb over his cheek.  
“Sunshine...” Sawyer whispered, finally smiling. He leaned forward a bit more, just inches away from Charlie’s lips. “...that was so damn cheesy.” He grinned, and Charlie laughed, pushing him back against the tree.

“I was trying to be romantic, idiot.” Charlie moved his hand off of Sawyer’s face and around his neck, pulling him closer again.  
“And I believe you owe me a kiss for sitting through your tragic backstory...” Charlie whispered, and Sawyer smirked a little, letting go of Charlie’s hand and bringing both of his hands to his lover’s waist.

“Ya don’t have to tell me twice...” Sawyer mumbled before he leaned forward, finally connecting their lips and this time Charlie was the one falling forward. It was quite different from earlier, though. Much less violent sobbing a whole lot more flirting.

“You’re more eager than I am...” Charlie whispered before Sawyer lunged forward again, and he briefly wondered if they should do this back at camp. It’s getting late, and as much as he would like to continue this right now, the jungle isn’t exactly safe. Especially without a fire. Or blankets. Or anything, for that matter.  
“I think we should head back...” Charlie managed to finally speak up, reluctantly pulling away from Sawyer for a moment.

“Yeah...maybe.” Sawyer sighed, patting Charlie’s back as he gently pushed him off of his lap. “We ain’t done with that, though.” Sawyer winked, and Charlie rolled his eyes, standing up and holding his hand out for Sawyer. The conman took his hand, but didn’t pull himself up yet.

“Are you coming or not?” Charlie teased, and Sawyer squeezed his hand, finally standing up but still not letting go of Charlie’s hand.

“Thanks. For doin’ that. Listenin’ to me and stuff.” Ah, Sawyer...such a way with words. Charlie smiled, fond of how hard his conman is trying. He’s getting better at being nice, but it still comes a little harder for him than most people. He’s certainly got the romance part down, though.

“Of course, love.”

If Sawyer could marry him, he probably would. That’s kinda difficult though considering that they’re on an island and don’t have any rings. Or anything for a proper wedding. Well, the rings actually might not be a huge problem...he did spot a pretty nice looking silver one a while back. A dead guy ain’t gonna miss his jewelry, that’s for sure.  
Okay maybe he’s getting ahead of himself...when did he even start wanting to get married anyways?

He seriously needs to lay down...after he’s done with Charlie, that is. He ain’t letting him off the hook tonight.


	41. Flammable Flannel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jacob isn’t very happy about Charlie having one of Sawyer’s shirts.  
> Timeframe: Dharmaville era  
> Category: Angst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suffer with me (I couldn’t bring myself to make it as angsty as I wanted to sORRY)

“Where did you get that shirt?” Jacob spoke suddenly, startling Charlie a little. His voice has become more of a warning to the musician than anything.

“Nowhere. I’ve had it since the crash.” Charlie lied through his teeth. Jacob knows who that flannel button-down used to belong to, but nods, still staring at Charlie suspiciously.

“It’s not really your style though.”

“And what would you know about my style?” He was getting a bit more heated, which was getting on Jacob’s nerves. “You’ve always been so focused on getting my clothes OFF I didn’t think you noticed ‘my style’.”

“Alright. Just curious.” Jacob returned his attention to the fire, wondering how long it would be until he needs more fuel.  
That damn shirt looks all too flammable.  
“You should change. It’s going to get cold tonight.” Jacob suggested, and Charlie scoffed.

“Since when do you care?” Charlie snapped back, regretting is immediately when Jacob glared at him a bit more.

“Don’t talk to me like that, Pace.”  
Jacob’s calm yet threatening tone forced the musician to back down.  
This is his life now, apparently.

•

“I’m gonna go get some air.” Charlie had changed like Jacob suggested, wearing the hoodie Jacob stole back from Sawyer and a random t-shirt from his pile.  
He just needed to get away for a bit. Break off from Jacob and his constant, terrifying gaze.

“Alright. Don’t go too far.” Jacob didn’t even bother to glance up at Charlie, hearing more than seeing the rockstar leave.

His gaze shifted to the shirt lying lazily where Charlie had been sitting earlier.   
The idiot forgot to put it back in his pack.  
Well, now he’s just asking for it.

The fire is dimming.  
Flickering and fading.  
And that shirt looks awfully flammable.

•

“I’m back...” Charlie sighed once he returned from his quick walk.  
Jacob looked up at him with a rather satisfied look, and Charlie shuddered a bit.  
God, he hates that look so much...  
“What?”

Jacob didn’t answer.  
He nodded towards the fire, and Charlie looked confused for a second.  
He watched the flicker of the flames for a bit.

But when his gaze managed to push past the orange glow, he noticed the shirt.  
Or lack there of.

“Where the hell is my shirt!?” He was about to move around the fire to inspect the area where his shirt once laid, but Jacob grabbed his hand.

“Don’t worry. I didn’t throw it out.” Jacob reassured him, but the rockstar stayed just as tense.  
“I’m sure it’ll be all nice and toasty for you...”

Then it clicked.  
His eyes slowly fell back on the fire, and he noticed the odd shape within it.  
Jacob is sick, but would he really have...?

Judging by the devilish grin on his face, Charlie has no choice but to believe him.  
He threw it in the fire.

“Please tell me you didn’t...” Charlie’s voice trembled a bit, anger and panic building up already.

Jacob just shrugged, standing up next to Charlie and releasing his hand for a second.  
“I didn’t want to freeze to death.”

He saw it.  
The exact moment when Charlie it all came together and snapped.  
The anger shattered into concern, then full-on grief before the horrified look took it’s place.

And that flicker of emotions.  
The rollercoaster that Charlie’s expressions creates was SO satisfying to him.

“NO!” Charlie tried to run towards the fire, but Jacob grabbed his arm, tugging him back.   
“Let me go!” He was already in tears, but Jacob didn’t seem to care, forcing Charlie to watch the flames for a bit longer before he released him.  
The musician fell to his knees, all his motivation to try and salvage the shirt lost.

One of the only pieces of Sawyer he could cling to is gone.  
Burning away right in front of him and there’s nothing he can do.  
Gone.  
Lost forever.

He can’t get the tears to stop.  
Jacob will be mad, but he just can’t stop.  
It’s not as horrible as when he realized he could never be with Sawyer again, but the searing pain is still harsh.  
Watching a memory turn to ash before his very eyes hits him harder than Jacob ever could.  
It’s like a piece of him is burning right along with it.

Jacob grabbed him by his hair, tugging him up onto his feet. Charlie winced, but he was already sobbing, so his pained noises weren’t very distinguishable.  
Jacob leaned in, getting as close to Charlie’s ear as he could.  
“Never keep something like that from me again...”

The musician nodded frantically, barely able to see through his tears but he never dared to spare a glance at Jacob.  
Jacob let him drop to the ground again, but Charlie didn’t even have the strength to sit up anymore.

He curled up on the chamber floor.  
Sobbing into his hoodie as he watched the fire continue to burn.  
The warmth would normally be comforting, but now it’s like it’s own form of cruel torture.

“Sawyer...”  
It just slipped out. A quiet plea for his beloved to save him.  
As if Sawyer is just gonna rise from the flames and sweep him off his feet.  
As much as he’d love for that to happen, it’s only wishful thinking.

He tried to imagine that the warmth is Sawyer’s arms.  
That his hoodie clinging to him is actually the conman.

It’s not very convincing, though.

The mention of the conman’s name seemed to upset Jacob, however.  
He glared for a second, contemplating taking a more aggressive approach again.

But then he wouldn’t get to have any more fun, would he?

“Now, I think you have something you need to say to me, Pace.” Jacob kneeled down next to Charlie’s shaking form.  
The musician wanted to glare at him, but couldn’t muster the anger.

“I’m sorry...” He whispered, voice still so shaky and quiet that it barely made any sense.

“I’m sorry, what was that?” Jacob was mocking him at this point.  
But he doesn’t know how to retaliate. He can’t. He doesn’t have it in him.

“I’m sorry.” Charlie said a little more firmly, and Jacob smiled.  
The rockstar watched as the other man stood, looking down at Charlie with glee.

“Good. Now compose yourself while I get something to put this fire out.”  
Jacob stepped back away from the sobbing man.

Charlie just shivered, closing his eyes to try and avoid making eye contact with Jacob.

He’s miserable.   
He’d rather be homeless on the streets again.  
But he has nowhere to run to.  
Even if tried to get away, where would he go?

He has nothing.  
He’s nothing.  
Nothing more than a distraction and something for others to play around with until they inevitably get bored.

That’s what he’s always been.  
And if Jacob’s current demeanor is any indication, that’s not changing any time soon.

•

Charlie slowly blinked himself black to reality.  
He did it again. He shut down.  
It’s his only form of protection anymore.

He sat up slowly, grabbing his hoodie off the ground next to him.  
He wrapped himself in it as usual, shuffling back against the wall to get as far away from Jacob as usual.  
Even as the other man slept, he still managed to disgust the musician.

He closed his eyes and just shivered, a few tears slipping out but not nearly as many as earlier.

Jacob shifted in his sleep, and Charlie jumped, panic shooting through him for a moment.  
Luckily Jacob wasn’t awake yet.   
He tried to calm down but he remained tense and frozen.

He wanted to stand up.  
Leave for another walk.  
But as much as he tried to will himself to move, he couldn’t manage it.  
Every part of him was shaking.

He tried again, managing to get up on his trembling legs for a second before he dropped back down.

He feels so pathetic now.  
Or maybe that’s just Jacob getting to him.  
But he hates feeling like this.  
Helpless.  
Scared.

He feels nothing like he had when he was with Sawyer.  
All that confidence the conman had praised him for has dissipated.

“I’m sorry...”  
He whispered.  
Not to Jacob.  
Not to himself.  
To Sawyer.


	42. Hair Stuff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens when I put two unrelated fics about the boys and their hair together?  
> This.  
> Timeframe: Island time for both  
> Category: Fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dug up two older fics and put ‘em together for y’all  
> I’ma go to bed now but love you guys

“Did you pull your hair back?” Charlie studied the new hairstyle carefully. It was different, but it looked gorgeous on Sawyer.

“Yeah. Wanted to try it.” He shrugged, still scanning through his book. He’s already read it many times, but there’s not much else to do on the island. 

“Looks really good...” Charlie mumbled, scooting over and to Sawyer and moving behind him. Charlie played with some of the untamed strands, twirling them around a bit. Sawyer smiled to himself as Charlie messed with his hair, relaxing back into him.

“You havin’ fun back there?” Sawyer titled his head slightly, eyes still glued to his book. He wasn’t actually reading now. He’s more focused on Charlie’s fingers running gently through his hair. Charlie giggled and leaned in to quickly kiss Sawyer’s ear, surprising the conman.

“Oh definitely.” Charlie focused back on Sawyer’s hair, mesmerized by how soft it was. It’s untamed, sure, but that’s to be expected. It’s still surprisingly well-kept for such a reckless man.  
He ran his fingers through one of the thicker strands, and Sawyer hummed happily.  
“Aww...you like having your hair played with, tough guy?” Charlie teased, Sawyer shrugged, and Charlie realized he had his eyes closed. The book was long forgotten in his lap, sitting there uselessly.

“Maybe a little...” Sawyer sounded sleepy, words slurring just the tiniest bit. Charlie smiled and let Sawyer lean a little more, Charlie supporting his weight a tad as Sawyer melted. Sawyer had to place a hand on Charlie’s knee to lift some of the weight off of Charlie.   
Charlie kissed his hair gently, and Sawyer chuckled.  
“Okay, maybe a lot.” Charlie grinned at that. Sawyer had a way of asking for things without destroying his ego too much.

“You should really pull it back like this more often.” Charlie pulled his eyes away from Sawyer’s hair, glancing outside to make sure nobody was watching.   
“Now you know it has...benefits.” Charlie sounded way too proud of himself. Sawyer hummed in agreement. 

“...You’d look really weird with your hair pulled back.” Sawyer blurted out, and Charlie frowned. He gently tugged at Sawyer’s hair a bit, and the conman shot him a look of betrayal. Charlie grinned and went back to gently threading his fingers through it.

“Maybe...or maybe you’d like it. We’ll have to try it sometime.” Charlie leaned forward and saw the hint of Sawyer’s smile. He leaned back again, but Sawyer titled his head to look at him.

“As long as I get to mess with it.” Charlie raised his eyebrows, and Sawyer turned his head back to it’s original position. Charlie shook his head and smiled to himself, leaning closer to Sawyer’s ear again.

“It’s a deal, then.” Charlie rested his on top of Sawyer’s, rubbing a particular loose, small strand between his fingers. Sawyer looks like he fell asleep, and Charlie honestly wouldn’t be surprised. He kept on playing with Sawyer’s hair though, just in case he was still awake.  
And Charlie was enjoying himself quite a lot.

•

“I don’t know if I trust that thing...” Charlie teased, watching as Sawyer flipped the hairbrush around in his hand.

Somehow, Sawyer had been hoarding a hair brush the entire time. Luxuries like that we’re scarce on the island, so of course he kept it to himself.  
But last night he had noted how Charlie had complained about his hair. How messy it had gotten and how the waterfall wasn’t quite doing enough.  
So naturally he decided he would sacrifice his bargaining chip to his boyfriend. It’s not like he minds helping him, especially if it means he gets to help him with it.  
The conman shook his head, finally sitting down behind Charlie.   
He placed his free hand on Charlie’s shoulder, steadying him a little.

“Trust me sugar, it ain’t hazardous.” Sawyer joked back, running a hand through Charlie’s hair quickly.  
Charlie leaned his head back at the touch, but Sawyer gently pushed it forward again.  
“Sit still, Chuckie. I got work to do.” Sawyer seemed more determined than Charlie had thought he would be. Charlie smiled, closing his eyes, waiting for the feeling of the brush in his hair.  
Charlie hummed happily when the brush eventually found his hair, going through it much more gently than Charlie expected.  
“That make you happy?” Sawyer chuckled behind him. Charlie sadly couldn’t just nod in response.

“Am I that obvious?” He asked, opening his eyes for a second to glance back at Sawyer as best he could.  
Sawyer shrugged, accidentally pulling a little harder than he intended.  
“Oi, watch it.” Charlie winced a little, and Sawyer stopped completely. Charlie turned back to look at him, and Sawyer looked mildly terrified.

“Sorry...” Sawyer eventually bounced back, and Charlie gave him a soft smile.  
“I didn’t mean to...” Sawyer trailed off when Charlie placed a hand on his knee reassuringly. He patted his knee quickly, turning around and withdrawing his hand again soon after.  
Sawyer took a moment before he got back to brushing,

“Mmm...you’re awfully gentle with that...” Charlie sighed, trying not to lean back into it. It was a surprisingly nice feeling, and this felt oddly romantic.  
It almost felt like they weren’t stranded on an island in the middle of nowhere. As if the circumstances weren’t horrendous and they were just a regular, happy couple. No island drama or baggage to speak of.  
Sawyer stopped for a second, leaning over to look at Charlie.

“Funny how quickly you changed your mind there, hun.” Sawyer chuckled. Charlie just ignored him, smiling to himself as Sawyer continued to brush.  
He had encountered a few knots along the way, but tried his best to get through them without hurting Charlie too badly.  
With his sorta limited experience with brushing, it was more of a challenge than he expected.  
He cursed under his breath a little, way too invested in his work. Charlie laughed quietly to himself, contemplating how he could repay Sawyer for this.  
“Talk to me, sunshine. What’s on your mind?” Charlie hadn’t expected him to try and start up a conversation, but he was happy to oblige.

“Just wondering how hard your hair must be to brush through...we should try it sometime.” Charlie threw the offer out, and Sawyer shook his head but smiled, kissing the back of Charlie’s head.

“Lemme get this mess sorted out first, then we’ll talk.” Sawyer patted his shoulder, and Charlie felt a swell of warmth at that.  
If anyone else dared to touch Sawyer’s hair, they would be dead in an instant. But Charlie gets to have all the fun he wants with it.

“You should pull your hair back again...” Charlie shifted the topic a bit, and Sawyer leaned over again. He kept brushing absently, but was more focused on listening to Charlie now.  
“I thought it looked really good...” Charlie added quietly, a bit more quiet with Sawyer being so close to him.

“Really? You liked it that much?” He wasn’t leaned over Charlie’s shoulder anymore, which the musician silently was grateful for. Having Sawyer so close made him a little dizzy. A good kind of dizzy, but it made it hard to concentrate.

“Yeah. You looked different. But in a good way, you know. You pull off a lot of hairstyles very well, love.” Charlie tacked that last part on their just to confirm to Sawyer that it did, indeed, look good. Sawyer tends to hang on his every word, so Charlie likes to clarify just in case he wasn’t clear enough.  
Sawyer nodded slowly, running his fingers through Charlie’s hair again to see how well he was doing.

“Then I guess I better start makin’ a habit of experimentin’ with it then.” Sawyer found another slightly knotted area, and quickly started brushing again.  
Charlie can’t believe all of this was real. They’re actually here. Sawyer is brushing his hair for him in a surprisingly tender gesture. Charlie would have never anticipated that Sawyer would be so sweet to him. He had been able to see through Sawyer’s little games, but the sweetness still came as somewhat of a surprise.  
“Alright, I think we’re done here.” Sawyer states triumphantly, smiling proudly at Charlie’s hair. Sawyer ran a hand through it as slowly as he could, savoring the feeling.  
Charlie spun around suddenly, snatching the brush out of Sawyer’s hand without warning.

“Your turn, cowboy.” Charlie leaned up and kissed his cheek.  
Sawyer looked shocked, frozen in place. He wasn’t quite sure what just happened. That all went by so quickly.  
He noticed the mischievous glint in Charlie’s eyes, and almost asked him what he was planning.

He decided he would just let it all play out on it’s own. Charlie’s surprises are always...interesting.


	43. Sunflowers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another combination of two older fics based around the same thing.  
> Enjoy (also I’m gonna get around to responding to all the comments once I finish the other fics! Love y’all 💖💜)  
> Timeframe: Island time (jumps between regular camp time to Dharmaville time)  
> Category: Fluff, angst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first half is fluff while the second half is pure angst.  
> You’ve been warned.

“Sayid, got a minute?” Sawyer sauntered up to Sayid, who was working on whatever new contraption he had put together. Sayid looked up at him curiously, sliding the mystery device away.

“What do you need, Sawyer?” Sayid asked calmly, Sawyer cleared his throat. He looked around for a second, spotting Charlie not too far away. He turned back to Sayid quickly nodding towards the jungle.

“Can we talk about it somewhere...private?” He glanced over at Charlie quickly, and Sayid nodded in understanding.  
The two them quickly slipped off away from the camp, and Sawyer prayed that Charlie didn’t notice him.  
Once they were out of earshot, Sayid spoke again.

“So what is it you need again?” Sawyer ran a hand over his hair, looking around nervously as if the eyes of the forest were on them. All things considered, they probably were. 

“Remember when you got those flowers for Shannon?” Sayid nodded, smiling as he remembered that date. Sawyer broke his reminiscing though.  
“Where did you find ‘em?” Sawyer seemed determined, so Sayid decided he tell someone about them just this once. He had planned on keeping it a secret so he could hoard all the flowers for Shannon. But this is for Charlie, soo...

“Come with me. There’s an infestation in a clearing not too far from here.” Sawyer nodded quickly and they began walking.  
Then something hit Sayid.  
“Is there a specific type you had in mind?” Sawyer looked up at him, laughing sheepishly.

“Yeah...if we can find ‘em. Highly doubt they would grow here but uhh...sunflowers?” Sayid looked back at him with a curious look, but decided not to pry. Shannon can do that later and then tell him alll about it.

“There might be some. It wouldn’t be the first weird thing to happen here.” They both laughed at that, but stayed mostly silent on their journey towards the coveted flowers. Sawyer never thought he would be THIS determined to find some flowers in his entire life.

•

“Have you been avoiding me, darling?” Charlie smiled as Sawyer finally approached him for the first time that day. It was already sunset, and although they usually didn’t do much until nightfall, Sawyer still wasn’t anywhere to be found today.

“Sorry...got caught up with some Sayid issues.” Sawyer gently nudged his shoulder, a silent request for Charlie to follow him. Charlie caught on, and the two of them started moving away from the camp.

“I see...had a hot date?” Charlie smiled, and Sawyer nudged him playfully. Grabbing his and as soon as they were out of sight.

“Nah, he was way too boring.” Sawyer chuckled, and Charlie nudged him back. “But we’re about to go on one.” That caught Charlie’s attention real quick, and his shot up to look at Sawyer.

“Last time we went on a surprise date you accidentally set the blanket on fire.” Charlie said warily, and Sawyer winced at the memory. He squeezed Charlie’s hand reassuringly, not confident enough to make eye contact.

“I promise that won’t happen this time.” Charlie gave him suspicious look, but nodded anyways. Good, he’s off the hook for now.  
“Close your eyes.” Sawyer whispered, and Charlie looked at him funny for a second. Sawyer nodded, and Charlie reluctantly closed them. Sawyer smiled, a familiar giddy feeling starting to form. He walked away for a second, letting go of Charlie’s hand just so he could grasp the janky looking bouquet. He’s had it hidden behind the rocks for about an hour, and luckily nobody picked it up.

“Sawyer...?” Charlie stepped forward, voice tense. He quickly calmed down when Sawyer grabbed his hand again, kissing his cheek quickly so Charlie knew for sure it was him.  
“Can I open my eyes yet?” He asked impatiently, and Sawyer chuckled.

“Not yet...” He whispered, still holding the flowers behind his back. He leaned forward a bit, trying not to let the flowers make too much noise behind him.  
“Remind me what your favorite flower is again?” He whispered, so close to Charlie’s ear that he felt the musician shudder. 

“Sunflowers...? Why?” Charlie whispered back, feeling Sawyer pull away from him. Sawyer slowly moved the arm with the flowers around to his front, stepping back and holding the flowers to his chest. Charlie tilted his head in confusion. He wasn’t scared, just incredibly lost.

“Open ‘em.” Sawyer looked around one more time to make sure nobody was watching them. Charlie’s eyes slowly fluttered open, and his nervous expression quickly shifted into a shocked one.

“What!? How did you-  
Sawyer they’re lovely!” The conman laughed Charlie cut himself off. Sawyer the hands Charlie the poorly wrapped flowers, watching as Charlie admired them.  
“Is this why you were gone today?” Charlie was smiling from ear-to-ear, and Sawyer felt like his heart was fluttering.

“Yeah...what kinda man would I be if I didn’t get my sunflower a bouquet?” Charlie laughed and fell forward and bit, hiding his face in Sawyer’s shirt. 

“Your sunflower?” He asked softly, still smiling at the bouquet. Sawyer wrapped a hand around Charlie’s shoulder, squeezing him tightly.

“New nickname. Ya like it?” Charlie looked up at him and wrapped and arm around his neck, pecking Sawyer on the lips fondly.

“I love it.”

•

Charlie had spent the whole day marveling over the flowers. Of course, they also caught the attention of many other survivors.

“Who gave you those?” Claire had been staring at them all day as well, clearly amazing. Charlie shrugged, smiling indulgently.

“Secret admirer I guess.” Claire nodded, and both of them returned to just staring at them as they blew with the gentle island breeze.

“Watcha got there, short-stuff?” Sawyer waltzed up behind them, eyeing the flowers carefully. Charlie didn’t look up at him, acting as if he was a nuisance.  
“I guess someone’s gotta little crush on our little wannabe rockstar.”

“Screw you, Sawyer.” Charlie snapped back, no hint of actual distaste or anger in his voice. Sawyer smirked, and Claire placed a hand on Charlie’s shoulder.

“Maybe later, sunflower.” Sawyer winked and walked away. Charlie scoffed and rolled his eyes, viciously fighting off a smile. He’s sure Claire could still him blushing though. Claire looked at him for a second, mildly confused, but shrugged it off.

There’s no possible way anything could be going on between Sawyer and Charlie. That’s just crazy talk.

~•Angst time•~

Charlie snuck into the village, not really caring about what Jacob will say when he comes back. He needs to see Sawyer. Even though it’s indirectly, he needs to know he’s alive.  
He flips his hood up, concealing himself in the darkness.  
He peaked inside through the window, smiling as he saw Sawyer sleeping on the couch. Juliet was cuddling him of course, and Charlie felt mildly uncomfortable, but still smiled nonetheless.  
Sawyer’s happy. Really happy. And maybe Charlie just wasn’t the one he needed. As much as he would’ve loved to stay with him.

He spots a vase on the counter.  
It’s filled with sunflowers.  
Charlie shudders when he sees them.  
It’s just some flowers.  
But Sawyer used call him his sunflower.   
He remembers Sawyer gave him rose sunflowers, too. It was so sweet that Charlie barely felt like it was real.  
He slid down to the ground, eyes watering a little. He clutched his hoodie a bit more, head thumping against the side of the house as it fell back. He couldn’t help it. He’s been trying not to think about it, but when his best memories are only of Sawyer it’s all he has to hang on to.

He sees the light inside flick on, and he scrambles to get away from the window. He can hear them laughing inside, and that only makes it harder to keep himself from crying loudly.   
The light flicks off again.  
He crawls back to the window and peaks inside. They’re both gone.  
Charlie sighs and rests his forehead against the glass for a second, shaking a little. He put one of his hands up on the glass, but quickly brought it back down. That position brought back too many bad memories.

He curled up underneath the window, sniffling a little. The ground was cold and he was shivering, but he didn’t want to leave. If he closes his eyes he can imagine Sawyer’s arms wrapped around him. The way he always hides his face between Charlie’s neck and his shoulder. He can almost feel Sawyer’s hair tickling the back of his neck.  
But then he opens his eyes. And it’s all gone.

He sobs uncontrollably again. He envies Juliet. They get to sleep in a damn bed together. Charlie never got to do that with Sawyer.  
They have their own private house. Sawyer never got that luxury when he was with Charlie.  
Charlie quivers at the thought of Sawyer being happier with her than with him.  
If he is, then at least he found his true love. But Charlie tried his hardest. He tried so hard to make Sawyer as happy as possible when they were together.  
Juliet might just be better. She’s probably the woman of Sawyer’s dreams and Charlie was just a stepping-stone to her.  
Charlie heard footsteps and sits up quickly, panicking at the thought of someone finding him.

“I told you not to come out here. It’s not good for you.”

Jacob. It’s Jacob. Shit.

•

Sawyer wakes up abruptly as Juliet shakes him back to consciousness. He’s sweating, and judging by Juliet’s face, he was probably screaming too.

“James? Are you okay?” She sounds alarmed, and Sawyer sits up slowly, running a hand over his face. He sighs and tries to recall his dream.  
He remembers Charlie. Him and Charlie on the beach. It was nice. And then Charlie disappeared. Sawyer couldn’t find him. In his dream, he was yelling for Charlie, running around the abandoned camp in a panicked frenzy.  
“It was about him again, wasn’t it?” Juliet asked sympathetically, and Sawyer nodded slowly.

“Sorry...I just can’t...” Sawyer paused when Juliet put a hand on his shoulder, soothing him. God that reminded him of what Charlie used to do.

“It’s okay.” She smiled, and it seemed genuine to Sawyer. “I understand. You loved him. It’s hard to get over someone that you loved the way you did with Charlie.”   
She’s right. But it’s more than just hard. It’s nightmare after nightmare of you aimlessly searching for someone you can’t find. Wondering what you could’ve done differently or what you should’ve said to them before they were gone. Denying everyone’s claims of them being gone and still holding out hope that that person will just waltz back into your arms.  
It’s not that he doesn’t love Juliet. He does. But he doesn’t think he can ever truly give her the life she needs when his mind is always wandering back to Charlie. 

He’s caught himself wondering what it would be like living with Charlie instead. He picked those sunflowers because his mind was so set on Charlie he didn’t think any other flower would do.  
He can’t bring himself to call Juliet sunshine, and any pet name other than that is still hard to say.  
His cheeks feel wet. He’s definitely crying now.  
Juliet is still trying to comfort him, but he can barely feel it.  
He wants Charlie back so badly.

“SAWYER!” There’s a yell, and Sawyer practically leaps out of bed to look out the window. It’s Charlie. It’s Charlie’s voice no doubt.   
But nobody is out there. Is he going insane?

“Who was that?!” Juliet’s alarmed tone was back, and Sawyer whipped around quickly to look at her. If he would’ve still been looking out the window, he would’ve seen lights in the other houses flicker to life.

“You heard that!?” Sawyer turning on the light and was already halfway-dressed, determined to go find Charlie. It had to have been him. Sawyer would know his voice anywhere.

“Yeah I did, but-  
Sawyer wait!” Juliet stopped him for a second just as he was about to head out the door. There was a brief silence, and Juliet considered her words carefully.  
“If you find him...” She sighed, and Sawyer’s grip on the doorknob tightened. “...please just don’t do anything stupid. If it is him, you can’t risk the others trying to hurt him.” Sawyer nodded, and bolted out the door. Juliet stood at the entrance, leaning against the wall, looking down at the floor.  
Sawyer’s head is always somewhere else with her. She can tell. He’s even slipped up a few times. He doesn’t remember, but she definitely does. He’s accidentally called her Charlie or said his name in his sleep. She’s not mad about it. A little sad, yeah, because it means Sawyer’s still and probably always will be stuck on Charlie.

And if Charlie is still alive, then Juliet would let Sawyer have him. As much as it would hurt, it’s the only way she can see Sawyer ever being truly happy.

•

Jacob throws him to the ground, not even bothering to treat him with any sort of kindness or courtesy. He hit his head on the hard rocks behind him, and grunted in pain as his head started to throb.  
“That was a stupid move, Pace.” Jacob scolded, and Charlie wobbled on to his feet, the side of his head bleeding a little from Jacob’s roughness.

“Screw you. You think you own me, but you don’t. I will NEVER be yours.” Charlie didn’t even care what he was saying. He’s done with Jacob. He’s done with this island as a whole.  
Jacob stops abruptly, turning to look at Charlie.

“You shouldn’t talk to me like that, Charlie. You know that.” He sounded so calm, the threat slipping out as if he was talking about the weather. Charlie winced, and slid back down to the ground, not wanting to start a fight.  
“I’m waiting for my apology.” Jacob was mocked him now. Charlie gritted his teeth and glared up at him. 

“Screw. You.” Charlie pushed his luck, and Jacob sighed. He screwed his eyes shut as Jacob approached him, lifting him up by his hood. Jacob’s directly in front of him, and Charlie’s still shaking with bitter rage and the lingering sorrow from earlier.

“I can make your life a living Hell if I want to. Now sit down and shut up.” Jacob let Charlie fall to the ground again, watching him with a cold stare. Charlie pulled his hood up over his head to hide himself. The blood and the tears didn’t look very nice.  
“I am above you wether you want to admit it or not. So don’t piss me off. I won’t hesitate. Understand?” Charlie nodded slowly, curling up into himself. He hated feeling so small.

Sawyer would’ve never made him feel like this. Charlie never felt small or helpless around Sawyer. And if he did, it was because he WANTED to. He wouldn’t have hurt Charlie like this. Sure, they knocked eachother around a few times, but Sawyer always made sure he was okay. Sawyer had a rough exterior, but such a gentle touch. He could make Charlie melt just by being around him. Sawyer could be a jerk, but he was a softie at heart. Charlie could find that little cocky tone and arrogant mannerisms he had attractive simply because Sawyer was a genuinely good guy underneath it all.

Jacob’s a brute. He tosses you around like your a rag doll and tries to tell you it’s because you deserve it. He has an arrogance to him that goes right through Charlie.  
He wants to cry out for help again. Run back to the village and bang on Sawyer’s door so he can leap into his arms. But then Jacob would hurt Sawyer.

“Keep pulling stunts like that, and Sawyer will be the one paying for it.”  
Jacob added, and Charlie swears he can hear his thoughts. Charlie let out a sob. He couldn’t contain himself right now. He was so tired. The stress, grief, anger and blood loss making him dizzy and sleepy.  
He closes his eyes and tries to imagine Sawyer again.

He can’t see him.


	44. Sawyer Has No Impulse Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When they get lost in the jungle with pretty much nothing, things look a little bleak.  
> And with little hope comes little impulse control, especially on a certain conman’s part.  
> Timeframe: Early S1  
> Category: Fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AYYYY ZYCLONE I FINALLY GOT ONE OF YOUR REQUESTS DONE.  
> I had the middle parts written out and just sitting there for a while but I finally had an idea for the beginning and the little ending bit so wOOOO  
> (Somehow this fic has 2k words sO)

“Damn it!” Sawyer was yelling at...well, nothing really. He just needed to yell. Let some of his frustration out so he didn’t take it out on a certain rockstar standing next to him.  
He wouldn’t mind taking it out on him, in all honesty. He’s small enough to toss around for a bit without too much worry.  
But he’s kinda cute. And even though that hasn’t really mattered to Sawyer in the past, somehow it’s different with Charlie.

They don’t have anything. They didn’t bring any supplies since this was supposed to just be a quick water-run.  
Charlie had insisted that they bring some basic necessities, just in case, but Sawyer being his stubborn self wasn’t interested.  
For once maybe he should have listened.

“So we’re sleeping out here then?” Charlie sighed, looking up at the slowly darkening sky. Sawyer grumbled something under his breath, turning around to look at the other once he finally calmed down a bit.

“Yeah. Guess so, Chuckie.” He still sounded annoyed, and his bad mood seemed to get worse when Charlie started pouting.  
Pouting? Really? This grown man is pouting.  
Sawyer will deny how he almost cracked a smile at seeing Charlie pout, but that doesn’t mean it never happened.

“Of course I’d be stuck with you...” Charlie mumbled, leaning back against a tree as he continued to pout.  
Sawyer glared at him, too tired and too pissed to let him off the hook.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” He probably shouldn’t be this offended, but coming from Charlie, it hits a little different. He approached the musician slowly, getting up awfully close and personal before Charlie finally responded.

“You’re not exactly pleasant to be around.” Charlie admitted, a little louder now but there’s some hesitation in his tone.

Sawyer tilted his head a little, just staring at Charlie for a bit. He doesn’t look scared, but there’s something there other than annoyance. Sawyer just can’t quite place what it is.  
“I know that much. I ain’t too fond of you either.”

“Well then I guess we’re on the same page.” The musician tried to slip away, but Sawyer grabbed his wrist without hesitation. He tried to tug it away, but his other wrist was quickly in the conman’s grasp as well.  
“Oi! What are you-“ He cut himself off with a gasp as Sawyer pinned his hands above his head, keeping him shoved up against the tree.

“But as much as I’d rather be stuck with anyone else...” Sawyer lowered his voice a little, trying to intimidate the rockstar. Charlie looked alarmed, but still not fearful, and that confused Sawyer a bit. “...we’re gonna need to cooperate with each other if we wanna get outta here alive.”  
Sawyer tightened his grip briefly for emphasis, and Charlie closed his eyes for a second. Okay, he’s gotta be a little scared now, right?  
“We clear?”

“Crystal...” Charlie responded, looking Sawyer straight in the eyes without any sign of fear. He seemed a tad nervous, but not particularly scared yet.

Sawyer didn’t release him yet, though. Contemplating what he should do next.  
He could let him off the hook.  
Or maybe he could have some more fun. Tease him a little. Get him angry.  
Or maybe he could-

His train of thought was cut-off by a sudden harsh pain.  
He had to release Charlie as he was brought to his knees, still not completely sure what happened.  
“SON OF A-“

“Oops.” Charlie smirked, watching as Sawyer rolled on the ground in pain.  
“You should’ve been more mindful of my OTHER limbs, mate.” Charlie snickered a little, and Sawyer looked up at him, glaring and continuing to curse under his breath. “Never know when someone might get a leg up on you.”

Damn short people and their weird advantages...

Sawyer’s anger only grew as Charlie continued to speak, and the thought of throwing him to a polar bear sounded pretty good in that moment.

Whatever he decides to do, he doesn’t have a lot of time to do it, since the sun is practically gone.  
This is gonna be a long, torturous night.

•

After that whole ordeal, neither of them spoke to each other. They both just slumped against trees opposite to each other, waiting to either die or for someone to come rescue them.

“So you’re just going to pout now?” Charlie finally broke the awkward silence, staring at Sawyer with a bored look. Sawyer gave him a weak glare, too tired to even try and be mad anymore.

“What else am I gonna do? Sing campfire songs and roast marshmallows?” He still had the snark left in him, though. “Oh wait, that’s right, we can’t do any of that.” He was borderline-whining now in his own weird Sawyer way.

“And who’s fault is that?” Charlie snapped back, more calm and softer than Sawyer but still doing his best. The conman moved forward as if he was about to approach Charlie, which made the musician flinch a little.  
He needs to talk to him. Wether it’s an argument or not, he can’t stand the silence.

“...Shut up.” Sawyer huffed in defeat, falling back against the tree again.

Silence.  
It’s deafening and it’s driving Charlie insane. Silence has never been good for him. Being left with only his own thoughts is dangerous. There’s so many dark places he can wander off to when he’s left on his own and certainly doesn’t want to go there right now.

“Do you miss anything?” He knows it’s a dumb question, but he just needs something. Anything other than this horrid silence.

“What?”

“You know, from back home?” Charlie elaborated, knowing that Sawyer understood what he was saying but he wasn’t about to let this conversation fall flat.  
“I...don’t really have much to miss, myself. Being homeless and all.”  
Why is he saying this? And why to Sawyer of all people? It’s gotta be the island madness slowly setting in. Or maybe the thought of dying out here alone is making him want to bond with his fellow future-ghost.

“You were homeless? I thought you were in a band.” Sawyer sounded a little intrigued, actually. And Charlie perked up a little at someone actually caring for once. Even if this is just so the conman can use it against him later, he wants to let this information loose.

“Yeah, well...Liam kind of ruined that for me. Not surprising though, all things considered...” He’s getting a little emotional now. Opening up to someone who he sees as a complete stranger.  
The island’s most hated man.  
But it doesn’t feel wrong. It feels kinda nice, actually.

“I...” Sawyer started, feeling a weird need to comfort the rockstar but he just can’t let himself go soft. “...don’t blame him. You’re annoying as hell.”  
He regretted his words almost immediately when Charlie looked legitimately hurt. The musician’s previously bright eyes looked way too upset now, but Sawyer can’t bring himself to apologize.

Charlie wasn’t saying anything anymore and the silence was caving in again.  
This time, it’s Sawyer who’s all nervous and awkward feeling.  
He almost spoke a few times, but stopped himself, realizing that Charlie probably wasn’t interested in hearing what he has to say anymore.

Silence. Suffocating silence.

Charlie’s mind is wandering now, just like he thought, but he doesn’t care anymore.  
Maybe he deserves all the suffering he’s been put through.  
Maybe, just maybe, everyone in his life has cast him out because HE’S the problem.

Sawyer is blissfully unaware of the other’s silent crisis, his own mind trying to process all these new foreign things he’s feeling towards Charlie.

Neither of them have the guts or the motivation to speak to each other now.  
Once again, Sawyer has killed the mood with his snark.  
And Charlie’s starting to think that opening up to him might’ve been a mistake.

Only time will tell.

•

“I ain’t heartless, ya know.”  
Charlie looked up tiredly as Sawyer finally broke the silence, the tension still heavy between them but neither of them have the want to fight right now.  
“I CAN feel things. When I want to.”

“And when do you ‘want to’, exactly?” Charlie sounded a little out of it, partially from being exhausted, but also his own thoughts sucking up all the cheer he previously could have had.

“Whenever I see fit.” His response was just as vague as usual, and Charlie just sighed, shaking his head a little.

“Of course...”

Silence again.  
Damn...this is harder than he thought it was gonna be.

“...my name ain’t Sawyer.”  
He blurted it out, not really thinking about it too much.  
And Charlie perked up a tad again, looking at Sawyer with intrigue now rather than disappointment.

“Oh? So it’s like a nickname?” Charlie’s taken on a much lighter tone, too.  
How does he do that? Switch moods so easily?  
It’s kinda weird (and admittedly a bit adorable, but Sawyer would never say that out loud).

“Yeah, sure. Like a nickname.”

“Well...are you gonna tell me your real name, then?”

“Didn’t know you still cared, sweetheart.” Sawyer teased, a little more light-hearted this time.  
Charlie blinked for a minute at the nickname, but smiled, shaking his head fondly this time  
“James. It’s James.”

Charlie took a second to just appreciate that.  
Not only the fact that Sawyer had given him this pretty personal info, but also the fact that his real name is much...softer than the conman actually is.  
“Well, I won’t be calling you James anytime soon if that’s what you’re wanting.”

“And why’s that? Thought maybe you’d like it more.”

“Nah. I recall meeting a man named Sawyer, not James.”

The conman was a little surprised by that, just nodding in response since he wasn’t quite sure what else to say.

Actually, why did he even tell Charlie about that in the first place?  
He’s not exactly the type to over-share, so why’d he blurt that out?  
He doesn’t even like this guy...

Well, okay maybe he does a little. He’s decent company.  
He has a nice, warm glow to him.  
He’s friendly. Comfortable to be around.

And maybe that’s why Sawyer feels just a tad safer snapping at him or teasing than with the other survivors.  
Charlie isn’t like him.  
Charlie won’t hunt him down and try to kill him for something. He’s too much of a pacifist.

Silence fell over them again, but it was more comfortable and peaceful than the last time.  
Charlie felt nothing but pure glee.  
Somehow, someway, Sawyer had trusted him with one of his many secrets.

And if they manage to get out of here alive, he’s definitely going to try and pry for more.

•

Long after the sun set, the realization that they might actually die out here seemed much more real.  
It’s cold. Colder than back at camp, at least. No fire and no lanterns. Charlie doesn’t even have his hoodie.  
No blankets.  
Which leaves them with only a few options.

“It’s getting kinda cold...” The musician mumbled, rubbing his arms to try and warm himself up.

“And what do you expect me to do about that?” Sawyer sighed, much less annoyed at Charlie and more at the whole situation.

“We could huddle.” Charlie offered, regretting throwing the idea out when Sawyer shot him a weird look. “You know...for warmth and all.”

“No way in hell.” Sawyer responded quickly, and he wished he had a fire to blame for how hot his face felt after that.  
“I ain’t huddlin’ with you. Ever. So you can forget it.”

Charlie’s frown grew, and he curled in on himself a little more.

Why does Sawyer have to be so difficult? It’s not for any reason other than survival.  
It’s not that he wants Sawyer to hold him, just to see how it feels.  
Or fall asleep in his arms, safe and sheltered from the horrors of the jungle.  
Or because he’s slowly realizing that maybe he likes Sawyer a tad bit more than he should.

Definitely not any of that, right?

Charlie glanced in Sawyer’s direction, hoping that maybe the conman would change his mind.  
Nope. Not a word. He didn’t even acknowledge Charlie after that.

So the musician sighed in defeat, flopping onto his side, turning away so he couldn’t see Sawyer.  
He shivered a tad, the cold ground not really helping anything.

Sawyer saw him shaking, but didn’t move a muscle.  
He can’t be bothered with that right now.  
Charlie’s severely overestimated how much he likes him.

Ain’t no way he’s gonna cuddle with a damn rockstar.  
He’s rather be dead.

•

As Charlie laid under the tree, back turned to the conman, Sawyer briefly wondered if he could find his way back by himself. He can probably find the camp again pretty easily. It’s dark, but he’s navigated much worse areas with way worse lighting.

But then there’s Charlie, and he’s a problem.

He’s not gonna wake Charlie. That would just be more stress.  
He could leave him here, but...for some reason he thinks he would feel guilty for that.  
So his only other options are to stay and wait for the sweet release of death...or carry the little punk around for the rest of the night.

And he really doesn’t wanna die just yet.

So he picks Charlie up. Somewhat bridal-style because he doesn’t have many other options.  
Luckily, they didn’t bring anything with them. As stupid as that was, it’s ended up being more of a blessing now. He doesn’t have to worry about carrying a bunch of supplies along with Charlie.

And Charlie is small. As much as he hated the other man’s height earlier, it’s pretty convenient now. He’s still heavy, yeah, but way easier to carry than most of the other survivors.  
And he’s not quite sure when he started smiling. He’s DEFINITELY not smiling because of their height difference.  
Or how Charlie’s head is resting against his chest.  
Or how peaceful he looks as he sleeps so soundly.  
Or how he seems to fit perfectly in Sawyer’s arms, as if they were made for him.

Definitely not any of those things.


	45. It’s Beginning To Look A lot Like Drugcon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Drugcon Christmas compilation that is a few days overdo but shSHSH  
> Timeframe: Revival post-rescue  
> Category: Fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s 4 AM  
> This is 5k words   
> Sorry there’s probably a lot of errors but this was super fun to write and I took my time so I didn’t make it stressful.

•~Christmas Eve contemplations~•

Charlie had barely been able to sleep ever since the holidays started up again.  
Partially from stress, but mostly from pure excitement.  
He’s quite grateful to know that Sawyer is very patient when it comes to Charlie’s shenanigans.  
Easily pissed off? Yes.  
But impatient? No. When he starts something he gets it done.

And for the most part, they’d covered everything.  
Decorated the tree, wrapped their gifts, bought Christmas sweaters that they definitely totally for sure needed.

There’s not much left to do now but small stuff.  
Charlie has a particular decoration in mind that he’d like to put up before they get started with anything else.  
After that, all they really need to do is try and bake some cookies.  
Sawyer tried so insist that baking them themselves was a bad idea, but Charlie is a man of tradition when it comes to making Christmas cookies.

Even if he’s absolute rubbish at cooking.

But it’s still pretty early. Earlier than he usually gets up, anyways.  
And he did kinda want to take it easy this time instead of buzz around the house like the world is ending.  
And Sawyer is probably exhausted. Between work and all the preparing they’ve done he hasn’t really gotten a break.

So Charlie laid awake in their bed, watching as Sawyer slept soundly beside him.  
It’s not like he could get up even if he wanted to. Sawyer’s arms are wrapped firmly around him and if he moves he’ll surely wake the ex-conman up.

Charlie ran his hand gently through Sawyer’s hair, smiling as his lover tried to snuggle closer to him.  
The musician sighed, melting into Sawyer more.  
This is exactly how he wants to spend the holidays. Just getting to relax and spend time with the man he loves.

It all feels like a dream.  
And he never wants to wake up.

He has a home.  
Not just a house, but an actual home.  
He feels safe for the first time in a very long time.  
He’s got his fair share of issues to work out, sure, but this...this is what is keeping him going.

He never feels more at home than in times like this.  
Wrapped in Sawyer’s arms, just admiring the man of his dreams.  
This. All of this.  
Is his home.

•~Mistletoe~•

“And what do ya think you’re doin’, sunshine?” Sawyer cape downstairs to find Charlie setting up a stepladder at the front door. He smiled, a little confused but mostly just fond of the effort his boyfriend was going through.

“Decorating.” Charlie answered simply, and Sawyer decided to get a little closer so he could...’inspect Charlie’s work’.  
“What are you doing down there?” Charlie smiled, glancing down at Sawyer for just a second.

“Just admiring your...” Sawyer started, stepping just a tiny bit closer. “...work ethic.” Sawyer put a hand on Charlie’s waist, partly to stabilize and also to hear the startled laugh he got from the musician.

“Don’t be modest, love. Sayid isn’t watching us, you know.” Charlie teased, and Sawyer’s other hand found it’s way onto his waist as well.

“Well maybe once you’re done there I won’t have to be...” Sawyer couldn’t see his face, but he knew that must’ve made Charlie blush at least a little bit.

“Calm down, cowboy.” Charlie laughed, but Sawyer could hear the slightly startled tone. Catching him off guard is the ex-con man’s personal favorite hobby.  
“It’s a little bit early even for you.” Charlie teased, but Sawyer didn’t seem quite ready to back down yet.

“Really, cuz I think-“  
Sawyer stopped when Charlie wobbled, losing his balance for a moment, tightening his grip on the musician to keep him from falling.  
“That was a close one...”

“Yeah...that could’ve been bad...” Charlie responded with a nervous laugh, much more focused on how Sawyer’s hands are still holding him tightly.  
The ex-conman seemed to know this pretty well, flashing Charlie a quick grin before he released him completely.

“Better leave ya to that then. Wanna be able to use it as soon as possible.”  
The ex-conman gave a quick wink, and Charlie nearly fell off the ladder again.

•~Light repair•~

“Sawyer? What are you doing up there, love?” Charlie called gently to the ex-conman who’s currently struggling with the lights on the tree, cursing in frustration to himself.

“Just this damn light...” Sawyer grumbled in frustration, glaring at the leader of the Christmas light rebellion.  
First it was just this one, but of course a few came after it. And he’s determined to have a fully-lit tree on Christmas.  
So he’s gonna sit here and fiddle with this stupid light until it works or he dies of frustration.

“It’s not a big deal. You don’t have to-“

“Yes, I do, sweetheart.” Sawyer interrupted him, and Charlie almost snapped back at him for it.  
He doesn’t really have the energy to be angry, though.  
Anger and Christmas just...don’t mesh well in his opinion.

Still though, he’d rather be spending time with Sawyer WITHOUT all the fussing over the lights.

“Well...have fun with that, I guess.”  
He sighed, plopping down on the couch and watching as Sawyer continued to insult the light.

It’s kinda funny, but at the same time, sorta upsetting.  
It’s Christmas Eve, and Sawyer is mad.  
And Charlie is just sitting here watching him throw a tantrum at a light.

Again.  
Funny, but kinda upsetting.

Sawyer looked up from his work for a spilt second to see Charlie on the couch, pouting a little as he stared at his struggling boyfriend.  
And that...made him feel a little guilty.

The ex-conman, while still frustrated about the light, was staring to feel a little bit bad about Charlie just...sitting there.  
Watching longingly.  
Alone on the couch.  
Probably cold.  
Without any cuddles.

Okay, maybe he can leave the light alone for a minute...

“...Got room over there for me?”  
He spoke finally, and Charlie perked up quite a bit.

“Of course there is.” The musician responded with a smile, patting the empty space next to him on the couch.   
As Sawyer got up to move, he noticed a few things out of the corner of his eye.

More lights have gone out.

He groaned, giving Charlie a guilty look as lingered in front of the tree.  
The musician sighed, slumping back and sliding down the couch a bit in defeat.  
“Go on...finish fixing the lights...”

Sawyer dropped back down to the root of the problem immediately, determined to fix this little troublemaker of a light.  
And poor Charlie sat idly by, waiting with a frown for his boyfriend to give him the cuddles he oh-so desires.

He’s starting to hate that dumb little light too...

“We shoulda put you on top of the tree.” Sawyer spoke again suddenly, still fiddling with the light.

“Why? Because you all call me a moth?” Charlie tilted his head a little in confusion, even more confused as he noticed the smile that slowly began to form on Sawyer’s face.

“No. Because you’re my angel.”

He didn’t look up at Charlie after he said that, but he could tell he made his boyfriend blush quite a lot at that.  
And despite not having his cuddles, Charlie felt significantly warmer now.

•~Baking~•

“How did you get dough on your face!?” Charlie laughed as he wiped the could’ve-been-cookie off of Sawyer’s cheek, smiling fondly as the other looked down in embarrassment.

“Long story...” Sawyer mumbled, sighing as Charlie finally pulled the towel away, glaring down at the counter.  
This is why he doesn’t cook. Or bake for that matter.  
Food is not his friend. At least, it isn’t his friend before it’s prepared.  
“I think this dough has something against me...” He grumbled, half absolutely loving and half absolutely loathing the amused look on his boyfriend’s face.

“You’re such a mess.” Charlie giggled, scanning over Sawyer’s rather messy little ‘work station.’  
When they started baking earlier, they both agreed to work as a unit, but with their own little areas for cookie-assembly.  
Just so that there wasn’t any confusion.  
And Sawyer’s area...  
Well it’s a disgrace to humanity but Charlie won’t tell him that.

“Yeah, yeah.” Sawyer waved the situation off, nudging Charlie back over to his side of the counter.  
“Yours are gonna be the only good ones that come out of this.”  
Sawyer cringed a little as he glanced between his attempts at cookies and Charlie’s.  
There’s a clear winner here.  
Look, it’s not his fault that Charlie just so happens to be surprisingly good at making Christmas treats.

“Have hope, love. Yours might still be okay.” Charlie gave him a reassuring smile, and Sawyer almost felt comforted.  
“...if you’re lucky.” He added with a wink, soft smile turning into a grin as he returned to his own tasks.

Sawyer wanted to respond, but really didn’t have any good comebacks.  
Charlie is an idiot.  
Such an idiot.  
And adorable idiot that has taken over Sawyer’s thoughts.

Speaking of his thoughts, they were swiftly interrupted by a shriek from the other side of counter.  
“Oh god...“ Charlie mumbled softly after his startling yelp, sounding horrified as he stared at his ‘work’.

“What happened?” Sawyer sounded less horrified and more concerned, making his way over to the musician and checking him over to make sure he wasn’t hurt.  
“Charlie? Tell me what happ...” He trailed off when he followed Charlie’s gaze, finally noticing the problem.

One of Charlie’s beloved snowman cookies is looking...let’s just say extra thick.  
Like really thick.  
Because apparently Charlie dumped half a container of pink sprinkles on by accident.

Sawyer couldn’t help himself.  
He burst out laughing, eyes flicking between the mountain of sprinkles and Charlie’s wide-eyed expression.

Ah, the sweet taste of payback.

“Sweetheart I’m sorry it’s just...” Sawyer snickered as he wrapped an arm around Charlie’s shoulders, squeezing his lover as they both stared at the disaster.  
“...how did you even do that?”

“I...forgot that the pink ones didn’t have the little shaker thingy...” Charlie finally spoke, and Sawyer nearly started laughing again at how defeated Charlie sounded.  
“And...it didn’t...so when I tipped the container...”

“Niagara Falls?” Sawyer asked, still staring at the probably still salvageable cookie.

“Niagara Falls.” Charlie nodded, slumping into the ex-conman’s side for support.  
“What should we name him?”

“Hmm...well he’s certainly...thick.”   
Sawyer was thinking about this way more than he probably should be.  
Leave it to Charlie to get him invested in a cookie of all things.  
Suddenly Charlie snickered, suddenly seeming more chipper, and Sawyer quirked a brow at him.  
“What’s up with you?”

“Thiccy the snowman.”  
It sounded like a statement, and Sawyer was even more confused now.

“Wha-“

“That’s his name. Thiccy the snowman.”

They Bothe sat in silence for a bit, Charlie staring up at Sawyer like his name was the absolute peak of comedy.  
And that’s what broke Sawyer’s composure again, causing him to start up another laughing-fit.  
Charlie’s own laughter followed soon after, unable to hold it back as Sawyer leaned against the counter for support.

Maybe it’s the holiday madness or he sugar getting to them, but it took a solid five minutes before either of them were able to properly speak again.

And thus, a Christmas tradition was born.  
From that day forth, they decided that every year they would make a Thiccy the snowman.  
He’s part of the family now.

~•Implied funky•~

They found themselves yet again trapped under the mistletoe, worn out but still very awake from the day’s work.

Sawyer pulled Charlie as close as he could, wrapping his arms around the musician’s waist.  
Charlie managed to get his arms around Sawyer’s neck, looking up at him as they stood under the decoration.

“I think we’ve done just about everything...” Charlie whispered, resting his head against Sawyer’s chest as the ex-conman held him close.  
“It’s all...perfect.”

“Almost everything...” Sawyer had THAT look. The look that told Charlie he was definitely planning something but the musician will play dumb.

“Almost?” Charlie feigned an innocent tone, already anticipating the feeling of Sawyer’s lips before the other was even moving towards him.

When he finally did feel those beautiful lips against his own, he melted almost immediately.  
He’s helpless to it.   
Getting lost in the moment.  
The feeling.

Sawyer tried to pull away, but Charlie isn’t near finished yet, so he followed him, capturing his lips again almost immediately.  
The ex-conman hummed in surprise, but he wasn’t complaining.

In fact, Charlie’s eagerness seemed to boost his own confidence as well, and he let one of his hands slowly move upwards into his boyfriend’s hair.  
Charlie’s hands didn’t exactly have a set place just yet, wandering wherever they pleased as time went on.

Charlie was the one to break away first, gasping a little as he tried to catch his breath.  
“Should we...go upstairs...?” He still sounded pretty breathless, and admittedly he could still use some more air, but he’s pretty sure he needs Sawyer more than oxygen right now.

“Definitely...”

And just like that, Sawyer was sweeping Charlie off his feet, holding the musician close.  
Charlie didn’t protest.  
He just let Sawyer carry him, closing his eyes as he felt the ex-conman start moving up the stairs.  
He was surprised when Sawyer began to put him down before they reached their room, gently pushing Charlie against the still unopened door.

It’s hard to see Sawyer’s face, since there’s virtually no light in here, so he can’t try to read his expression.

“What are you-“  
Charlie didn’t have time to finish before Sawyer was kissing him again, much more slowly than last time.  
The musician eyes fluttered closed again as time went on.  
It probably didn’t actually last longer than a few seconds, but to him it felt like an eternity.  
As soon as the sensation was gone, he opened his eyes again, meeting Sawyer’s soft gaze.

Now that his eyes have adjusted to the darkness, he can read his boyfriend’s look much more clearly.  
It’s such a sweet look that Charlie felt his heart jump a little, and he’s sure he’s giving Sawyer that same adoring look right about now.

“You’re gorgeous...” Sawyer broke the silence between them, making Charlie shiver a little with how sincere he sounded.  
It didn’t help Charlie’s shuddering when Sawyer brushed his fingers over Charlie’s cheek, light and gentle like his lover was the most delicate thing in the world.

Charlie wanted to respond, but the words got caught in his throat, and all that came out was a shaky exhale.  
Sawyer chuckled at that, resting his hand on the back of Charlie’s neck as he leaned in again.

“My sunshine...” He whispered against the other’s lips before he pulled Charlie forward, wrapping his arms slowly around his boyfriend.

It lasted longer this time.  
Starting with Charlie slowly adjusting again, finding the strength to start moving along with Sawyer despite his shakiness.  
And ending with Charlie quite literally jumping into Sawyer’s arms, wrapping his legs around the other’s waist.

The change in position made Sawyer’s job with getting the door open a little harder, but he managed, all while the musician in his arms drew him in for another kiss.  
After a bit of accidentally missing Charlie’s lips, laughing about it, and attempting to keep the mood from completely crumbling, the ex-conman got the door open.

Sawyer shut the door with his foot, careful not to drop his lover.  
After all, it’s gonna be a tight job.

•~Moth under the tree~•

Sawyer woke up surprisingly...excited.  
He’s never been one for holidays and festivities, especially with Christmas. He’s never really had anyone to celebrate with.

But Charlie, bless his heart, is one of the most festive people you’ll find.  
So Sawyer was bound to fall in love with the holidays eventually.

What surprised him, however, was to wake up to find Charlie completely absent.  
His moth is no longer snuggled up in his arms, and he’s kinda worried.  
What if something happened while he was asleep? He couldn’t bare the thought of Charlie being injured, or possibly worse, on his favorite holiday.

He’s probably fine, but...

“Charlie?” He called out for his lover, slipping out from the sheets slowly.

No response.  
Okay, what’s he up to?

Sawyer shook the slew of horrible ideas out of his head, not wanting to imagine the worst despite his worrying.  
He didn’t bother throwing a shirt on as he exited their room, figuring that if it was urgent, he shouldn’t waste any time.

“Charlie? C’mon hun this ain’t very funny.” Sawyer called out to him again as he slowly made his way down the stairs.  
Still nothing.

It wasn’t until he peaked into the living room that he saw his lover at last.  
And the scene was enough to get him a little choked up.

Charlie was sitting patiently in front of the tree, not quite under it but he couldn’t really fit without laying down.  
He was already dressed, Christmas sweater and all. And he fit in perfectly with the rest of the living room’s decor.

But those weren’t the only reason Sawyer was getting emotional.  
Just seeing Charlie here. All festive and happy.  
Getting to wake up and having someone to actually celebrate with and enjoy having around.  
Being able to look at all these decorations and not feel lonely or guilty...

That’s what’s getting him.  
He actually has a reason to want to celebrate now.  
An adorable, short, emo reason.

Charlie finally noticed him after a few moments of Sawyer staring, grinning as soon as he saw him.  
“Merry Christmas!” He exclaimed, absolutely beaming despite being exhausted from sitting by the tree alone for the last few hours.

Sawyer didn’t say anything.  
He couldn’t.  
That’s what brought him completely to tears.

He still didn’t speak as he made his way over to his now standing boyfriend, earning a confused look from his festive lover.  
“Sawyer? Are you oka-“

Suddenly, Charlie was pulled into a tight hug, Sawyer’s face buried in his shoulder as he held him tight.  
He quickly wrapped his arms around the ex-conman as well, a tad worried about him.  
His worries began to melt away as the warmth from the embrace slowly took over, and he sighed happily as Sawyer continued to hold him.

“Merry Christmas...” Sawyer whispered, voice a little shaky but Charlie can tell he’s happy.  
When Sawyer reluctantly let him go, Charlie felt a little upset at the loss of warmth.  
“Guess I should go get dressed.” He chuckled, eyeing Charlie’s sweater for a moment.

“I mean, you don’t have to.” Charlie responded slowly, grin morphing into more of a smirk.  
“I don’t mind you not wearing a shirt, you know.”  
Sawyer raised a brow at that, and Charlie giggled a little at the expression.

Yeah, this is definitely gonna be the first good Christmas that he’s had in a very long time.

•~Gifts~•

“Hold on!” Charlie yelled from upstairs, still trying to get his gift in order.  
Sawyer just sat on the couch, waiting patiently for the musician to come sprinting down the stairs or something.

Charlie is a sweetheart, but the poor guy can’t organize anything to save his life.  
He tried, and sometimes things work out, but a solid ninety-percent of the time he ends up forgetting where he put stuff or straight up losing it.

It doesn’t help that he’s a little bit of a perfectionist when it comes to his gifts.  
He wants everything to go as smoothly as possible, even if it means having another panic attack over a missing ribbon.

But eventually, just as Sawyer expected, he could hear Charlie’s frantic footsteps bolting down the stairs.

“Well did you get the-“  
Sawyer stopped himself when he could actually see Charlie again.  
Oh. Oh dear lord.

He can certainly say the last thing he was expecting was to see that Charlie had completely changed his getup.  
His bright Christmas sweater has been swapped for one of his many bands t-shirts, Green Day to be specific.  
Don’t even get Sawyer started on the jacket that’s definitely not going to stay on for long if he has anything to say about it.  
Oh, and those leggings Charlie had been wearing? Yeah, they’ve been replaced by some black jeans, chains and all.  
And...is that eyeliner?  
That’s eyeliner.  
The damn tease put on eyeliner.  
He knows exactly how much Sawyer likes eyeliner on him...

Sawyer could only stare in awe, unsure how to respond.  
Was he expecting this? Nope.  
Is it extremely hot? Definitely.  
Does it fit their light, fluffy Christmas tone? Well, no...but who cares!? CHARLIE IS WEARING EYELINER!

“So...? Is it okay?” Charlie feigned an innocent tone, knowing good and well exactly what affect this was having on the ex-conman.

“More than okay...” Sawyer felt like all the air in the room just vanished.  
This wouldn’t be the first time Charlie’s taken his breath away.

“Well, this isn’t the only the gift I got you but...” Charlie started, plopping down on the couch next to his lover.  
“You said you liked this look last time so...”

Sawyer just nodded, suddenly aware of the quite frantically wrapped box in Charlie’s hands.  
He hadn’t even noticed it earlier. He was...a little distracted, to say the least.  
“I...I’m at a loss for words here, sunshine.” Sawyer finally admitted, placing a hand on Charlie’s cheek, stroking it gently as he just...stared at him. Admired him.  
“You look amazing.”

“You’re gonna make me blush, love.” Charlie laughed, having already been bright red since before he even revealed his outfit to Sawyer.  
“There’s just one rule though...” He added slowly, placing a hand on Sawyer’s knee slowly. The ex-conman quirked a brow, holding back a smirk as he tried to predict what Charlie was gonna say next.  
“...you need to open your gift first. Then I’m yours for the night, okay?”  
Charlie patted his knee quickly before pulling his hand away, grinning at how betrayed Sawyer looked.

“You’re such a tease.” Sawyer groaned, pouting a little as he continued to stare at the other.

“Mhm. Like you didn’t leave me hanging under the mistletoe yesterday.” Charlie teased, and Sawyer gave him a mild glare.

“Really? You’re gonna use yesterday against me now?”

“Well it’s the truth.”

There was a brief pause, both of them just looking at each other for a few moments.  
Charlie‘s grin eventually broke through again, causing Sawyer to chuckle lightly as the mood lifted once more.

Charlie handed the box in his hands to Sawyer, watching carefully as his boyfriend inspected the package.  
“Well? Just open it!”

“Alright, alright.” Sawyer laughed a little, glancing over at Charlie for a second before he began to open the gift.  
He struggled a tad with how much tape Charlie had put on it. He definitely didn’t need to use that much, but better safe than sorry, right?  
There’s a mountain of tissue paper, too. And that only peaked Sawyer’s interest more.  
“Gonna give me a hint?”

“Just keep going. You’re almost done.” Charlie was shaking a tad, both nervous and excited at the same time.  
If he doesn’t like it, then it’ll be heart wrenching.  
But if he likes it, which Charlie is REALLY hoping he will, it’ll make all the fuss the musician went through to get it even more worth it.

And the look on Sawyer’s face when he finally saw what Charlie had gotten him...  
It was rather hard to tell if he’s was stunned because he loved it or in shock because he hated it.

It’s a picture.  
A painting, actually.  
A painting of their first actual date back on the island.  
It hadn’t been anything too extravagant, just a nice romantic picnic far off from camp.  
But they both remember it like it was yesterday.

The painting itself was stunning, too.  
And Sawyer can’t help but wonder how long Charlie has kept his painting talents a secret.

“Sunshine...” Sawyer’s voice was a tad shaky, and Charlie noticed the tears slowly forming in his eyes.  
“Did you...?”

“I kinda picked up painting as a hobby. You know, to break up the chaos of constantly writing music. It’s a good pass time. Especially when I’m-“ Charlie’s nervous rambling was interrupted by Sawyer’s lips, pressed gently against his own in a shaky kiss.

When Sawyer pulled back, the tears finally began to slip out.  
“It’s perfect...” Sawyer whispered, smiling at his beloved musician, slowly putting the painting back in the box so his shaky hands wouldn’t accidentally drop it.

Charlie could feel his own tears starting to form from seeing Sawyer get this emotional.  
“I’ve been working on it for a while...while you’ve been at work...” He explained as best he could, and Sawyer nodded, glancing at the canvas again as he pulled Charlie closer towards him.

“It’s gorgeous...” Sawyer said softly, leaning in to kiss Charlie’s cheek.   
“Thank you, sweetheart...”

“There’s no need to thank me, darling...” 

Charlie slowly moved the box out of Sawyer’s lap, placing it gently on the floor and taking it’s spot in Sawyer’s lap.  
The ex-conman wrapped his arms around his boyfriend slowly, looking up at him lovingly.

They’re not sure how long that moment lasted.  
Could’ve been minutes, could’ve been hours, but it was such a blissful silence that neither of them had the heart to break it for a while.

Eventually, Sawyer piped up again.  
“Is it my turn now?”  
Charlie nodded, reluctantly moving off of Sawyer’s lap so he could go retrieve his gift.  
“Close your eyes.” Sawyer told him before he left to go grab the gift. Charlie hesitated at first, but eventually did as he was told.

There was nothing for a bit. Just Charlie sitting on the couch awaiting Sawyer’s return.  
Sawyer is much quieter than Charlie was, actually remembering where he left his gift unlike a certain musician.

When Sawyer did return, Charlie just knew he was a nervous wreck.  
He can’t see him, but judging by his shaky sounding breathing he’s probably stressing out.  
“Keep ‘em closed, okay?”  
Sure enough, he sounded nervous. But Charlie kept his eyes closed just as Sawyer asked.

Sawyer didn’t sit down next to him, instead opting to kneel in front of him.  
He was sweating profusely despite how cold it had been that day, barely able to hold himself together.  
He knows Charlie will like it, but...

“It’s not...I couldn’t really...” Sawyer was stammering, trying to get his words in order but he just couldn’t think correctly.  
“Okay just look at it...” He finally said in defeat, and Charlie once again did as he was told.

Charlie could feel the tears coming back as he saw what was in Sawyer’s hand.  
A small ring box, housing a frankly beautiful black ring, sat in Sawyer’s baking hands.

“It’s uh...not an engagement ring or anything...I wanted to get you one but I just...the timing didn’t feel right, ya know?” Sawyer was rambling this time, starting to cry a little himself as Charlie smiled at him   
gratefully.

“It doesn’t matter what type of ring it is, love...” Charlie responded softly, bringing his hands up under Sawyer’s shaking ones to try and soothe him.  
“I love it...it’s absolutely stunning.”

Sawyer just nodded, smiling shakily at the musician as he slowly took the ring out of the box.  
He grabbed Charlie’s hand gently, slipping the ring on with ease.  
He wasn’t sure what size it needed to be, since this is the first time he’s gotten Charlie a ring since they rescued him, but luckily it seemed to fit just fine.  
“I guess we could call it a pre-engagement ring or somethin’...” Sawyer laughed, pulling Charlie slowly down onto the floor with him.

“I believe that’s called a promise ring...” Charlie replied, unable to decide wether to look at the ring or the equally as beautiful man in front of him.

“Well...it’s a promise ring, then.” Sawyer smiled, pulling Charlie forward until their legs were pressed against each other.  
This is as close as he can get him without pulling him into his lap again.

Much like earlier, they just sat in silence for a bit, staring at each other with nothing but love and admiration.

Eventually, Charlie had offered to let Sawyer take him upstairs for a science project.  
Sawyer had almost completely forgotten about that, but was more than happy to finally oblige.

Needless to say, for their first actual Christmas together, it’s been absolutely wonderful.

•~Hot chocolate cuddles~•

Charlie sat on their bed snuggled up in his bathrobe, awaiting Sawyer’s return.  
A bit after they had both showered, he’d said he had something he needed to do.  
Charlie was curious but of course the ex-conman refused to tell him anything.

Well, now he’s about to figure out exactly what Sawyer was brewing down in the kitchen.

“Oh you didn’t.” Charlie said surprise as Sawyer re-entered their bedroom, two cups of hot chocolate in his hands.

“Oh yes I did.” Sawyer responded with a smile, handing the warm mug to Charlie as he sat down on the bed with him.  
He scooted for to Charlie quickly, using his free hands to drape the blanket over them both.

Charlie took his first sip of the cocoa, glancing up at Sawyer for a second as he did so.  
He exhaled slowly as he drank, relaxing more into both the pillow behind him and Sawyer too.

“Well? Is it good?” Sawyer asked, taking a sip from his own cup as Charlie sighed happily.

“It’s wonderful...”

They both chatted for a bit, occasionally taking a sip from their cups as the other continued to speak.  
Both drinks were barely warm by the time they actually finished them, but that didn’t make them any less enjoyable.

After a while, Charlie began to yawn a bit, and although Sawyer didn’t mention it, he smiled to himself.  
He stated dominating the conversations more and more, lowering his voice a bit every now and then as Charlie began to drift off.

Eventually, after enough ‘preventing the moth from talking’ and gentle whispering, Charlie’s eyes fluttered to a close.

Sawyer gently pushed Charlie’s hair out of his eyes, earning a soft hum from the musician at the gesture.  
“I love you, angel...” He whispered, and Charlie’s lips quirked up in a soft smile.

“I love you too, darling...” Charlie mumbled sleepily, snuggled closer to his lover as he began to fall into a peaceful sleep.

Sawyer didn’t bother turning off the lights just yet as he watched Charlie sleep peacefully next to him.  
The gentle rise and fall of his chest made Sawyer inexplicably happy.  
Of course, tonight Charlie would finally get to rest soundly.

Sawyer smiled, running his hand through the sleeping musician’s hair as he continued to stare down at him.

He couldn’t have asked for a better Christmas than this.


	46. Migraine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A buildup of stress has poor cowboy man in pain. Of course, his moth is here to help him.  
> Timeframe: Revival post-rescue  
> Category: Fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fricken  
> Soft Sawyer hours because I bully him too much and dangit conmen need cuddles too

As Charlie stepped out of the shower, wrapping himself snuggly in Sawyer’s bathrobe, he could hear the faintest noise from their bedroom...  
A slew of insults being slung at something in a very southern voice.

Ah. Sawyer is throwing a tantrum again.

He slowly peered around into the bedroom, frowning as he saw a very flustered looking Sawyer on their bed.  
He’s got one of those ‘I’m about ready to cry but I refuse to’ scowls.  
It’s hard to see, but Charlie can tell he’s shaking a tad.  
The book he had been reading ever since Charlie had first entered the bathroom has been thrown across the bed, and seems to be the source of all this frustration.

“What’s going on, love?” Charlie asked softly as he stepped towards the bed, seeing Sawyer jump a little as he realized he was back.

“...would you believe me if I said it was nothing?” Sawyer had a pleading tone to his voice, but Charlie shook his head.  
The ex-conman sighed, not making eye contact with Charlie as he spoke again.  
“I can’t concentrate. I can read it just fine but it just ain’t...registerin’, ya know? Like I’m zonin’ out during a conversation or somethin’.”

Charlie gave him a sympathetic smell, slowly sitting down on the edge of the bed next to him.  
“You’ve had a stressful day...you just need some rest.” Charlie reassured him, grabbing his hand gently to comfort him.

Sawyer smiled, but it faded quickly.  
“But I ain’t tired. I feel perfectly fine I just...”  
He couldn’t even focus long enough to finish his sentence, making a small frustrated noise as he closed his eyes to try and focus.

“Do you think audio books would work better?” Charlie threw the idea out there just in case, but Sawyer shook his head.  
The musician frowned, looking down at the floor for a moment.  
“Do you have a headache?” He asked softly, running his free hand up and down Sawyer’s arm comfortingly.

“Kinda...” The ex-conman mumbled, eyes still closed as he tried to focus on the movement of Charlie’s hand.  
He just...can’t.  
His head is pounding, and he’s feeling a little dizzy. Every movement makes him nauseous and he just wants to curl up and die.

He felt Charlie shift, moving up onto the bed more, sitting next to him with their hands still locked together.  
“Lay down, darling.”

“I told you I ain’t-“ Sawyer began to protest, but Charlie’s other hand suddenly moved to tuck a piece of his hair behind his ear, relaxing the ex-conman a bit.

“Just...lay down, okay? I have an idea.”  
Sawyer gave him a weird look at first, but eventually obliged, scooting down and laying his head back against the pillow.  
“Okay just...stay still, I guess...”  
Charlie’s unsure tone unnerved Sawyer a bit, but he did his best to just focus on Charlie’s voice.

He felt Charlie move off the bed, and despite his eyes being closed, he noticed a sudden change in the lighting.  
Did he turn the lights off? Wait, why?  
He almost questioned it, but he felt Charlie’s weight on the bed again, and decided to just let it slide.

He felt Charlie scoot down just a little before he gently began pulling Sawyer towards him.  
Eventually, when the ex-conman was as close as he could get him, he began Operation: Cure Sawyer’s Headache.

Something that’s always managed to calm Sawyer down is having his hair played with. It’s a tactic Charlie has used many times to get him to chill out or fall asleep.  
The musician moves one hand carefully down to Sawyer’s, holding it again for reassurance.  
He draped his other arm carefully above Sawyer’s head, running his fingers over his hair soothingly.  
Eventually it turned into more of a massage, with Charlie applying the slightest bit of pressure, doing his best to try and relieve as much pain as possible.

Sawyer wasn’t sure it was working at first. His head was still pounding and as hard as he tried, he just couldn’t focus.  
But overtime, he started to relax a little. Not trying as hard to concentrate and instead just letting himself go.  
It still hurt, but between Charlie’s attempts at easing the pain and his drowsiness finally kicking in, it was less annoying.

Just as he thought he was going to get some rest, a shrill sound sent him back into full migraine-mode.  
The doorbell. The damn doorbell...

“Oh you’ve got to be kidding me...” Charlie whispered, frowning as Sawyer groaned in pain and annoyance.  
“I’ll go see who it is.”

“Yeah. You do that.” Sawyer grumbled, trying to mimic what Charlie had been doing with the massage earlier but he couldn’t replicate it.  
Why him? Why now? Why can’t he just have one good day?

The longer Charlie was gone, the more Sawyer felt like absolute garbage.  
Even just having his boyfriend in the room with him would make him feel a little better.  
At least then he’d have something nice to look at and try to focus on, rather than the dark room.

Soft footsteps approaching the door told the ex-conman his suffering might just be over. Well, somewhat over at least.  
Charlie entered the room quietly, and Sawyer swore he heard what sounded like...ice? Does he have some water or something?  
The sound was irritating, but he could tune it out if Charlie would just work his magic again or something.

“I brought you a drink...it might help.”  
Charlie said softly as he climbed back onto the bed, a small glass of water in hand.  
Sawyer cringed a little at the though of drinking anything, but sat up, waiting for Charlie to offer him the glass.  
He didn’t over it to him, but instead took to actually helping Sawyer drink it, placing one hand on the back of the ex-conman’s head and tilting it back ever so slightly.

“I can do this myself, ya know...” Sawyer protested weakly, but didn’t try to actually stop the musician.

“Let me take care of you for once.” Charlie smiled, and despite the darkness of the room, Sawyer managed to see it.  
And he for the first time tonight he could actually focus on it.

He let Charlie have his way, even if Sawyer thought it was a bit much.  
But he does enjoy being pampered every now and then. This whole thing might be more romantic if they had wine instead of water, but hey, he’ll take what he can get.

Once Sawyer had seemed to soothe a little, Charlie moved the glass away.  
“Any better?” He kept his tone as quiet as possible, slowly putting the water on his nightstand making as little noise as he could.

“A little...” Sawyer admitted, sliding back down again so he was once again laying like earlier.  
“Could you do that thing again? It...felt kinda nice.”

Charlie smiled at that, scooting back into his earlier position as well.  
“Of course...”

Sawyer’s dealt with headaches in the past, but he’s never been pampered like this.  
It feels like a luxury, even though to Charlie it’s just what he feels obligated to do.  
All of the little things his lover has done for him tonight mean more than he can ever fully express.

This whole thing was probably brought on by work. All the stress he’s been under from Jasper’s nagging and the department’s stupidity is taking a tole on him.  
He’d managed to get through most of the day normally. Work itself, dinner, the science project and everything leading up to his nightly reading had been fine.

But the book just...broke him.  
And Charlie is here to try and put him back together.

He’d gotten so lost in his head that he barely felt himself falling asleep.  
He was out like a light before he even knew it.  
Charlie didn’t even realize at first, continuing to soothe him until he realized Sawyer wasn’t responding anymore.

He’d panicked for a moment, but when he realized his boyfriend had simply fallen asleep, he smiled in relief.  
He was half tempted to move them both under the covers, but then he’d risk waking Sawyer up.  
So he grabbed the spare quilt off the end of their bed, throwing it over the both of them as he snuggled down into the mattress.

He hesitated for a moment before his scooted down, laying next to his sleeping ex-conman.  
It wasn’t long before he was becoming sort of sleepy as well, snuggling into Sawyer’s side and wrapping his arms around his lover tightly.

Hopefully, by the time he wakes up, this headache will have subsided.  
And if not, well, he’s just going to have to call in sick for work tomorrow.  
He isn’t about to let his man go back into that void of stress and death with a headache

As his eyes began to flutter to a close, Charlie whispered one last word of comfort.  
“Sleep well, love...”


	47. Conmen Need Cuddles Too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place after Bite The Bullet.  
> It all started with Charlie dropping the remotes.  
> Timeframe: Revival post-rescue, specifically Bite The Bullet/injured Charlie time  
> Category: Fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeahhhh I dug up another old one because I needed to update after the headache fic.  
> It’s short but I love me some soft Sawyer content

Sawyer shifted at the sound of Charlie silently cursing at something.  
He had moved to the other side of the bed just a moment to grab his phone off the table, and Charlie had already gotten into trouble apparently.  
“You okay? Your shoulder hurtin’?” Sayer scooted back over next to him, running a sympathetic hand gently over his shoulder. Charlie shook his head and sighed, leaning his head against Sawyer.

“I dropped the remote...” Charlie admitted quietly, and Sawyer sighed.  
There was a long pause. Nothing but the TV playing in the background.

“...do you want me to go get it?” Sawyer finally asked, and Charlie looked up at him with a pleading look.  
Sawyer sighed, shaking his head and once again moving off to the other side of the bed. He was smiling, though. So Charlie guessed he wasn’t too mad.  
“The things I do for you.” Sawyer teased, making his way around back to Charlie’s side. He’s been set on not trying to climb over Charlie to get off the bed, just in case he hurts him.

“Thank you, love.” Charlie smiled at him gratefully, and Sawyer nodded, kneeling down to begin his search.

“Anytime, sunshine.” He looked back up to give his wounded boyfriend a quick wink, but dropped his head back down before he could see his reaction. Judging by his chuckling, Sawyer can guess that there’s a grin there too.

Now where could that remote possibly have went?

•

“FINALLY!” Sawyer yelled after a solid ten minutes of searching and accidentally hitting his head on things. Charlie sighed with relief, trying not to laugh at Sawyer’s expense.  
Suddenly Sawyer’s arm shot up, remote in hand, and offered it to Charlie. The musician slowly toon it, but was curious as to why Sawyer hadn’t gotten up yet.

More silence...

“Sawyer? Are you alright?” Charlie asked worriedly. A grunt of confirmation eased him a little, but he still wanted to know why his dearest boyfriend was still on the floor.  
He leaned over to glance down at the floor, and saw the ex-conman just kinda laying there.  
“What are you doing, love?” Charlie asked another question, and got yet another grunt.

“Just gimmie a second, sweetheart...” He mumbled, voice a little muffled by the carpet.  
Charlie smiled a little, but didn’t want Sawyer falling asleep down there. He knows he’s exhausted from all the stress they’ve been under, but he’d much prefer him up here.

“You plan on sleeping down there?” Charlie asked, and Sawyer shrugged.  
“Well...” Charlie started, and Sawyer tilted his head a little to look up at him. Charlie glanced at him, but looked up at the ceiling as he continued.  
“...if you got back up here...I suppose my shoulder could handle a little bit of cuddling. If you want to, that is.” Charlie looked back down, and Sawyer had sat up now.  
“Of course, I wouldn’t want you to be uncomfortable. If you like the floor more I won’t be offended.” Charlie looked away again, and heard Sawyer start shuffling. He could see him standing up out of the corner of his eye, and smirked to himself.  
Who would’ve thought that Sawyer of all people could be swayed so easily by cuddles of all things.

“I never liked that carpet anyways...” Sawyer mumbled as he slid back onto the mattress. Charlie scooted closer to him, waiting for Sawyer’s arm to sling around his shoulders.  
Instead, he felt one snake around his waist, pulling him impossibly closer.  
“Can I...?” Sawyer asked, and it was so vague that Charlie almost didn’t know what to respond with.  
But he nodded. Charlie knew exactly what he wanted. Sawyer isn’t very good at expressing what he wants when it comes to softer things. Anything else and he would be as blunt as ever. But this? He loses his cool.

“Come here, love.”  
Charlie extended his good arm out for Sawyer, and the ex-conman smiled as let himself fall into Charlie, his head resting comfortably on the injured man’s chest.  
“Comfy?” Charlie ran his hand through Sawyer’s hair, watching the other’s eyes close a little at the feeling.

“Mm...couldn’t be comfier...” Sawyer responded, words slurring a little due to his exhaustion.

Never in a million years had Sawyer ever thought he would be here.  
Cradled in his boyfriend’s arms, resting against his chest while his hair was being played with. It all seemed to sweet for his old-self to have grasped.  
Then again, the mention of him ever falling in love with another man, let alone a guy like Charlie, would’ve dumbfounded his old-self as well.

“I feel like I should be the one holding YOU...” Sawyer whispered, bringing his hand up to Charlie’s cheek to stroke it softly. Charlie smiled and shook his head a little.

“You need this sometimes too, darling...” Charlie whispered, pushing a little strand of hair out of Sawyer’s eyes.  
“I’m not the only one who should get doted on...” Charlie leaned down to kiss his forehead, grabbing Sawyer’s hand just as he was about to pull it away.  
“You deserve comfort...” Charlie nuzzled Sawyer’s hand a little, earning a light chuckle from him.

“Well I can’t really argue with that now can I?”  
Sawyer closed his eyes after that, letting Charlie do whatever he wanted. It was nice to have the time for this kind of thing, even if it’s for unfortunate reasons.

The remote is long forgotten on the bed, cast aside in favor of some personal time. They really don’t get to do this as often as Sawyer would like with his job at the department and all.  
Whenever he gets home they get to do whatever they want, sure, but he would much rather be at home with Charlie 24/7.  
But he’s had his job and been with the department for so long that he can’t just quit. He’s got people who look up to him and a whole squad that would probably die without him.

Still though, he might have to consider taking more days off. He could get used to this...


	48. Calling in Sick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sawyer “calls in sick” for the day.  
> Timeframe: Revival post-rescue  
> Category: Fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CUDDLE TIME CUDDLE TIME CUDDLE TIME

Sawyer sighed as he slowly woke up, dreading yet another day of being separated from Charlie.  
But, work is work, and he has to support them somehow.

Getting to work is gonna be awfully hard though.  
Since there just so happens to be a moth boy fast asleep on top of him, arms wrapped firmly around him.  
Getting him off is gonna be a challenge to say the least.

“Charlie...? Sweetheart I need to get up...” Sawyer whispered, nudging Charlie as best he could.  
Charlie didn’t budge. He just snuggled closer to the ex-conman.  
Still sound asleep...

“Charlie c’mon...wake up? Please?” Sawyer’s tone was a bit more urgent now, but even so, the moth didn’t move.

Sawyer groaned, leaning back in defeat as he remained trapped under the musician.  
Despite his mild annoyance, his hand ran through the other’s hair, probably aiding in keeping him asleep.

He opened his eyes again, just so he could look at Charlie for a second.  
He’s pretty adorable when he’s sleeping...  
And this view is much better than staring at his desk all day...

He glanced over at his phone on his nightstand, contemplating calling in sick...  
Nonono he can’t he has to work. The department will be pissed if he takes another day off.

But...he really wants to be doing THIS right now.  
No, no. Work is the priority.  
But cuddles...and sleeping, adorable Charlie...  
If he stays though, Jasper will be nagging him for the next week...

Okay, that settles it.  
He’s calling in sick.

He reaches over to his nightstand carefully, moving slowly as to not wake his boyfriend up.  
He slid his phone off the table, nearly dropping it but luckily he wasn’t that clumsy just yet.  
He glanced down to make sure Charlie was still asleep...okay, good. Still out like a light.

He sighed, dialing Jasper’s number.  
He hesitated before actually calling him, mostly because he doesn’t wanna deal with Jasper of all people right now, but eventually found the willpower to press the button.

“Ford? What’s up?” Jasper answered immediately, already sounding panicked.  
Huh. Must be a rough day.  
Oddly enough he doesn’t really care.

“Hey, uh...I can’t come in today.”  
Sawyer winced at the pause after he said that, getting ready to speak again before Jasper exploded.

“YOU WHAT!? Ford you can’t just abandon us! Not today! You have no idea how-“

“I have the flu.” He blurted out, interrupting Jasper’s angry rambling.  
There was another pause, and Sawyer glanced down at his still sleeping boyfriend.  
“It’s pretty bad...I ain’t gonna be able to take emergency calls, either. Since, ya know, I’m really sick and all.”  
He faked a cough afterwards for good measure, and he heard Jasper sigh at that.

“Okay...I’ll tell the guys...” Jasper sounded a little unconvinced, but Sawyer heard him muttering something to who assumed to be another one of the guys.  
Cole, probably. Those two are inseparable. He smiled just a little at that.  
Ah, the young gays. They remind him a lot of how he used to be before he met Charlie. So naive...  
“...get well soon, okay?”

“Yeah, I’ll try.” Sawyer responded half-heartedly, giving another quick glance down at Charlie.

That damn musician is smirking.  
He’s awake. And this whole thing was probably a scheme to get Sawyer to stay home...  
When one of Charlie’s eyes opened, and he began to giggle a tad, Sawyer’s theory was confirmed.

“...you still there?” Sawyer asked without thinking, realizing he hadn’t hung up yet.

“Yup. You can hang up now, Ford.”  
The amused tone in Jasper’s voice made Sawyer extremely nervous.  
Did he...did he figure it out? Probably. Jasper’s not an idiot...even if he acts like one.  
And Charlie’s loud giggling isn’t really helping.

Sawyer hung up quickly, practically throwing his phone back on to the nightstand.  
“You little brat.” Sawyer gave Charlie a fake glare, to which the musician just quirked a brow.

“Aww...is someone mad because I outsmarted him?” Charlie teased back, grinning up at Sawyer triumphantly.

“Keep it up and I might just have to retaliate.” Sawyer hinted, and Charlie caught the suggestiveness in his tone.  
The musician chewed his lip for a moment, considering his response.

“Is that a promise?”

Sawyer just blinked at that response.  
Charlie is always flirty, sure, but this early in the morning? At least he knows what he wants...  
“It’s awfully early for you to be this eager, sunshine.”

“What? It’s only like...” Charlie looked around, eventually just crawling over Sawyer’s lap and snatching his phone.  
“...five in the morning.” He smiled as he placed his lover’s phone back down, flipping around in his lap so he was looking up at him.

“You have way too much energy.” The ex-conman chuckled, brushing his fingers gently over Charlie’s cheek.  
“You need more rest, angel.”

“Mm...sleep is for the weak...” Charlie yawned a bit as he spoke, and Sawyer shook his head fondly.

“No, it’s for tired moths that overwork themselves too much.” 

Charlie frowned a little, but let Sawyer move him back to his side of the bed, tucking him in as the musician continued to pout.  
“But why should I sleep when I could stay up with you?”

Sawyer smiled at that, but stood his ground.  
“I’ll do whatever you want as soon as you get some sleep, okay? You know you hallucinate whenever you’re tired...” He slipped in under the covers next to Charlie, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend as he held him close.

“Fine...” Charlie finally gave in, snuggling into Sawyer as he felt himself dozing off more and more.

He smirked to himself, though.  
This is exactly what he wanted.  
His fake sleeping skills that he picked up from his years with Jacob have come in handy again.

•

As soon as Sawyer hung up, Jasper couldn’t help but laugh.

“What happened? Is he okay?” Cole questioned, worried about Ford.  
Is he hurt? Did something happen? Why is Jasper laughing!?

“He’s...doing a science project.” Jasper chuckled, giving Cole a quick wink for emphasis.  
It seemed to go straight over Cole’s head.

“What? What’s that supposed to mean?”

Jasper just blinked at that.  
Does he...not know? Is he that innocent? No way. Cole made some pretty suggestive jokes back on the island...there’s no way he doesn’t understand this, right?

Judging my the deafening silence, neither of them really understand what just happened.


	49. Consider It Punishment Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie stole some of Sawyer’s stuff because he missed his conman.  
> His conman, however, wasn’t very keen on letting that slide.  
> Timeframe: Island time  
> Category: Fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What can I say I just really like writing about them being stupid together  
> I couldn’t think of a better title so I just used a line from the fic  
> Sorry not sorry ✌️

Charlie creeped into Sawyer’s tent as quietly as he could, avoiding the gaze of any other survivors.  
His beloved conman isn’t anywhere to be found, so he’s taking full advantage of that.

He knows where most of Sawyer’s stuff is located in his stash. After all, he’s the only one with complete access to it as of right now.  
He rummaged through Sawyer’s stuff, focused on finding two specific things.

The first of which, is one of Sawyer’s button-downs, which he luckily just managed to find  
“Bingo.” He grinned to himself, putting the shirt down next to him as he continued his search for the other object of interest.

He found his other target with ease.  
Just one of Sawyer’s books. He doesn’t actually like any of the books Sawyer has stolen, but he reads them whenever he’s gone just so it feels like the conman is here with him.

Hence why he’s here in the first place.  
This is his routine whenever Sawyer disappears for a day or two.

Step one is to wear one of his shirts.  
Charlie quickly discarded his t-shirt in favor of the flannel button-down, tossing his less-Sawyerish shirt somewhere else in the tent.

Step two is to get comfy under one of his blankets.  
Sawyer’s blankets, oddly enough, have their own feel to them. Like Charlie just knows whenever he used one of them.  
Maybe it’s a relationship thing...

Step three is to read one of his books.  
He usually falls asleep whenever he gets to this step.  
The books are just so...boring. Nothing interesting. No fantastical storylines or anything.  
Charlie reads books to get away from real life, not to read about some fictional guy’s equally miserable and realistic dread.

But, it’s what Sawyer reads.  
And he doesn’t have the man himself here to give him any attention.  
So he has to resort to things like this.

He could feel himself dozing after a bit, and he put the book down long before eh closed his eyes.  
He’s exhausted, and he misses Sawyer. This would be much better if he was cuddling him...  
But alas, his lover isn’t here.

So for now he’ll sleep alone.  
In the dark.  
Without his conman.  
Tis a sad day for Charlie Pace.

•

Charlie slowly began to wake up not long after he had fallen asleep, annoyed more than anything that his rest was cut short.

He felt a brief wave of panic when he saw that the lantern was turned on again.  
Someone is in here...

“There he is.” A familiar southern accent chuckled, and Charlie felt a rush of relaxation after that.  
Sawyer is back. Finally.  
“Welcome back, sunshine.”

“I could say the same to you...” Charlie yawned, sitting up.  
He felt substantially colder, but he tried to brush it off.  
“When did you get back?”

“Not too long ago.” Sawyer answered simply.  
He’s reading the same book Charlie had been reading before he came back. The musician smiled at that, but it faded when he shivered a little.  
Why is he so cold?

“Is it cold to you?” Charlie asked, curling up into the blanket more to try and warm himself up.  
Sawyer frowned and shook his head, putting the book down completely.

“Nah. You feelin’ okay, sweetheart?”  
Sawyer had a concerned tone to his voice, but Charlie picked up on...something else. He furrowed his brow at that, trying to figure out what Sawyer could be hiding.  
It’s so cold...  
He began rubbing his arms to try and warm himself up, still thinking about Sawyer’s tone...

Wait, where’s his shirt?  
He can’t feel any fabric under his hands.  
He finally looked down, and sure enough, Sawyer’s button-down was nowhere to be seen.

“Hey! What did you do with-“  
He cut himself off when he saw what Sawyer was wearing.  
The shirt.  
He must have...taken it off of him while he was asleep? But how had he not woken up? He must’ve been more tired than he thought...

In a hurry to warm up again, Charlie began to search for his t-shirt, knowing that Sawyer wasn’t going to give his shirt up again.  
“Whatcha lookin’ for?” Sawyer questioned.  
Charlie ignored him, rummaging around the tent.  
“If you’re lookin’ for your shirt, don’t worry, I put it some place safe.”

Charlie snapped his attention back to the conman, a desperate look in his eyes.  
“Where is it?”

“I ain’t tellin’.” Sawyer smirked, and Charlie just poured.  
Why is he being so cruel tonight?  
“Consider it a punishment for takin’ my stuff. Again.”

“Sawyer, please...” Charlie pleaded, but Sawyer didn’t even flinch.  
Alright, looks like some more advanced tactics are needed here.  
“I’ll...make you some tea?” Charlie tried to compromise with him. Sawyer looked thoughtful for a moment, but his smirk came back in full force.

“Nope. No deal. Sorry Chuckie, but you ain’t gettin’ your shirt back until tomorrow.”  
Sawyer stood his ground despite hating the distress in Charlie’s eyes. He plans on cuddling him anyways. Can’t have his moth getting sick, now can he?  
“‘Sides...you really think I’m gonna give up this view?”

Sure enough, the flirting seemed to cause a shift in the overall mood.  
Charlie went bright red, but didn’t say anything or try to hide under the blanket.  
Sawyer, being his shameless self, just stared and waited for Charlie to do something.

“Can you at least help me warm up? I could get sick, you know...”  
Bingo. Exactly what Sawyer wanted to hear.  
He extended an arm out for Charlie, which the musician just looked at in confusion for a bit.

“Well? You comin’ over here or not?” Sawyer teased.  
Charlie finally caught on and was at Sawyer’s side immediately, letting the conman drape an arm around his shoulders.  
“Feel any better?”

“A bit...” Charlie mumbled as he snuggled closer to Sawyer, closing his eyes as he leaned against him.  
“Could be better, though...” He hinted, too tired to actually try and tell Sawyer that he wanted proper cuddles.

Sawyer rolled his eyes fondly, but went along with it.  
He flicked the lantern off, which Charlie jumped a little at, but settled back down quickly.  
He shifted a little, moving Charlie into his lap at first. The musician seemed satisfied with that alone, trying to readjust but Sawyer didn’t give him time.  
He moved again, this time so he could lay down.

“Better?” Sawyer asked again, softer this time. Charlie smiled, nodding against Sawyer’s chest.

“Much better...” The musician sighed, closing his eyes.  
He’s still pretty tired. As much as he would love to annoy Sawyer for the rest of the night, they could both use some rest.  
“How about you?”

“Just peachy, hun.” Sawyer squeezed him for a second, holding him tighter.  
“I could use a kiss, though...” He added quietly, and he could feel Charlie’s grin.

Charlie didn’t say anything as he moved up a little, tilting Sawyer’s face towards his own.  
The conman had missed out on a lot of attention from Charlie today. He was too busy gathering some...important things. 

But now, to finally be able to kiss Charlie after a long day of jungle-venturing, it feels like heaven.

•

Charlie woke to the strange sensation of not being able to move.  
Yeah, that’s not normal.  
“What...” He opens his eyes to see the familiar layout of Sawyer’s tent.  
Well he’s safe at least.

Is he...tied up?  
Definitely feels like it.  
There’s no way Sawyer did this...well, actually, there definitely is a way, he just didn’t think Sawyer would go this far.  
It’s not the worst thing to wake up to, but the rope is rather uncomfortable.  
Then again, there’s not much else on the island to tie someone up with.  
Still though, why would Sawyer even do this?

He groans, trying to sit up but that’s clearly not an option. He’s not in a lot of pain, but it’s definitely annoying.  
“Sawyer...” He sighed, and heard a chuckle from the other end of the tent.

“G’mornin’, beautiful.” Sawyer sounded smug, and Charlie managed to tilt his head to see that signature smirk in all it’s glory.

“Either this is another one of your schemes...” The musician started, watching as Sawyer got up to sit closer to him. “...or you’re much kinkier than I remember.” Sawyer wiggled his eyebrows a bit at that, earning a slight laugh from Charlie.  
“Is this really necessary?” Charlie whined, back to his less amused and more annoyed tone.

“Oh, it’s necessary.” Sawyer sounded far too amused for Charlie’s liking.  
“Consider this...punishment part two.” He took a triumphant drink of his water, and Charlie let out another whine of annoyance.

“It’s so uncomfortable though...” The musician huffed, trying to get some sympathy from his boyfriend.  
There was a flash of concern in Sawyer’s eyes, but his smirk quickly cancelled the worry out.

“Well that’s why it’s a supposed to be a punishment, honey.” Sawyer leaned back a bit more, and Charlie let out a nervous laugh.  
“And I made sure they’re as loose as they can be without you bein’ able to break out.”

Charlie closed his eyes in defeat, accepting his fate.  
Whatever his fate may be, that is.  
“...May I ask what you plan to do?”

“Lotsa things, angel...” Sawyer lowered his voice a bit, and Charlie was almost beginning to warm up to this scheme...  
“The first of which is leaving you here while I go get us some food.”

Wait, what?  
“Huh?” Charlie asked, hating how dumb and disappointed he sounded.  
Sawyer’s smirk only grew as he stood up, giving Charlie a quick wink.

“Don’t worry, we’ll have some fun eventually. But first I got things to do.”  
Sawyer was already almost out of the tent when Charlie whimpered in protest, causing the conman to look back for a second.  
He does feel a little guilty...

“Can you at least untie me until you get back?” Charlie pleaded, giving Sawyer his best puppy dog eyes.  
That look was only adding to guilt, but Sawyer tried to stand his ground.

“Sorry, sugar.” 

That was all the response Sawyer gave before he stepped outside the tent, leaving Charlie to whine in annoyance on his own.  
He grinned a little to himself despite the slight twinge of guilt, knowing Charlie was gonna forgive him later.

•

When Sawyer returned, he was met with two angry blue eyes glaring up at him.  
“It’s about time.” Charlie snapped, and Sawyer flinched a little at how genuinely angry he sounded.

“Sorry...got caught up with Kate.” Sawyer gave a half-hearted apology, more focused on getting to what he actually had planned than trying to make up excuses.

“Oh, yeah, ‘caught up’...” Charlie grumbled, frustrated and uncomfortable.  
How could Sawyer just leave him alone like that? He’s such a jerk...

“Hey now.” Sawyer sounded actually offended by that, which Charlie enjoyed.  
Good. He should be. After the left him tied up like this.  
“You know I wouldn’t sleep around on ya.”

“I know...” Charlie sighed, finally letting his anger slip away a bit.  
He’s upset, and Sawyer will certainly have to do a lot of making-up for this, but he’ll let him slide just for a bit.

“I uh...brought you somethin’...” Sawyer mumbled, suddenly a lot more timid sounding than he had been.  
Charlie raised a brow, perking up more. He does like surprises...

“Oh? What is it?”

Sawyer smiled over at him, looking soft for the first time today, and Charlie’s heart fluttered a bit.  
He’s so cute when he’s like that...for a jerk, he’s irresistible when he’s all timid and mushy.

Charlie’s heart stopped fluttering when his previously lost t-shirt was suddenly thrown at his face, killing the soft atmosphere completely.  
Sawyer burst into a fit of laughter as Charlie yelped and griped for Sawyer to get it off.

Okay, never mind. He’s still a a jerk...


	50. Fix Me (50th Chapter Special!)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s here.  
> The 18k fic I’ve been brewing for the past few days.  
> This is an angst fest but there’s some fluff at the end and bits of fluff sprinkled in so hopefully y’all enjoy!  
> This is mostly a peak into some lore stuff and also just the character’s thoughts in general.  
> Timeframe: Jumps between pre-rescue and post-rescue  
> Category: Angst, hurt/comfort, vent (yeah I wrote a lot of this while I was feeling like absolute garbage) fluff,
> 
> TW: Mental abuse, physical abuse, implied...other type of abuse which I feel uncomfy saying, suicidal thoughts, self-degrading.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this isn’t perfect and it could be WAY better but this is my first fic that I’ve put this much time and effort into.  
> Considering the Christmas fic was like 3k words and took my almost a week to finish and this is 18k and took me around the same amount of time I’d say I’m getting better at writing stuff quickly.  
> That being said there’s probably a lot of errors so sORRY
> 
> Here’s to fifty more chapters and 100k more words! 💖💜  
> (Special thanks to Harvest, Noel, CTC and Zyclone. Y’all’s support means the world to me)

~•Charlie~•

•Post-rescue•

His entire body feels like it’s aching.  
He’s not hurt, this is just how he seems to feel ever since he lost...well, everything.

He lost Sawyer a while ago. And that was hard enough.  
But at least then he still thought the love of his life was alive.  
Now though? He doubts it.

And Jacob...  
Why does he miss him?  
It’s the same damn thing that happened with Liam.  
He knows it was all manipulation, but...for the longest time part of him wanted to believe Jacob cared, you know?

Or maybe he’s just an idiot. That’s what Jacob always called him. Amongst other, less childish sounding, things.

Is that all he is anymore? An overgrown child? He definitely feels like one.  
Throwing a tantrum because he’s all alone.  
Well boo-hoo. Poor little Charlie Pace. Always the victim, huh?

Bloody disgrace.

Maybe this is why Jacob felt the need to control him like he did.  
Had to keep him on a leash so he wouldn’t destroy himself.

NononONONO

Jacob never did anything because cared. It was all meant to make him suffer...right?  
At least that’s what he wants to think.  
That’s what Jacob led him to believe.

What if it wasn’t?  
What if Jacob did love him but he was just going about it the wrong way.

NO, YOU IDIOT.

There goes his heart getting the best of him again.  
Trying to rationalize his suffering by victimizing the cause.  
It took him ages to stop doing that with Liam. 

And eventually, his ‘rationalizing’ turned into a burning hatred.  
Just like it will with Jacob.  
Right?

This whole guilt thing will go eventually right?  
Please...he wants it to all just go away...he wants it to STOP.  
He wants it to go away...everything...the pain, the guilt, the memories.

He wants to die.  
But he’s too scared to do it himself.  
He’s tried. Oh how he’s tried.  
But he can never quite do it.  
Can’t walk off the edge.  
Can’t plunge that blade any further to end it all.

He’s scared.  
He’s died once, and god, the pain still lingers.  
If he died again, and somehow he came back, how would it feel?  
To have two deaths reversed and haunting him?

Maybe then the pain would be enough to give him that little nudge he needs to make it go away.  
The little push off the edge.  
The extra strength to move that blade deeper.

There was a time when he didn’t see Jacob’s face every time he felt pain.  
Every little scratch sends flashes of memories rushing in and all he can do is sob.  
Like his tears are going to wash away everything that happened.  
Things like what Jacob did...can’t just be erased. They stick with someone.

And no amount of his weeping and self-inflicted suffering will ever make it go away.  
He can still feel it. Everything. As if everything he missed from when he would shut down is coming back to haunt him.  
Everywhere  
All over him.  
It won’t stop.  
Why can’t he make it stop?  
He doesn’t want this. He never has. Not with Jacob.

He can’t find anything good in this, either. It’s just pain.  
Suffering.  
Being controlled in a way that makes him feel helpless and unsafe.  
Being used like he’s some disposable toy. There for Jacob’s enjoyment until he’s broken and can be thrown out.

He feels everything.  
Everything he thought he found a way to protect himself from.  
It’s still lingering and it’s torturing him now.

What did he do to deserve this?  
Is this island really Hell like he’d heard some of the other survivors speculate?

Again, he asks.  
What did he do to deserve this?

...

Nobody answered.  
Of course.  
Nobody cares about poor little helpless Pace. The boy who doesn’t matter.  
The walking-talking burden to society.

His eyes are screwed shut. As if that’s gonna protect him from his own mind.  
It’s all so vivid.  
Every feeling. Every scream he wasn’t even aware he made.  
It’s just memories, but he swears he can feel it all again.

Shooting, rushing pain.  
All throughout his body.  
The ugly red marks on his wrists and wherever else Jacob saw fit.  
He swears he can see them now.

He thought just dealing with the first few was enough.  
That somehow that was all he needed to be put through, and his ability to block it out was a gift to protect himself.  
Apparently not.

Is that all he’s ever been destined to be?  
A pass time?  
A way to occupy people’s time?  
Is his pain the only way anyone can enjoy being with him?  
Sawyer never hurt him...but he probably wanted to. Jacob got so much enjoyment out of it...it was sick.  
Or maybe Charlie is the sick one for believing Jacob all that time.

Still though, he begs for someone to take it away.  
Sawyer.  
God.  
Anyone.  
He just wants someone to save him...  
Or is he beyond saving?  
Or is it just that ‘The island slut’ Charlie Pace doesn’t deserve to be happy?  
Right.  
Because all he’s good for is making other people feel good.  
He can’t have a good day. He can’t be selfish. Because then people get mad.

If you would’ve told his old self he’d be praying like his life depended on it, he might’ve laughed.  
Religion was something he felt so detached to for the longest time. Even though it had been burned into him, he had rejected it.  
But now it’s his only comfort. Having hope that maybe someone or something still cares about him and can help him keeps him from going completely insane.

Even with Jacob. He would sit outside and beg for help.  
Something.  
Anything.

By now though, can anyone even hear him?  
Is anything getting through? Or is anyone even listening?  
Probably not. He’s not worth anyone’s time. No matter how much he tried to convince himself he was.

He just wants someone to KILL HIM ALREADY.  
He can’t do it himself, so why can’t someone just walk up and drive a stake through him or something?  
That’s all he wants.  
Maybe he’d get to see Sawyer again that way.

...

He thinks about the scar on his shoulder a lot.  
How Jacob just loved to watch it bleed.  
Just another reason he was a pass time. Free entertainment at all times because poor little Pace was too scared to die.

Ha, yeah. Funny how he went from appreciating his second chance to begging for death to knock him down again.  
His craving for the end is almost as bad as his withdrawals were.  
He wants it so badly, but he can’t have it.

Jacob always told him his life was a gift.  
A gift that could easily be returned if he slipped up or protested.  
So he never did.  
He kept his moth shut and let Jacob have his way all out of blind devotion to a man that never even cared.  
He silenced his screams and cut his mind off because that’s what was better for them both.

Now he wishes he would’ve just screamed right in Jacob’s face.  
Begged for him to stop.

This all feels scarily similar to how Liam treated.  
Minus some...less than consensual aspects, of course.  
The yelling.  
Constant reminders that he’s worthless unless he’s doing something to benefit another person.

Worthless.  
That’s what everyone in his life has made him feel like.  
Like a piñata, in a way.  
You beat it senseless for a good laugh, and throw out the pieces to be destroyed because it’s worthless now.

Sawyer is the only one who ever made him feel like a person.  
Like he existed for more than just a good time.  
And as poisoned as his mind may be, he won’t let it corrupt the image of Sawyer he has.  
The angel in his life. The only one that ever truly cared about him.  
His home.

But he’s probably dead now.

He wants to sleep.  
Close his eyes and never have to open them again.  
Everyone always says that people who’ve died have ‘found peace’.  
He really wants peace...more than anything. More than his own life.

He decides to open his eyes.  
Look around at the world around him.  
To most, it would be beautiful.

To him, it looks like Hell.  
Every time he looks at it he feels the tears start pooling again.

He wonders what it would be like to sleep in an actual bed.  
To open his eyes and see the city outside his window.  
Or a front yard.  
Or anything other than endless trees and reminders of his past.

He’s run from most of the horrors in his life.  
And for the most part, running has worked.  
But he can’t run from his own mind. His own memories. He can’t escape the flashes of Jacob’s face for the feeling of dread he felt every time he touched him.  
He can’t shake away the immense fear the sounds of the island cause him.

His brain is on fire.  
Mental torment is the worst kind, in his opinion.  
Hell, at this point, he’d rather feel physical pain. At least then he can scream and not feel like a complete idiot for it.  
It’s truly all in his head, but it’s memories.  
He should be in control of his own thoughts, but he isn’t.

He’s being restrained again.  
He has no control.  
He can’t move.  
He can’t do anything.  
He’s the victim again and he hates it.  
He’s quite literally victimizing himself.

He envies the time when he could still feel safe even when he wasn’t in control.  
There was something so carefree feeling about not having to worry. Leaving it all to someone else while you kicked back and enjoyed life.  
Nowadays he can’t stand it.  
Not having control over himself is it’s own special form of torture.  
Being restrained makes him feel helpless and feeling helpless makes him angry.

He wants to lash out.  
Yell at someone to vent.  
But he doesn’t have someone.  
Only himself.  
So, that’s who he takes it out on.  
All the pain. All the screaming. It all falls back on his own shoulders.  
He wouldn’t have the willpower to vent to anyone else anyways, though.  
He wouldn’t want to bring them down.  
So reflecting his own pain and trauma back on himself is the only safe way to do it. 

Maybe the island is listening.  
According to Jacob it’s magical or some crap. That was probably a lie too. Just like their whole damn relationship.  
Still, though. It would be funny if the ears of the jungle were listening.  
If the island could speak, it would probably be mocking him like everyone else.  
Or maybe it would tell him to get down on his knees and beg for forgiveness like Jacob would. After all, it’s HIS fault he woke Jacob up with his sobbing, right?

Miserable little moth boy.  
Too broken for anyone to care anymore.

He wants his conman.  
He wants Sawyer.  
He wants to go back to the feeling of being in his boyfriend’s arms. Falling asleep against his chest.  
He can’t have him, though.  
Even if he’s alive, he’s probably with Kate.

He hates himself more than he hates Jacob.  
Part of him thinks everything that happened was his fault.  
It all could’ve been avoided if he wasn’t the slut everyone always told him he was.  
A little attention leach sucking up every last drop of affection he can find.  
Such a selfish little brat he is.  
They’re all right about him. He’s nothing more than stain on an otherwise perfect image.

His breathing is getting more erratic.  
He can’t tell if it’s the crying or his own festering fear of his mind that’s causing it.  
Is he panicked? Or just pathetic?  
Or maybe he’s just...pointless.  
A worthless little pebble just waiting to be crushed in exchange for release from his own pain.

He’s not sure when he closed his eyes again.  
Probably sometime after he started crying.  
But they flew open again when he heard footsteps?

Ben, maybe? Probably...

“Get up, Pace.”

No.  
Nononono NO.  
Please, no...he can’t do it.  
It’s just a hallucination but he can’t do it again. He doesn’t want to.  
GO AWAY.

He’s laughing. Why is he laughing?  
The man he fears most is looming over him now and he’s acting like it’s some joke.  
He’s really gone over the deep end, huh?

“Listen to me when I’m talking to you.  
Now get...”  
Suddenly there’s a hand in his hair.  
A very real hand. “...UP.”  
And it’s tugging.  
And the pain is just as real.  
He’s tugged to his feet, yelping in pain despite knowing that’ll make Jacob mad.

Before he even realizes it, he’s being shoved back against a tree.  
Here we go.  
It’s time again.  
He won’t shut down this time. He knows the pain that brings later on.  
He screws his eyes shut again, waiting for the familiar sensations to start.

He never feels Jacob’s hands on him, though. And he doesn’t know if he should be thankful or worried.

He opens his eyes, which he probably shouldn’t have.  
Jacob is holding a blade now.  
A blade that he is all too familiar with.  
That damn blade haunts him like everything else in his pathetic little life.

“You know...” There’s that calm, sinister Jacob tone. It sends a shiver up his spine. “I’ve always liked the color red...”

He hisses in pain when the cold, sharp point of the blade meets his cheek, cutting into it with ease.  
Surprisingly enough, Jacob has never cut his face before. So this is...different.  
He can feel the blood starting to trickle down, following the trail of the gash forming on his face.

The stinging pain is nothing new, but it feels like agony.  
His tears are rolling off of it, amplifying and irritating it even more. The blood is staining the trail left by his tears as well, leaving red streaks down his face.  
He could fight back. He’s not being restrained.  
But Jacob knows Charlie’s instinct is to submit to him out of fear. And that’s exactly what he’s doing.

“That’s a good look on you...” Jacob smiles, trailing the blade lightly over Charlie’s other cheek, but without the pressure needed to actual cut it.

He just wants to go home.

He wasn’t expecting to be thrown down, but alas, it happened.  
He hit the ground hard, wheezing in pain at the impact.  
His cheek is still bleeding, but the panic has overwhelmed the pain.

He knows where this is going, and he doesn’t like it one bit.

He remains motionless and Jacob kneels one front of him.  
He’s helpless.  
He’s vulnerable again.  
On his back staring at the very reason why he’s so horrified in the first place.  
And he can’t do anything about it.

“Now then...where are they...” Jacob mumbles, running the blade slowly over his leg.  
He shudders when the blade passes over one of his scars.  
Damnit. Now he knows.  
“There we go.”

He can’t hold back a sob as Jacob begins repeatedly running the blade lightly over the scar.  
He can barely feel it through his jeans, but the pressure is there. He might as well have just reopened the wound by now.  
This is just...torture.

“Stop...” He speaks finally, and Jacob chuckles.  
Of course Jacob would find that funny...

“Sorry, not interested.” Jacob’s tone was way too playful given the situation.  
Jacob pushed the blade in harder.  
He shrieked at the pressure, tears still spilling out as the blade pressed brutally hard against his leg.  
The scar isn’t bleeding yet. His jeans are preventing that from happening. But the pressure alone is sending the memories flooding back along with the feeling.  
Why that one? Out of all the scars on his body, why did he pick that one?  
The scar he despises the most. The constant reminder.

“Aww. Do you not like that? Gonna cry for me?”

He sobbed harder.  
He can’t take it.  
Please...he just wants to go home.  
Sawyer.

Anybody.

Help.

He feels himself starting to fade.  
He’s not shutting down. He’s blacking out completely.  
Not out of his own will this time, but from sheer terror.

Jacob, or whatever this thing is, doesn’t seem to notice, still hyper-focused on the blade and his scars.

He wonders what Sawyer would think of them. He’d probably think they were disgusting.  
If he ever does somehow reunite with Sawyer again in his lifetime, he doesn’t want to let him see these scars.  
He can’t.  
He’ll cover himself until the day he dies.  
Because as much as he’s tried to embrace them this whole time, he’s ashamed of them.

He hates them more than anything.  
Well, that would be a stretch, actually.  
But they’re probably third on his ‘hate more than anything’ list.

Heh.  
He should probably make that an actual list.  
That would be fun.

Ha...

...somebody just end it for him already...

•

•Present-time•

He woke up feeling a little woozy.  
Out of it. Like he wasn’t actually there.  
But he’s definitely here in his bed, so he won’t question it.

Last night was a blur.  
Just a bunch of screaming and somebody telling him to calm down.  
He’s worried, but he doesn’t have the strength to fuss over it too much.

He yawned, turning over to get up, but he doesn’t really want to.  
So, he didn’t.

He snuggled back down into the blankets, just enjoying the feeling of actually having blankets to snuggle in to.

He’s on Sawyer’s side of the bed, of course. Where else would he be? His ex-conman is at work, and this side smells like him, sooo...

His phone lights up suddenly.  
Hm. That could either be really good or really bad.  
He drags it off the nightstand, glancing at it with not nearly as much interest as he probably should have.

-.-  
The Castaway Club  
QueenShan✨👑 : Hey, Charlie, what’s up? You awake yet?  
-.-

He smiled at that.  
Of course she would be worried...  
He’s lonely right now anyways. A little chitchat won’t hurt, right?

-.-  
BottomSnacc: Yeah. More or less.

Tornado: So you ARE alive

BottomSnacc: Again, more or less.

Tornado: :(

QueenShan✨👑: Jess don’t give him any sympathy he’s just being emo

BottomSnacc: I’m literally right here.

Tornado: AGUSWASH

BottomSnacc: Did you just have a seizure or something?

QueenShan✨👑: She’s probably dead.

TreeTopper: Can y’all shut up? I’m tryin’ to work here.

BottomSnacc: I love you too, darling 💖

TreeTopper: You can keep talkin’, sunshine.

BottomSnacc: :)

QueenShan✨👑: 👁👁

Tornado: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

BottomSnacc: Uh,,,what?

Tornado: You know what 👀

BottomSnacc: ?

TreeTopper: ?

QueenShan✨👑: Oh my god they’re actually idiots, aren’t they?

Tornado: Yup. Seems like it

QueenShan✨👑: Do you EVER use periods?

Tornado: For emphasis, yes. But nah periods are for nerds

QueenShan✨👑: Oh shut up you’re a teenager you know nothing.

Tornado: Nerddddddd

QueenShan✨👑: You are a literal child.

Tornado: Someone is getting triggered ooooo

BottomSnacc: I’m going back to bed.

TreeTopper: Wish I was there with ya.

Tornado: 😏

QueenShan✨👑: 😏

TreeTopper: Shut up.

Tornado: We didn’t even say anything

Parentalunit: What happened?

Tornado: Hi dad

BottomSnacc: Hi dad.

TreeTopper: Hey Ben.

Parentalunit: ...bye.

BottomSnacc: Bye dad.

Tornado: Get your own dad he’s mine >:(

BottomSnacc: I had him first.

Tornado: >:((((((

QueenShan✨👑: Can you two go a single day without fighting?

Tornado: Never

BottomSnacc: Never.  
-.-

He couldn’t help but laugh to himself as he tossed his phone to the other side of bed.  
He could hear the notifications still rolling in, but he ignored them, just smiling at the constant pinging.

This is...nice.  
Much nicer than the island, anyways.

And thinking about the island sent him spiraling again.  
That day back in the jungle.  
With that all too real hallucination of Jacob that he now knows to be The Man in Black.  
That added a whole new layer of baggage to his already high mountain.  
Ew.  
‘High’.  
Yet another word that reminds him of his past.  
Yuck.

He ran his hand over the scar on his leg, or more accurately, upper leg. Closer to his thigh than any of the other scars.  
He hates it. He hates it more than any of the other scars scattered around his body.  
It’s not the most noticeable, or the ugliest, but it’s the one he dreads the most.

He hated how he was completely conscious for it.  
He had felt the exact moment Jacob betrayed his trust. He remembers everything.  
Every moment.  
From the second the blade was pressed against his skin to the intense relief he felt when Jacob finally let up.

He hated how Sawyer had to see it.  
The first time the ex-conman laid eyes on the wound is still stuck in his head.  
The way those green eyes immediately began to well up with tears brought him much greater pain than the actual scar had.

It’s unfortunate position serves as a constant reminder for every aspect of his time with Jacob.  
Every. Last. Detail.

If he could wipe his memory of Jacob, he would.  
They say your past is what shapes you. Every little experience makes you what you are now.

Needless to say, he’d give up all these scars in a heartbeat if they represent ‘who he is now’.

He brushed his fingers over the scar again.  
It doesn’t hurt. But the memories are enough pain as it is.  
If only the mark would just fade completely...

A loud, obnoxious ringing knocks him out of is spiraling.  
Ugh. He really doesn’t wanna talk to anyone right now.

He grabs his phone off the other side of the bed, lazily glancing at it to see who’s calling.

-.-  
Incoming call from  
💖Cowboy💖  
-.-

Oh...Sawyer is calling?  
That’s odd.  
Hopefully nothing went wrong at work...

He puts on his best ‘totally definitely not worried and doing completely fine’ smile, knowing Sawyer can’t see it but hey the effort is there.  
“Is everyone alright, love?” He rushes out, completely blowing his calm cover.

“Yeah, yeah. Just...wanted to make sure you were okay.”

He smiles a tad at that.  
Leave it to Sawyer to fuss over him...  
So cute. It makes him feel a little guilty, but he chooses to ignore that in favor of just adoring Sawyer’s dedication.

“I’m doing fine, love. I promise.”

“You’re sure?”

He laughs a little, shaking his head.  
Wether it was to deny Sawyer’s question, or out of fondness for the ex-conman, he’s not really sure.

“I’m sure.”

Then there’s silence.  
He can’t see Sawyer but he knows exactly what he must look like right about now.  
That unconvinced pout. Soft, sympathetic eyes that can break someone’s heart with how sad they look.  
His furrowed, defiant brow as he scans for any sign of a lie.

“Okay...I guess...” Sawyer finally grumbles.  
He’s grateful for how quickly Sawyer moves on from these sorts of things.  
Sawyer knows that pushing the issue won’t do any good.

More silence.  
Neither of them really want tot hang up, even if they should both probably be getting back to their respective business.

“Do you want me to hang up for you, darling?”  
He finally offers, and hears a sigh of defeat from the other end.

“Yeah...if you don’t mind. You know I hate sayin’ goodbye, sweetheart.”

“It’s not a goodbye. It’s just a...” He wracked his brain for a replacement, chewing his lip for a moment as he thought about it. “...a see you later!”

Sawyer laughed at his cheeriness.  
“Alright then. See you later, handsome.”

“See you later, gorgeous.”

And just like that, Sawyer is gone again.  
Well, he wasn’t really THERE, but that’s not the point.  
The point is, Charlie is alone again.  
The group chat is still exploding, but he doesn’t have the motivation to talk to them.

He’s absolutely beat. Exhausted and sore.  
Even if he can’t remember the events of last night, he knows they must’ve been pretty intense.

He groans, letting his head fall back against the pillow again.  
He’s not even that tired. But he’s not energized, either.  
He can’t seem to fall asleep, but he can’t find the motivation to do anything else.

Today is just...one of those days.

Just before his eyes flutter to a close again, they catch something peaking off the end of the bed.

One of Sawyer’s shirts.  
Now THAT is a very good thing.

He bolts upright, scrambling to grab the discarded top.  
For once he’s thankful that Sawyer doesn’t look at where he tosses his clothes.

He wasn’t wearing a shirt to begin with, so throwing Sawyer’s on wasn’t hard at all.  
And god, it felt so nice once he finally got it on.  
It smelled like the ex-conman, which is a plus. Not to mention it just...feels like him.

He can’t help but smile as he curls up on the bed again, trying to snuggle into the shirt as if it’s actually Sawyer.

He misses him.  
A lot.  
And he needs him.  
But the department needs Sawyer too.  
And he just can’t be selfish...it’s not in his moth nature or whatever.  
He kinda wants to be, though. He wants to keep Sawyer all to himself and cuddle him until he’s begging for him to let go.

Yeah...that would be heaven.  
But he doesn’t get that luxury.  
He probably doesn’t deserve it, honestly.  
He doesn’t get to have everything he wants.  
But at least he’s got Sawyer back, and he should be thankful for that alone.

Even if it breaks his heart, he’ll let the rest of the world have Sawyer too.  
He still pouts though. After all this time waiting for the love of his life, he has to let him go so often.  
It sucks, to put it lightly.

He snuggles further into the pillow underneath him, humming happily to himself.  
At least he can wrap himself in Sawyer’s shirt.  
At least his surroundings smell like the ex-conman, even if his lover isn’t actually here.

At least they’re both alive and breathing.  
And that’s what he needs to be basking in right now.  
Hm...it would be kinda weird if you could survive without breathing.  
Actually, breathing itself it weird.  
If you think about it too much, you start becoming conscious of it, and then you panic.

And oh god thinking about it made him conscious of it oh god oh god oh god-  
Okay never mind he’s fine now.  
Geez. He’ll never get used to that.

The idea of dying because he started thinking about breathing, though...  
Now THAT would be scary.  
Funny in it’s own twisted way, but mostly scary.  
That’d make a fun tombstone, though.

Back when he begged for death...he didn’t know what was in store for him.  
He thought suffering was his only destiny.

Nowadays, he’s glad he never had the courage to off himself.  
Being here with Sawyer has been the best time of his life, even if they have some issues to work out still.  
HIS issues specifically. His episodes and flashbacks are most of the problems.

But Sawyer never faults him for it.  
And it brings him to tears every time Sawyer holds him.  
He’s so different from Jacob.  
They’re polar opposites.  
Jacob seemed soft on the outside, but all that was left inside was hollow, sick void.  
And Sawyer was the pain of everyone’s life on the island, but underneath his insults and tasteless comments, Sawyer is a big teddy bear.  
An absolutely adorable softie that he wants to protect forever.

Sure, he may not be the strongest guy in the world, but he’ll protect his cowboy until the end of time.  
There’s nothing in this world more important to him than Sawyer.  
He’s everything to him.

He lets out another happy hum as he thinks of his boyfriend, his previous glum mood completely forgotten.  
The warm feeling is actually starting to make him sleepy again.

Before he attempts to fall asleep though, he needs to do a few things.

Normally he’d button the shirt up completely, but today he’s taking a more...suggestive approach.  
He keeps a few buttons undone. Not too much, but it’s far from his normal reserved approach.  
It’s the perfect tease for when Sawyer finally gets back home.

He curls up into himself even more, nuzzling against the sleeve on Sawyer’s shirt.  
Or...his shirt? He’s not sure what to call it right now. He’s wearing it, but it’s Sawyer’s.  
Ah, whatever. He’s too tired to think about that. He’ll figure it out later...maybe.

His phone has finally stopped blowing up, too.  
That’s a plus, he guesses.

The silence closes in on him, but for once, it’s comforting.  
Like a blanket, tucking him in since his lover isn’t here to do it for him.  
He’s wrapped in silence, but it’s peaceful.

He’s not expecting anything to grab him anymore.  
Not waiting to hear Jacob approaching or a crash from downstairs.  
He’s just tired. Not paranoid, not scared, not upset.  
Just. Tired.

He can’t help but giggle a little at that.  
He’s happy.  
Sure, he’s had his downs, even just a few minutes ago he was falling back into the dark corners of his mind.  
But overall? He’s the happiest he’s ever been.

Heh. That’s even funnier.  
He hasn’t used the word ‘happy’ to describe himself in a very long time.  
That must just be the affect Sawyer has on him.  
He feels complete now. Like a part of him had been missing for so long, but now he’s finally found it again.

Wether he sleeps or not, he really doesn’t care.  
He just wants to lay here and enjoy the moment while it lasts.  
Patiently waiting for Sawyer to return and make it all perfect again.

Because this,  
his life,  
his home,  
is perfect to him.

Well, perfection is subjective.  
He‘s always been told that you can’t achieve true perfection...  
Or wait, was that it?  
Or was it something else...  
Was it happiness?  
No, that’s stupid...  
Ah, whatever. It doesn’t matter anyways.

Because this is perfect, no matter what anyone says.

•

•

•

~•Sawyer•~

•Pre-rescue•

He opened his eyes to see nothing but darkness.  
Well shit. He’s here again.

It’s not his room.  
It’s some weird dream void that his mind keeps bringing up almost every night.

It always starts off pretty nice, actually.  
With memories or visions of Charlie.  
Nothing but love and sunshine all around.  
A far cry from his old dreams, to be honest.

But it slowly starts descending into madness.  
Spiraling and driving him insane.  
Repeating his feelings of grief and dread on an endless loop until he wakes up screaming Charlie’s name.

For now he should probably enjoy this though...bask in the sunshine while it lasts.

So he waits, as usual.  
Closing his eyes so the void can do it’s thing and morph into whatever it wants to be tonight.

“...good morning, love.”

There it is. That beautiful voice.  
If only he could believe it was real.

“Mmm...mornin’...” He mumbled sleepily, rolling over onto his side so he could look at not-Charlie better.  
He runs his fingers gently over not-Charlie’s cheek, noticing what looks like a faded scar there.  
That’s new...

“So...no work today?” Not-Charlie asked, a playful grin slowly forming in place of his gentle smile.

“Nope. No work.” He answered, feeling just a tad excited despite knowing none of this is really happening.  
Not-Charlie looked at him for a moment, probably expecting him to make a move.

“Well? Don’t be a tease, darling...”

And that was the cue he needed to initiate the first of what’s probably gonna be many kisses.  
He moved slowly, pulling not-Charlie in gently just to get on his nerves.  
He seems eager, so taking it slow is gonna be a lot of fun while it lasts.  
He managed to pull away before not-Charlie could pick up the pace, earning a small whine of disapproval from the musician.

“I said stop teasing...”  
That whine sounded so close to Charlie’s actual voice that it sent a shiver up his spine.  
Even though this is just a dream, it feels so real.  
And it hurts like Hell.

“Fine...but only cuz you asked so nicely.” He smirked as he spoke, loving the look on not-Charlie’s face despite his reservations about this whole situation.  
He’s allowed to enjoy his dreams, right?  
A little science project in his own head never hurt anybody...

He adjusted their position to make this whole thing easier, rolling not-Charlie into his back and climbing on top of him.  
There. Much better. Nice view of not-Charlie’s face, too.

He was just about to lean down and tug not-Charlie in for another kiss when...  
“Really? Another one? Wow. You still wanna bang a dead guy?”

Damnit. Not again...  
“What’s the matter, love?” Not-Charlie asked from underneath him. The concern in his voice sounded so real that it was almost convincing.

He didn’t respond, though. He just looked back to stare at the other, more familiar Charlie that’s made himself known.

“Get out.” He finally hissed back.  
That only made the other Charlie more excited about this whole thing.

“Mm...how about no? Besides, you made me, remember?” The other Charlie sounded all too satisfied with himself.  
If he didn’t have Charlie’s face, he’d have tried to fight him a long time ago.  
“I’m the manifestation of all that guilt you’ve got in that pretty little mind of yours. Oh, and the part of you that knows I’m dead.”

He tore his eyes away from the other Charlie, wanting to focus back on his dream to try and block him out.  
Not-Charlie is gone.  
There’s nobody underneath him anymore.  
Just an empty space.  
Guess he just can’t have anything nice anymore, huh?

“Oh...what a shame. Is your little plaything gone? Oh boo-hoo poor little you.”

“Do you ever shut up?” He groaned, trying not to get too worked up.  
He’s stronger than this...well he would be if ‘this’ wasn’t HIS OWN DAMN MIND.

“Awwww...I thought my voice was your favorite sound? You’ve changed, darling.”

Shutupshutupshutup.

“Won’t even look at me now? Wow, it’s almost like you don’t care anymore...”

GoawaygoawaygoawaygoawayGOAWAY.

Charlie-or more accurately, the hallucination is Charlie-is right next to him now.  
He feels that...thing’s fingertips brush gently against his cheek.  
While the feeling brings back warm memories, it seems to flood him with guilt as well.  
The idea that he’ll never feel Charlie’s actual touch again is a scary thought.  
But it becomes more real with every day that his lover isn’t back in his arms.

“Do you feel that...? The dread? The sadness?” The hallucination whispered, continuing to run it’s fingers over his skin.  
They began to follow the trail of a tear he didn’t even realized he’d shed, and he was suddenly aware of more slowly trickling down.  
If this was the real Charlie, he’d be holding him.  
Not torturing him.

“I can make you remember everything...” The thing got a little closer to his ear, causing him to shiver a bit.  
It sounds like Charlie. But it isn’t.  
If this were real, he would probably make some joke about this being hot or even just whipping around to pin the musician down.  
But this? This isn’t anything but suffering.

“Everything you felt when you learned I was gone...”

You’re not him.  
You’ll never be him.  
He wouldn’t do this...

“The agonizing pain in your chest as you sobbed for me...”

You? Hah, wrong.  
You weren’t the one those tears were for.  
Those were for Charlie.  
Not for you...

“The pit in your stomach every time you looked at Aaron...knowing he’ll grow up without me...”

You say that like Aaron ever knew you.  
He didn’t.  
He knew Charlie, not you.  
You’re sick...

“Keep insulting me, love.” It’s tone suddenly changed, and he shuddered.  
Does it know?  
Can it read his mind or something.  
“Every time you degrade me, you’re just degrading yourself.”  
It continued to mock him with that sweet tone.  
It moved it’s fingers up into his hair, threading through it exactly how Charlie used to.

That’s what broke him.  
He misses him so much.  
All he wants is to hold him again.  
To be held by him again.  
But he’s gone.

No...no he’s not gone. He’s alive. He’s not dead.  
Right...?

“Keep lying to yourself...it’ll only make it hurt more when you finally accept the truth.”

“Don’t say it.” He finally responded, smacking the thing’s hand away.  
He’s shaking.  
A mix of grief, fear, and anger bubbling inside him.  
The thing just smirked.  
“Don’t you dare say it.”

It cackled.  
And that’s proof right there that this can never be Charlie.  
That wicked laugh could never have come from his sunshine.  
Not in a million years. 

“Oh, that’s rich.” It continued to laugh, causing his shaking to become even more violent.  
He wants to do something.  
Anything.  
But he can’t hurt it. Even if it’s not Charlie, it’s stolen his image.  
And he could never lay a hand on Charlie. No matter how definitely NOT Charlie this thing is.  
“I’m not gonna say a thing, darling.”

“Good.” His voice cracked a little.  
Well that wasn’t very intimidating...  
Screw it. He’s already lost the battle.  
Just let him cry in peace.  
Let him beg for Charlie some more.

“Is someone being sensitive? Shocking.” The thing giggled, flopping down on the bed.  
He fought the urge to look down at it.  
He knows if he looks, he’ll be sent reeling into another memory.  
One of the many moments where Charlie was in that exact position, looking up at him with such an adorably soft look.

He looked anyways.

He couldn’t contain it.  
He sobbed, head hanging in defeat as the thing snickered at his pain.

He knows he hasn’t exactly been the best person in the world.  
And he deserves all of this. He knows that for certain.  
But is it too much to ask for a break?  
One night where he can bask in the good memories he still has, instead of being tormented by this...thing.

The worst part of it all is how it’s trying to taint Charlie’s image.  
Trying to make him see his sunshine in such an awful way.  
It’ll never break him, though.  
Charlie is still everything to him, no matter what anyone says.

“Oh how the mighty Sawyer has fallen...” It hummed in a cheery tone.  
He felt sick to his stomach at the sound.  
“Reduced to nothing more than a hopeless, sad shell of a man. How sad.”

It’s definitely in his head.  
It’s parroting everything he’s thought about himself in the past few years.  
It’s like he’s looking in a Charlie-shaped mirror.

“I wonder what the department would think? If they saw you like this. All...” The waved, gesturing up and down his form.  
“...pathetic and stuff.”

He didn’t even realize he’d been gripping the bed sheets until now.  
His fists are clenched so hard around the fabric it’s becoming painful.

As the hallucination continued to ramble, he had an idea.  
A realization, more like.

“We’re in my head.” He mumbled, his tears slowing a tad.

“Duh. Wow, I knew you were dumb, but I didn’t think-“

“Which means I’m in control.” He interrupted it.  
It titled his head a way that almost reminded him of Charlie.

“I’m...not sure where this is going.”  
It’s confused.  
Good.  
That makes it more fun.

He closed his eyes, sighing as he tried to will this thing away.  
It’s cheesy, sure. And maybe he’s just been watching too many movies recently, but this always seems to work.  
And it’s worth a shot, anyways.

The air around him seemed to calm.  
He felt the tension beginning to fade a bit, and he smiled.  
It worked...

And then it cackled again.  
Well shit.  
“Did you actually try to WISH ME AWAY!? Oh, that’s stupid, even for you!”  
It was doubled over in laughter, clutching it’s stomach as it mocked him.  
Damnit...

Suddenly though, it scrambled to it’s knees, sitting up to grab him by his collar.  
It tugged him, pulling him to an angle where he was forced to look it right in the eyes.

“Are you deaf or something?” It asked, and he just looked at it in confusion.  
It rolled it’s eyes, clearly bored of this already.  
“I’m part of you, you idiot. I’m not just a thought, I’m that dark little corner of your mind.”

Silence. Confused silence.  
It groaned, shoving him backwards since the closeup approach didn’t seem to work.  
“You can’t snap your fingers and poof me away, because as long as you’re here, I’m here too. I’m you, you’re me. I just...present myself as the one you love most. Makes it more fun.”

“Okay...” He said slowly, and it seemed satisfied.  
“...what the actual hell does the even mean?”

“To put it simply? You’re insane. You’ve gone crazy, and now you’re seeing me. And I just so happen to represent the more...worthless side of your mind, so to speak.”

Okay. He’s still confused. But it makes a little more sense now.  
He’s just batshit crazy. That’s it.  
This thing, this Charlie, is like a voice in his head. Only it’s more of a hallucination.  
Miles was right...  
This whole thing has consumed him.

It’ll be worth it, though.  
When he finally gets Charlie back.  
It all will have been worth it...

“Can you just STOP saying that? It’s getting really annoying, mate.”

And he laughs at that.  
This might actually be kinda fun.  
Being able to annoy this thing until he eventually snaps completely.  
At least he has something to pass the time now.

“Hey! That’s not funny! You know you’re just gonna be torturing yourself, right?”  
It complained, whining like a child.  
Yup.  
Definitely part of his brain.

“Oi.” He replied simply.

“What? What’s that even supposed to-“

“Charlie says ‘oi’ more than he says ‘hey’.”

That brought on a silence.  
An awkward, stupid silence.  
He’s quite literally talking to himself.  
But honestly?

He thinks he’s too crazy to care anymore.  
Why not enjoy the deep end while he’s here, right?

“Why don’t you use past tense?” It asked, switching the subject quickly.  
He gave it a confused look, waiting for it to elaborate.  
“You never refer to Charlie, er, me, in past tense. It’s always present.”

“You know why.” He growled in response, giving it the best death glare he could muster.

“Ah, right. False hope and all that.”

False hope.  
He’s heard that way too many times since Charlie ‘died’.  
And maybe it is false. Maybe he’s delusional.  
But if being delusional is part of what’s keeping him sane, then he’ll take the irony over the insanity.

It’s not like he hasn’t considered giving up before.  
He’s had brief moments where he’s wondered if Claire and Miles and pretty much everyone were actually right.  
But the immense guilt he felt every time he doubted himself was too much.

“Are you really going to have another mental pity part? Right now? Sheesh, it never ends with you.”

If only this feeling of great annoyance was easier to put up with then that nagging guilt...

•Present time•

|•|  
“He’s not dead!”  
“H-he’s not...he’s not dead...”

“He’s not breathing, Sawyer! Just let me take him and-“

“No! He’s gonna be okay...you’re gonna be okay, right sweetheart?”

“Sawyer. I need to take him.”

“...”

“Do you want him to live or not?”

“...please be careful. I can’t lose him. Not for real this time.”

“I’ll do my best. But no promises.”  
|•|

He shook his head, shaking away the memory of last night’s fiasco.  
He can see it all vividly.  
He can still hear Jack’s panicked voice as the doctor tried to pry Charlie out of his arms.

That episode had taken a tole on Charlie.  
It was another one about Jacob.  
Charlie hasn’t had one that bad in a very long time.  
He’s worried...Charlie might be spiraling again. And if that’s the case, they’re going right back to square one.

|•|  
“Is he awake yet?”

“You have to be patient. I know it’s hard.”

“I just want him to be okay, doc.”

“I know. And maybe he will be. But I can’t guarantee anything right now.”

“Yeah...thanks anyways, I guess.”  
|•|

Being patient isn’t exactly his strongest skill.  
No matter how many times Jack had told him to be, he had hovered around Charlie’s nearly lifeless body all night.

Charlie woke up eventually.  
The relief he’d felt was comforting, but he’s still worried sick.

|•|  
“Jack! Get in here! He’s waking up.”

“...what...”

“It’s me, honey. I’m right here. You’re okay...”

“...Sawyer...?”

“Yeah...yeah it’s Sawyer. I ain’t goin’ anywhere, okay? I’m right here...”

“N-no...”

“Charlie? What’s wrong?”

“No! Get away!”

“Hey calm d-“

“GET AWAY FROM ME!”  
|•|

He shuddered as he remembered Charlie’s screams.  
How scared Charlie looked.  
How Jack ushered him out of the room, soothing HIS boyfriend in the way he should’ve been doing.

He tried to convince himself it was fine.  
It really wasn’t.  
He doesn’t give a shit about Jack being a doctor.  
He should’ve been in there with Charlie.

He entered their home to hear a whole lotta nothing.  
Normally, that wouldn’t be out of the ordinary, but now that Charlie’s back, it’s downright concerning.

“Charlie? You awake, sunshine?” He kept a relatively calm tone, just in case Charlie was okay or even just asleep.  
Nothing. No response.  
God, he’s getting some serious deja vu right about now...

He quietly made his way upstairs to their room, smiling a little when he saw their bedroom door cracked.  
Charlie doesn’t like to leave it closed unless Sawyer is home with him.  
It’s a small thing, but when you’ve been in love with the guy for a decade now, you pick up on things like that.

He opened the door slowly, as quietly as he could...  
And there he is.  
His sunshine.  
Sound asleep. Curled up in the sheets.  
Now that’s the best thing he’s seen all day.

|•|  
“You can come back in now.”

“Gee, thanks...”

...

“Hey.”

“Hey, angel.”

“I’m sorry...”

“You have nothin’ to apologize for.”

“Yes, I do. I lashed out at you. I’m sorry...”

“I told you, you don’t gotta-“

“I thought you were him.”

“What?”

“Jacob. I thought you were Jacob.”

“Oh please don’t tell me-“

“It’s happening again, Sawyer. I can’t do it...not again...”  
|•|

He smiled softly as he approached the bed, sitting on the edge next to his sleeping moth.  
He ran his fingers gently across Charlie’s scarred shoulder, soothing it despite knowing it’s not really doing much good.

Is he...wearing his shirt?  
He chuckled at that.  
Of course he would be. Charlie has mastered the art of stealing his clothes.

Too cute...

|•|  
“Hey...don’t cry, sweetheart. It’ll be okay...”

“No...no it won’t be...I don’t wanna do this again, Sawyer. I don’t want you to have to do this again...”

“Hey, look at me.”

“...”

“I’ll be here for you. No matter what. We’ve gotten you through this once, we can do it again.”

“But-“

“It’s gonna be okay, Charlie. I promise.”

“...okay.”

“Now...do you wanna go back to sleep? You need more rest.”

“Yeah...can I have a kiss first?”

“‘Course you can.”  
|•|

He leaned down, kissing Charlie’s cheek gently as he moved under the sheets next to him.  
The musician stirred, but didn’t wake, just snuggling further down into the mattress at his lover’s affection.

He hasn’t been able to stop smiling since he entered the room.  
It’s almost painful, but in the best way possible.  
He curled up next to Charlie, wrapping his arms around the sleeping man and pulling him closer.

The warm, comforting feeling of having Charlie so close to him eased his racing mind.  
He stopped thinking about last night.  
Or all the stress the future might hold.  
Right now, he’s here. And this, moments like this, is what he loves.

He feels a little selfish sometimes, though.  
He feels guilty for wanting to be fussed over like he fusses over Charlie.  
Sometimes he feels like absolute garbage, and would just like to be cuddled and kissed in the ways he pampers his sunshine.

Maybe it’s because Charlie seems more vulnerable.  
Smaller, cuter.  
And he does have the most baggage out of any of them. A decade on the island alone will mess a guy up.

But then he thinks about how much Charlie must hate it.  
Constantly being looked at as a liability, rather than a person.  
Everyone walking on eggshells around him like he’ll crumble at the smallest of things.  
And the worst part is how true that actually is.  
Charlie is still recovering. And he probably won’t ever be completely over this.

What happened to Charlie is something people don’t just get over.  
You can’t just move on from it and act all buddy-buddy with everyone like nothing happened.  
It lingers.

He felt even more guilty the more he thought about it.  
How he should be grateful that he isn’t coddled like Charlie is.  
Because he doesn’t have much to be coddled over anymore. Not anything super evident, anyways.

He didn’t deal with three years of constant abuse from Jacob.  
He didn’t spend an entire decade suffering on an island, cycling between a somewhat loving camp, an abusive ‘lover’, and complete and utter loneliness.

But part of him would still like those cuddles. That reassurance.  
He’s too prideful to ask for it, though.  
Charlie does his best to tend to his needs, but without his communication, he’s making Charlie’s job much harder.

He nuzzles into Charlie’s neck, holding his sleeping boyfriend closer.  
The newfound guilt is eating away at him. It’s not a new feeling, but it’s still painful.  
Maybe he should communicate more, though...

If Charlie was awake, and they were having a conversation like this, he’d probably say something like...  
‘Oh, love. You need to tell me things like that! I wouldn’t mind doing that for you.’  
Or maybe he wouldn’t.  
But he’s been in love with Charlie for a very long time, as he’s stated plenty of times, so he kinda knows how talks by now.

He decides to take his focus off of that.  
Away from his own headspace.  
Escape from the guilt that he hadn’t even meant to bring on.

He ran his hand over Charlie’s leg, feeling a few of the scars.  
They’re small, and he never mentions them, but he notices them.  
He notices all of them.  
And he counts them.

He’s memorized every mark on Charlie’s body.  
Every position, every detail, every last scar he can find.  
And he does this to make sure there aren’t any new ones.  
Because the day he finds a fresh one is the day he’ll start hovering again. Whether it’s by Charlie’s own hand or not, he’ll protect his moth from anymore pain.  
And hopefully that day never comes. Because he doesn’t want Charlie to be silently suffering without him.

A little corner of his brain likes to fantasize about bringing Jacob back.  
Bringing that son of a bitch back just so he can kill him again.  
But he’d make him suffer first.  
Suffer for everything he did to Charlie.

He just wishes he would’ve been there to prevent it all.  
That he wouldn’t have been so blind to it. That he could’ve swept Charlie off his feet before that freak ever got to lay a hand on him.

He unconsciously grips Charlie tighter, his protective instinct kicking in.  
Just seeing Jacob’s image in his mind is enough to have him fuming.  
Enraged and out for blood.  
Blood that he can’t even shed because Jacob is already dead.

Half of him feels good knowing that.  
And the other half hates that he couldn’t have drove the blade through that monster himself.  
At least he’s gone, though...he can never hurt anyone again.

Call it a hero complex if you want, but he’s always had the want to save people.  
Sure, he was a conman for a while, but that didn’t mean he didn’t want to be better.  
He just never thought he had it in him. Lying is what he did best, and conning seemed to come naturally too.

Taking lives, though.  
Now that hits a little harder.

He feels remorse for the innocent.  
Anytime he’s accidentally killed someone in the crossfires of his job, it’s taken a tole on him.

He doesn’t feel sympathy for people like Jacob, though.  
The irredeemable.  
And for the longest time, that’s what he thought he was too.  
A monster.  
A soul lost forever to sin or whatever you wanna call it.

And then Charlie happened.  
And oh how wrong he had been.

Charlie flipped a switch in him.  
The parts of himself that he’d thought he’d lost started rushing back to him so fast it was overwhelming.  
Suddenly he started feeling like himself again.  
The real Sawyer who he thought he’d buried a long time ago.

To this day, he still has a hard time letting anyone see that side of him.  
It feels invasive when he lets people in.  
Like he’s letting them intrude on something so personal. It feels almost scandalous.

He doesn’t get how it comes so easily to Charlie.  
The compassion for people who probably don’t deserve it. The ability to find something good in someone who he shouldn’t even be talking to.

Kinda like what Charlie did with him.  
But just because he’s experienced that moth magic, doesn’t mean he understands it at all.

He sighed, closing his eyes as he just enjoyed Charlie’s company.  
Even when Charlie is asleep, he still manages to make him feel like the most loved man in the world.

He never thought he’d find someone so soft and cute so unbearably hot.  
But hey, there’s a first time for everything, right?

Charlie seemed way out of his type at first.  
At least, what he knew about his type.  
Keeping in mind that before Charlie, his type didn’t consist of men at all, that’d be par for the course.  
But Charlie’s whole aesthetic just didn’t seem to fit his own that well.

Emo rockstars and redneck conmen usually don’t mesh well.  
Alas, he fell for him.  
And he fell hard.

If he’s being honest, that little rockstar managed to snuggle his way right into his heart from day one.  
Charlie owns his entire soul at this point.  
Shannon would probably say he’s whipped.

And she’s probably right.  
But he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Yeah, he’s gone soft, but so what?  
Being soft gets him kisses.  
And cuddles.  
And basically anything he could ever need.

It was scary at first.  
Dealing with Charlie knowing how he actually operates. His real personality hidden under years and years over building up a fake persona.  
He didn’t know if Charlie would like it.  
Everyone seemed to find him attractive because he was the ‘mysterious one’.  
The damaged goods.  
The guy with the bad temper and a mountain of baggage.

But Charlie didn’t care.  
Charlie loves him for who he is no matter what.  
And maybe that’s why he fell so hard.  
Because Charlie is real. When he cares, he genuinely cares. When he loves, he loves with every fiber of his being.

And those aspects of Charlie’s personality have definitely rubbed off on him.

When Charlie was gone, he couldn’t look at anyone in the way he had seen his sunshine.  
Nobody else made him feel the same way.  
Kate and Claire tried to help him find love again, but he could never get into it.  
Hookups didn’t do anything for him either.  
It all felt like a waste of precious time.

Charlie broke him.  
In a good way, but still.  
He’s been broken beyond repair. And frankly, he doesn’t want to be fixed.

Or...did Charlie fix him?  
Had he been broken before?  
Hell if he knows.

Wether he’s broken, or wether he’s fixed, he likes it.  
He likes it a lot.

Charlie stirred again, squirming a little in his arms.  
Probably another nightmare...  
He kissed the back of Charlie’s head gently, trying to calm him down despite the musician not being fully awake.

“It’s okay...I gotcha...”  
He whispered, kissing Charlie’s ear quickly for some extra comfort-points.  
Charlie settled down again, melting back into him slowly.

He’s never felt safe before now.  
He’s always been on the run. From himself and from the rest of society.

Runway Sawyer could never find a place to settle down.  
And then that musician came along and threw his whole world out of wack.

Love, safety, comfort...all foreign concepts to him.  
He barely knew how to give those things, much less receive them.  
He never thought he was worthy of it.  
He didn’t think he deserved any of it.

But here he is.  
Alive and well and madly in love with a man he’d never thought he could even be friends with.

He’s had his fair share of mistakes.  
He’s screwed up.  
He’s done things that Charlie probably should have left him for.  
But he was never alone through any of it.  
Charlie should have turned the other way and ran the hell away from him the first chance he got.

But he never did.

And now...despite everything...he’s happy.  
His rollercoaster of a life has finally started to slow down.  
He has a family.  
And a loving boyfriend and hopefully soon-to-be-husband.

Just goes to show that life ain’t ever exactly what you think it is.  
Not for him, anyways.

And part of the battle was letting himself open up.  
Giving himself that leeway to have something good.  
Casting aside what he thought he deserved or thought he wanted, and opening himself up to what he actually needed.

And he’s better off for it.

He felt his phone buzz in his pocket.  
He reluctantly moved one arm around from around Charlie, struggling to grab his phone without looking.

-.-  
Cole  
Hey! Jasp told me you weren’t coming in today because something came up.  
Hope you and Charlie are having fun!  
-.-

He just chuckled, tossing his phone somewhere at the other end of the room.  
He didn’t bother to see where it landed.  
He doesn’t really care all that much.

He snuggled back down into Charlie, burying his face in the musician’s hair as he melted into him.

He’s tired, but he won’t be sleeping any time soon.  
He plans on waiting to Charlie to wake up. Laying here and just enjoying how peaceful this all is before his sunshine perks up again.

And then, of course, he has other things he’d like to do.  
But sometime after all that is said and done he’ll allow himself to sleep.  
With moth cuddles included, of course.

His instinct is to try and shy away from any affection.  
To push anyone that he genuinely cares about away for their own sake because he’s not good enough.  
He knows that’s a toxic mindset. He knows Charlie doesn’t like it when he closes himself off.  
But it’s a habit.

He’s getting better, though.  
Learning how to open up without freaking out and bailing.  
Asking for what he wants instead of trying to cover it up with snark.

Charlie is working to help him get better.  
They’re both recovering in their own ways.

He’s not sure where he would be if that plane wouldn’t have crashed all those years ago.  
Rotting in jail, probably.  
Or dead.  
One of the two.

As horrific as that accident was, he wouldn’t go back and stop it from happening.  
The crash let him meet the most important people in his life.  
His closest friends, like Jack and Sayid.  
And of course the love of his life, Charlie.

Kate is fine as a friend.  
He’s kinda grossed out to think he had ever considered being with her before Charlie, though.  
Now THAT was a dark time.

But he’s over all of that now.  
There’s nothing he wants more than to be happy with his newfound family.

And he’s going to hold on to this happiness, this love, as long as he lives.

•

•

•

~•Jacob•~  
(!VERY BIG WARNING FOR THIS PART!  
While this won’t be going into detail, it was still hard to write because Jacob is a fricken messed up dude in my AU  
Feel free to skip to the Drugcon section if you don’t want anymore moth abuse)

•

Jacob sighed as he examined the blade in his hand.  
He didn’t use it tonight. He felt like giving Charlie a break oddly enough.  
Still though, it’s hard to resist waking him up and just tormenting him anyways.  
It’s his only real pass time anymore.

Charlie just looks so stunning when he’s bleeding.  
Actually, he doesn’t necessarily enjoy Charlie all that much. More just what he can do to him.  
The pathetic little musician is so willing to submit to his every command...how could he not adore that?

So maybe he had to force his hand a little to get Charlie to this point.  
So what?  
He got what he wanted in the end. Even if it took a year of putting himself through the torture of listening to Charlie ramble.

It all paid off, though.  
Now he can finally have his fun without having to deal with Charlie’s constant speeches of ‘love and devotion’.  
No more fake ‘I love you’s.  
No more meaningless fluff.  
He’s the boss now. The one in charge. And Charlie knows that now.

He smiles as he thinks of how utterly helpless Charlie is now.  
A powerless little lump on the ground, just waiting for someone to find a good use for him.

He chuckles a little at the thought of Charlie feeling completely useless.  
It’s always so evident by the look in his eyes whenever Jacob is looming over him.  
The pure, unfiltered fear.  
Always followed by a knowing glare.

Charlie knows his place.  
He knows exactly what he’s in for every night that he spends here in this chamber.

And it’s hilarious.

He glances over at the sleeping musician, still not completely sure if he wants to wake him or not.  
If he wakes him up now, Charlie might not have the energy to stay awake for everything he has planned tomorrow.  
But he’s so bored...

Well, nobody said you had to wake someone up before adding a few extra scars to their collection, right?

It didn’t take long for him to reach Charlie, considering how small the chamber is.  
He kneeled down next to him, observing him for a second before getting to the fun bit.

So vulnerable.  
So naive.  
So perfectly laid out for his amusement.

He ran the blade lightly over Charlie’s neck, wondering what it would be like to actually slit it.  
He can’t kill him. He’s too much fun.  
But if he ever stops being fun, then maybe he’ll get the answer to this burning question.

He left a small, almost unnoticeable cut around Charlie’s collarbone.  
The musician stirred, but didn’t quite wake up.  
He rolled his eyes, wishing he didn’t have to be so careful.

Too much pressure, and the pain will wake Charlie up.  
But too little, and this will be nothing more than a self-inflicted tease.

He slowly pulled at one of Charlie’s sleeves.  
Of course the brat would pick tonight of all nights to wear his hoodie...  
He knows there’s a t-shirt underneath it though, which will make this a lot easier.

He couldn’t help but smile when he finally got the sleeve rolled completely up, exposing Charlie’s arm.  
Charlie doesn’t have any scars forming here, yet.  
He might have to change that tonight.

He likes to think he’s been rather kind to Charlie but sparing his arms for the most part.  
He never cuts them quite deep enough to leave a lasting gash.  
He’s much more fond of leaving them in harder to reach places. Where Charlie knows they’re there, and he knows they’re there, but they’re not constantly visible.  
It makes it more fun.  
For him, at least. To Charlie, it’s probably worse.  
Having hidden little gashes all over his body is probably like torture.  
Good. That’s exactly what he wants it to feel like.

Charlie has probably cried over it.  
Does he care? No, not really.  
In fact, he wishes he would’ve been there to see the tears fall.  
Would’ve been amusing.

Just as he was about to cut into the still nearly untouched skin, he heard a soft whisper next to him.

“Sawyer...?” Charlie’s half-asleep, groggy voice called.  
He glared at the musician for that.  
For one, he hates even hearing that redneck waste of space’s name.  
But Charlie’s timing is god awful too.

There was a flash of realization in Charlie’s eyes, and that actually sort of made up for their interruption.  
The feeling of power and complete control he got from seeing that look made his smirk return in full-force.

Charlie sat up quickly, tugging his sleeve back down and scrambling farther away from his abuser.  
“What the hell?!” The musician shrieked, clutching his arm like it was bleeding or something.

How much of an idiot is he?  
He hasn’t even cut that pretty little limb yet...although he might still be able to.

“Sit still.” He commanded Charlie like a dog. His voice empty of any sympathy.  
All he wants is control.  
And he knows Charlie will let him have it.

Charlie sat shaking, frozen in fear as those terrified blue eyes followed every little movement he made.  
He laughed a little at that, kneeling down in front at his helpless little toy.

“Scared?” He asked, not expecting a response.  
As expected, Charlie didn’t reply, he just began to cry like he always does.  
Such a whiny little thing...sometimes it’s borderline annoying.  
Charlie squirms, too. Which makes his job so much harder when he’s just looking for a quick rush from the musician’s pain.

He puts up with it, though.  
In the end, Charlie brings him more satisfaction than anyone else.  
His perfect little plaything.  
If only he wasn’t so obsessed with running away with that wannabe cowboy...  
Then again, he’d probably be less satisfied if Charlie actually enjoyed any of this.  
The fear and constant sobbing is part of the fun.

Charlie’s pain is his pleasure.  
The musician’s suffering is his serotonin.  
It’s a vicious cycle, and he’s never felt more alive being apart of it.

Charlie is something to take everything out on.  
Because Charlie will take it. He’s too much of a people-pleaser to deny any of it.  
Or maybe he’s is just too tied up in this web that’s been spun especially for him to realize how horrid this truly is.

And by horrid, of course he means beautiful.

He placed his hand on Charlie’s shoulder, keeping him held down on his knees as he kneeled in front of the man he used to consider a lover.  
Charlie flinched.  
And he didn’t like that very much.

“I said...” He started, bringing the blade up to Charlie’s cheek threateningly.  
He’d never cut it, though.  
He likes Charlie’s face the way it is.  
Nothing gets in the way of his terror.  
No scars.  
Just pure fear.  
“...sit still.”

Charlie shuddered, nodding slowly as he stared at the cold steel pressed against his cheek.  
“Y-yes...I understand...”

Hearing Charlie finally say that only glorified him even more.  
It’s like music to his ears.  
Much better than anything he’s heard Charlie sing in the past.

“Good.”

Charlie didn’t dare move after that.  
He couldn’t risk it.  
He tried to stay silent, but he let a few noises slip here and there.  
Charlie knows what Jacob wants from him. He knows the rules he’s supposed to follow. He knows his place.  
But he’s bleeding, and he’s in pain, so can you really blame him?

Jacob can. And he’s not very fond of Charlie’s constant whining.  
Makes everything harder...

“Jacob...stop...I’ll do anything just...please...”

There’s that whining again.  
Every time, without fail, Charlie finds some way to be a killjoy.

So he pressed the blade down harder.  
Charlie screamed, but that was the kind of noise he actually enjoyed.

And then it all stopped.  
Charlie seemed to have gone limp.  
The noises settled to nothing more than panicked breathing, which slowly began to revert to normal as well.  
Charlie ‘shut down’ again.  
He’s not quite sure how that whole thing really works, but if it gets Charlie to stop whining, he doesn’t need to know.

He peered up at Charlie’s face, just to make sure he was right...  
Sure enough, there’s that look.  
His eyes are open, but there’s not a lot there. Those usually bright, sickeningly soft blue eyes look dull.  
It’s like he’s playing dead.

Now THAT is impressive. Maybe Charlie does have some talent after all.

He can finally do this in peace.  
It’s just like if Charlie would’ve been asleep this whole time.  
Minus any extra squirming or whimpering, of course.  
He’s got full, unhindered access to do whatever he wants.

In the back of his mind, he wonders if Charlie really doesn’t feel any of this.  
He hopes that maybe, someday, all this shutting down will come back to haunt the musician.  
All the memories he tried to erase and repress. Every feeling he thought he was safe from.

And that made him laugh.  
Maybe letting Charlie live past his expiration date is still an option.  
Maybe, even after the rockstar has outstayed his welcome, keeping him alive just to watch him spiral will be fun.

Charlie’s perfect in all the most pathetic ways.  
He has too good of a heart to try and fight back. Wouldn’t want to hurt anyone, right?

He’s thought about dragging Charlie out to that little Dharma neighborhood he seems to fond of.  
Humiliating him.  
Letting that conman see Charlie all battered and bruised. How utterly broken the musician is now.

He’s starting to like that idea a lot.  
But then, of course, that would throw everything off balance.  
As soon as Sawyer finds out that Charlie is alive, he’ll go on a rampage to save his long lost love.

And as fun as that may be to watch, he can’t risk sending the survivors off course.  
So he’ll keep Charlie as his little secret.  
His favorite plaything that nobody else is allowed to see or touch.

He let’s go of his reservations on scarring up Charlie’s arms.  
After all, it’s their little secret. Nobody else will ever see Charlie again.  
So he can have a little fun while Charlie is still of use to him.

As he continued to have his fun, Charlie laid completely motionless.  
Not a sign of consciousness remained in those now indifferent looking blue eyes.

He frowned a little at that.  
As annoying as all the whining and squirming is, not having any screaming or terrified pleas for mercy is kinda disappointing.

So he tried to think back to the last time he kneeled over Charlie like this.  
Nope, he had shut down then too.

The first time, though...  
Now that was a night he’ll never forget.

The way Charlie seemed to realize that he really didn’t care if the musician wanted any of this or not.  
The way Charlie actually tried to fight back. Before he broke that pretty little mind of his and kept him from resisting any longer.

Charlie didn’t shut down back then.  
He didn’t know how.  
He was conscious through the whole thing, and he was utterly powerless, growing weaker and weaker the longer it dragged on.

He laughed again, louder this time.  
That memory never ceases to get a chuckle or two out of him.  
Charlie had let out some pretty good screams that night, too. Most of the time he had been begging for his conman hero to come rescue him.  
But when he eventually gave up on that, not even bothering to beg for it all to end and just straight up screaming...

That made all the pleas for his long lost love worth sitting through.

•

Charlie regained consciousness about an hour after he was already through with his scarring-spree.

He only realized the musician was awake when he heard a soft groan from the other end of the chamber, followed by some pained noises.  
Not the screams he wanted, but they’ll suffice until tomorrow.

“Welcome back.” He spoke, seeing Charlie’s little startled jump out of the corner of his eye.  
Having that affect on the rockstar makes him incredibly proud.

“D-did...did you...” Charlie stammered, nervous and trembling with a mix of fear and disgust.

He shook his head, sighing as finally looked over his shoulder at the trembling mess on the chamber floor.  
“No. Not tonight. I wasn’t in the mood for anything more than a little bleeding.” He said it like Charlie should feel grateful.  
And to him, the little pest should. He could have easily had his way completely, but he spared him the full extent of that torture tonight.

“Thank you...” Charlie mumbled in response, feeling a little repulsed by how quickly he had said that.  
How did this even happen to him? Why is he bowing down like he’s some pet now?  
Because he’s terrified, that’s why.

“That’s good.” He praised Charlie, mostly just so he can insure the has-been-rockstar will keep up his obedience in the future.  
“You’re getting better at that.”

He ignored the choked sobbed from behind him as Charlie broke down from shame.  
He ignored the silent cursing of his name and the pleas for Sawyer that inevitably fell out again.  
He ignored Charlie’s pained noises as his hoodie rubbed against his fresh wounds as he cried.

He didn’t ignore the gleeful feeling he got at hearing all of it.

•

•

•

~•Drugcon•~

Charlie’s eyes fluttered open slowly.  
As he eased back into consciousness, he was suddenly aware of the strong arms wrapped firmly around him.

“Sawyer...” He sighed, melting back into the ex-conman slowly.

“The one and only.”

Charlie flipped around, smiling as he finally got to see that gorgeous face for the first time today.  
Sawyer moved one his hands from around his boyfriend, opting to let is rest on the musician’s cheek as he admired him.  
Charlie brushed his fingers slowly over Sawyer’s hand, so light that it barely felt real.

“What time is it...?” Charlie asked, still a little drowsy despite having slept the day away.

“Seven thirty last time I checked.” Sawyer responded, trying to hold back a laugh at the surprised look on Charlie’s face.

“Oh...” Charlie said softly, a little embarrassed that he slept that long.  
But it was nice. And it’s the first solid sleep he’s gotten in a very long time.  
Sawyer kissed his forehead gently, pulling him out of his thoughts.

“I’m glad you got some rest. You deserved it.”

Charlie just nodded, snuggling further into Sawyer.  
They should probably get up and eat dinner or something...but...he kinda just wants to keep laying here like this.

But judging by how Sawyer is shifting, they’ll probably be getting up soon anyways.  
“Wait right here.” The ex-conman said quickly as he moved off of the bed, leaving Charlie alone and without his cuddles.

Charlie almost protested, but Sawyer was already gone by the time he found what he wanted to say.  
So he whined to himself, burying his face back into the pillow as he waited for Sawyer to return.  
He just wants kisses. Is that too much to ask?  
And cuddles, too.  
And pretty much every little bit of affection he can get because he hasn’t had any love from his boyfriend all day.

“You’re taking forever!” He yelled, hoping Sawyer didn’t get sidetracked or something.  
No response.  
Oh, why must his beloved boyfriend be so deaf sometimes?

Before he could yell again, he heard hurried footsteps coming back up the stairs.  
Okay, maybe yelling wasn’t the best idea. Sawyer might be panicked now.

“I’m sorry love I didn’t mean to-“  
He stopped himself when Sawyer finally walked through the door, grinning despite how worried Charlie sounded.

He brought him sunflowers...

“I...I’m not sick, you know...” He mumbled, letting Sawyer hand him the bouquet.  
They’re wonderful...he just feels a little guilty that Sawyer went through all that trouble for him.

“Yeah, but you went through a lot last night, hun.”  
Sawyer was next to him again in a flash, wrapping an arm around him and pulling him closer.

“Thank you...”

“Anytime, angel.”

There was a brief silence.  
A comfortable, warm silence.  
Charlie places the flowers on his nightstand, earning a quick confused look from Sawyer.

And then he pounced.

He was in Sawyer’s lap immediately, suddenly having the surge of energy he needed.  
He kissed him with more motivation then he’s probably ever had. And Sawyer let him have his fun. Let him take the wheel here because Charlie needs to be in control right now.

Once he gets going, he just doesn’t stop.  
So nudging Charlie to try and get him to break away for air wasn’t really working.  
Okay, so maybe Sawyer is gonna have to take a little bit of control.

He flipped them around, pushing Charlie back against the pillows.  
Only then did the musician stop for long enough for Sawyer to pull away, the ex-conman somewhat regretting his decision.  
But he can’t exactly kiss his sunshine if he passes out.

“Calm down there, sweetheart...” Sawyer chuckled, watching as Charlie tried to catch his breath underneath him.  
“Don’t wanna get too crazy after...well, ya know.”

“Do I?” Charlie asked, his tone still playful but he seemed a tad more serious.  
“I honestly don’t remember much of what happened.”

Sawyer just blinked at him.  
“What?”

“I don’t remember what happened, that’s all.” Charlie shrugged, acting like this was all perfectly normal.

“You don’t...remember...” Sawyer said slowly, and Charlie just stared up at him in confusion.  
“I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not...”

“Let’s just assume that it’s good, okay?” Charlie tried to bring the mood back around, offering a soft smile to his worried boyfriend.

Sawyer smiled, but in the back of his mind, it still seemed a little odd.  
“Alright...I guess that works for me.”

“Good. Now can I have a kiss?”  
He got a little deja vu from saying that, but shook it off.

Sawyer didn’t respond.  
He just leaned back down, pulling Charlie back in for a much slower, less desperate kiss.  
Charlie seemed relatively okay with it, squirming a little at how slow it was going but enjoying himself nonetheless.

They both got lost in it.  
Letting themselves melt into each other.  
This is their safe space.  
They don’t have to hide anything here.  
It’s just them. In their own little world.

•

Charlie jolted awake, panicked and sweaty.  
Another nightmare...  
He tried to calm himself down, not wanting to wake Sawyer, but his heart was absolutely racing.

He squeezed Sawyer’s hand tighter.  
Holding on to it like it’s the anchor for his sanity.

“Hey...” Sawyer’s sleepy voice breaks through Charlie’s panicked silence, and the ex-conman’s soft smile is somewhat visible in the darkness.  
“You’re okay, sunshine...I gotcha...” He reassures the musician despite not knowing what he’s so worked up about.  
He doesn’t need to know.  
He just needs Charlie to feel safe.

“I know...” Charlie whispered back, managing to smile despite his frantic breathing.  
He began to calm down a little, relaxing more and more as he just stared into those beautiful green eyes across from him.

“I’m the only thing here, okay...?” Sawyer’s voice was so soothing given the current situation, lulling Charlie back into a sense of security.  
“I’ll protect you...no matter what...” He lifted their intertwined hands for a moment, just so he could place a soft kiss on one of Charlie’s scars.  
“Nobody can hurt you anymore...”

Charlie nodded, tears slowly forming in his eyes as Sawyer continued to kiss down his arm, brushing over every scar.  
Sawyer knows where all of them are. He’s studied Charlie’s scars, memorizing every one of them.  
He hates how many his poor rockstar has. He wants to make them go away for him, but he knows he can’t.

“Sawyer...” Charlie’s breath hitched a little as Sawyer eventually reached his lover’s face, resting his head against Charlie’s for a second.

“I love you, sweetheart...nothing will ever change that...” Sawyer whispered, kissing Charlie’s cheek softly.  
The gesture sent Charlie into a full-on sob. Sawyer doesn’t even know about the whole incident with ‘Jacob’ back on the island, and yet somehow he managed to find the exact spot where he had been cut...  
This man is magic or something. That’s the only explanation.

“I-I...” Charlie started, trying to talk between his sobs.  
Sawyer just shook his head, pulling Charlie closer until he was curled up against the ex-conman’s chest.

“I know...” Sawyer continued to soothe him, threading his hand through Charlie’s hair slowly.  
“Go back to sleep...you’ll be okay...”

Charlie nodded, but knew he wasn’t going to be getting anymore sleep tonight.  
He faked it, though.  
He did the whole act of closing his eyes and steadying his breathing, just to satisfy his concerned boyfriend.

He’ll probably get up and go make some tea or something eventually.  
He just has to craft his plan of getting out of bed without Sawyer noticing before he tries anything.

He appreciates the sympathy and the sweet sentiments, but he just can’t sleep knowing he’s going to be tortured even when he’s unconscious.

Being sleep-deprived but safe and conscious in Sawyer’s arms beats fighting a dream-Jacob and screaming his lover’s name.

•

Charlie sighed as he took a sip of the tea he’d whipped up, slumping back against the kitchen counter.  
It’s early. Probably too early for him to be awake still, but he doesn’t really care.  
Or...is it late?  
Technically it’s two in the morning but people usually tell him that’s late.  
But it’s the morning?  
Time is so confusing...  
Ah, whatever.

This tea is good.  
Nice and warm.  
Not as warm as their bed, though...  
But he’s not tired.  
Okay, he’s kinda tired.  
But he doesn’t wanna sleep.  
Okay, he wants to sleep.  
But he doesn’t want the nightmares that come with it.

“There you are...” A gravelly, tired southern voice broke his train of thought.  
Sawyer’s pretty good at doing that.  
Pulling his head out of the clouds.  
Or would ceiling be more accurate?  
They’re not outside so he couldn’t possibly reach the-  
“Charlie? You okay?”

Oh. Right. He needs to respond.  
“Hm? Oh, yeah I’m fine...” He laughed, setting his tea down on the counter.

“You’re shaking...” Sawyer said softly, suddenly much closer than he had been a few moments ago.  
He’s shaking? Huh, he didn’t even notice.

He did, however, notice Sawyer’s hand trailing up his arm, causing him to shudder a little as it finally stopped at his shoulder.  
Sawyer wiped his thumb over the area where he remembers the scar being, staring at it sympathetically.

Charlie couldn’t speak.  
The words got caught in his throat.  
He’s more aware of his shaking now, though.

Sawyer’s other hand trails down Charlie’s other arm, running over some of the marks there as well.  
Three. There’s three there.  
Good...that’s the same amount he’s always had. He can’t feel any fresh ones.

That same hand slips down, gliding over Charlie’s leg.  
The musician is still frozen.  
That’s okay.  
He has work to do. He can calm Charlie down once he’s made sure he’s okay.

There’s quite a few on his legs.  
But luckily, he can’t feel any new ones.  
He brushes over a particular scar, and Charlie’s breath hitches.

“Shhh...it’s okay...I’m just tryna take care of ya...” Sawyer whispers, closing his eyes as he pulls Charlie in for a comforting kiss.  
Charlie is still trembling, but he doesn’t resist, wrapping a shaky arm around Sawyer.  
He moves his other hand to the ex-conman’s back, moving up towards the back of his shoulder, stopping in the area where Sawyer had been shot back on the island. 

Sawyer pulls away, giving Charlie a confused look.  
He just smiles, eyes watering a tad as Sawyer’s hand continues to seek out his scars.  
“You’re not the only one who’s been keeping track...” He mumbles, moving his hand around to Sawyer’s arm, swiping his thumb over a particular area.

Back on the island, Sawyer had accidentally triggered one of the many traps spread out in the jungle.  
Charlie had managed to push him out of the way, but the arrow that was launched from that very trap had still grazed Sawyer’s arm, leaving a nasty gash that didn’t fade for quite some time.

Sawyer gave a nervous laugh, not expecting Charlie to have remembered such a small thing.

Charlie’s hand began to move again, sliding down Sawyer’s arm until he found his hand.  
He took it slowly, interrupting Sawyer’s inspection.

“I’m okay, darling. I swear.”  
Charlie smiled, grabbing Sawyer’s other hand and bringing it up to his cheek.  
“You don’t have to worry...”

Sawyer bit his lip, staring at Charlie with a hint of guilt.  
“Do you remember anything from last night? Anything at all?”

Charlie’s smile faded.  
Why is he bringing this up now?  
He let Sawyer’s hand fall from his cheek, feeling the ex-conman settle it on his hip instead.  
“No...not really...just a bunch of yelling.” He stared at the floor, furrowing his brow as he tried to pick his brain for any memories.  
“...I just...woke up feeling kind of sore. And you’ve been hovering all day. But I don’t remember anything.”

Sawyer sighed, refusing to make eye contact with Charlie as he turned his head away.  
“That’s fine...just forget I said anything.”

Charlie moved his hand suddenly, guiding Sawyer’s face back towards him, forcing the ex-conman to look him in the eyes.  
“What happened?”

“I told you just forget that I-“

“James.” Charlie’s tone became stern, and Sawyer shivered a little.  
He never calls him James unless he’s seriously pissed at him.  
“Don’t even try it. Don’t leave me in the dark.”

Sawyer just stared at him.  
And Charlie stared back. That determined fire in his eyes was a little intimidating.

“Fine. But you ain’t gonna like it.”

Charlie nodded, satisfied enough by that answer.  
He was expecting Sawyer to get straight to the story, but instead the ex-conman nudged him, urging him to leave the kitchen.  
He guided the musician to the couch, sitting down next to him with a heavy sigh.

“You sure you wanna hear this?”

“Definitely.”

The explanation started rather smoothly.  
Charlie freaked out, and Sawyer came to his rescue.  
Nothing too out of the ordinary.  
But that wasn’t the part Sawyer had been concerned about.

“...you thought I was Jacob.”

Sawyer hated the look on Charlie’s face after he said that.  
The way he seemed to shift from mildly concerned to downright horrified.

“I’m sorry...I what?” He was in utter disbelief.  
He thought those hallucinations were over.  
He hasn’t had one about Jacob for months now. How come they just suddenly popped back up?

“You heard me.” Sawyer came off a little harsher than he had wanted to with that.  
He’s not mad at Charlie.  
He could never be mad at him over something so out of his control.  
He’s just pissed at the whole situation.

“I...I have no idea why...I thought that part was over...” Charlie laughed a little as he spoke, dumbfounded and nervous.  
His leg is doing that bouncy thing. He does it unconsciously whenever he’s nervous.  
He fidgets. His body seems to work against him and does stupid stuff for no reason.

It feels hard to breathe. Like he’s suffocating.  
Like he’s drowning all over again.  
He can’t catch his breathe.  
The room is closing in.  
He can’t do this again.  
He just can’t.

He’s shaking again.  
Trembling harder than he had been in the kitchen.  
Deep down he must’ve known. Must’ve remembered. That’s the only explanation he has for how anxious he’s been all day.

Everything is flooding back.  
Not the events of his previous episode, oh no no no.

His memories of Jacob.  
Back again.  
He never lost them, but he had tried to keep them blocked out.  
He can still feel it...he can still feel all of it.  
He feels disgusting. Dirty. But no shower can fix it.

His mind is racing just as fast as his heart is.  
He feels like he’s gonna pass out.  
Oh god he’s gonna-

When Sawyer’s hand began to rest gently on his knee, warm and reassuring, suddenly everything stops.  
His thoughts.  
His leg.  
The memories.  
And he can breathe again. The walls have stopped closing in and he feels safe.

Charlie finally manages to catch his breath, his shaking reducing to nothing but soft shivers instead of violent shudders.  
He looks over at Sawyer, the hero of the night yet again, basking in the safety of his soft look.  
“There’s my angel...” Sawyer smiles, squeezing his knee gently, comfortingly.  
“You spaced for a bit. Can’t help but think I might’ve had somethin’ to do with that.”

“No...no it wasn’t you. It’s just-“

“It’s a lot, I know. But honey...” He looks away for a moment, considering his next words.  
“I don’t think these are gonna stop anytime soon. If they ever do.”  
It hurt him to say it aloud even more than it hurt to think it. But it’s probably the truth.

Charlie nodded, feeling the pit in his stomach grow the more he thought about it.  
He can’t ever forget what happened.  
A full recovery isn’t exactly in the cards for him, not in this lifetime, at least.

“Hey...look at me.” Sawyer said softly, coaxing Charlie’s face towards his own with his hand.  
He shifted the musician around a bit, pulling him halfway into his lap.  
“You’re my strong little island man.” He smiled when he got a soft laugh for that one, and that urged him to continue.  
“You survived ten years of nothing but pain and mosquito bites.”  
Another, more cheerful laugh. Good. His ‘make Charlie get his mind off the more glum side of this all’ plan is working.  
“You can survive this.”

Charlie took the whole speech in for a moment, then nodded, taking Sawyer’s hand and giving it a quick squeeze.  
“As long as I have my charming...” He started, leaning closer to Sawyer. “...clumsy...” He placed a hand on the ex-conman’s shoulder, moving closer towards his lips to stun Sawyer before he could say anything. “...adorable cowboy there with me.”  
He laid a soft kiss on Sawyer’s lips before pulling back, grinning as if he hadn’t been on the verge of a panic attack a few minutes ago.

Sawyer was a little shocked for a second, having to soak in those last few moments.  
But he quickly came back to his senses, smirking and pulling Charlie fully into his lap this time.  
“Trust me. You wouldn’t be able to get rid of me if you tried...”  
Flirting like this after such a serious conversation seemed odd to him, but he ignored his brain’s nagging, convincing himself that this is okay.

Charlie returned the smirk with his own devious grin, wishing Sawyer was wearing a shirt so he had a collar to tug on.  
Or anything, for that matter. Then again, the positives of his boyfriend walking around without a shirt heavily out way the negatives.  
“Good. Because you’re stuck with me, too.” He wrapped his arms around Sawyer’s neck, smile growing wider along with his lover’s grin.

They continued on like that for a while.  
Shamelessly flirting and kissing each other like it wasn’t almost three in the morning.  
Charlie had nearly forgotten about their previous conversation.  
Nearly being the keyword here. Because despite how the mood had shifted, Sawyer still wasn’t done with his scar inspection yet.

Charlie still had enough sense about him to feel Sawyer’s hand slowly creeping up under his t-shirt, something with the musician was really not expecting.  
“What are you-“

“Don’t worry.” Sawyer interrupted him, offering him a warm, comforting smile.  
“I’m not trying to do...ya know...THAT. I just have to check something is all.”

Charlie gave him a skeptical look, but nodded, letting Sawyer’s hand explore to it’s heart’s content.  
He continued to kiss the ex-conman despite the very distracting feeling of his hand, but he managed to somewhat focus on the kiss rather than the other sensation.

Sawyer ran his hand over Charlie’s stomach, counting the marks in his head, a little distracted by the seemingly endless kisses but he managed to focus.  
Four.  
There’s still only four.  
He slumped with relief, moving his hand out from under Charlie’s shirt and around to his back.

Charlie finally let him breathe, pulling away with a light gasp.  
“So what was that all about? With the whole hand-under-shirt thing?”

Sawyer just shook his head, kissing Charlie’s nose to throw the musician off guard.  
“Nothin’. Just finishin’ what we started back in the kitchen.”

Charlie gave an understanding hum, scanning over Sawyer for a second before frowning.

“What?” The ex-conman questioned, trying to keep himself from chuckling at Charlie’s pout.

“I can’t remember any other places where you were hurt...” Charlie huffed, glaring at...nothing, really.  
“And I’m mad that I’m upset about you not having any scars for me to...do that...hand scanny-thingy to!” He groaned, continuing to pout as Sawyer just laughed.

“I think that’s a positive thing, sunshine.”

They seem to end up in these silent moments a lot.  
They’re not bad, just...kinda weird. And way too frequent.

“...can you do it again?” Charlie asked softly, and Sawyer tilted in his head in confusion.

“You’re gonna have to be more specific.”  
Sawyer had an idea of what he wanted, but he would like Charlie to actually say it.  
For...many reasons. Most of which have to do with Charlie’s well-being.  
And maybe he would just like to hear Charlie actually telling him what he wants for once.

“Don’t make me say it...” Charlie whimpered, refusing to make eye contact with the ex-conman.

“I’m gonna make you say it.”

“No...”

“Yes.”

“No!”

“Yes.”

“Fine! Just...” He grabbed Sawyer’s hand, guiding it back around his waist, resting it at the hem of his shirt.  
“Can you...’inspect’ me again?”  
Sawyer smirked, quirking a brow as he kept his hand still.  
“It’s comforting, okay!? Don’t look at me like that! It’s not weird I just thought it was nice and kinda hot but in a soothing way and I just really-“

Sawyer cut his rambling off with a quick kiss, silencing the musician as he complied with his request.

He can’t believe he’s about to do this at three in the morning.  
Oh well. He can work on three hours of sleep, right?

•

“Sawyer?”

“Yeah?”

“I can’t sleep.

“Yeah. I can tell.”

These are the oh-so intelligent conversations the two of them have at five in the fricken morning.  
Sawyer was hoping that after he got Charlie to take another shower, throw on his favorite robe, and pamper him with light kisses and cuddles, that he’d finally sleep.  
Nope. He’s clearly still hyper.

“...are you still awake?” Charlie asked softly, staring at Sawyer intently.

“Yup.” Sawyer sighed.  
How can he sleep? He’s got a certain moth staring at him and it’s making it very hard to even concentrate.

“Okay...just curious...” The musician mumbled, burying his face in Sawyer’s chest once again.  
He doesn’t feel tired.  
At all.  
Maybe it has something to do with sleeping for most of the day, but he’s bursting with energy.

...

“Sawyer?”

“Yes, Charlie?” He groaned.  
He was just on the verge of dozing off...  
But this is Charlie.  
The love of his life.  
His everything.  
He can’t snap at him.

“Never mind...” Charlie backed off at Sawyer’s annoyed tone, which worried his lover a little.

“Hey...what’s up? I’m not mad...” Sawyer reassured him, running his hand through Charlie’s messy hair for extra reassurance.  
The musician smiled, closing his eyes at last.

“Is there anything I can do?”  
Confused silence...  
“To help you sleep, I mean.”  
Oh. Okay that makes more sense.

“Uh...I don’t know...” Sawyer replied nervously, a little more tense now that he’s been kinda put on the spot here.  
He’s pretty horrendous when it comes to asking for things. Well, wholesome things, mostly.  
But maybe this is payback for forcing Charlie to communicate with him earlier. They’re pretty good at pushing each other out of their comfort zones.  
“Can you sing?”

Charlie giggled a little at first, but eventually nodded.  
“Of course I can...anything specific you’re wanting?”

“Just...sing whatever you want. I don’t know. I just need to hear your voice.”

“Alright then...”

Sawyer let his eyes fall closed as Charlie cleared his throat, squirming a little as he prepped himself for this oncoming performance.

Anytime now...  
Sawyer was getting a little nervous waiting on Charlie.  
He was kinda...dragging it out.

“You may not know this one.” Charlie cautioned him, to which Sawyer just rolled his eyes.

“If you like it, I’ve probably memorized it by now.”

Charlie laughed a little again, but judging by how quickly he hushed himself, he’s gonna get this show on the road pretty soon.

When Charlie’s voice broke through the silence again, it was soft. Gentle and soothing.  
And the sound was enough on it’s own to start lulling the ex-conman to sleep.  
“You thought...by now...you’d have it figured out...”

“You can’t...erase...the way it pulls when seasons change...”

Ah, yeah, he knows this one.  
Sad but sweet.  
Not exactly his first choice for a lullaby, but Charlie sings it whenever he needs comfort.  
And maybe that’s why he’s singing it now. Maybe he picked up on Sawyer’s discomfort, or maybe it’s for his own.

“It hurts...sometimes...to find where you begin...”  
The musician shifted a little, scooting up so he was closer to Sawyer’s face.  
Sawyer was already half-asleep by now.  
Charlie continued to sing, though. 

“But you are...perfect...porcelain...” He muttered that last line as quietly as he could, kissing Sawyer’s cheek softly after he was sure his boyfriend had fallen asleep.

“Sleep well, love...” Charlie whispered, smiling as he tucked a bit of Sawyer’s hair behind his ear.

He knows Sawyer is having a rough time dealing with his shenanigans.  
His episodes are taking a tole on more than just his own health.  
And he wants to do better.  
Take care of Sawyer the way he deserves to be taken care of.

•

Charlie yawned a tad as he slowly began to wake up.  
He tried to move, but...  
There’s a certain southern mass laying on top of him.

“Sawyer?” He was confused to say the least.  
Sawyer should be at work, not here.  
He’s not necessarily complaining about the extra snuggles, but...

Sawyer made a small grunt, but didn’t budge, snuggling further into Charlie instead.

“Sawyer...you need to be at work...” Charlie tried his best to nudge him, but given the fact that he’s trapped underneath him, it’s kinda hard.  
He went fro plan B, patting the ex-conman’s back to try and emphasize that he needs to get up.  
Nope nothin.

“No. I already called in. I need this...” The ex-conman whined.  
Fricken WHINED.  
Charlie snickered a little at that, trying to hold back his amusement.  
He managed to get an arm around Sawyer, his hand wandering up into Sawyer’s hair fairly easily.  
He sighed in defeat, deciding that maybe letting Sawyer just rest against his chest was the best option.

“They’re gonna be livid with me...constantly keeping you here.”

“Let ‘em be...they lay a hand on you and they’re dead anyways sooo....”

Charlie just laughed, but the sound was cut off when Sawyer lunged suddenly, pulling the musician into a slow kiss.  
He let out a surprised hum at the surprising move, his hand still tangled in Sawyer’s hair.

Sawyer eventually (and reluctantly) had to pull away, leaving a flustered, breathless Charlie underneath him.  
“You okay down there?”

“Never been better...” Charlie gave a breathy laugh, closing his eyes for a second.  
He’s a bit dizzy after, well, THAT. But he can handle it.

“I don’t wanna deal with the idiots at the department right now.” Sawyer started, leaning back down so there was barely any room between them again.  
“I just wanna do this...” He kissed Charlie quickly, pulling away before the musician could continue it.

“And this...” He continued, kissing Charlie’s cheek before he moved down, kissing Charlie’s collarbone.  
There was the faintest impression of a scar there, but it wasn’t very viable. He’s not even sure Charlie notices it half the time.

Sawyer moved his hands up Charlie’s arms, slowly but surely getting the musician more riled up.  
Teasing Charlie has always been pretty fun, even if the musician whines about it sometimes, Sawyer knows he enjoys it.

He stopped whenever he found Charlie’s hands, taking them firmly in his own.  
The musician remained silent, shuddering and watching Sawyer’s movements intently.  
“And a lil’ bit of this.”

As he was about to continue, a loud, annoying sound interrupted them.  
Charlie’s phone is ringing.  
Of course.  
What great timing...

They both groaned in unison, neither one of them wanting to go see who it was.  
Why is the universe seemingly against them? They just want five seconds of intimacy without someone or something barging in on them.

“It’s your phone...” Sawyer sighed, closing his eyes to try and calm himself down so he wouldn’t scream at whoever was interrupting them.

Charlie flipped himself around, scrambling to the other side of bed and snatching his phone off the nightstand.  
“Charlie Pa...” He started, looking back at Sawyer for a second. He continued to stare at the ex-conman as he spoke again. “...Ford. Charlie Ford speaking.”  
He smirked as he spoke, adding a quick wink at the end just for Sawyer to see.

And Sawyer, well...  
Needless to say he wasn’t expecting that.  
That’s the first time he’s ever heard Charlie actually use his last name.  
Sure, they’re not married yet, just promised, but...  
Damn if his heart didn’t skip a beat when he heard that.

Charlie’s conversation with the unknown caller only lasted for a bit.  
Sadly, talking required him to shift his attention to the phone, forcing him to stop looking over his shoulder at the bewildered ex-conman.  
He said something about them having the wrong number.  
Sawyer isn’t exactly sure. He was too focused on slowly moving towards Charlie again.

He managed to sneak up on the musician, wrapping his arms around him as he scooted back on top of him.  
He buried his face in Charlie’s neck, patiently waiting for him to get done checking his notifications.  
When Charlie frowned, he decided now was a good time to start prying a bit.

“What’s the matter, sweetheart?” He asked, kissing Charlie’s ear quickly.  
Charlie smiled for a second before shaking his head, tossing his phone down onto the pillow.

“Jess has started calling me a ‘tight job’ and I have no idea why.” Charlie sighed, sounding genuinely concerned.  
Sawyer snickered at that, hiding in Charlie’s neck again as the rockstar gave him a curious look.  
“What? Do you know why?”

“I may...” Sawyer continued to chuckle a little, much to Charlie’s confusion.

“I...don’t think I want to know.”

“I could give you a demonstration.” Sawyer offered, that familiar suggestive glint in his eyes.  
And that caused Charlie to grin.

“I’m interested now...”

You know what time it is.  
Science project time, baby.

•

Sawyer stepped out of the shower and into their bedroom, only to find his beloved dangling halfway off the side of the bed, staring in his direction with a small smirk.

“There’s my favorite cop.” Charlie said gleefully as he sat back up, a little dizzy from hanging that way for so long.

“You got everything ready?” Sawyer asked, dismissing Charlie’s flirting. As much as he would like to start another pickup line war, he just took a shower, and Charlie still needs to get cleaned up.  
He would’ve had his moth take a shower first, but he insisted that he wanted to let Sawyer use the bathrobe for a few minutes.

“Let’s see...” Charlie started, sitting up and watching carefully as Sawyer began his best attempt at brushing his hair.  
“I found a cheesy romantic movie for us to watch...the popcorn is sitting in the microwave...and I’ve stolen another one of your shirts to wear.”

“Yup. We got everything.” Sawyer chuckled, a little startled when he felt Charlie’s hand slowly snake around his wrist, releasing his grip on the brush.  
“What do you think you’re-“

“You’re rubbish at brushing your hair. Trust me, I know, I’m the one who plays with it all the time.”  
Charlie teased, running his fingers through Sawyer’s hair quickly before he got to brushing.

Sawyer almost came back at him, but stopped himself, just letting himself sink back and enjoy the moment.

This reminds him a lot of a few moments back on the island...  
The hair brush, for one. When he’d brushed Charlie’s hair and that sneaky little moth flipped the situation at the first opportunity.  
And when he was shot.  
Charlie being behind him like this, making snarky remarks, doing small little things that probably shouldn’t be as hot as they are...

It’s all so familiar.  
And yet so fresh at the same time.

“You really did a subpar job with this, love.”

“Hey! I thought you liked my hair...” Sawyer protested, looking down in embarrassment.  
Charlie just laughed lightly behind him.

“I adore your hair...I’m just not very fond of the way you brush it. It’s simple, really.”

“Wow. Rude much, angel?”

Charlie kissed his hair quickly, nuzzling the back of his head for a moment.  
“Don’t be offended, love. You know I’m just joking.”  
He leaned over Sawyer’s shoulder a bit more, bringing his free hand up to tilt Sawyer’s face towards his.  
He didn’t kiss him yet, though. He’s waiting for Sawyer to initiate it.

“I couldn’t stay mad at you if I tried.” Sawyer chuckled, accepting Charlie’s apology kiss.  
Oh how easily he’s defeated now.  
Eh, whatever. If defeat means kisses, he’ll gladly lose.

“Perfect!” Charlie exclaimed with glee once he finally finished, still sort of playing with it as he admired his work.

“Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way...”  
Sawyer gently pushed Charlie back so he could scoot back as well.  
“I think it’s time for you to get cleaned up.”

Charlie nodded, giving Sawyer a quick peck on the cheek before he hopped off the bed.  
“I guess I should shower, then.”

“And I’ll get the popcorn.”

They shared a quick smile before they both headed off to do their own tasks.  
Sawyer almost stuck around to watch Charlie get ready for his shower, but opted against it, wanting to keep the mood as light as possible.  
No pre-marital hand-holding and all that.

He couldn’t help but smile when he heard the shower start up.  
He never thought Charlie would actually enjoy being under running water, but hey, that little ball of sunshine is full of surprises too apparently.

Charlie has adjusted fairly well.  
Of course, he still has plenty of things to discover.  
And it probably won’t be long before he-

“SAWYER! YOU DIDN’T TELL ME YOU COULD ADJUST THE SHOWER HEAD!”

Yup.  
There it is.  
Another discovery made by the oh-so observant moth.  
Just last night he discovered that the microwave had a setting specifically for popcorn.  
How had he missed the big, bold letters on the front that said ‘POPCORN’ this entire time?  
Sawyer isn’t sure.

But it was pretty damn cute.

Sawyer waited patiently in front of the microwave, listening to the bag of popcorn going crazy on the inside.  
Huh.  
It’s weird how long popcorn takes to pop when you’re bored.

He started zoning out, straining to listen to Charlie’s singing.  
Charlie always sings in the shower. Every time, without fail, he starts to serenade his imaginary audience.  
The sound is muffled, but Sawyer can hear him, and he can’t help but smile.

Charlie gets really into his shower-concerts.  
Probably a little TOO into it, but Sawyer doesn’t have the heart to stop him.  
He enjoys hearing Charlie hit those high notes way too much.

The shower stopped, and along with it, Charlie’s singing did too.

He could probably make an album off of his shower singing alone.  
After all, it’s pretty inten-

Wait, is something burning?  
Oh.  
The popcorn.  
OH THE POPCORN-

He had zoned out so much that by the time the shower shut off, the microwave had apparently been beeping for quite some time.  
Okay, maybe the popcorn will be a little burnt...

No big deal, right?  
Yeah.  
No big deal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW I COULD’VE USED A SONG FROM FIX ME INSTEAD OF PORCELAIN BUT ALL THE SONGS IN FIX ME ARE SO INTENSE AND ANGSTY AND AA A AA


	51. Pun About a Sunset or Something

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie isn’t quite sure why he wanted to join Sawyer on this trip.  
> After all, he hates heights.  
> Timeframe: Island time, pre-relationship (oh yeah boys it’s time for more confused Sawyer)  
> Category: Fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this just cuz I wanted to.  
> Idk if this will stay canon but this still counts as pre-relationship since technically they didn’t start dating for a while after this whole thing.  
> Anyways enjoy the fluff and I’m sorry for how angsty the last chapter was-

“Umm...”

“There a problem, Chuckie?”

“Are we really gonna...climb that...again?” Charlie asked, staring up at the mountain before them.  
Sawyer really wanted to go back to the same spot they’d tested the transceiver out. Charlie isn’t really sure why he wants to go back, but for some reason he volunteered to go with him.  
Well, volunteer is a generous term. He pretty much just forced his way into this situation.  
Maybe he’s an idiot, or maybe he’s just drawn to Sawyer, but he’s starting to regret his decision.

“Did ya think I would drag you all the way out here to bail last minute, rockstar?” Sawyer gave him an odd look, shaking his head after he spoke.

Charlie chewed his lip, feeling a tad embarrassed.  
Okay, maybe it was a dumb question, but...

“Ya nervous?” Sawyer asked, to which Charlie jumped a little.  
Is he really that easy to see through?

“What? No! Of course not.” Charlie tried his best to sound confident, but he and Sawyer both know he’s a horrible liar.

“Whatever you say.” The conman chuckled, already starting to climb his way up.  
Charlie just stared at him for a moment.  
He’s not a very big fan of heights...ironic, considering all he seemed to want for the longest time was to get high.  
“You comin’ or what?” Sawyer teased.

Charlie decided not to respond, instead just huffing as he prepared himself mentally for the long day ahead of them.

Here goes nothing.

•

Charlie only grew more nervous as the climb went on, and Sawyer’s lack of conversation wasn’t helping either.  
Who knew the brooding, inconsiderate conman would be absolute rubbish company?

He grunted as he pulled himself up, starting to feel a little worn out.  
He’s trying his best to seem okay, though. He can’t embarrass himself in front of the island’s polar-bear-slaughterer.

“You okay over here?” Sawyer asked, and it was only then that Charlie realized he’d been progressively moving closer.  
They’re practically shoulder-to-shoulder now, and the musician had to force himself not to comment on it.

“Just peachy, mate...” Charlie mumbled, avoiding eye contact with Sawyer despite that piercing green gaze burning a hole in the side of his head.

He didn’t have the willpower to keep avoiding that intense stare.  
And when he flicked his eyes back over in Sawyer’s direction, he was surprised to see the conman just...smiling at him.  
Not a smirk. An actual smile.  
And an uncharacteristically soft look.

The look faded just moments after Charlie saw it though, with Sawyer clearing his throat and looking down quickly.

They haven’t moved this whole time, and it’s a wonder they both haven’t fallen yet.  
He’ll come to regret thinking that later.

“Guess we should keep going then, sweetheart.” Sawyer tried to gloss over his previous soft smile with a smirk, starting to climb again as Charlie just watched.

“‘Sweetheart?’” Charlie parroted Sawyer’s last word, scrambling to follow behind him as he realized he should probably be climbing too.

“Yeah. It’s uh...” Sawyer paused for a second, grunting as he pulled himself up yet again.   
“A new nickname. Tryin’ a new style, ya know?”  
Charlie wasn’t sure he fully understood. A nickname like that doesn’t really fit with Sawyer’s whole persona.  
“Anyways-“ Sawyer was already trying to gloss over the conversation, shifting topics immediately to avoid any further weird, fluffy feelings.  
“-when we get up there, I’m plannin’ on-“

He stopped when he heard a sharp snap.  
That didn’t sound good.

He was vaguely aware of Charlie shrieking.  
He couldn’t see it, but he knew what was happening.  
Charlie was falling.

He didn’t even have time to think before he reacted, grabbing onto Charlie’s hand before the musician could fall out of his reach.  
He suddenly felt a lot more thankful for moving closer to Charlie earlier.  
If he wouldn’t have, he doesn’t even wanna think about what would have happened.

“You okay!?” He was yelling. He probably didn’t need to be, but the panic was too overwhelming.  
Charlie nodded quickly, eyes wide and fearful. Sawyer can see it, even though Charlie isn’t looking at him.  
He notices every little change in those blue eyes of his. He’s not sure why he’s managed to memorize THAT of all things, but maybe it’ll come in handy eventually.

He pulled Charlie up quickly, practically dragging him along the cliff as he pulled the rockstar up next to him.  
He let go of Charlie’s hand, but he was still on edge, so he wrapped an arm around Charlie to make sure he stayed put this time.

“That was a close one.” Sawyer laughed a little despite his nervousness, smiling a little as Charlie finally looked at him.  
Charlie gave a breathy laugh right along with him, still not protesting to the arm securely wrapped around him.

“Yeah...I would’ve been a dead man if it weren’t for you.” Charlie couldn’t hide the adoring tone in his voice. It was mildly concealed by his lingering panic, but Sawyer still heard it.  
The conman will later deny the blush that creeped up on him after that compliment.  
“Well, double dead, I guess.”

Sawyer chuckled again, nodding a little.  
Usually, he would have a swift, snappy comeback.  
Now though? He’s at a loss for words. He just can’t seem to find a fitting response.

Not long after, they began climbing again.  
But Sawyer was adamant about staying close to Charlie, even going as far as to nudge the rockstar up ahead of him, just in case he falls again.  
He couldn’t help himself when his hand would occasionally rest on Charlie’s back or shoulder, stabilizing him if Sawyer thought he saw even the slightest slip.

Charlie never protested that, either.  
He just let it happen.  
Safe probably isn’t a word anyone should associate with Sawyer, but oddly enough, Charlie does now.  
He feels protected like this. The fear that had been lingering slowly slipped away, melting more and more every time he felt Sawyer’s hand on him.

Luckily, they made it through without a lot of trouble.  
And not a lot of conversation, either.  
They didn’t really need to talk though.  
The awkward air around them had mostly vanished by the time they made it to the top.

Charlie heaved a little as he scrambled up over the ledge, tired and a tad sore from all the effort he had to put into that climb.  
He just laid at the top, closing his eyes as he took a moment to rest.

Sawyer emerged over the edge not long after, making it up and over much more gracefully than Charlie had.

He saw the musician sprawled on the grass, completely open to any sort of attack that the jungle could throw at them.  
But he looks pretty calm given the circumstances.  
And Sawyer smiled a little at that. He allowed himself to, anyways, because Charlie can’t see it right now.

Sawyer decided to plop down next to him, closer than he had intended to be but it worked out pretty well.  
He didn’t lay down, though. Opting to just sit down as close to Charlie as he could get without it being too intimate looking.

“Can we just...stay here for a bit?” Charlie sighed, still not opening his eyes.  
If he opens his eyes, Sawyer might move, and he doesn’t want that.   
So he’ll have to just enjoy his presence without actually seeing him.

“Sure.” Sawyer agreed much more quickly than he would’ve liked, which earned a small smile from Charlie.

He’s still curious though...  
Why did Sawyer even want to come all the way out here in the first place?  
Ah, well.  
He’ll find out later...maybe...

•

He woke up to feel a little colder.  
The sun must’ve gone down...  
Wait.  
Woke up?  
He fell asleep?

He opened his eyes quickly, sitting up with a start.  
Sawyer probably abandoned him.  
He must’ve have left him all alone and-

“Woah, woah...” A familiar southern voice called to him, right in his ear as a hand was gently placed on his shoulder.  
Oh...Sawyer didn’t leave him...  
“You okay?”

“Yeah I’m...” Charlie’s eyes trailed down Sawyer’s arm, finally stopping as they landed on the conman’s hand.  
“...doing just fine.” He mumbled, trying to fight a smile as Sawyer’s hand remained still.

Sawyer nodded, not giving a verbal response as he turned his head away from Charlie, looking out at the sunset.

His hand dragged down Charlie’s arm absently, stilling when it finally reached Charlie’s hand, resting comfortably on top of it.  
He heard Charlie’s breath hitch a little.  
He liked that sound a little too much.

What’s he even doing?  
He’s flirting with CHARLIE.  
Vulnerable, soft, sweet, adorable little Charlie...

What the hell is he even thinking anymore?

Judging by how Charlie’s hand twitched a little underneath his, practically aching to hold it, the musician must not have a big problem with it.  
Sawyer nearly pulled his hand away, ready to back out, when he felt it.

The brush of Charlie’s shoulder against his as Charlie scooted closer, their hands having to shift a little to compensate for the position.  
They still weren’t in full-on romantic territory yet.   
They aren’t holding hands just yet.  
Charlie isn’t leaning against Sawyer, head lulled against his shoulder as he smiles out at the sunset.  
Sawyer isn’t tilting Charlie’s face towards his own, kissing him slowly as he moves Charlie into his lap, placing his hands on the musician’s hips as they forget about their surroundings.

But he’s definitely fantasizing about it.  
It’s so vivid yet so surreal.

Sawyer nearly exploded.  
His heart is beating a million miles per second and all he can hear is it thudding in his chest.  
His mind is whirling. Racing and screaming but he still can barely hear his logic over that damn thudding.

But then Charlie intertwined their hands at last.  
His head found it’s way to Sawyer’s shoulder, and he leaned against him, those stunning blue eyes examining the steadily setting sun.

And Sawyer knows what the last step is.  
Oh, does he know.  
But if he makes a move, and Charlie rejects it, he’s not sure what he’ll do.

It took all of his willpower not to tug Charlie into his lap.  
All his courage to not push him back down onto the grass and kiss him until Charlie can’t even speak properly.  
All of his strength to not whisper the sweetest things he can think of to the rockstar, making him blush and laugh nervously as Sawyer showered him with all the attention he deserves.

And it took even more will and concentration to try and not think about any of that.  
He can’t let himself get all mushy and soft over a guy he doesn’t even know that well.

But he can’t go a damn day on this island without wondering what Charlie’s lips feel like.  
Or how soft his hair must be.  
And the burning question of if Charlie would actually like this softer side of him.

If only he could have heard Charlie’s thoughts in that moment.

The rockstar is equally as scatterbrained and mildly panicked, and he can feel his free hand nervously gripping at the grass to try and keep himself at bay.

He felt Sawyer shudder a little.  
And that made his chest feel all weird and fluttery.  
He feels nauseous, too.  
Oh god, is he getting sick?  
Is being love sick an actual thing?  
What if ruins this whole thing by...throwing up or something?

He closes his eyes, willing himself to just breathe through it.  
He’s slowly realizing that the nausea might just be excitement.  
Or nervousness.  
Or some deadly island virus.  
Whatever it is, he’s getting somewhat used to it.

He was about to open his eyes again, when he felt Sawyer shift.  
And suddenly he can feel the weight of Sawyer’s head on top of his.

Oh god it’s happening.  
This is happening.  
They’re doing the thing.  
The sunset watching thing.  
That trope that he’s sure Sawyer must know about considering all the books he reads.  
Charlie isn’t big on books.  
Not traditional books, anyways.  
But he kinda enjoy fancfics on occasion if he’s-

His train of thought got derailed almost immediately when he felt Sawyer brush his lips gently against his hair, kissing his the top of his head lightly.  
He feels dizzy.  
And there’s this warm swell inside him.

He couldn’t help the nervous noise that slipped out of him.  
It was somewhere between a laugh and a whimper, and he’s not quite sure how he managed to blur the line on that but hey he did it.

Their panic was still mutual, however.

Sawyer was trembling a little.  
He hopes and prays Charlie doesn’t feel it but to him it’s glaringly obvious.

The little noise Charlie made didn’t help him a whole lot, either.  
He wants to hear more.  
See more.  
Know and memorize every last part of Charlie and his entire being.

The way he sees it, he’s got these options.

The first being to end it.  
Pull away and act like it never happened.  
Him and Charlie can climb back down, head back to camp, and never speak of this (or to each other) ever again.

The second being to let it play out naturally like it has been.  
Let his emotions take the reigns and let himself melt in the presence of everyone’s favorite moth.  
Give in to the aching want he has for Charlie and finally let himself have something good.

Or option three.  
Turning this into a one time thing.  
Shifting the mood and forcing himself into that snarky, ‘let’s get this over with quick’ mode.  
Sucking the emotion of the situation dry and leaving nothing but a one-night-stand in it’s path.

And he’s terrified of all of those options.

It seemed that he wasn’t going to have time to decide, though.  
As Charlie had just propped his chin up on Sawyer’s shoulder, staring up at him with a glint of...something.

The conman saw it out of the corner of his eye.  
The nervous glint mixed with anticipation and something else buried under all that panic.

He couldn’t take it anymore.  
He finally turned to look at Charlie, staring at him dead-on.

“Why did you want to come out here again...?” Charlie asked suddenly, voice shaky and slightly broken sounding to match how he felt in that moment.

Sawyer inhaled sharply, unable to tear himself away from Charlie’s eyes.  
“Is that really what you wanna be asking me right now, Chuckie?” He tossed in the nickname at the end to try and calm himself down.  
It didn’t really work.

Charlie chewed his lip, considering it for a second. He looked away, still feeling Sawyer’s eyes on him as he stared at the ground.  
He’s right.  
That’s not what he wants to ask him.  
After a moment of consideration, Charlie spoke again.

“Can I...?”

Sawyer didn’t need any elaboration to know what Charlie was asking.  
He probably would’ve fainted if he had been standing up.

“Yeah.”

And that was all the cue Charlie needed.  
He moved his free hand up to Sawyer’s cheek, cupping it gently.  
Here goes nothing.

Sawyer couldn’t take it.  
Charlie moved so slowly that he was practically aching with anticipation by the time he felt the musician’s lips just barely brush against his.

That little sensation.  
That tease of a kiss was what sent him over the edge.  
All logic was thrown out the window. His impulse control just vanished and he couldn’t contain himself.

He lunged forward, much more desperately than he had wanted to, capturing Charlie’s lips in his own before either of them could have second thoughts.

The sun was practically gone now.  
It’s getting a little chilly and they’ll probably have to camp here tonight.  
That’s probably for the best, though.   
All things considered...the camp might not be to keen on getting front row seats to Charlie’s latest ‘concert’.  
Or science project.  
Or rubble.  
Whatever you wanna call it.

Sawyer is scared of what morning will bring, though.  
He knows he’ll try to brush Charlie off. Act like it was all just for fun and that there was no real emotion behind it.

But he won’t think about that right now.  
He’s too busy getting Charlie to make more of those noises.  
Doing everything he had wanted to.  
Kissing him with more raw emotion than he ever has.

He’ll never admit to Charlie that he just wanted to come back out here to see the view.  
To see what the stars looked like from up here.

And why that was the exact reason he let Charlie come along so easily.  
Because he wanted to see it all with him.


	52. Sick Charlie Hours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even moths can get sick sometimes.  
> Timeframe: Island time idk  
> Category: Fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CTC’s fic reminded me that this exists so here it is  
> Another one of the OG fics that I made back when I first joined the LPHC. Re-reading made me go hHH and I sorta hate it but hopefully y’all can enjoy it

Charlie woke up in the middle of the night to horrible nausea. His throat hurt, and he had a massive headache. He tried to ignore it, but he was seriously scared he was going coming down with something. He was so cold despite being pressed up against Sawyer. The blanket above them only serving to make Charlie feel even worse.  
He didn’t want to leave Sawyer’s side, but he felt like absolute rubbish. He kissed his forehead gently before he stood up. His legs felt like deadweight, and he struggled to even move. He felt so weak...

He made it outside with some effort, his head felt funny and his stomach even funnier. It’s the middle of the night, but he needs to tell Jack. He stumbles to his tent, barely able to stomach walking.  
“Jack..? You awake, mate?” Speaking hurt an incredible amount, and he seriously needed to sit down. He was so dizzy...  
He felt so cold and yet he knew his must be on fire. He felt woozy, his vision just as wonky as the rest of him.  
Hurry up, Jack...

“Charlie? Why are you-“ As Jack exited the tent, Charlie collapsed. The doctor was able to catch him, and immediately checked him over for any wounds. When he found known, he placed a hand on Charlie’s forehead.  
Okay, yeah. That’s definitely bad.  
Bad enough to warrant Jack scooping Charlie up and taking him to the hatch in the middle of the night.   
Explaining this to Sawyer will be a lot of fun.

•

“Is he alright?” Yeah, Sawyer’s hovering. But he can’t help wanting to fuss of Charlie. He had sat with him when he injured and stuck down here, and even if he hadn’t, he’d still be overprotective.  
Jack nodded, but didn’t look very confident in it.

“He’s getting better. Slowly, but his temperature has gone down since this morning.” Sawyer nodded and looked at the floor. Waking up to Charlie not only having vanished from his tent, but also being told by Jack that he was sick was heartbreaking.  
“The fever was probably brought on by the heat. We’ve all been spending a lot of time outside, so it was just a matter of time before it happened to one of us.” 

“Can I see him?” Sawyer suddenly asked,- me Jack thought about it for a second. Sawyer crossed his arms impatiently, staring the doctor down.

“Yeah. Just don’t do anything that could get you sick too.” Jack cautioned, but Sawyer was already heading to see Charlie. Jack considered following him, but settled on not. This whole situation was a mess.

•

Sawyer entered the room quietly, and was quickly met with a tired groan from Charlie.  
“I thought you said we were done with the checkups for a bit...” Charlie sounded horrible. His voice raspy and soft from his scratchy throat. Sawyer frowned at his musician’s state, but smiled as he walked towards the bed. Charlie had his hand over his eyes, clearly not having a good time

“I think you’ve got the wrong guy, sicko.” He sat down on the same spot where Charlie had sat not too long ago, running the back of his hand down Charlie’s cheek. Charlie’s hand moved so quickly that it startled Sawyer. Charlie’s surprised look normally would’ve made Sawyer laugh, but today it was different. He looked white a sheet, and Sawyer had to close his eyes for a second. He hated having to see Charlie go through this. He’s already went through so much with the drugs.

“Sawyer...?” He could barely hear Charlie, but he still caught what he said. Sawyer nodded, but put a finger to Charlie’s lips. Charlie flinched a little, but wasn’t able to do much else.

“Yeah, it’s me. Don’t talk, okay? Don’t wanna irritate your throat.” Charlie nodded gently, head still pounding a bit. Sawyer removed his finger and rested his hand on Charlie’s shoulder.  
“Doc said you woke him up real early this morning. He told me you fainted. That true?” Charlie chewed his lip and looked away from Sawyer. Sawyer frowned and squeezed his shoulder gently, getting Charlie’s attention back.  
“If you were feeling bad yesterday, you shoulda told me, sweetheart. I wouldn’t have minded.” Sawyer smiled sympathetically, and Charlie smiled back.  
The musician nodded gently, placing his hand on top of Sawyer’s as he gently ran his thumb of Charlie’s shoulder.

“Hey, Sawyer. Can I talk to you for a second?” Jack peaked in, and Sawyer nodded, patting Charlie on the shoulder as got up. Charlie’s whimper of disapproval broke his heart, but he walked out with Jack.

•

“Somethin’ wrong?” Sawyer finally asked once they were out of earshot. Jack shook his head, placing a hand on Sawyer’s shoulder.

“Make sure he drinks enough water once he’s recovered. He might not have been getting enough, which could’ve helped spur this on.” Jack explained it as calmly as he could. He knew Sawyer would probably start hovering over Charlie even more now, but a calm tone might help just a bit. Sawyer nodded, glancing back at the room behind them.

“Keep him hydrated. That’s easy enough.” Sawyer tried to sound as normal as possible, and Jack smiled, patting his back reassuringly.  
“That it?”

“Yup. That’s it. And make sure you do the same, alright? I don’t wanna be woken up again at 3 AM and have to carry you back here. You’re way heavier than Charlie.” Sawyer laughed and punched Jack in the arm.   
The alarm for the button began blaring, and Jack sighed. Jack left to go tend to that while Sawyer went back to make sure Charlie was okay.  
He peaked inside, and saw Charlie sleeping like a rock. The alarm was still going off, but Charlie was sleeping peacefully. Sawyer watched him for a minute, leaning against the doorway watching the rise and fall of Charlie’s chest. He always looked so nice when he slept. Like the world wasn’t burning around him. Even when things are going horribly, Charlie sleeps like an angel.

Sawyer’s memorized all the positions.  
There’s the one he’s in right now, of course. Laying on his back with his arms up. Sometimes it’s just one arm, but usually both of them are up. One is usually higher than the other, too.  
Whenever he sleeps on his side, he always curls his legs up just a bit. Not too much, but enough to it’s more comfortable. He always has one arm in front of his face, with the off doing it’s own thing, usually tucked under his head.  
Rarely, Sawyer will catch him sleeping on his stomach. It’s pretty similar to when he sleeps on his back, but Charlie’s head is always tilted.  
But Charlie is definitely a cuddling type of guy. Anytime he has the option to, he’ll snuggle up to Sawyer.  
Sometimes he just nuzzles into his side, curled up into a ball.  
Occasionally he’ll sleep on top of Sawyer, head resting on his chest and his arms in random places.  
Charlie really likes the half-and-half (don’t judge them that’s just what they call it) position though. His upper half, or at least most of it, will be on top of Sawyer. His arms will usually be wrapped around his neck and his head either on his chest or shoulder. His legs will be wrapped around Sawyer’s waist, well as much as they can be.  
According to Charlie, he favors it because ‘there’s a lot of variety and he gets to climb Sawyer like a tree.’

Sawyer hadn’t even realized the alarm went off. He thought he just tuned it out. He decided he was going to be sleeping in the Hatch for a bit.  
People can wonder where he is. Judge him when they seek him curled up on the couch. But he needs to take care of his sunshine.   
He’s not fading away. Not on Sawyer’s watch.


	53. Scar Smooches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s finally here, folks.  
> Timeframe: Revival post-rescue   
> Category: Fluff, hurt/comfort, mild angst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this one is kinda more suggestive I guess than the others BUT  
> IT WAS NOT INTENDED TO BE AS FUNKY AS IT SOUNDS  
> SAWYER IS JUST TRYNA COMFORT HIS MAN OKAY-

Sawyer skimmed over his book without much thought, anticipating Charlie’s arrival. His boyfriend had been in the shower, but he heard the water turn off a bit ago, and that got his mind wandering just a little.  
Maybe eventually Charlie will be comfortable enough to let Sawyer shower with him. He likes that thought quite a bit, but he’s pretty sure the musician would be opposed to it.

Charlie’s very apprehensive about letting Sawyer see him exposed. He stays covered up as long as he possibly can.  
They’ve made a little progress. Charlie does allow himself to let go whenever it’s dark. That way, in his mind, Sawyer won’t be able to see the state of his body.  
Sawyer does, though.  
And it breaks his heart to think that Charlie is so adamant about hiding a few little marks. To him, they’re gorgeous, as they’re a part of his sunshine. Even if their history is less than comforting, they show just how strong the musician was to have gotten through that rough patch.

Sawyer’s train of thought slowed to a stop when he heard Charlie quietly enter the bedroom, flicking his eyes up from his book to his boyfriend.

And the sight he was met with was a shock, to say the least.

He just stared in pure adoration at Charlie as the musician lazily brushed through his hair.  
Charlie has never walked around with a shirt like this before. Not with the bedside lamps on and Sawyer being able to put his full attention on just examining him.  
The ex-conman knows he’s staring, but he can’t help it. If you had walking perfection right in front of you, you would be enamored too.

“You’re staring...” Charlie eventually mumbled, but not with his usual flirty tone.  
He would usually deliver that phrase with a smirk or suggestive hint, but no tonight. He sounds upset.  
But Sawyer didn’t mention it.

“I just...never see you walkin’ around like that.” Sawyer wasn’t even trying to fight off his smile.  
The overwhelming proud boyfriend feeling he has right now is too powerful.

“You weren’t supposed to see...” Charlie mumbled, looking around for a shirt to cover himself up with.

“What? It’s nothin’ I haven’t seen a million times before.”

“It’s different now, okay?” Charlie snapped a little, but he seemed more scared than angry. “I look horrible.”

“Oh, come on now, sunshine. You know I don’t I think that.”

“Yeah? Well I do. I can’t even look at myself in the mirror without feeling revolted.” The musician wrapped an arm around his stomach, trying to hide the marks there. He quickly pulled it back, though.  
He has too many scars on his arms for his liking as well.

“You look gorgeous.” The ex-conman offered him a small smile, to which Charlie just shook his head.  
“I mean it. I don’t see anything wrong with ya, sweetheart.”

“Then you must be blind.”

Sawyer stood up, earning a curious look from his boyfriend as he strode towards him.  
He didn’t respond to Charlie’s comment. He just brought his finger up under Charlie’s chin, tilting his head up and kissing him lightly on the lips.

Charlie wanted to chase it. Jump into his arms and keep the momentum going.  
But the contact faded just a quickly as it had appeared, and Charlie couldn’t help the small noise of disapproval he made because of it.

“Tease...” Charlie mumbled after Sawyer pulled away, but Sawyer isn’t quite done yet.

He kissed Charlie again, with more intent this time, cupping his cheek and stroking it gently with his thumb.  
It was kind of reassuring to the musician, but he still felt a tad uncomfortable. Especially with how gingerly Sawyer is treating him. Like he’s some precious jewel when all he sees in the mirror is a mucked up mess.

Sawyer kissed Charlie’s cheek softly, every so slowly trailing further away from his lips now that he’s had his kiss.   
Sawyer kissed the corner of his mouth, smirking a little when Charlie shivered.  
“You’re stunning. You know that, right?” He whispered against the musician’s lips.  
He continued down Charlie’s neck, earning a small giggle from the musician.

As much as he wants to hear more of those gorgeous sounds, he has business to attend to here.  
He moves, abandoning Charlie’s neck and heading straight for his shoulder.

Charlie froze.  
His breath stuttered and Sawyer brought a hand up to his heart to see just how badly he was panicking.  
It felt like it was going to beat right out of his chest. Or explode. Or some other less than fortunate scenario.

But Sawyer didn’t stop.  
He avoided the scar for a bit, kissing around it to ease Charlie’s nerves.

He was vaguely aware of Charlie’s hand coming up to try and cover it.  
Using the hand that he didn’t have resting against the musician’s heart, he pushed Charlie’s hand away, keeping it from concealing the old wound.

“Sawyer please...leave it alone...” Charlie pleaded, on the verge of tears.  
He can’t decide if this moment is sweet or incredibly heart breaking. He feels like he should be appreciating this but it just makes him feel hideous.  
Like he needs to hide.  
Because Sawyer shouldn’t be seeing that mark. He shouldn’t have to lay those perfect eyes on it because Charlie despises it.

The ex-conman dragged his lips over the scar, ignoring Charlie’s begging as he continued his quest to kiss every inch of the wound.  
Charlie tried to relax as Sawyer kept up his work.  
He tried to convince himself that this was a good thing. That Sawyer was just being tender and this is all an act of love.

But how can he when his judgement is clouded by Jacob?  
Everything he did. Every damn night that he made Charlie miserable. How he managed to break the rockstar down until he just couldn’t take it anymore.

“You’re okay...” Sawyer whispered, having moved up to Charlie’s ear to further the affect of his calming tone.

“I’m disgusting...” The musician sobbed quietly, shuddering as Sawyer continued to plant kisses over his shoulder.

“So beautiful...” Sawyer mumbled, completely ignoring Charlie’s previous comment.  
Charlie could feel Sawyer’s lips moving against him as he spoke. The way they brushed over the mark even as he wasn’t kissing it.

“My gorgeous sunshine...” He continued, making Charlie shudder more intensely.  
He moved back up to Charlie’s neck, but he finally decided to put his hands to use, wrapping his arms around Charlie’s waist, letting his fingers brush against the scars on the musician’s stomach.

“Stop it...” Charlie whimpered again, but he melted back into Sawyer more, loving the loving words whilst hating what they were directed at.

“You’ll always be perfect to me...” Sawyer moved his hands away from the scars on Charlie’s stomach, instead placing them on his arms, running over the marks scattered there as well.  
He moved one hand away, moving it to the small, barely noticeable scar on Charlie’s lower back, tracing it with his finger.

Charlie silently cursed his boyfriend for his memory.  
When did he even have time to look at all of Charlie’s scars, let alone memorize them all?  
But he just can’t be mad. Because he knows Sawyer means well.  
And it’s not his lover’s fault that his mind wanders like it does. Trying to creep into the darkest spots possible and corrupt the only good things he has.

Sawyer started kissing him again.  
Up his neck, against his ear, all the way up to the back of his head.  
And then he started back down again. Trailing downwards until he got to his shoulder, kissing the scar there for a few moments, and moving back up again. Repeating the cycle until Charlie stopped crying.  
Until he felt safe. Comfortable and cherished in the arms of his beloved boyfriend.

“See? It ain’t that bad.”

“Easy for you to say...” The musician mumbled, closing his eyes for a second.  
He regretted it when he saw a flash of Jacob.  
But he didn’t want to open his eyes again. Running from it will make it worse.  
So he kept them closed.  
And eventually, that image faded, replaced with nothing but the feeling of Sawyer.

“I promise you...” Sawyer started, shifting the conversation yet again.  
His hands stopped their exploration, finding their way around Charlie’s waist as he held the musician closer to him.  
“I’ll protect you...no matter what....”  
He moved one of his hands again, moving it up until he reached Charlie’s face, brushing his fingers gently over his lover’s cheek.  
“You don’t have to be scared anymore.”

Charlie let out a breathy laugh, letting his weight shift a little so Sawyer was pretty much keeping him from falling to his knees.  
“I know...” He looked up at the ex-conman, holding his gaze for long enough to make him blush even harder.

Sawyer started to speak again, but Charlie flipped around in his arms suddenly, leaning forward and capturing his lips before he could make a sound.  
He certainly made some sounds afterwards, though.

As Charlie moved in his arms, keeping the kiss intact for as long as possible, Sawyer got to thinking about this.  
This whole situation.  
Charlie, actually enjoying this. Responding to everything so easily.

He treasures times like this.  
Every movement, every noise. He memorizes everything about these little things.  
He holds onto them.  
Because this whole thing feels like a gift. Something he needs to cherish because he spent so long just waiting for it.

He was barely aware of them falling back into the bed, Charlie’s arms still wrapped around his neck, the two of them still locked together.  
But he had enough sense to memorize it as best he could. Because he needs to.

He was much more aware of Charlie pulling away, gasping as he still clung to the ex-conman.  
He expected the musician to say something, but he just laid there, staring up at Sawyer with those beautiful blue eyes.

“You okay, sweetheart?” Sawyer asked, just to make sure Charlie was still conscious.  
“I didn’t break you, did I?”

“S’all good...” Charlie’s words slurred a little. Sawyer tended to have that affect on him.  
“‘M’fine....”

Sawyer kissed him quickly, getting a small noise of disappointment from the musician when he pulled away just as swiftly as he started it.

“Nooo come back...” Charlie whined, huffing in disappointment.  
Sawyer began tracing one of the scars on his stomach again, but Charlie didn’t protest this time, sighing happily instead.  
“That’s nice...”

“I thought you hated this?” Sawyer chuckled, moving to another scar, gently running his fingers over it as well.

“Well, people change.”

“In less than ten minutes?”

“Sometimes, yeah.”

Sawyer glanced up at him, giving him an unconvinced look.  
They held each other’s gaze for a bit, Sawyer pausing his movement.

They both killed the mood when they laughed, unable to keep straight faces anymore.  
It was a good laugh, though. So maybe it was worth killing the mood for.

He does love hearing Charlie’s laughter, after all.  
He never thought he could cherish a noise as much as he does with Charlie’s laugh.  
That noise, wether it be just a giggle or the loudest laugh the musician can muster, has stuck with him ever since they were on the island.  
And he hopes that Charlie never loses it. Because the day his sunshine loses that gorgeous laugh, is the day that Sawyer will be out for a dead man’s blood once again.

Best not to dwell on that, though.  
He needs to actually enjoy this.  
And so does Charlie.


End file.
